Besides dealing with jackass and everything else, my week just keeps getting better. I should've known today was going to be wonderful when even my walk to work was rough...
Normally, my walk to work is peaceful. I put on my iPod and walk to work groovin' to my favorite songs. Perhaps I was tempting Fate when I put on The Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show as I walked through my apartment complex. Maybe I should've just listened to Sunday Morning from No Doubt, which came on before it, or maybe even Walk Like an Egyptian from The Puppini Sisters, but I wasn't feeling those...No, I was feeling The Time Warp and I desperately wished I was a good dancer because then I would've danced my way to work...However, I was born white and we all know this one basic fact--White men can't jump. Wait, no, not that one...White people cannot dance!! Remember Elaine on Seinfeld? Yeah, I make her look coordinated and smooth. So, dancing was definitely out, despite the fact that it was 6:25am on a Saturday and no one is up except for credit card holders for my company apparently so no one would've seen me.
There I am, walking through our apartment complex, rocking out in my head, walking along hoping today is going to be a good day. I took my usual path through the complex, which mostly sticks to the sidewalks, but at one point, I cut across the grass because it's faster and more direct. This morning, as I walked, I noticed some of the sprinklers were on that aren't normally on, but I didn't think anything of it. I thought, "Perhaps I'm early...Or late....Ehh, whatever." I got to the part where I had to cut across. I noticed some of the grass looked damp, which should've meant I was safe, right? Mmmm-hmmm...
WRONG! I was not safe!! I made it half-way across the grass when out of nowhere the sprinklers kick on and one pops up and sprays me on my right side and splashes up to my face. Nothing like cold sprinkler water to wake a girl up in the morning. Let me let you in on another known fact--Fat girls don't run. We know this, right? Wrong! This morning, this fat girl ran!! My bag got wet. My shirt was wet. It looked like I had lost a water fight with someone. Of course, by this point in time, I was already across the complex and there was no time to go back home and change shirts. As fate would have it, it was also cooler this morning. On other mornings, it's like 90 degrees by 6am. Not this morning. No, it was actually almost chilly, like to the point where I thought, "Hmm...Maybe I should've worn pants." So, I went to work with the right side of my body wet with that "splashed-look" that's so "in", you know, when you're having a water fight with a ten-year-old. Bah! I just walked through there at about the same time on Wednesday and nothing! NOTHING, I SAY!!
I emailed Phoenix to tell her and she wrote back with this---"LOL!! Okay, I'm not really laughing...Let me be honest...I am!!" Yup, that's the love of my life for you...My day only got better from here on out...
I was hung up on like a bazillion times today. Don't call and ask for information and then say, "Oh forget it! You take too long!" Really, fucker? It took you three minutes to remember your password for your account and God only knows how long to give me your damn account number! Don't even go there about me wasting your time. Idiots!
Then I got a bad survey at work. The guy gave me a "Fair/1" which is one of the lowest scores. And he totally turned around everything I said to him! He was like, "Rep did a good job, but put me on hold a few times, which took too long. Then she told me to call back to talk to a supervisor." He kept asking question after question that I had to look into. I don't know everything about the inner workings of our cards. Excuse me. Then he was like, "I want to talk to a supervisor about my APR since you won't lower it." The correct term should've been that I cannot change it. The system won't let me change it. So, I told him I'd have to put him on hold and I'd get one, but it may take a couple of minutes. He flipped out, "I don't have time to keep being put on hold! I have other things to do! I'll call back! Or have someone call me!" I said, "It's an inbound call center. You can call back and ask for a supervisor and they'll put you through." So, no, I didn't tell him to call back to talk a supervisor; he refused to stay on the line for me to get one! There's a HUGE difference! Fucker!
And then, to end my evening, a guy drove out from Prescott to check out my car for sale. Him and his friend, after a couple of hours of fucking with the car got the stupid thing to start. I was like, "OMG! YES!" Of course, this was simply the Universe having a great time with me because five minutes later it fucking died! At this point in time, the security light came on showing the security system had been triggered. Yeah, my keyless entry remote thingy isn't working to shut it off. Nice. They tried the reset button, but nothing. The guys were from about 6:15 until about 10:00 messing with it. They say they'll be back tomorrow and expect to get it started. I sure as hell hope so because I need that piece of shit gone! Have I mentioned that I hate that car about as much as I despise the jackass who bought it for me??? If not, I totally do! Let's all hope the piece of shit car gets sold tomorrow, okay?
That's it for me tonight...And if you found grammar mistakes, deal with it! I'm far too tired to edit this BS. Nighty night, folks!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Could this week get any better?
I'm just not sure this week could get any better...No really, Ruler of the Universe/Karma/Fate/What-have-you, I'm being serious...It's a great fucking week. Perhaps someone could come over and give me paper cuts between my toes...That'd make my week the best ever. I am so over this week...I thought Tuesday was bad, but apparently that was like an appetizer for the rest of the week...
