So, even though there's a whole lot of shit going on and I shouldn't be writing this, I need to because sometimes writing is the only thing that keeps me going...Plus, I've been thinking about this for like the last week and I just have to know...Have any of you guys heard about this workout thing with the vibrator? Like it does this whole body vibration thing and you lose weight and tighten muscles. Now, from what I understand, you stand on some platform that vibrates. Already, I'm not seeing a down side to this, if you know what I'm saying. I mean, an elliptical machine kills my thighs within a few minutes and makes me wish I had never eaten that piece of German Chocolate Cake when I was ten or that bag of Gummi Bears when I was fifteen, if you get what I'm saying. Suddenly, you're on that machine going, "Oh em gee...I'm a fucking fatty!" and every bad food decision you've ever made is coming to mind and you're kicking yourself. You know what I mean. *nods* Oh you know! But with this vibrating thing...Come on...That can't be bad. Can it?
I heard about this because my sister has been doing it and she's lost some pounds and some inches. She's also doing Weight Watchers though, so that may be part of it. Then my mom tells me she's been doing it and she's lost like four inches and some pounds...Hmm...
So, I decided that I should try it too. Imagine my surprise when Phoenix Googled it to show me that it's a platform you stand on, like this:
And not a "personal massager" like I originally thought...So, girls, it doesn't look like this:
*shifty eyes* Yeah, I knew that all along...I was just kidding...Yeah, so, um...*looks around* I've got to go now.
So, for those of you who aren't on my Facebook or who block all my posts, I spent the last five nights in the hospital with pneumonia. Now, I know many people know me and know how I am when it comes to going to the doctor, so you're probably thinking, "You shouldn't have waited until it turned to pneumonia!" Well, duh. But I didn't wait this time. This actually came on quick...Over the weekend (Not last, but the one before), I had felt short of breath and tired, but I wasn't sick. Then on Monday (January 30th), I went to work as usual and was fine until like 3 or so when I was suddenly freezing to death...Like teeth chattering...can we please start a campfire...when did I move to Alaska kind of cold despite the jeans and long sleeved shirt I had on. A little while after that, I felt like I had been run over by a Mack truck. I left early and came home, heater BLASTING in the truck and found I had a fever of 102.7 (Yes, for my Cali followers, my temp was KISS FM in Los Angeles). That night I started throwing up and coughing. I thought, "I have the flu." On Tuesday, I kept throwing up and then was coughing up blood...That was a bit scary. I went to urgent care and before taking a chest X-ray, the doctor says, "You have pneumonia. I can hear it in your lungs." After the chest X-ray, he says, "You have REALLY bad pneumonia." And he asks how long I've been sick...Umm...Yeah, for a day. So, he tells me if it gets worse, go to the hospital.
Two days later, I was still sick as a dog and Phoenix was like, "I'm taking you to the hospital." Yeah, I was not happy about this. People go to hospitals to give life or lose it. (Have babies or die!) I was not having a child, so no need for me to go to the hospital. But she made me go. I was in the emergency room for like 15 minutes before they're like, "We're admitting you." Say what? The X-ray tech guy was like, "Did they tell you what you have?" I said, "Yes, pneumonia." He said, "REALLY bad!" Weird that he would tell me that. The ER doc came over and asked me how long I'd been sick because it was such bad pneumonia. The hospital doctor who admitted me was asking how long I'd been sick and was stressing how bad the pneumonia was. I just wanted to ask, "Are you sure it's that bad?" Like I could've driven myself to the hospital...I had been taking care of myself. All the doctors seemed surprised too that I looked as good as I did. (Yes, I'm hot...lol No, but I wasn't like on my deathbed.) I just didn't get what all the fuss was because I wasn't dead...Yes, I felt like shit. Yes, I got winded walking more than three steps. Yes, I was coughing up blood. But I was still okay. So, yup, they checked me into the hospital, which I shall call Hotel California Hospital...You can check in, but you can never leave!
The next day, Friday, a lung specialist came to talk to me about the pneumonia because apparently it was bad enough to warrant his expert advice. He asks me if I'm a native here and I said no, I'm not. He said he was worried that my pneumonia, which is apparently only in my right lung, was caused by Valley Fever. Say what? So, I looked up Valley Fever from my phone to see some of the symptoms and do you know what one of the top symptoms is??? I'll tell you--Headaches!! Whoa! I've had headaches for like weeks. The incubation period for Valley Fever is 5-21 days. Well, I had quit smoking and then for weeks I had the headaches and then WHAMO! Pneumonia. We still don't know for sure if it's from the Valley Fever because the lab results aren't in. They told me it would take a couple of days to get them, but then it turned out it takes five. And then today it turns out the lab was out of something they needed for the culture, so they won't even be done until tomorrow evening.
