Spinning wheels...

I'm scheduled for an interview for a coaching position at my work and I'm now wondering why they would even hire me since my survey scores keep dropping. I haven't started doing anything different on the phone and yet my scores are plummeting faster than the stock market crashed back in '29. (That's right, this English major also knows some history! What's up now, mofos?) I'm not even kidding. It's not like I took up telling people, "You got the late payment fee because you're a deadbeat who doesn't pay on time. Thank you, drive thru." Let's be real...I still kiss ass like I've always done because that's what the American Society expects. The second I point out that mailing the payment the day before it's due is not acceptable, I get jumped all over about how it's not their fault, but the fault of the Postal Service. Yup, it's the USPS's fault that you mailed it 12 hours before the due date and you really thought it would make it across five states that quickly. *rolls eyes* I do what I can to waive fees trying to soothe them because we've created a society of "It's not my fault." Whatever. I do what I can and then these morons who can't even click the right button to submit a payment online or dial their card number into the phone hold my livelihood in their hands as they click to answer questions about how well I helped them. And when they say I've been "awesome" all the way across the board, but then rate me the wrong number, someone should catch that and it shouldn't count. I'll take the bad scores when the people have something to complain about, but when they fill them out saying I'm great, but then choose the wrong corresponding number, there's a problem. You can't say "You got an A for your letter grade and a -43 for your number grade." They don't correspond!! BAH! I HATE THIS SYSTEM!!! 


So, now that I'm going down quicker than the number of supporters for Romney after his idiotic statements about 47% of the US population, I'm flipping out because I'm supposed to be interviewing for this job and my numbers are horrible. And to top it off today my boss' boss instant messages me and tells me that they are signing me up for a workshop at my work. I think the workshop should be renamed, "I'm a big fat loser who's number suck and I'm skating on thin ice." I think they didn't like that name though because it's a bit long...I'm working on it. But seriously...These are people who have been backing me for this position and now they're like, "So...There's this workshop that you should *cough, need, cough* to take." *rolls eyes* Great. Because I love being listened to all day like my phone is being tapped by Big Brother and I want people saying, "Oh! You know how you could've made that call better?" And the answer is NEVER, "Drink a martini while talking to them?" It's also NEVER, "I should've told them to grow a pair and act like an adult?" I never know the answers to their questions...


Does anyone else feel like they're spinning their wheels? I am not in a position I should be. I'm too damn smart to sit there taking people's shit all day. I am so afraid that one day I'm just going to be like, "Fuck this shit" and I cannot let myself get there. I love my co-workers...Well...most of them and not you...Yes, you! The one reading this. I don't like you, but the rest are cool. haha But seriously, I like them and I don't want to not work with them, but I want a different job. The phones are going to make me lose my mind.

Don't call me Mister!!

So we all know that it's oh-so-funny that at times I've been called "sir" or whatever. Hahaha, yeah, I'm Peppermint Patty. hahaha, it's so funny I can't stop laughing. *straight face* I get called sir on the phone constantly and I get it--I don't have an ultra girly voice. I'm not a huge fan of my voice, but it would take too much effort to change it, so I deal with it. I do, however, get a little pissed off when people call me "sir" to my face. If you look at me, I am clearly a girl. And this happened long before I ever chopped off my lovely locks, so don't say, "It's because you have a boy hair cut." It's not. People are just stupid. My experience today though has pushed me over the edge...And maybe it's because it's a very off Monday, like the kind where we were strangely not busy, and it left me to my own devices...which is NEVER a good thing. 


When I got home from work today, I got a phone call from Trafford Publishing. I had made the mistake of talking to them about their self-publishing "deals". *rolls eyes* If I'm putting up a couple thousand dollars of my own money, I should be able to earn that back through book sales and someone should edit my shit for me...I'm just sayin'. And their comeback all the time is, "It's not about the money. It's about getting your story out there." Yes, and to earn money, you idiot! I don't want to answer phones all my life. I would love for this to be my livelihood! So, the lady who used to call, Beth, apparently gave up on me. Then some other guy called a few times and I said, "Stop calling." They didn't. For the last two months, Joseph has been calling. Today, he called again and for the second time, he said, "I'm calling for Mr., um...Miss Heather (insert last name here)." Dude, no. You don't get to call me Mr. when Heather is clearly a female name. And twice now he's done this. As soon as he left his voice mail, I knew he'd also email me (This is how they work.), so I decided I'd email him back. Here's what I wrote:

Dear Joseph,

       I have already asked repeatedly to be taken off the list you guys have. I have decided to go another route to publish my book and not just because you guys expect me to fork over a large sum of money, but also because you guys have lousy royalty rates. I know, you're going to come back, like the others I've spoken to before you, and say that it's not about the money. To that, I say, you're right...To a point. I'd love to get my story out there for people to read, but I'm not going to go broke doing that. If after pouring my heart and soul into writing a story I decided that I wanted absolutely nothing all in return, I'd publish the damn thing on my blog and call it a day.