Wednesday was the most boring day ever!! Work was slow, which makes the time go by so slowly. Then they offered "down time", which is time where you can use your vacation pay to take time off, but I was on the phone, so I was unable to book it before it was all gone. Damn it! Whatever. The cool part of Wednesday was that we had a potluck. I had brought a sandwich to work with me because I was afraid of the kind of food people would bring. I shouldn't have brought it nor should I have eaten breakfast because it was some scrumptious food!! Seriously! I work with some women who can cook!! I suppose the worst part about Wednesday was that I was tired because I had gone to bed so late and because I kept worrying that the apartment complex people were going to tow away my car because they posted a notice on it once more. I had considered getting it registered in California, but they wanted it to be smogged...Hello, the car doesn't run so it's not going to pass an emissions test! They wouldn't even let me put a "non-op" on it because it's too late. *rolls eyes* So, to that, I said "Eff off Cali!!" I didn't pay for it, so now the complex wants to tow it because of the expired tags and because it doesn't run. I was worried though because if they tow it, then I don't get any money for it, you know? And I'm sure as hell not paying to get it out of impound. I'll turn over the title and be like, "Have a nice freakin' day! I never wanted this piece of shit car in the first place!" Yeah, I was the one, the "voice of reason" if you will, who was like ,"Umm...The car won't start. I'm not buying a car that won't start." Yeah, I still ended up with the piece of shit car!! Bah! *shakes fist* I hate that car! If I won a million dollars and didn't need the money, I'd totally take it to the junkyard and ask for it to be smashed into a little cube. Seriously. However, I'm not rich and that's not an option. It would make for a fabulous ending to a chapter in my life though...*considers this, then smiles* Yes, indeedy, it would make a great ending. Alas, it was these thoughts of not getting anything for my car that kept me awake and made me not the happiest of campers on Wednesday.
Then here comes Thursday. I like Thursdays now because it's my "Saturday," if you will. So, Phoenix and I got up, ran around our apartment like a couple of crazy people and cleaned the place spic-and-span because we had our intake interview for foster care. We passed despite the laundry we had piled on the bed because we had run out of time to hang it all up. We explained it by saying, "Today's laundry day!" She laughed and said she understood. I'm assuming since we don't grow pot in our closet or have a torture chamber in our laundry room, we're golden.
After the lady left, we hung out waiting to go to the movies. We went to see It's Kind of a Funny Story, which was kind of a funny movie. I know, that was kind of a lame joke, huh? Moving on...As we sat here, we played on Facebook. Someone who knows both Phoenix and myself posted a status that said, "Like this and I'll tell the truth to you" or some bullshit like that. Okay, fine...I'll play your silly little game, right? Wrong! I never should've clicked "like"!! Phoenix did and was told nice things. I did it and I was told that I get angry and frustrated too (easily with Phoenix and other people. Oh really now? Perhaps if this person was Mary Poppins (Practically Perfect in Every Way), then I'd say, "Oh...Dang, Mary, that was a bit harsh, but thanks." But it wasn't from Mary Poppins. I didn't appreciate the comment. And when Phoenix confronted the person about it, she attempted to justify her opinion despite the fact she has some serious anger issues. What-the-fuck-ever, is what I have to say. I wasn't pissed about the comment. I was hurt because this is someone I've been nice to and for whom I've gone out of my way for to help when she needed it. I just didn't realize that it was like that, you know? Like it's cool for me to do whatever for this person, but then she's going to talk shit about me on Facebook. I know the truth hurts, but when people grow up, they should realize that just because they have an opinion on something, doesn't mean they should share it with all the world...I'm just saying...Especially when they're the pot calling the kettle black...
So, then I left a comment for my good buddy J-Dawg asking for her to be a reference for me for Foster Care and my sister leaves a comment there, which paints me in a bad light too. I know she was kidding, but um, yeah, not everyone is going to know she's kidding. I didn't say anything because it would only get out of control. Whatever. People want to see me like that, then fine, that's on them. If I'm such a horrible person though, then all you all should leave me the hell alone. Don't be calling me up asking me for help with anything! If I'm such a bad person, why would it even cross your mind to call me or text me for help? Huh? Yeah, that's what I thought. "Heather's the devil. She's so mean and evil. But I need something...I'll call her." Yeah, do me a favor, folks, don't call if you truly think those things about me.
