I'm waiting on my free beer...

I don't know if it's because of the impending full moon or what, but people seemed to be in rare form today...Maybe even a little yesterday too. I don't know. I talk to some of the strangest people and sometimes I find myself wondering if it's because I somehow attract the freaks and weirdos (No, friends, I would never insinuate that you are all freaks and weirdos...*shifty eyes*) or if it's just my lack of luck that I end up talking to these folks. And sometimes I find myself...well...being me on the phone at work and then I'm like, "Oh shit! Heather's on the loose again!" And I quickly change back into Work Fun Heather...Like Barbie, but fatter and way funnier and with nerd glasses. Allow me to explain...


Today a woman called in and I explained like EVERYTHING about how her card works, how she earns her rebate, how to find stuff online to manage the account, etc...The woman has only had her card for five years, but had no clue how anything worked. She thanked me repeatedly for all my help at the end of our conversation and then asked, "What was your name again--Terry?" I started giggling as I said, "Actually, Heather." She laughed with me and then said, "Oh, well, close enough." And I said, "Oh yeah, totally." We laughed harder. Suddenly, I realized I was totally being a smart ass. Obviously, she was laughing and whatever, but yeah...Maybe sarcasm isn't the way to go at work. Still...Terry and Heather aren't similar in any way, shape, or form. 


Later, an old man called in and was asking for the balance on his account and then made a payment. When I repeated the amount again for his payment because he was noting the amount with the confirmation number, I mentioned that there was also 41 cents at the end because he kept rounding down. He laughed as he joked, "You know, after being a customer since 77, you'd think you could spot me the 41 cents, Heather." I said, "I would've. Why didn't you ask?" He laughed as he said, "Shoulda, woulda, coulda...If I saw that show up on my next statement, I'd hunt you down and buy you a beer." I started laughing and then gave him the credit for next month's bill. I said, "All right...Check out next month's bill when you get it because now you owe me a beer!" He laughed like I was kidding...I sure hope he remembers because I am already looking forward to it...

Not long before I got off work, a guy called in and tells me, "I wrote down a phone number and then next to it to watch for a $25 statement credit on this account. And the number says it's no long an active number. I don't know what it was for." Well, as it turns out, this guy's memory is shorter than that of a goldfish or something because it was for our Small Business Saturday, which people could only start registering for a week ago! So, I tell him, "Oh, that was for Small Business Saturday. I'm assuming if you have that number then you must've registered your card. So, as long as you spent $25 or more at a small business, you'll get the $25 statement credit." He then tells me he didn't use his card all weekend and tried claiming we didn't make it clear. I started off trying to be nice, but in the end, I couldn't hold back. I said, "Seriously, sir, this was all over the TV and radio. It was on the Internet. The website with the information, including this phone number, clearly stated it was for Saturday the 24th. It's positioned between Black Friday and Cyber Monday to give the little guys a shot." He still insisted that this was a hidden thing and was hinting for me to give him the credit. I finally said, "I can't give you a credit. You didn't use your card at all...for anything...over the weekend. Your last charges have all been for big huge stores, not even any small businesses at all." He still tried to argue that he should get the credit...DUDE! IT'S FOR SMALL BUSINESS SATURDAY! Like how much more clear could we be? It's all but in HUGE FLASHING LIGHTS! WTF? In the end, he was pissed that I wouldn't give him the credit. Oh fucking well. That's like being all, "I signed up for this promotion to get a free meal at Red Robin, but I went to Black Angus instead. Can you still give me a free meal?" Yeah, not going to happen, idiot! He was totally butt-hurt, but oh well. How do these morons survive? What happened to survival of the fittest?? 


Okay, one more funny story and this isn't about work...It's about kids, but not our kids...I have been lately picking up the kids in the afternoons because I get off work later than Phoenix does. So, I have to go to Daycare, which in my mind is crawling with more germs and infections waiting to happen than a hospital. I leave there feeling dirty...seriously. Anyway, every time I go to get Rapunzel, the other 4 year olds (and maybe 3 year olds...I don't know the ages of the kids in the class) all come over and try to talk to me. Last week I had kids reminding me that I'm fat and one even said, "That's a big mommy." Thanks, booger face, I'm so glad your parents taught you manners. So, yesterday, I went into the germ infested building that smells of children and feet or something and waited for the kids to verbally attack me. This time it got good. One little girl walks up and looks up at me, "Are you a boy?" I looked down with a cocked eyebrow as I replied, "No, no I'm not." Another little girl ran up and asked, "What is your name?" I replied, "Heather." She asked, "Is Heather a boy's name?" I sighed as I replied, "No, it's a girl's name because I am a girl." I looked for Rapunzel who was busy trying to get the teacher to give her her snack to go since we were leaving and God knows I love it when children eat crackers in my truck. *rolls eyes* A big headed little boy who is always in trouble when I go in there turns around and says, "That's not a girl. He's a boy." I think I sighed again as I told Rapunzel we need to hurry. Suddenly, there were at least seven kids in front of me all asking if I was a boy or a girl and was my name really Heather. I smiled at them before turning towards the door and walking out with Rapunzel running after me. What the fuck, man? I called Phoenix once I was out the front door with Rapunzel and Chuck. I was like, "The little kids don't leave me alone! Every time I go in there it's something and today they wanted to know if I was a boy or a girl!" You know what her response was??? She said, "You should've told them you are a boy...a b-o-i boy." *rolls eyes* Yes, because I'm sure that 4 year olds are all hip to gay lingo for grown up tom boys. Man...I know why I didn't go to school to teach elementary school kids...I'd lose my mind!!