       Also, Joseph, I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate people calling you "Miss" or "Ma'am" and I sure as hell don't appreciate you saying that you're calling for "Mr. um...Miss Heather (insert last name here)." If you can't even read your list ahead of time while dialing me to know I'm a female, I REALLY don't want to work with your company because obviously you don't pay any attention at all to detail. This is twice now that you've done the same thing on my voice mail. Stop calling.

Thanks,
MISS Heather (insert last name here)

Perhaps that's a bit harsh, but really. If I had his boss' email address, I would've CC'ed him/her as well because this guy is a complete moron! This about sums up how I feel today. At work, I made someone's list of annoying people. When she asked if she should pencil or pen me in, I said I wanted to be penned in. In fact, I asked if she had a permanent list because I wanted to be "sharpied" onto that list. Bwahaha! Yup, I'm in the mood to be a punkass. Don't say you weren't warn.


In other news, I got the interview for the other job at work. I go in on Thursday for it and I'm SERIOUSLY nervous. My boss says I'll do fine while I think he's actually feeding me to the wolves. We shall see how this goes. Wish me luck and all that stuff...

Let the awkward conversations roll...

So, over the last couple of days I've had some really awkward conversations and it's not me doing it...I'm not sure why we end up in these conversations, but alas, here we are...


Saturday morning conversation with Rapunzel (Age 4).
Rapunzel- "Do you have a shower in your bedroom?"

Me- "Yes, I have a bathroom with a shower in my bedroom."

Rapunzel- "Do you shower with Phoenix?"

Me- *awkward silence, shifting from one foot the other for a second* "No, I like to shower alone and so does she."

Rapunzel- *giggles* "I like to take a shower with my sister."

Me- "Yeah, I still like to shower alone."

Rapunzel- *smiling* "Okay." *walks off to play with her sister* Dude, out of the like ten, thirty five, eight hundred and ninety two kids we've had, she's the first to ask that. I think she's got us figured out...

Tonight at dinner, Rapunzel again starts asking questions.

Rapunzel- *takes a bite of her soup for dinner* "Do you like cooking?"

Me- *shrugs* "Yeah, I do like cooking. Do you like cooking?"

Rapunzel- *smiles* "Yes, but not when I get burned. Did you get burned?"

 Me- "I didn't get burned tonight. Have you gotten burned before?"

Rapunzel- *nodding* "Yes, it hurts. Does she like cooking?" (Referring to Phoenix.)

Me- *laughing* "No, she doesn't."

Phoenix- *from the kitchen getting herself a drink* "I can't cook."

Me- "That's true, she can't cook."

Ariel- "So you cook for her?"

Me- "Yeah, that's why she got me because I can cook." Aside to Phoenix as she joins us at the table- "I'm pretty sure that was in your ad, wasn't it? Cooking a plus? Or was it a must?" *grins*
Phoenix- "A must or a plus, same thing."
Ariel- "I think I'll get a girl to do my cooking too."

Rapunzel- *crazy laugh* "No, that's why you have parents!"

Ariel- "No! When I get older!"

So, apparently now, I'm a cook in this house who shares a room, but not a shower, with Phoenix...I think I'm with Ariel though...I'd like to get a girl to cook for me. Preferably, someone hot. *grins*

So, speaking of awkward conversations, I find myself sometimes having these at work...Mostly when card holders don't want to hear what I'm saying like "I can't dispute this charge because it's too old" and they sit there quietly, like they're waiting for me to say, "Just kidding! I'm taking care of it right now." *laughs* But seriously, it's hard. Today, I got into two very awkward conversations with a woman from another department...And despite the fact that my calls to this department were hours apart, I got her both times! DAMN IT!

First attempt at a conversation with "Tandy". (The name is made up to protect the idiotic.)
Me- "Hi Tandy, this is Heather from customer service. I have a woman who needs to be towed on the line. Can I give you her card number?"

Tandy- "Where are you calling from?"

Me- *speaking slowly because I can already tell she's an idiot* "Customer service. Let me give you her number."

Tandy- "Her call back number?"

Me- *slams head into desk* "No, I don't have her phone number. I have her credit card number for her account."

Tandy- "Oh. What's her name?"

Me- *wondering how Tandy got her job and if this is her first day ever taking calls* After giving the name, I said, "Let me give you the card number because you need it."

Tandy- "Oh. Um. Okay."

Me- *reads number slowly* "Did you get it?"

Tandy- "What's her phone number?"

Me- *slams head into desk again* "I still don't have a callback number, but I have her on the line. By the way, she was ID'ed by..." And I told her how she was identified.

Tandy- "What's that mean?"

Me- "It means we identified her by the phone number she called in from."

Tandy- "We can do that?"

Me- *considers jumping out my window with a view to end this conversation* "Yes. Please let me bring her on." Without waiting, I brought the card holder on and got off the phone. Normally, I call, give the card number, the name, tell them the person needs a tow, and that's it. It doesn't go down this way.

Hours later, someone else calls in and his car died in the middle of the road. He was able to get it to the side, but he needs his car towed. Great, I have to call THAT department again. *face palm* I literally looked at my cubie and told him I hope I don't get Tandy again and he laughs. *shakes head* Apparently, she was the only one working over there today.

Me- "Hi Tandy, it's Heather from customer service. I have someone on the line--"
Tandy- "From where?"