After we went to the movie and I was still reeling from the awful things people were saying, we went to Chipotle for lunch. Just ahead of us in line were two girls, one in like her early twenties and the other in her late teens, with a toddler in tow. In the dining area, there were only a couple of tables taken. One table had a guy from the Halloween store next door who looked super excited to be there as he glared over his soda cup at everyone. Another table had two teenage girls, who were talking far too loudly. And the last table had a girl and a guy sitting side-by-side, looking at the guy's phone. So, we order our food and I asked for a water cup. I got some water and went to sit down only to find the water cup was leaking all over the front of me because there was a hole in the bottom. Really? Whatever. I got a new cup and got water. As we ate, Phoenix and I talked a little, but mostly all we could hear were the two stupid teenage girls. I couldn't believe how loud they were. As I was finishing my burrito, the older girl who had been in front of us in line asked them to talk quieter. This, of course, caused a huge scene. One of the loud girls yelled at her to shut up and went on and on. They argued back and forth, talking shit to each other, as everyone looked on. Then the loud girl called the older girl a, well, a really bad "c" word, which I hate. The older girl called her one back, despite the toddler sitting next to her. Oh yeah, the older girl was dressed in scrubs like she was a nurse or something. Next thing I knew, the girl with the older girl jumped up from her table and got in the face of the the one loud girl who had said that word. The loud girls were packing up to leave, but this girl was all up in her face. I was like, "Really?" WTF? This wasn't in a high school...This was in the real world where there isn't a principal to simply suspend them if they fought...No, here the cops come and take you away. I didn't want to stay and hang out to see how it all played out. I don't dig watching white trash fight. So, I start to pack up. Phoenix thinks I'm some sort of wussy or something because I didn't want to stick around. Yeah, I'm the wussy. No, I'm the one whose wondering if someone's packing a gun...I'm not going to be the one who gets hit with a stray bullet. As we threw away our trash, the younger girls left. It didn't matter, I still wasn't going to hang out. What surprised me was how long it took for the workers to even come out to do anything about it. I mean, do you wait for them to throw blows or do you ask them to leave as soon as they start yelling? Let's be real. Anyway, so we're leaving and going out the front door as this woman with her little kids comes in. Now, there's two doors and we opened one to go out. As I'm walking out behind Phoenix, this woman's kids were shoving into my legs and pushing me to get in and she was pushing past me to go in to as I walked out. Really? She never even said "Excuse me" or correctly her hellions who pushed past me. And we wonder why kids are so bad now-a-days...Because people don't use fucking manners!
So, yeah, I'm over it. People are out of control and I'm not taking the bullshit. Then, to top things off, I posted my car for sale on Craig's List. *rolls eyes* WTF? People are morons. I put in the ad, "It won't start and I don't know why." Why does it say that? BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHY IT WON'T START! Everyone who calls asks, "What's wrong with it?" Umm...It has a flat tire. WTF? And now I'm facing people too who are like, "What do you want for it?" Again, the ad says, "$750 OBO." This means I'd like to get $750 or around there. I've had a few guys offer $300. Idiots. I'm going to end up selling it for that though, I just know it. And it sucks because the car is worth more than that. The body is clean. The interior is in good condition. Do people not read the ad? Let's just hope I get the stupid thing sold...Otherwise, the apartment complex is going to take it away...Cross your fingers, folks...And remember, don't share your opinion just because you have one...Especially if it's about me, because I can only bite my tongue for so long.
Wednesday was the most boring day ever!! Work was slow, which makes the time go by so slowly. Then they offered "down time", which is time where you can use your vacation pay to take time off, but I was on the phone, so I was unable to book it before it was all gone. Damn it! Whatever. The cool part of Wednesday was that we had a potluck. I had brought a sandwich to work with me because I was afraid of the kind of food people would bring. I shouldn't have brought it nor should I have eaten breakfast because it was some scrumptious food!! Seriously! I work with some women who can cook!! I suppose the worst part about Wednesday was that I was tired because I had gone to bed so late and because I kept worrying that the apartment complex people were going to tow away my car because they posted a notice on it once more. I had considered getting it registered in California, but they wanted it to be smogged...Hello, the car doesn't run so it's not going to pass an emissions test! They wouldn't even let me put a "non-op" on it because it's too late. *rolls eyes* So, to that, I said "Eff off Cali!!" I didn't pay for it, so now the complex wants to tow it because of the expired tags and because it doesn't run. I was worried though because if they tow it, then I don't get any money for it, you know? And I'm sure as hell not paying to get it out of impound. I'll turn over the title and be like, "Have a nice freakin' day! I never wanted this piece of shit car in the first place!" Yeah, I was the one, the "voice of reason" if you will, who was like ,"Umm...The car won't start. I'm not buying a car that won't start." Yeah, I still ended up with the piece of shit car!! Bah! *shakes fist* I hate that car! If I won a million dollars and didn't need the money, I'd totally take it to the junkyard and ask for it to be smashed into a little cube. Seriously. However, I'm not rich and that's not an option. It would make for a fabulous ending to a chapter in my life though...*considers this, then smiles* Yes, indeedy, it would make a great ending. Alas, it was these thoughts of not getting anything for my car that kept me awake and made me not the happiest of campers on Wednesday.
Then here comes Thursday. I like Thursdays now because it's my "Saturday," if you will. So, Phoenix and I got up, ran around our apartment like a couple of crazy people and cleaned the place spic-and-span because we had our intake interview for foster care. We passed despite the laundry we had piled on the bed because we had run out of time to hang it all up. We explained it by saying, "Today's laundry day!" She laughed and said she understood. I'm assuming since we don't grow pot in our closet or have a torture chamber in our laundry room, we're golden.
