Better than a sharp stick in the eye...

So, I went in yesterday for my ultrasound. I was totally freaked out about it and I probably shouldn't have gone to work at all yesterday because I was in no mood at all to deal with people. It was a VERY rough morning. I actually sort of laid into some guy who was being a dick for no reason. I mean, like if you are a jackass with a good reason, then I get it, but don't call in and start being an asshole for no reason. This guy calls in and right from the get go he's pissed because I have to ask him a security question to get into his account. Well, when he gives me his phone number, it doesn't match what we have, so I say, "Could it be a different number?" He starts going off on me. Finally, he answers a different question, but he demands I tell him the number we have. Unfortunately, we can only verify that sort of stuff and cannot release it. Hello, that's how fraudsters get half their info. I've actually listened to calls with fraudsters calling in pretending to be card holders and they're good. They trick people into giving out info and because of that, we just can't release anything. But I digress...So, I tell him, "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you. We can only verify. I can fix it though so we have the right info, but I can't tell you what it said." Lots of people get pissed about this, but they don't get why we can't tell them. I'm sure 99% percent of the people I talk to are really who they say they are, but it only takes one, right? Mr. Jackass starts going off on me again, telling me I'm a moron and that he DEMANDS that I give him that info. Oh, well, since you demanded, by all means, let me break the rules for you...Ummm...no. I tell him, "I can't." We went round and round for a while, until people on my team are like, "Uh oh..." I was getting very frustrated and my old cubie, Texas, was warning everyone that I was likely to toss my mouse at any moment. I'll admit I've tossed my mouse a few times when people piss me off. Anyway, as he keeps going on and on, I finally cut him off and say, "Look, it's against the rules. I cannot tell you this information. If I could, I would. This is a recorded call and if I told you, I would lose my job. I am not losing my job to tell you the phone number we have on file!" He asked for my supervisor...*shrugs* Whatever. My team leader took the call and the guy told him that I had been aggravating him. Apparently, my team leader aggravated him too because he hung up on my boss. lol I usually try to remain calm, but I lost it. After that, I didn't really recover. Luckily, I got off work early and came home to hide out for a while...


I went to my ultrasound and part of me was relieved to just go get it done, but another part of me was freaked out. Of course, luck had it that it was a man who was doing it, but he was super nice. I will say that he helped keep me calm when I really just wanted to lose it in the beginning. He explained everything and before we got started, he talked to me about why I was there and I explained I had a period of Biblical proportions (Not in those words) and he said that all kinds of women get fibroids that can cause bleeding and it's almost sort of normal. I felt a little better. He started the ultrasound by just pushing down on the outside of me and then he excused me to go use the bathroom, which was great. When I came back, we got down to business, which wasn't all that bad...I mean, it wasn't enjoyable, but it was better than a sharp stick in my eye. (And really, how bad would something have to be to say that a sharp stick in the eye would be the better option?) A female nurse came in, I guess to make sure everything was all right, but I sort of laughed when he said she was our chaperone. It just struck me as funny...Perhaps because I was so uncomfortable by the entire situation. Anyway, so he starts and he would move the wand and then click a button on the computer to snap a picture and this is how it went-- move, click, move, click, move, click...This went on for a couple of minutes and then suddenly the wand stopped. I looked at the screen trying to figure out what changed. There was something on there, but unfortunately, I studied English, which qualifies me to...umm...perhaps it qualifies me to write this blog, but probably little else. So then I look at him and he angled the wand a different way and then he clicks. And then he starts typing in random shit that means nothing to me and he highlights something on the screen and then types more. What the fuck is it? Some little voice in the back of my head whispers one words..."Cancer." Fuck you, voice, I think angrily as I look back at the screen. He clicks a few more times in the same area, barely moving the wand and suddenly I am picturing a cancerous tumor the size of a softball in my uterus. Like angry little cancerous cells flipping off the wand as he snaps pictures. I am instantly convinced that my female parts are turning against me and I am dying...I guess we're all dying, right? One day at a time, we're all moving towards death...But I am convinced mine is being rapidly sped up. I am wishing I had never smoked. (And no, for those of you wondering...I did not smoke out of my vagina. A friend asked this the other day and it made me laugh so hard. I really needed it.) I am wondering if rough sex can cause cancer. Who knows? (And no, that was by no means any sort of admission about my sexual activities or lack there of!) But at that moment I am thinking maybe it can. I am wondering if I wore the wrong underwear. Maybe wearing all those flannel shirts and listening to alternative/grunge rock during the 90s caused it. Who the hell knows? But I just know something I did caused this and I'm dying. I'm 32 and I'm dying.


What was worse was that the guy stopped talking! He had been chatting along the way and then nothing! WHAT THE FUCK IS IT!? Of course I don't even bother to ask him because I know they aren't allowed to say anything unless it's immediately life threatening and then they are probably like, "Go straight to the hospital. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Oh wait...Stop at the front desk and pay, and then go to the hospital." *grins* Anyway, so I laid there on the little bed waiting for it to be over and trying not to cry because I was irrationally scared. Finally, the guy was done and let me get dressed. He met me in the hall to walk me out where he patted my shoulder and said, "Best of luck to you." Best of luck to me? What the fuck am I--Dead Woman Walking? BEST OF LUCK!? WHAT DID HE SEE IN THERE!? Was the Devil hanging out in my vagina? Is it a fibroid? Is it cancer? WHAT IS IT!? 


When I told my mom and Phoenix about this, they both insinuated that I have a wild imagination. Well duh! This is why I shouldn't have to have these types of tests that take time. I want instant answers because otherwise my mind goes wild. I just want to know what's going on so I can stop thinking my vag is trying to kill me...No one likes a killer vag...So, please keep your fingers crossed and all that until I find something out. I know that it's hard to write like that, so if you mentally cross them, I'd be okay with that. *grins* All right...I have to head to bed. Four in the morning sure comes early...I've turned into an old lady. Peace out until next time...