Me- "I'm in customer service."
Tandy- "I'm sorry...What?"
Me- *convinced Tandy is on drugs or drinking at her desk* "Customer service. I'm in customer service. Card services. I help card holders." *meanwhile the team leader, my old boss, who sits on the other side of my wall is CRACKING UP because she knows I'm losing it.*
Tandy- "Oh. Do you need road side assistance?"
Me- *refrains from saying that yes, I need to be towed away from my desk before I snap* "No, Tandy, I have someone on the line who needs help. His name is...And he needs a tow. Let me give you his card number."

Tandy- "His what?"

Me- *looking around to see if I'm on Candid Camera* "His. Card. Number. The credit card he holds with us. He needs help, Tandy." *I might've been gritting my teeth at this point. And I SWEAR she had to be blonde...I know, I'm a jerk, but seriously, no red head on the planet is this dumb!*

Tandy- *giggles* "Oh, okay. What is it?"

Me- *reads off card number* "Okay, I'm bringing him on."

Tandy- "What does he need?"
Me- *refrains from saying a lung transplant* "Roadside assistance, Tandy. Is that your department?" *team leader next to me, still laughing wildly*

Tandy- "Yes, I can help with that."
Me- *brings on card holder* "Here you go, sir, I have you where you need to be. Good luck." And disconnected the call.

I don't know how to deal with dumb people. After that last call, I didn't connect anyone else to roadside assistance...And I'm not sure I ever will again. I'll just give them the number and put them through. Tandy made me want to move far, far away and become a hermit.

To sum up...Happy Monday. I get to do this for four more days before I get a break...Oh God, I don't know how I contain my excitement. *straight face* 



         

The girliest of girls and other ramblings...

Because we are gluttons for punishment, we are back up to having three kids in the house. We still have Chuck (the 16 month old baby), but now we've added two little girls to that mixture. Like about a week and a half ago, we got a six year old and a four year old. We shall call them Ariel and Rapunzel, respectively, as this is what they told us they want to be called. This should teach Phoenix not to ask little kids, "What do you want to be called?" Although, she then turned to me and said, "There, now you have names for your blog." Haha! I get it though--If someone asked me what they should call me, I'd reply, "Master...Madame Luscious...you know...whatever." Bwahahaha! Anyway, so here's what I've learned about 4 and 6 year old girls--They don't stop talking!! These girls start talking as soon as they wake up and don't stop until they finally pass out. I talk on the phone all day at work, but I will guarantee that these two girls talk WAY more than I do and that's saying something!
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Somehow, we ended up with a couple of the girliest girls I've ever met. These are little girls who come home and immediately take off their tennis shoes to put on their play high heels, which they will wear until bedtime. I'm not even sure I ever owned a pair of play heels and I certainly didn't wear my mom's heels and not just because she didn't have the cool hooker heels I wanted to wear, but also because I'm pretty sure my foot was bigger than hers by the time I was walking. *shakes fist angrily at big feet* Like I'm positive the only place I can find heels in my size would be at a drag queen shop. No joke. These are the joys of wearing a man's 11 or 11 1/2. This is probably half my battle with being clumsy. You try walking around with clown feet and tell me how that works out for you. But I digress...These girls want to wear little headbands with froofy (is that how you spell that? You know what I mean...) bows and barrettes (I just had to spell check that word because I wasn't sure that was right. I suppose that shows how non-girly I am.) and they're just so...girly. I don't know how to deal with these girls. Last weekend I had to do their hair and they both wanted pigtails. Dude, seriously? (I know you guys are trying to picture this!) It took a while, but I got their hair in pigtails...and evenly on the side of their heads. I had joked with them when they first arrived, asking if I could wear their headbands, but they just laughed at me. Do people not get that I now have short hair for a reason? I mean, let's look at my favorite hairstyles for a moment...Forever, I had just straight hair that was either just straight and hanging like a hippie or pulled up. I loved that hairdo. It was so easy. Then, recently, I chopped it all off and I like this better. I use less hair product and I style it in like a minute. This is why guys have short hair--it's so easy! So, for us to get these girls who are like, "Let's brush my hair!" I find myself trying not to roll my eyes. This is definitely a learning experience, but what I like about these kids (And Phoenix does as well) is that they play with the toys...All the other kids we've gotten want to watch TV 24/7 and these kids play and use their imaginations! Hence all the talking...
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One other thing worth mentioning with these kids is how they want to help with Chuck all the time. Chuck still doesn't seem to know what to do with the girls and I think he's a little pissed that other people are playing with HIS toys. It seems to hit him at random times like they're all playing fine and suddenly he remembers that he likes that teddy bear, so he will scream and fight until they give it up. I feel bad when I tell him no and remove him from the situation, sitting him away from the girls for a moment to stop the drama and he cries, but it always looks like his feelings are hurt. Like you can see when he cries because he's mad or whatever, but this is like I've hurt his feelings. Kids make no sense...And I don't ever seem to know what to do with them all. Phoenix thinks it's amusing that Chuck loves to read (And at times can be found in his crib flipping through a book instead of sleeping at night.) and will sit with me at my computer listening to music or watching music videos. Now, the girls want to watch videos with me as well. Chuck's new favorite video in addition to Mahna Mahna, is Coin-Operated Boy from The Dresden Dolls. I think little kids like it because of the sing-song melody. *shrugs* Who cares? It keeps him from freaking out! However, with the kids wanting to watch youtube.com videos, it cuts into my writing time...It is nice though that they all like music so we can blast the tunes as we drive places. I do find myself wondering though as we listen to the radio (Not even my iPod, but stuff on public radio) that maybe we don't listen to the best of songs...C'mon, Flo Rider's Whistle song is HORRIBLY disgusting, but rather catchy. Or this morning as we drove to daycare, the kids were trying to sing along with the All American Rejects, Gives You Hell. Probably not the best song for kids to sing especially as Ariel calls out, "He just said a bad word!" But that didn't seem to stop her from saying "'ell" as though she had a cockney accent. C'mon, kids, there's an H in it! Let's enunciate! *grins* I've had similar thoughts in my music taste as we listened to Blister in the Sun, Pink's Blow Me (One Last Kiss), Little Lion Man from Mumford and Sons, and well, you get the idea. *shrugs* I can't help it though...This is what I like to listen to. Sometimes being a grown-up sort of sucks, but I'm not giving up my music. Bwahaha!