After the lady left, we hung out waiting to go to the movies. We went to see It's Kind of a Funny Story, which was kind of a funny movie. I know, that was kind of a lame joke, huh? Moving on...As we sat here, we played on Facebook. Someone who knows both Phoenix and myself posted a status that said, "Like this and I'll tell the truth to you" or some bullshit like that. Okay, fine...I'll play your silly little game, right? Wrong! I never should've clicked "like"!! Phoenix did and was told nice things. I did it and I was told that I get angry and frustrated too (easily with Phoenix and other people. Oh really now? Perhaps if this person was Mary Poppins (Practically Perfect in Every Way), then I'd say, "Oh...Dang, Mary, that was a bit harsh, but thanks." But it wasn't from Mary Poppins. I didn't appreciate the comment. And when Phoenix confronted the person about it, she attempted to justify her opinion despite the fact she has some serious anger issues. What-the-fuck-ever, is what I have to say. I wasn't pissed about the comment. I was hurt because this is someone I've been nice to and for whom I've gone out of my way for to help when she needed it. I just didn't realize that it was like that, you know? Like it's cool for me to do whatever for this person, but then she's going to talk shit about me on Facebook. I know the truth hurts, but when people grow up, they should realize that just because they have an opinion on something, doesn't mean they should share it with all the world...I'm just saying...Especially when they're the pot calling the kettle black...
So, then I left a comment for my good buddy J-Dawg asking for her to be a reference for me for Foster Care and my sister leaves a comment there, which paints me in a bad light too. I know she was kidding, but um, yeah, not everyone is going to know she's kidding. I didn't say anything because it would only get out of control. Whatever. People want to see me like that, then fine, that's on them. If I'm such a horrible person though, then all you all should leave me the hell alone. Don't be calling me up asking me for help with anything! If I'm such a bad person, why would it even cross your mind to call me or text me for help? Huh? Yeah, that's what I thought. "Heather's the devil. She's so mean and evil. But I need something...I'll call her." Yeah, do me a favor, folks, don't call if you truly think those things about me.
After we went to the movie and I was still reeling from the awful things people were saying, we went to Chipotle for lunch. Just ahead of us in line were two girls, one in like her early twenties and the other in her late teens, with a toddler in tow. In the dining area, there were only a couple of tables taken. One table had a guy from the Halloween store next door who looked super excited to be there as he glared over his soda cup at everyone. Another table had two teenage girls, who were talking far too loudly. And the last table had a girl and a guy sitting side-by-side, looking at the guy's phone. So, we order our food and I asked for a water cup. I got some water and went to sit down only to find the water cup was leaking all over the front of me because there was a hole in the bottom. Really? Whatever. I got a new cup and got water. As we ate, Phoenix and I talked a little, but mostly all we could hear were the two stupid teenage girls. I couldn't believe how loud they were. As I was finishing my burrito, the older girl who had been in front of us in line asked them to talk quieter. This, of course, caused a huge scene. One of the loud girls yelled at her to shut up and went on and on. They argued back and forth, talking shit to each other, as everyone looked on. Then the loud girl called the older girl a, well, a really bad "c" word, which I hate. The older girl called her one back, despite the toddler sitting next to her. Oh yeah, the older girl was dressed in scrubs like she was a nurse or something. Next thing I knew, the girl with the older girl jumped up from her table and got in the face of the the one loud girl who had said that word. The loud girls were packing up to leave, but this girl was all up in her face. I was like, "Really?" WTF? This wasn't in a high school...This was in the real world where there isn't a principal to simply suspend them if they fought...No, here the cops come and take you away. I didn't want to stay and hang out to see how it all played out. I don't dig watching white trash fight. So, I start to pack up. Phoenix thinks I'm some sort of wussy or something because I didn't want to stick around. Yeah, I'm the wussy. No, I'm the one whose wondering if someone's packing a gun...I'm not going to be the one who gets hit with a stray bullet. As we threw away our trash, the younger girls left. It didn't matter, I still wasn't going to hang out. What surprised me was how long it took for the workers to even come out to do anything about it. I mean, do you wait for them to throw blows or do you ask them to leave as soon as they start yelling? Let's be real. Anyway, so we're leaving and going out the front door as this woman with her little kids comes in. Now, there's two doors and we opened one to go out. As I'm walking out behind Phoenix, this woman's kids were shoving into my legs and pushing me to get in and she was pushing past me to go in to as I walked out. Really? She never even said "Excuse me" or correctly her hellions who pushed past me. And we wonder why kids are so bad now-a-days...Because people don't use fucking manners!
So, yeah, I'm over it. People are out of control and I'm not taking the bullshit. Then, to top things off, I posted my car for sale on Craig's List. *rolls eyes* WTF? People are morons. I put in the ad, "It won't start and I don't know why." Why does it say that? BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHY IT WON'T START! Everyone who calls asks, "What's wrong with it?" Umm...It has a flat tire. WTF? And now I'm facing people too who are like, "What do you want for it?" Again, the ad says, "$750 OBO." This means I'd like to get $750 or around there. I've had a few guys offer $300. Idiots. I'm going to end up selling it for that though, I just know it. And it sucks because the car is worth more than that. The body is clean. The interior is in good condition. Do people not read the ad? Let's just hope I get the stupid thing sold...Otherwise, the apartment complex is going to take it away...Cross your fingers, folks...And remember, don't share your opinion just because you have one...Especially if it's about me, because I can only bite my tongue for so long.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Sweet rejection...AKA I despise Tuesdays...
