So, I should probably be upstairs in my room cleaning out my closet because there are random odds and ends on the floor in there that need to be picked up since I am requesting someone from my home warranty company to come check out my AC, which is partly in the attic and, of course, the attic access is in my closet. *rolls eyes* Instead, I'm sitting here in front of my laptop, a fan blowing cool air through my short hair, and blasting some Adele. *grins* I love this song...
I wish I could sing like Adele...I'd sing 24/7. Who the hell are we kidding? I sing anyway. Who cares if I can't carry a tune in a bucket? Not I!
This isn't the point of the blog...Nope, I wanted to keep everyone in the loop. I had blood work done last week when I went to see the gyno or, as my mom calls them, the Vagina Doctor. No word yet regarding the blood work, but the doctor is making me go get a pelvic ultrasound. This does not sound like fun to me...like at all. I called to schedule it today and they're getting me in tomorrow and the lady says, "Oh! There's one instruction I have to give you. You need to drink 32 ounces of water before you come in and finish that by 1:30 because your appointment is at 2:30. It takes one hour for water to travel from your lips to your bladder and you need to have a full bladder." Say what!? It's not my bladder bleeding! Do they want me to pee on them? Are they into golden showers? If so, there are people who will do that willingly for them...They're are probably even places you can go to get that done...Not that I know, but I assume. Like isn't it enough that I have to be degraded enough to have them put that thing in me, but now they want me to have to pee at the same time? There's something not right about the medical profession...
Speaking of which, the first thing the doctor told me when I saw her was that I need to lose weight because being overweight can cause irregular periods. Okay, I get it, but it's not like I woke up one morning obese. "Good morning, honey--OH SHIT! YOU'RE FAT!" I mean, come on...My weight, despite being overweight, has been a pretty constant number for a while now. Of course though, that's their go-to thing. Then she starts telling me about birth control options. Hi, I'm a lesbian. I shouldn't need to think about birth control options. I practice the ultimate birth control--Sex with another woman. *grins* Apparently, birth control can regulate my periods...Great, but this isn't a normal occurrence. I mean, I don't want them to find anything, but there's got to be something that's causing it. By the way, the correct number was 42. For 42 days I had my period. I believe this makes my period something for the record books. That's bleeding of Biblical proportions! God made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights to cleanse the earth...And I bled for 42 days and 42 nights to cleanse my Vag. *laughs* Oh man...I'm going to hell for sure. And before that, Phoenix is going to smack me for comparing myself to God. *ducks to avoid lightning bolt from the sky* C'mon, God has got to have a sense of humor...
So yeah, for now, the bleeding has stopped and tomorrow I get to be violated by a stranger while I have to pee. Life is s-uh-weet! In the midst of all this sweetness going on, I am still a little concerned. I mean, the doc and everyone else seems to think bleeding for 6 weeks of my life is all right, but I'm not so sure. I'm a little more worried now because I don't know what's going on. I don't know if on some level I'm freaking myself out and making myself a nervous wreck, which is causing me stomach pains and other issues...Or if I truly had food poisoning from Black Angus when I went out to dinner on Friday night...Or if these are new symptom of what's going on. I get hungry, but when I eat, my stomach hurts and I can't eat much. It could be nerves. I could be freaking myself about this and not paying attention to it because I'm concerned with my performance at work and despite all the sales I've had so far this month, my boss is still looking for more. Before I started this team, I struggled to hit my goal of 100 points in sales a month. Then this guy is like, "I want you to hit two hundred." I laughed, but he wasn't kidding. So, last month I hit 267 points. This month, I'm already at 280 points and it's barely the 12th. *rolls eyes* Yes, it's nice for the extra dough, but it's stressing me out...And I'm sleeping like shit...And...well, I guess you all get it. I just want to know why my body is rebelling against me. I need things to function normally again.
On a side note, the two girls we've had for nearly the last year are transitioning back home to their dad. They leave tomorrow night for a week long visit. They'll come back next Wednesday night to stay for one night before going back again. I don't know who comes up with this, but whatever...I'm not sad to see them go...I didn't grow attached. And as though to encourage me not to miss them, tonight after dinner, little Hurricane was sitting at the table eating a leftover piece of birthday cake and apparently peed. And I'm talking like flooded. She's mostly potty trained, but must've thought it'd be cool to pee on the chair. She peed through her pull-up, her shorts, onto her booster seat, onto the actual chair, and created a puddle under her chair. Of course, cleaning up pee off my kitchen floor is EXACTLY what I like to do after dinner. My kitchen floor has now been swept and mopped and the chair was taken outside and sprayed down by the hose. Yup...Kids...Someone has to love them.
Okay, enough procrastinating....Time to head upstairs and clean before bed. But one more song before I go...I love this song...
Anyway, wish me luck...Say prayers...Think happy thoughts...I hope everything turns out okay. I'd feel better if I could shake this nearly overwhelming sense of doom. So, on that note...Peace out. I'll keep you all posted about how my ultrasound goes...I still want to know what sick bastard thought, "Hey! Let's make the girls come in with full bladders!! That'll make it better!" Fucking morons...*shakes head*
Well Heather-pooh, I had to have this done a few times. The first time was at the ER and the only tech on duty was a cut, young guy. After waiting for almost 40 minutes for a nurse to be available, he gave up, had Calvin come in and then handed me the wand to insert myself. Yes, I felt as though I was masturbating for my husband and a stranger, but I was in such physical agony I just wanted answers. The second time was a female tech, she did the deed single-handedly (pun intended) and I just tried to lay back and imagine it was hot, well hung man..but that would make you vomit and we don't need that.
ReplyDeleteI love you sweetie, this won't be any worse than getting an enema, rumor has it...smooches xoxo