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One of Phoenix's friends had joked that I should write a book about our experiences in foster care and Phoenix was thinking that maybe that would be a good idea...Like she wants me to write the book from my point of view and share some of the crazy ass stories of my interactions with the kids. A lot more happens than what I blog about. I couldn't possibly keep up with the crazy conversations I end up in the middle of with these kids. I'm sure there are laws about this sort of thing, but I wonder if I change their names and never mention their parents if it would be possible....Who knows? I did find myself wondering though if some people would be turned off by the book though (And maybe show up at my house burning crosses, bearing Holy Water to exorcise my demons, or with pitch forks and other weapons to murder me) because it's written about two lesbians raising other people's kids. Here's my theory though--two straight people had these kids and fucked up enough that the state stepped in and took their kids away. I mean, really, we're ahead of those people simply because we don't have drug problems, domestic violence charges, or any other legal problems.
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On a side note, is anyone else sick of all the political bullshit people are posting on Facebook? I get it--it's an election year and everyone feels the need to share their political standings, but let's get real for a moment, okay? This is the same election as it is every four years--We are asked to choose the lesser of the two evils. At no point ever have I been like, "That guy! I love that guy!" Well, I did love Sarah Palin, but only because she made for some hilarious jokes and Tina Fey did a fabulous job impersonating her. But yeah, I didn't like her politics. While we're getting real, let's look at the facts. We have Obama who hasn't done a whole lot in four years, but at least he wasn't trying to take away rights from people. And then we have Mitt Romney, who first of all has a stupid fucking name. Who names their kid Mitt?? That's something you play baseball with. *rolls eyes* His parents are idiots in my eyes for such a lame ass name. But anyway, so he's all super conservative, Bible-thumper, who wants to come in and rule with his Mormon/Christian beliefs meaning doing things like defining marriage as something between one man and one woman (I wonder if that's hard for a guy like himself to say since Mormons were all for polygamy before.). I'm not sure what you all were doing when we took history in high school, but I remember it being clearly said that there is a separation of church and state. Let's take a walk down a historical path for a moment....The pilgrims came to America because they were separatists and didn't want to be Church of England. We all know the English made everyone be Church of England and if you weren't, there was something wrong with you. So, the pilgrims said, "Peace, England!" and set sail for the New World where they would have religious freedom, but of course we know this didn't happen. Despite best efforts of setting up a government where religion wouldn't rule (You don't like my God? Well, you're the devil!), we still ended up fucking it all up. We always find a group of people to persecute because even though as a settlement, we were like, "We don't want to be Church of England. We will make up our own country." We still ended up just like them in that if you are different, in any way, we will persecute you. If you think I'm lying, read your history-- Salem Witch Trials, Joseph McCarthy's own version of the Witch Trials only we called it Communism then instead of Satan Worshiping, Slavery, Black Rights, Women's rights, our own concentration camps we had with Asians during WWII, etc...It just doesn't stop and yet here we are, a so-called educated country, and we're still doing it. Although, this time, we are allowing our politicians to quote random Bible passages and calling all us gays sinners. So, to you who will vote for people who are so quick to take away my rights, I want to share a quotation that I shared on my Facebook page yesterday...
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First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.
~Niemöller
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Yeah, this was said by a dude who was once a Nazi sympathizer turned Anti-Nazi who ended up being held at a death camp until he was rescued or whatever, but think about it. I sure as hell don't get to vote on your rights, but you get to vote on mine. Am I any different than you? I get up each morning and put my pants on one leg at a time, just like you. I go to work and earn a living, just like you. How do you get to judge that my love for Phoenix is any different than the love you feel for your own significant other? I just don't get it, but go ahead...Vote for the asshole who is going to take away gay rights, who is going to make abortion illegal (I'm not an abortion supporter, but we all know that if it is completely outlawed like he wants, we'll end up with those back-alley abortion doctors we had in years past and we'll go back to women dying from infections and botched jobs. History, as we all know, repeats itself.), who will set our country back so many years...Just remember, when they come after you, and they just might one day, no one will be left to help you because you didn't help anyone else.
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*steps down off soapbox* All right, that's all from me...I have a horrible sore throat and feel like shit. I'm going to go lay on my couch and watch gay/lesbian movies on Netflix. Don't even get me started on Hollywood's idea of a lesbian...