Well, I was waiting to hear from Bold Stroke Books regarding my manuscript...I had expected to wait a while longer. I'm going to make an educated guess and say that they reject the super shitty books faster than others because, yes, that's right, my piece of shit story was rejected faster than a speeding bullet. Yup, I got the standard, "We regret to inform you that your piece of crap story is not what we're looking for at the moment...And if we're going to be honest, it's not what we're looking for...ever. If you were smart, then you'd print out your manuscript, dump a good gallon of gasoline on the printed pages, and set the thing on fire. PS: If you have any extra gas left, feel free to dump it over your head and then smoke a cigarette because you can't write worth a shit. Good luck finding someone to pick up your story!" And then they sign it with a cheery happy face. *rolls eyes*
Okay, that's not how it goes, but that's what it feels like. The rejection letters are worded nicely and, I'm sure, are supposed to make the sting of rejection feel a little better. But that's like getting lemon juice in a paper cut and then blowing on it; it takes away the sting for a minute, but you still have lemon juice in a paper cut!! Do you get what I'm saying? It's like if you had a splitting headache and some jackass came along and stomped on your foot. For a moment, you'd forget that you had a headache because now your foot is killing you...But then the throbbing would die down and you'd be like, "Fuck, I still have that headache." It's like...well, you get the idea.
No matter how nicely they word the rejection, it's a blow to one's ego. Have we discussed the size of the average ego? So, most people I know have an average sized ego, which is maybe the size of a standard couch. I know a few whose egos are at least the size of the state of Texas...With that said, my ego is roughly the size of, ummm...The Universe. *straight face* Do not hurt my pride. I'm a mother-effing (not literally) Leo. We are egotistical. Deal with it. I know I'm good...Right up until someone says otherwise and takes the wind right out of my sails. Of course, this was not the sort of news I needed at work yesterday. I know, you're thinking, "They called you at work." No, they're not that cool. Although that would've been weird if I answered the phone and they were like, "Heather? This is so-and-so from..." Weird. No, I got the email on my phone. Damn my ultra cool phone that does so much!!! I got the news and it was like a punch to my stomach. When I had sent it into the other publishers, I was like, "Yeah right...They're not going to publish it." But this time, this time, I was like, "Dude, this might happen. People like my freakin' story! They just might publish it." I was the fool because I let myself hope, just a little. Normally, I'm a total realist (or pessimist, if you follow Phoenix's line of thinking) and I don't let myself dream or hope because I know the real world and how it works. So yeah, it hurt like hell to read it. It hurt just as badly when I reread it after I read it the first time. I felt like I had a bowling ball in my belly and a lump the size of Russia in my throat. I didn't want to be at work anymore; I wanted to be at home, in bed, with the covers over my head. Of course, this wasn't an option...Instead, I had to take like thirty back to back calls because our payment system went down, so we went from being dead to "OH MY GOD EVERYBODY ON THE PHONES NOW!" in like three seconds time. So, yeah, that sucked...
And whereas I appreciate all the kind words from everybody about how I'm a good writer and all that, at the same time I have the overwhelming urge to yell at you all. I know, it's not nice. I know, it makes me a bitch. I'm okay with that. Phoenix posted on my facebook yesterday something about JK Rowling and how she was rejected a ton of times for Harry Potter. Yeah, and we all know how huge Harry Potter is now. I get it. Stephenie Meyer was rejected for Twilight. I know. And that just goes to show that sometimes the good ones get rejected too...However, I'm not mother-fucking JK Rowling or Stephenie Meyer!! I don't give a flying rat's ass how many times they were rejected! They aren't me!! Isn't that horrible? I mean, I shouldn't think that, but it's how I feel. I should take comfort in these thoughts, but I can't. I just don't care. And only people who've been rejected for something they put all their blood, sweat, and tears into can understand how much it sucks to have it not work. I mean, imagine if you were a stand up comedian (which I swear is about to become my "Plan E" because none of my other plans are working...And I never should've listened to my mom when I was graduating high school. I should've run off and done stand up comedy!), so you're a stand up comic and you spent hours and hours writing jokes for a routine, right? So, you go up in front of an audience and tell your jokes. You've tested them on family and friends and everyone dies laughing, so you know you're golden. There you are, on stage, telling your jokes and no one laughs. All you hear is crickets, right up until someone yells, "You suck!" Then out comes the giant hook to drag your ass off the stage. Like that's how it feels. But unless you experience it, you still don't get it...
I got this news on Tuesday. I fucking hate Tuesdays. It was a bad day yesterday with mean people on the phones, the system went down at work and people were pissed because for about an hour they weren't able to make payments, and then I got this news in the middle of it all. Really? I'm so over Tuesdays. I think I'm going to start using my vacation days at work to take off Tuesdays...like every Tuesday. *straight face* I'm not kidding.
On a side note, I need to write something for a friend of mine who I haven't been able to get in touch with...Eliza (My old British Cube Mate from work), if you're reading this, can you please email me? I emailed you and you haven't responded. I'm worried about you...So are the other people we trained with. They ask me nearly daily if I've heard from you. Please, let me know you're okay. I am seriously hoping that you still come to read my blogs. I do hope everything is okay with you. I am begging you...Email me, call me, send a singing telegram, you know, something. *grins*
I guess that's about it for now. I needed to blog about the rejection thing because it's eating me inside. I didn't even want to write after it all, but then today, I found myself picking up my pen between calls at work to write. It pisses me off. I want to be mad and not write, but I can't even help myself! Bah! Someone has to realize I have a good story some day, right? Right? *hears no response* Come on! *crickets* Ehhh, fuck it all, I say...In the meantime, I'll keep sending it off to places and I'll print those fucking rejection letters and I'll use them to wallpaper my living room and then all my friends can see just how badly my writing sucks balls. Peace out, folks!
