So, over the last couple of days I've had some really awkward conversations and it's not me doing it...I'm not sure why we end up in these conversations, but alas, here we are...
Saturday morning conversation with Rapunzel (Age 4).
Rapunzel- "Do you have a shower in your bedroom?"
Me- "Yes, I have a bathroom with a shower in my bedroom."
Rapunzel- "Do you shower with Phoenix?"
Me- *awkward silence, shifting from one foot the other for a second* "No, I like to shower alone and so does she."
Rapunzel- *giggles* "I like to take a shower with my sister."
Me- "Yeah, I still like to shower alone."
Rapunzel- *smiling* "Okay." *walks off to play with her sister* Dude, out of the like ten, thirty five, eight hundred and ninety two kids we've had, she's the first to ask that. I think she's got us figured out...
Tonight at dinner, Rapunzel again starts asking questions.
Rapunzel- *takes a bite of her soup for dinner* "Do you like cooking?"
Me- *shrugs* "Yeah, I do like cooking. Do you like cooking?"
Rapunzel- *smiles* "Yes, but not when I get burned. Did you get burned?"
Me- "I didn't get burned tonight. Have you gotten burned before?"
Rapunzel- *nodding* "Yes, it hurts. Does she like cooking?" (Referring to Phoenix.)
Me- *laughing* "No, she doesn't."
Phoenix- *from the kitchen getting herself a drink* "I can't cook."
Me- "That's true, she can't cook."
Ariel- "So you cook for her?"
Me- "Yeah, that's why she got me because I can cook." Aside to Phoenix as she joins us at the table- "I'm pretty sure that was in your ad, wasn't it? Cooking a plus? Or was it a must?" *grins*
Phoenix- "A must or a plus, same thing."
Ariel- "I think I'll get a girl to do my cooking too."
Rapunzel- *crazy laugh* "No, that's why you have parents!"
Ariel- "No! When I get older!"
So, apparently now, I'm a cook in this house who shares a room, but not a shower, with Phoenix...I think I'm with Ariel though...I'd like to get a girl to cook for me. Preferably, someone hot. *grins*
So, speaking of awkward conversations, I find myself sometimes having these at work...Mostly when card holders don't want to hear what I'm saying like "I can't dispute this charge because it's too old" and they sit there quietly, like they're waiting for me to say, "Just kidding! I'm taking care of it right now." *laughs* But seriously, it's hard. Today, I got into two very awkward conversations with a woman from another department...And despite the fact that my calls to this department were hours apart, I got her both times! DAMN IT!
First attempt at a conversation with "Tandy". (The name is made up to protect the idiotic.)
Me- "Hi Tandy, this is Heather from customer service. I have a woman who needs to be towed on the line. Can I give you her card number?"
Tandy- "Where are you calling from?"
Me- *speaking slowly because I can already tell she's an idiot* "Customer service. Let me give you her number."
Tandy- "Her call back number?"
Me- *slams head into desk* "No, I don't have her phone number. I have her credit card number for her account."
Tandy- "Oh. What's her name?"
Me- *wondering how Tandy got her job and if this is her first day ever taking calls* After giving the name, I said, "Let me give you the card number because you need it."
Tandy- "Oh. Um. Okay."
Me- *reads number slowly* "Did you get it?"
Tandy- "What's her phone number?"
Me- *slams head into desk again* "I still don't have a callback number, but I have her on the line. By the way, she was ID'ed by..." And I told her how she was identified.
Tandy- "What's that mean?"
Me- "It means we identified her by the phone number she called in from."
Tandy- "We can do that?"
Me- *considers jumping out my window with a view to end this conversation* "Yes. Please let me bring her on." Without waiting, I brought the card holder on and got off the phone. Normally, I call, give the card number, the name, tell them the person needs a tow, and that's it. It doesn't go down this way.
Hours later, someone else calls in and his car died in the middle of the road. He was able to get it to the side, but he needs his car towed. Great, I have to call THAT department again. *face palm* I literally looked at my cubie and told him I hope I don't get Tandy again and he laughs. *shakes head* Apparently, she was the only one working over there today.
Me- "Hi Tandy, it's Heather from customer service. I have someone on the line--"
Tandy- "From where?"
Me- "I'm in customer service."
Tandy- "I'm sorry...What?"
Me- *convinced Tandy is on drugs or drinking at her desk* "Customer service. I'm in customer service. Card services. I help card holders." *meanwhile the team leader, my old boss, who sits on the other side of my wall is CRACKING UP because she knows I'm losing it.*
Tandy- "Oh. Do you need road side assistance?"
Me- *refrains from saying that yes, I need to be towed away from my desk before I snap* "No, Tandy, I have someone on the line who needs help. His name is...And he needs a tow. Let me give you his card number."
Tandy- "His what?"
Me- *looking around to see if I'm on Candid Camera* "His. Card. Number. The credit card he holds with us. He needs help, Tandy." *I might've been gritting my teeth at this point. And I SWEAR she had to be blonde...I know, I'm a jerk, but seriously, no red head on the planet is this dumb!*
Tandy- *giggles* "Oh, okay. What is it?"
Me- *reads off card number* "Okay, I'm bringing him on."
Tandy- "What does he need?"
Me- *refrains from saying a lung transplant* "Roadside assistance, Tandy. Is that your department?" *team leader next to me, still laughing wildly*
Tandy- "Yes, I can help with that."
Me- *brings on card holder* "Here you go, sir, I have you where you need to be. Good luck." And disconnected the call.
I don't know how to deal with dumb people. After that last call, I didn't connect anyone else to roadside assistance...And I'm not sure I ever will again. I'll just give them the number and put them through. Tandy made me want to move far, far away and become a hermit.
To sum up...Happy Monday. I get to do this for four more days before I get a break...Oh God, I don't know how I contain my excitement. *straight face*
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