My name is not Miss Cleo...

I woke up this morning pretty tired since I slept like shit last night. When I was trying to go to sleep, the perfect storm was apparently going on outside. I couldn't believe how much lightning and thunder we got last night. It was like a crazy, acid trip light show...no joke...Okay, fine, maybe minus the acid trip. Anyway, so I left for work, stopping only to get a soda on my way in because I needed some caffeine desperately. Because of the wet roads and people in Arizona's inability to drive on the freeway when everything is wet, it took forever to get to work. I got there with only a few minutes to spare and as I pulled into the parking lot, I about lost my mind. This moron in some piece of shit Saturn stops in front of me to let people turn left in front of us to get into the main parking lot. We were turning right, which gives us the right away, but this person waved like six cars to go. And each car stopped, thinking perhaps it was a trick, so this took forever. I sat there watching as two minutes ticked by and I was like I am never going to make it to my desk on time to log in. Then, we finally turn into the parking lot, and of course this ass monkey is going all the way across the parking lot with me to the side where I park. Along the way, they stopped to let three people cross in front of us and also to let a delivery truck pull out. I was tempted to get out of my car, walk up to their window, and say, "Hey, jackass, I need to make it to my desk sometime this morning. Can we move this shit along?" However, since this is my workplace, I figured it wouldn't be a wise move since it would probably be someone of importance. If you think I am by any means exaggerating how late I was, let me just tell you that I have to log in (clock in) at 5:30 to be on time...I got my desk/phone at 5:29. So, I was cutting this close, but really, this jackass wasn't helping with letting the entire world go first. Here's my thoughts on this...If you are working on your karma, that's fabulous, but your attempt at getting good karma is making me late, you fucking jackass! I'm all for good karma, but don't fuck with me in the process. And to those idiots who are stuck each morning waiting for a break in traffic to turn left, well, to you I say you should come in the main entrance like the other 99% of the workers! *rolls eyes* Coming in from the side entrance isn't really saving you any time when you have to wait for a break in traffic or some moron to let you go. I sure as hell won't let you go...
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So, probably because of my bad attitude, I logged in at work and was immediately berated by card members. If you call someone and they ask your name, you should make it clear what you want to be called. Like I don't call people, tell them my name is Heather, and then freak out calling them a "fucking idiot" for calling me Heather. I mean, I might now because it seems that that's the cool thing to do, but before today I never did. I am not even kidding when I tell you this story...This man literally told me his name was Pedro (I am changing his name to protect the guilty). When I asked for his last name, he said, "Rodriguez." I said, "Thank you, Pedro. I have your account here. How can I help?" This dude blew his top...like went nuclear. I'm talking Three Mile Island or Chernobyl...Maybe even Hiroshima style blow up. He was like, "What did you just call me?" I think he almost fell off his chair whilst trying to reach through his phone to strangle me. Here's the thing...On his card, his first name was only an initial, as in "P. Rodriguez." So, had he not told me his name was Pedro, I would never know, okay? So, I tell him, "I called you Pedro." And then he proceeded to rip me a new one like I was the rudest person on the planet for calling him by his given name. First of all, he told me that was his name. Most people who want to be called a certain name will say, "My card says (Insert name here), but you can call me (Insert nickname, Dr Blah blah blah, or whatever here)." It's a simple thing, really. Second, it's not my fault if your mama saddled you with a name that makes you go ballistic every time you hear it. My mom named me Heather Rose...Do you think I like that name? Heck no! That's like the girliest name on the fucking planet. The only thing girlier would be like Princess Buttercup. I mean, then I would've had to kick her ass. So, thanks mom for not naming me Princess Buttercup. But yeah...Seriously, I'm not a huge fan of the name Heather, but I don't go postal on people...just my mom. *grins* So, back to the crazy man...He tells me, "You WILL address me as Mr. Rodriguez, God damn it!" Yeah, whatever. I made things worse by saying, "I'm sorry, sir." Yeah, he seriously lost it. I could almost picture him flying out of his chair as he screamed into the phone at me, cursing. I was done with his shit, so I told him I'd hang up on him if he couldn't keep it professional. Bwahahahaha! Yeah, he asked for a supervisor. Apparently, he feels that customer service reps at our company should be more professional and not call anyone by their first name. What-the-fuck-ever.
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Before the crazy above mentioned bastard, I had some old guy get mad at me because I called him "Mr. Smith" instead of by his first name. And then when I called him sir, he went off asking if I like to be called "ma'am". Well, of course not, but I put up with it when I call places because it's nicer than them calling me "lady" or "bitch". *rolls eyes* Later, another lady got all pissed off and told me to call her Dr. at the end of our conversation when all along I'd called her by her first name. And how the fuck would I know she was a doctor? Her business showed she owned a music studio. I'm not a psychic. Perhaps these people are confusing me with the psychic friends network? For the record, my name is not Miss Cleo...I'm just sayin'...
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So, yeah, I was batting a thousand today with the crazy people. A few, I was able to turn around and get them to be nice by the end of the call, but not all of them...And now I'm worried about what they'll say when they get their surveys. "That bitch called me by name! How dare her!" I think I would laugh wildly if someone put that. I mean, really, what would my boss have to say then? Trust me, he would find something to say. No matter how good the call is, they will find ways that you could make it better. I will probably hear about how I should've bowed down to Mr. Rodriguez or something, but yeah...It's bullshit. It's days like these where I wonder how the hell I got here...And how much longer I have to be here. I was reading that Phyllis Diller didn't become a stand-up comic until she was 37...Perhaps it's not too late for me. *shrugs*
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For now though, instead of brushing up on my stand up routine, I shall go take some more meds to try to beat this cold, which is currently winning...Perhaps I'll lose my voice and then I can't talk to jackasses on the phone. *crosses fingers* lol