Okay, that's not how it goes, but that's what it feels like. The rejection letters are worded nicely and, I'm sure, are supposed to make the sting of rejection feel a little better. But that's like getting lemon juice in a paper cut and then blowing on it; it takes away the sting for a minute, but you still have lemon juice in a paper cut!! Do you get what I'm saying? It's like if you had a splitting headache and some jackass came along and stomped on your foot. For a moment, you'd forget that you had a headache because now your foot is killing you...But then the throbbing would die down and you'd be like, "Fuck, I still have that headache." It's like...well, you get the idea.
No matter how nicely they word the rejection, it's a blow to one's ego. Have we discussed the size of the average ego? So, most people I know have an average sized ego, which is maybe the size of a standard couch. I know a few whose egos are at least the size of the state of Texas...With that said, my ego is roughly the size of, ummm...The Universe. *straight face* Do not hurt my pride. I'm a mother-effing (not literally) Leo. We are egotistical. Deal with it. I know I'm good...Right up until someone says otherwise and takes the wind right out of my sails. Of course, this was not the sort of news I needed at work yesterday. I know, you're thinking, "They called you at work." No, they're not that cool. Although that would've been weird if I answered the phone and they were like, "Heather? This is so-and-so from..." Weird. No, I got the email on my phone. Damn my ultra cool phone that does so much!!! I got the news and it was like a punch to my stomach. When I had sent it into the other publishers, I was like, "Yeah right...They're not going to publish it." But this time, this time, I was like, "Dude, this might happen. People like my freakin' story! They just might publish it." I was the fool because I let myself hope, just a little. Normally, I'm a total realist (or pessimist, if you follow Phoenix's line of thinking) and I don't let myself dream or hope because I know the real world and how it works. So yeah, it hurt like hell to read it. It hurt just as badly when I reread it after I read it the first time. I felt like I had a bowling ball in my belly and a lump the size of Russia in my throat. I didn't want to be at work anymore; I wanted to be at home, in bed, with the covers over my head. Of course, this wasn't an option...Instead, I had to take like thirty back to back calls because our payment system went down, so we went from being dead to "OH MY GOD EVERYBODY ON THE PHONES NOW!" in like three seconds time. So, yeah, that sucked...
And whereas I appreciate all the kind words from everybody about how I'm a good writer and all that, at the same time I have the overwhelming urge to yell at you all. I know, it's not nice. I know, it makes me a bitch. I'm okay with that. Phoenix posted on my facebook yesterday something about JK Rowling and how she was rejected a ton of times for Harry Potter. Yeah, and we all know how huge Harry Potter is now. I get it. Stephenie Meyer was rejected for Twilight. I know. And that just goes to show that sometimes the good ones get rejected too...However, I'm not mother-fucking JK Rowling or Stephenie Meyer!! I don't give a flying rat's ass how many times they were rejected! They aren't me!! Isn't that horrible? I mean, I shouldn't think that, but it's how I feel. I should take comfort in these thoughts, but I can't. I just don't care. And only people who've been rejected for something they put all their blood, sweat, and tears into can understand how much it sucks to have it not work. I mean, imagine if you were a stand up comedian (which I swear is about to become my "Plan E" because none of my other plans are working...And I never should've listened to my mom when I was graduating high school. I should've run off and done stand up comedy!), so you're a stand up comic and you spent hours and hours writing jokes for a routine, right? So, you go up in front of an audience and tell your jokes. You've tested them on family and friends and everyone dies laughing, so you know you're golden. There you are, on stage, telling your jokes and no one laughs. All you hear is crickets, right up until someone yells, "You suck!" Then out comes the giant hook to drag your ass off the stage. Like that's how it feels. But unless you experience it, you still don't get it...
I got this news on Tuesday. I fucking hate Tuesdays. It was a bad day yesterday with mean people on the phones, the system went down at work and people were pissed because for about an hour they weren't able to make payments, and then I got this news in the middle of it all. Really? I'm so over Tuesdays. I think I'm going to start using my vacation days at work to take off Tuesdays...like every Tuesday. *straight face* I'm not kidding.
On a side note, I need to write something for a friend of mine who I haven't been able to get in touch with...Eliza (My old British Cube Mate from work), if you're reading this, can you please email me? I emailed you and you haven't responded. I'm worried about you...So are the other people we trained with. They ask me nearly daily if I've heard from you. Please, let me know you're okay. I am seriously hoping that you still come to read my blogs. I do hope everything is okay with you. I am begging you...Email me, call me, send a singing telegram, you know, something. *grins*
I guess that's about it for now. I needed to blog about the rejection thing because it's eating me inside. I didn't even want to write after it all, but then today, I found myself picking up my pen between calls at work to write. It pisses me off. I want to be mad and not write, but I can't even help myself! Bah! Someone has to realize I have a good story some day, right? Right? *hears no response* Come on! *crickets* Ehhh, fuck it all, I say...In the meantime, I'll keep sending it off to places and I'll print those fucking rejection letters and I'll use them to wallpaper my living room and then all my friends can see just how badly my writing sucks balls. Peace out, folks!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
The MTV Generation...