The lung doctor decided that he was going to keep me in the hospital while we waited for the results to make sure he treated me accordingly because my pneumonia is "so bad". *rolls eyes* I was fine! I just needed sleep...But no, I was in the hospital where they wake you up every two hours for random things like breathing treatments, blood tests, vital signs, medication, conga lines, etc...Like I don't get it. If I'm sleeping, let me fucking sleep! But no--they woke me up. For the record, my arms look like I'm an intravenous drug user, no joke. I had to have--count them--five IVs while I was there. The first one went bad after my second day there, so the nurse put another one in, which even she said when she put it in, "Won't last". Well, then don't put it there! But she did...Then I got a third one on my right arm, which lasted about a day and a half before the vein went bad. Then this crazy lady comes to my room at like midnight (I was nearly asleep) to put a new on in and I tell her, "Not my right arm. I'm right handed." Where does she put it? In my right wrist! Like on the inside and tells me, "Don't move your hand." Are you fucking kidding me??? I'm not worried about writing a letter, typing, styling my hair or doing my make-up at that point in time, but without my right hand, I can't even wipe my own ass. I was like, "Gee, thanks." Once she left the room, it crossed my mind to "accidentally" remove it, but I didn't need to. I went to sleep, and within two hours, it came out on its own. The fifth one was done by a guy with an ultrasound machine who put it in no problem. I was happy too that he listened to me when I said, "Not the right arm!" I mean, it's bad enough in hospitals anyway where they have you pee into a container in the toilet so they can measure your output...For a while they had a second container in my toilet and I was like I will hold it until I'm released...I am not having a bowel movement into a container...What is wrong with those people!? I just wanted to get better, not be degraded like that. They make you wear those stupid gowns too. Luckily, no one said a word to me as I ran around in my gown with shorts. *grins* Yup, I had sweats with me the whole time. Expect me to wear a nightgown...bah!
One last quick story about the hospital and then we'll move on to today...So, my first night I was there, the nurse on duty said they were bringing me a bigger bed. I was like "Okay." The bed I had wasn't very big and when I laid down on my back, my feet were against the foot board. The bed didn't show up that night...Or the next day. At 4am on Saturday morning, the nurse comes busting in (Mind you, I've already been woken up for blood and breathing treatments...What's one more disturbance, right?) and says, "Your bed is here!" Apparently, she had to yell at some people and go over people's heads because the bed should've been brought up. Anyway, this very angry looking man comes in with the bed, switches them out, and sets up the new bed. The new bed looks amazing. It's like a giant air mattress. I was excited. (Remember, I was in the hospital...It took little to get me happy. Raspberry Sherbert made me happy while I was in there.) The guy got it all set up and before he made it out of the room, the bed alarm starts going off, which signals if there's a problem. He "fixes it", and then takes off like a bat out of hell. He left because he didn't fix it. He ended up being called back and an hour later he arrived. By then, I was in the bed with my ipod on, ignoring the world. He "fixed" it once more and left, but the alarm kept going off. Finally at like eleven, a different guy shows up and pulls the bed apart and there's a problem with the air mattress, so he switches the bed with another one. I'm still taken aback by the first guy...Like the alarm goes off and you're going to silence the alarm, because that's all he basically did, and then let the sick person spend the day listening to the alarm go off every 30 or so minutes. Really? What kind of sick fuck does that? How lazy do you have to be to do that? I hope that guy gets busted...Fucking bastard...
Last night was my fifth night in the hospital...I was going stir crazy in there. The lung doctor was insisting that we had to have the results before he'd let me go. He was like 99% sure I have Valley Fever because of the way it looks on the X-ray, but he said I couldn't leave. Today though, when it turned out the lab wouldn't have the results until tomorrow evening, he finally caved under the pressure from my nurse! Yay! So, he let's me out with 3 antibiotics and an inhaler. Phoenix's sister in law was nice enough to pick me up so I could make a clean get away. Once I got home, I took a shower in my own shower and then went to Walgreens to get my meds. Here is where all hell broke loose...
I waited like thirty minutes for my meds, wandering aimlessly through the store, and then I go to get them. I pay my $30 for them and then the pharmacist starts to tell me about the meds. She gets to the second one and says, loudly (Like I'm surprised she didn't pick up the fucking intercom thing to announce it to the whole store), "This one is for your yeast infection. Take--" I looked at her confused, "My what?" She replies, "Your yeast infection. Take one tablet twice a day for 14 days." Still, I couldn't comprehend this...I was like, "I have pneumonia. The doctor thinks it might be fungal from Valley Fever." She says, "Oh yeah...Same thing. Yeast doesn't sound as bad as fungal." Oh no?? It sounds worse! There were like 10 people around there and everyone looked up when she said that! Here are my thoughts...A fungal infection makes me think of like mushrooms...like happy little red mushrooms with white polka dots growing away in my lungs...A yeast infection makes me think of a dirty vag. I wanted to tell her, "I don't have a dirty vag! I have mushrooms in my lungs!" Like one is fine, the other is gross!! I don't have a dirty vag, man!! I walked out calling Phoenix, who laughed wildly...*sad face* Come on...Just kick me while I'm down...