Thank you, drive through...

You know, it never ceases to amaze me how self-righteous people get over the stupidest shit. And I know that Phoenix is going to get pissed at me as she reads this, but this is nothing new and she knows my feelings on this (And she disagrees and I'm okay with that. I have my reasons and so do they, so we can all agree that I'm right...Er, um...I mean, we can agree to disagree.), but some of the worst offenders of this are church people. *grins* I can already hear people getting worked up. I'm okay with that...You know why? Because you don't need to read this. You can click that little X up in the upper right hand corner and move on. But for those of you still hanging out, check this shit out...This dude calls in and his business name is a church of some sort (Which I will NEVER be attending!). He immediately starts in about how he was online looking at his account and it shows that his dispute with a certain merchant was resolved and he never got any resolution in it and what were we thinking? Within a few moments this call crashed and burned...I mean, literally he said, "I know you guys are in bed with (Insert merchant's name here). You scratch their back while they scratch yours and who gives a rat's butt about the little man." Um, what? We can't give you your money back because the reservation you made was non-refundable. It's not my company's fault that a hotel room was listed as a three-star hotel and this dude feels it was a one-star (at best). Don't people do research before they go stay somewhere? Like look at the pictures...Maybe Google the hotel? No? Am I the only crazy person? I might be, but that's neither here nor there. He didn't care at all what I said, even when I apologized as I explained that we are an impartial mediator, instead, he kept talking over me and talking in circles. He said I wasn't sorry and that I didn't care. Well, honestly, no, I don't give a fuck. Does it suck for him? Sure, but he's the idiot who booked this room, showed up and said, "OH HELL NO!", left, and expects my company to give him his money back. Buyer beware, I say. Yup, I'm a bitch and I'm okay with that. 


He bitched me out for a good ten or so minutes before he hung up on me. What pisses me off about this is that he threatened to go to another credit card company (Good luck with that.) and was making vague threats about his church and how he can tell his fellow ministers and their follows about this experience. Great. Be sure to tell them that Satan (that's me) said hello. Yes, go tell all your faithful followers about how my company screwed you over and couldn't make another big company change their policies to suit you. How the hell do we know he didn't stay at the hotel? We don't. This is the same as the people who are like, "I just bought a TV and it's not what I thought it was. Can you cancel that charge?" Oh, sure...Best Buy sucks anyway...Let's just give you that big screen TV for free. Have a great day. NOT! What the fuck? But then this dude just kept going on about how he's going to tell everyone and that his church has locations all over, not just here in AZ, but in CA and around the world. I wanted to ask, "Did you also tell everyone to go to Chik-fil-a the other day?" I didn't, but it was tempting. You might be a man of the cloth, but you're a jerk and God is watching you. 


I had spoken to another man earlier in the day from a different church who was also a jerk. He was mad that he had gotten an interest charge. He demanded that I remove it. I explained that it was there because he doesn't pay in full. He literally pays his minimum payment every month and thinks we're going to waive the finance charges...Umm...No. I told him it was a legitimate charge and he flipped out about how he was a God-fearing man who pays his bills. Okay, well, I'm not sure God wants us to fear him, but besides that, if he doesn't want to follow these rules, what other rules is he breaking? I'm glad I don't go to his church...I imagine he talks about fire and brimstone a lot. I just don't get it...Where do these people come up with the idea that we should do everything for them? My company is a for-profit company, so we're not going to give away free money. Our American Society has put itself in a bad place...You don't get anything for free. You get what you pay for. And I'm not writing off your fees. Thank you, drive through. 

On a side note, I'm turning fucking 33 in a few days...I don't want to be 33. That sounds old. I feel like I haven't done enough with my life to be this old. Does anyone else feel that way? Eh, maybe it's just me...

Flat tires, locking lug nuts, hippos, and jalapenos...Oh my!