So, here it is, a Sunday morning and I've been up since just before 5am because that's when Phoenix got up for work. I had told her, "Oh yeah, I'll go back to sleep this morning" after taking her to work, but who're we kidding? That totally didn't happen! Instead, I watched old reruns of Roseanne. Who doesn't love Roseanne? And to that one person who said, "I don't!" to you, I say, "Shove it!" The show was great! This morning, I got to watch the episode where they mimicked Gilligan's Island and then the one where the REAL Becky returned and Roseanne was like, "Where the hell have you been!?" *grins* Classic!!
After that, I watched a Biography on David Bowie...Who doesn't love David Bowie? Again, to you, the one person saying, "I don't!" I'm telling you, "SHOVE IT!" and get off my blog! *grins* Just kidding! Smooches! Seriously though, David Bowie is an amazing artist. Even if you're not all into Ziggy Stardust or whatever, he rocks. Even as an actor, he's great. If you don't believe me, go watch Labyrinth. That movie is AWESOME! (And yes, I sang "Awesome" right there like a gay man!) David Bowie was great as the Goblin King. But I digress...
So, there I am, watching this Biography and here comes this guy talking about Bowie in the 80s and how great he was when he came up with Let's Dance...Who's the guy, you ask? None other than Kurt Loder. Say what? Oh yeah, Kurt Loder of MTV fame. Dude, he's the face of MTV News. He looks seriously old though...I'm not sure when the episode of Biography was filmed, but he's old. Kurt Loder in my head though still looks like he did back in like 1990 when I was probably far too young to really understand MTV, but watched nonetheless. I suddenly feel old...That was 20 years ago. *runs off to cry*
Speaking of MTV though, what the fuck were people thinking with that channel? Never mind that they're going to drop the "Music Television" part of their programming because they NEVER play music anymore...Seriously though, what the eff!? It was brilliant to have music television. I mean, where else would little kids like me in the eighties get to dance to Boy George and Cyndi Lauper videos in my living room? *Wonders, "Did I really just admit that?"* Where else would I discover my love of Depeche Mode and The Cure? Where else would I get to watch Video Deejays like Julie Brown and Downtown Julie Brown? Why the hell was the black Julie Brown known as "Downtown"? I suspect a bit of racism...I'm just saying...And where else would we meet a nerdy veejay with dark rimmed glasses who called herself, Kennedy? Her real name, by the way, is Lisa...I'd probably go by Kennedy too. I've often considered going by my middle name too. I'm just not sure that people would really go for calling me, Tawanda. *shifty eyes* Just kidding! That's not my middle name. And it doesn't matter what it really is because no way in hell would I choose to go by an old lady's name, which is exactly what my middle name is! Moving on...
As I watched this episode of Biography, I was struck by how much things have changed over the last couple of decades...I mean, MTV used to be the coolest channel ever. I think the only two channels I knew on my television set as a teenager were MTV and VH1 and I only ever watched VH1 for Stand-Up Spotlight (Yes, hosted by Rosie Oh-D. Yeah, Rosie and I go way to my living room when I was like 13 and far too young to watch stand up comics, but already dreamed of being one!) and Pop-Up Video (Which was AWESOME!). MTV showed the best music videos from all my favorite bands like Nirvana, Green Day, Pearl Jam (Jeremy was such a disturbing video), The Cure, Smashing Pumpkins, Stone Temple Pilots, and oh my God, I could go on for days here. I remember watching a Marilyn Manson video for Sweet Dreams and wished I had never seen it. What a creepy dude! Now, I don't mind his stuff at all and will listen from time to time, but he's still creepy. OH! How about Henry Rollins' video, Liar. OMG! WTF!? The devil was on my television set. And I think the first time I ever saw this video was at like 5am when I was in my living room, blow drying my hair before going to school. And yes, I had to blow dry my hair in the living room so as not to wake the devil that slept in the room next to the bathroom. And no, for once, I am not talking about my younger sister, but about my father. I think I actually changed the channel until the video ended because I couldn't stand looking at Henry Rollins. Weird guy. How about a little Soundgarden? What the hell was up with the little girl wasting the ice cream by regurgitating it? Or barbecuing Barbie? So weird...
Then MTV came out with the Real World and we were all glued to the television set. Dude, a bunch of strangers in a house, being taped...What happens when people stop being nice and start being real? Oh yeah, we know EXACTLY what happens--DRAMA! I've got one word for you all--PUCK. That guy was the biggest dick ever, but we all knew who he was! And still, the Real World draws me in and makes me want to watch these idiots. If I were on the show, I'd be the one who would go crazy and butcher all those cheating, lying bastards while they sleep. *grins* Just kidding! Still, you know those people are freaking crazy. The Real World changed TV though because they realized, "Hey...People like watching other people..." And then one day, MTV stopped playing music. Perhaps this is what Don McLean was talking about in the line from that famous song, American Pie--The day the music died...Probably not, but whatever...It's true, nonetheless...
