Great Expectations...

Last night Phoenix made me watch The Biggest Loser. Please do not get me started on my problems with this show, like that it's just one more way that skinny folks can point and laugh at the fat kids ("Oh look!! She fell down crying, saying that it hurts to work out...I wonder why, you fat ass!"). I know, I should be all hopeful and believe that the American population isn't all bad and that no one will talk smack about the obese people on the show, but again, I'm a realist...And I've been obese since the ripe old age of infancy, so I think I know how people treat fat people. And, unless you've had 90% of your high school laugh at a fat joke made at your expense because of a line in some stupid play you were in that you had to perform for Black History Month, then you don't know what it's like...And unless you've had complete strangers talk smack about your weight or call you a "whale" or a "tub of lard", then again, you don't really get it. I'm sure you can sympathize, but you don't know what it's like to be the "fat kid". But I digress...So, the show has some problems that I see, like that a Fergie-look-alike shouldn't be the trainer. Also, I think that the host should not be some skinny girl, Alison Sweeney, but someone who was heavy and lost the weight. Where the hell is Ricki Lake? Or how about that one actress, Kathy Najimy? She was overweight and lost the weight. Ricki Lake was big when she was in Hairspray...And when she had her own trashy daytime talk show. You know she could've hosted this! I just think that I would personally be more likely to lose weight if I didn't have Fergie screaming in my face about her Lady Lumps and the host of the show saying, "You are officially the biggest person we've ever had on our show." I would've shown her the biggest person on the show up-close as I sat on her skinny ass...I'm just saying...


Sorry, I got off on a tangent there. The point is that these people want to lose the weight, but then if they get kicked off, who's really going to go home and keep working out for 4-6 hours a day??? Let's be realistic here. I have, however, decided that I am going to start swimming each day. And I'm going to make Phoenix start walking with me too. We've got to get on a different schedule though because her getting home at 9pm is too late to go walking, you know? Perhaps if I had a vicious-looking dog to take on walks at night, we'd go...But I'm not risking going out late without anything. We live too close to one of those hotels where you can rent the rooms by the week...And we all know that a majority of the people living there are druggies. (If you saw them, you'd understand.) I've been sucker punched in the face once by gang members, I don't need a repeat, only with druggies looking for something to sell for their next fix. I need to start doing something though because I don't want to die of Type II Diabetes...I can't remember to take antibiotics when I'm on those, so how in the hell would I remember to take my insulin? I doubt I'll lose 25 pounds my first week of working out like those people on The Biggest Loser, but I'd be happy if I lost anything and then didn't find it ever again.


As Phoenix was leaving for work today, she told me to clean one of the fish tanks we have. (The water got foggy out of nowhere...) I was like, "Uh-huh." I asked what else she wanted me to do today, besides figure out how to make chimichangas (I'm totally going to be a pro at cooking Mexican food soon!). Her reply was, "Write to Ellen." She wants me to write to Ellen so that we can get tickets to see her when we go to Cali in December. Apparently, I'm supposed to keep writing to her until we get tickets...Eh, whatever. I have the time, right? So, I ask, "Anything else, sweetheart?" There might have been sarcasm in my voice, but I doubt it since I have nothing but love for her...She was on her way out the door and she turned to say, "Publish a book." I just nodded and gave her the thumbs up. Really? Publish a book today? Sure, no problem...I think I can totally squeeze that in. I think my day will look something like this:

1. Wash sheets from the bed
2. Start the dishwasher
3. Write to Ellen
4. Publish a book
5. Go Swimming
6. Learn to cook Chimichangas
7. Find time to write a follow-up best-selling novel

As you can see, I have a busy day ahead of me. I suppose I should be off and running...Publish a book. Ha! She might as well have said, "Be a contestant on the next season of The Biggest Loser!" Which I would never do because I don't want all of American talking smack about my weight and no way in hell would you catch me on TV in a sports bra and shorts! You won't even find me in my apartment like that!! A bra with under wire, yes, but not a sports bra!