Yesterday was just one of those days...You know, the ones where everything goes to hell in a hand basket in a matter of moments. I woke up in the morning at 4:05 to my alarm and immediately had a headache. I was tempted to call into work and use my sick time, but I didn't because I wasn't really sick and knew I could last the day if I needed to. Instead, I dragged my ass out of bed and got ready for work. I left at the same time I usually do every morning and headed in. Before I even got to the freeway, I almost hit a car who decided to turn left in front of me...you know...when I was RIGHT in front of him. I hit my breaks and honked at him because I'm sure that really does something. I mean, like it'd be more effective if when I hit the horn, the truck yelled out, "FUCK YOU!" But the little "beep" just doesn't convey how pissed I am when I actually hit the horn. But I digress...


So, I hit the freeway and settle in at a lovely pace of like 75-80 mph. Who doesn't drive that fast, right? I rocked out to Adele and whatever else was on the radio as I tried to get myself into the right frame of mind to deal with people all day. C'mon, no one wants my job. The moment I tell people I work in a call center, they're immediately like, "Oh man...You deal with assholes all day." Funny they should mention that...Because it's true! I've said it a hundred times, but I'll say it again-- If I didn't have cool co-workers, I would've lost my mind by now. Sometimes, they're the only ones who keep me sane because we all laugh and joke between calls. Anyway, so I got to work and went inside to start my day. I was immediately greeted by an email from an unknown co-worker saying that a card holder was requesting me to call him back. *rolls eyes* I had left a message for the guy regarding an issue he was having with a merchant. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything we could do about it and honestly, I was happy when I got his voicemail because I hate being the messenger. So, now I would have to call him back and have the discussion with him about how we couldn't do anything for him. *rolls eyes* That just sucks. I logged in and started my day of taking calls and shortly after starting (it was slow), we had to pick up the slack for the consumer reps so we were taking calls for personal card holders. Man, it's hard talking to the business owners sometimes, but the general public is even worse...How do these people get out of bed and go out into the world each and every day without...wearing a safety helmet? I am worried about society. 


At almost noon, I was thinking I might take some sick time and leave early because I was just worn out and done...And then I got in some surveys. I hate surveys. They are not clearly worded enough to tell people that it's not to be used to complain about how you feel about our company, but how your interaction was with the employee you spoke to. I guess people might still use it as a complaint hot line of sorts even if it was worded correctly, but it just sucks. I listened to the two calls from the bad surveys and neither call was bad. The one woman had even ended our call with saying, "Heather, you've been excellent! I appreciate all your help!" But then when she rated me in the survey, she gave me a less than stellar score. Like I just want to call these people back and tell them, "Thanks, asshole, you just cost me a big chunk of my bonus because you either don't understand English or you are a sick individual that likes to fuck with people!" At that point in time, I was done. I took a couple more calls and then took my sick time and left an hour early. I was so mad I could cry. I wanted to go get some fro yo (frozen yogurt) and go home and take a nap. I didn't want the frozen yogurt because I was upset, but just because it had sounded good long before my day had gone to hell.


I walked out into hell (also known as "outside" here in AZ) and was immediately struck by how freaking hot it was. It was like 102* and humid. Blech! I called Phoenix to tell her I was leaving and as I got into my truck, burning my fingers on my steering wheel, I started it and immediately saw the my front passenger tire was low. I got out and looked to find...*drum roll*...That's right a fucking flat tire. FABULOUS! I'm so excited. I was thinking that maybe I could slowly drive to the gas station near my work (like across the street and through a big parking lot) to put air in it and then go to a tire shop to get it fixed. I slowly pulled out and realized that it wasn't just flat, but super flat. I pulled into the back part of our parking lot where there was space and thought that maybe I'd change it, but then I remembered that my truck has 22" rims on it and only the standard jack, which won't put it up high enough to remove the tire. I know this because I had a Silverado in the past with bigger tires (not bigger rims, just bigger tires) and the jack didn't work. I learned that when I was 50 miles away from home. Good times. Anyway, so I call Statefarm to ask if I have road side assistance, which I thought I did. They said I did and had their road side assistance call me to get me set up with someone to come help me. YAY! While waiting for them, I drove very slowly and carefully out of our parking lot and across the street because my work is crazy tight with security. At almost 2, the road side assistance guy showed up. He looked pissed and was not at all nice to me. Seriously? I'm the one having a bad day, what the fuck is his problem? I don't like my job either, but at least people can't see me scowling. He takes off the cover on my rim and says, "Where's the key for the lug nut?" Turns out I never got the key for my locking lug nuts. He hands me the cover for the rim and says, "You'll need a tow truck to come get you. Call your road side assistance and have them get you help. I can't change this tire." He stalked off, still pissed, got into his air conditioned car, and drove off. I just stood there, breathing, and thinking horrible thoughts. I refrained from kicking my truck...He made me so angry. As I got back into my truck, the road side assistance called to ask if he'd shown up. I said, "Yes, but he just left. He can't change the tire." So, they sent a tow truck, which took some time. During that time, I called the dealership and after being transferred to everybody and their mama, I finally talked to a manager about the missing key. He said if I bring my truck down there, they'll give me new locking lugs. I still need to take care of that, but it pisses me off. What if I had been on my way to Cali and this happened???


In the meantime, Phoenix shows up with her niece Goofy. We were going to go get Fro Yo together, but now I'm stuck. As they roll up, apparently Phoenix said something funny to Goofy, Goofy unrolls the window and is laughing wildly. I think she's laughing at me because that's what it looks like, so when I chuckle (her laughter is contagious) and tell her she's mean, she only giggles more for like 2 or 3 minutes. I still think she was laughing at my misfortune, but Phoenix says she wasn't...But can't remember what it was she said to make her laugh in the first place. Mmmmhmmm...Anyway, so they left to go pick up the baby from daycare and then come back. So, the tow truck drive shows up. He was this awesome guy, Bruce. He quickly got me taken care of and when I told him that Statefarm had suggested a Goodyear Tire (Although, when I called Goodyear to tell them I would be coming with my truck, the guy was a total douche! He was all, "It'll be $48.50 to break the lock off. It usually takes a half an hour of labor. It's really just easier if you had a key." Well, duh, mother fucker! I didn't ask how much, I said that I needed the lock broken off!) place, he said, "Discount is better. If it's a nail, they fix it for free. And if you need tires, they're cheap and honest." I like Discount Tires and usually get my tires from them, but I didn't know where one was. He said he'd take me and my truck there for no extra charge. Seriously, he was amazing! He chatted with me the whole time, which helped to lighten my mood because I was just pissed.


This story gets better...At Discount Tire, the guy says, "When did this blow out?" I said, "It didn't blow out. I drove to work this morning and then came out to find it flat." He said, "No, this blew out. Look!" He pointed to the tire and there was all this steel belt showing, as though the tire had ripped apart on the inside of the tire. WTF? Then we go and look at the driver side tire...It's nearly as bad, but hasn't given out. The two back tires had chunks, again on the inside, that were showing the steel belt. What the hell??? I just had my tires rotated like a month and a half ago or two months ago. He asked, "Did they tell you anything about this?" I told him they didn't and he said, "This didn't just happen over night...It takes time to wear it down like that. Your truck has an alignment problem." Oh goody. *rolls eyes* So, now this is no longer fixing one tire, but all four because the other three could blow out at any time. I'm not stupid. I'm not messing around with fucked up tires in the hot Arizona summer which causes blowouts anyway. He looks in the system and says, "The best price I have for your size tires is..." I think I blacked out for a moment...Tires are fucking expensive! 22" rims look cool, but they fucking suck ass! It was nearly $1100 for four tires. *cries like a baby* Do you know what I could do with $1100??? I called Phoenix and she was like, "Ask if you qualify for their credit card." I mean, I could've put it on my credit card (Or maybe split it between two...), but since I was there, I couldn't pull it up on my computer to see how much I had available. Anyway, so luckily, I qualified and I have 9 months to pay it off with no interest. YAY! Again, another bright little spot in my shitty day. Another bright spot was that this happened while I was at work. I just got back from California last Sunday afternoon. This could've happened when we were driving all over Southern California. And in two weeks, I'm going back to Cali for a wedding. This could've gotten ugly. I'm glad it happened when it did, but it still sucks balls...


While waiting for the tires, we went to walk around Sam's Club to spend more money we don't have and then went to get my truck. When we finally left, I called my mom to tell her about my bad day and she says, "Weird that you called me right now. We just walked into the hippo exhibit." Say what? I'm having a hellish day and my mom is bringing up the fucked up nickname that I was given in middle school?? Yup, I'm Hippo Heather. As though to make me feel better, she texted me this picture...





Nice, right? Yeah, I love my mom...*rolls eyes*


Since my friend Texas was having a pretty shitty day too and had texted me that she needed a drink, I suggested (After Phoenix said I should) that we could go get dinner. We ended up at Red Robin (Yummmmmm!) because it's a kid-friendly place where our baby and her's as well, could be loud and no one would really care. I ordered my usual Guacamole Burger and asked for a side of jalapenos. The bad waitress (Why is it so hard to find good service anymore???) brought me fresh cut jalapenos instead of the pickled ones. Man, they were fucking hot. Like my lips and mouth burned like fire. Then the story gets better. After eating, my eyes were itching (allergies) and I proceeded to remove my glasses and rub my eyes. Apparently, I still had jalapeno juice on my hands or something despite having used my napkin repeatedly. Yes, my eyes started burning like fire...No, like acid...No, like fiery acid. It hurt so bad. I went to the bathroom and rinsed out my eyes after listening to them joke that they probably had an eye wash station in the kitchen. In the bathroom, this old lady came out of a stall and washed her hands. As she started to walk out, she looked at me in the mirror and became concerned. "Are you okay, honey? Is everything okay?" I couldn't help but laugh. I said, "Yes. I'm fine, but thank you for asking." She asked, "Are you sure?" Of course, I now owed her an explanation. I said, "Yes, ma'am, I had some jalapenos with my dinner and without thinking, I rubbed my eye." She then told me a story about her sister doing something similar while eating pepperoncinis. She told me the burning would eventually stop. I thought it was nice that she asked if I was all right. Most people don't care anymore. I decided right then and there to call it a day. Texas joked that I should come with caution tape or something. Haha...I suppose. I came home and even though I wanted to read or do something, I ended up going to bed. It was better to just get the day over with and be done with it before anything else could go wrong. Thankfully, today is a new day and perhaps a better day...*crosses fingers*