I was at Barnes and Noble the other night, writing away--And yes, I know, I said I was going to boycott them. I need to find a new place, but I'm a creature of habit! Anyway, I was waiting for Phoenix to pick out a new phone from Verizon, which is apparently a two-hour process and my laptop began to die. (It's my fault, I had like 900 things going at once on my laptop...Normally, it lasts a long time when not plugged in.) I waited until I was down to like 15 minutes before shutting it down. I had written quite a lot before I stopped though, which was nice. Anyway, I decided to wander the store...I went to check on the gay section to make sure it wasn't now non-existent. It was still there, but I swear there are even less books now...What are us gays supposed to read? And if you go look at the books they do have, well, let's just say they're not--ahem--something you could read in front of Granny. I'm just saying...So, I left the section because I don't want to get caught looking at those books and I stumbled into the "music" section of the store. *laughs wildly* That was a joke. No, seriously. I remember purchasing CDs from Barnes and Noble before and they used to have a huge section...Now they have one short aisle with all the CDs from A-Z on one side. I was completely taken aback. Remember back in the day when we could go to The Wherehouse or Music Plus and spend forever looking at CDs? Was that just me? No, it couldn't have been...I know, music has gone digital, but it's not the same. I swear that it wasn't all that long ago that my mom had a record player and I'd beg to listen to her Berlin, Pleasure Victim, album. (Yes, I know...My mom never should've let me listen to that stuff!) I remember the pops and hisses the record made and it was awesome. Then CDs came and you could listen to music without the shitty sound of albums and tapes...It was all so clear and amazing until someone played Frisbee with the disc, that is. Now, we all download our music and there are nearly no CDs left to buy...What happens if our computers die? How will we listen to the music?
It's hard to believe things have changed so much in the last thirty years, but there you have it...I even had an 8-track when I was a kid. It was The Smurfs and I couldn't tell you much about it, but I remember it. I also had a few albums that I listened to like Micheal Jackson's Thriller. Then I had more tapes than I knew what to do with...And I remember when my walkman took a crap and ate some of my favorite tapes. Then I got CDs...The first one I ever bought was The Cure, Show. Next came Green Day. Weird, huh? Those don't even go together. And then I discovered downloading music and I downloaded like a champ...Music and everything has changed so much. What happened to Martha Quinn? Or Adam Curry? This was back when music was ruler of all the universe...Fuck, I feel old...I should go put on my denture cream and take the curlers out of my hair...One last thing...Here's a video to make you all remember when music was cool and music videos rocked.
Just one more...
After that, I watched a Biography on David Bowie...Who doesn't love David Bowie? Again, to you, the one person saying, "I don't!" I'm telling you, "SHOVE IT!" and get off my blog! *grins* Just kidding! Smooches! Seriously though, David Bowie is an amazing artist. Even if you're not all into Ziggy Stardust or whatever, he rocks. Even as an actor, he's great. If you don't believe me, go watch Labyrinth. That movie is AWESOME! (And yes, I sang "Awesome" right there like a gay man!) David Bowie was great as the Goblin King. But I digress...
So, there I am, watching this Biography and here comes this guy talking about Bowie in the 80s and how great he was when he came up with Let's Dance...Who's the guy, you ask? None other than Kurt Loder. Say what? Oh yeah, Kurt Loder of MTV fame. Dude, he's the face of MTV News. He looks seriously old though...I'm not sure when the episode of Biography was filmed, but he's old. Kurt Loder in my head though still looks like he did back in like 1990 when I was probably far too young to really understand MTV, but watched nonetheless. I suddenly feel old...That was 20 years ago. *runs off to cry*
Speaking of MTV though, what the fuck were people thinking with that channel? Never mind that they're going to drop the "Music Television" part of their programming because they NEVER play music anymore...Seriously though, what the eff!? It was brilliant to have music television. I mean, where else would little kids like me in the eighties get to dance to Boy George and Cyndi Lauper videos in my living room? *Wonders, "Did I really just admit that?"* Where else would I discover my love of Depeche Mode and The Cure? Where else would I get to watch Video Deejays like Julie Brown and Downtown Julie Brown? Why the hell was the black Julie Brown known as "Downtown"? I suspect a bit of racism...I'm just saying...And where else would we meet a nerdy veejay with dark rimmed glasses who called herself, Kennedy? Her real name, by the way, is Lisa...I'd probably go by Kennedy too. I've often considered going by my middle name too. I'm just not sure that people would really go for calling me, Tawanda. *shifty eyes* Just kidding! That's not my middle name. And it doesn't matter what it really is because no way in hell would I choose to go by an old lady's name, which is exactly what my middle name is! Moving on...
As I watched this episode of Biography, I was struck by how much things have changed over the last couple of decades...I mean, MTV used to be the coolest channel ever. I think the only two channels I knew on my television set as a teenager were MTV and VH1 and I only ever watched VH1 for Stand-Up Spotlight (Yes, hosted by Rosie Oh-D. Yeah, Rosie and I go way to my living room when I was like 13 and far too young to watch stand up comics, but already dreamed of being one!) and Pop-Up Video (Which was AWESOME!). MTV showed the best music videos from all my favorite bands like Nirvana, Green Day, Pearl Jam (Jeremy was such a disturbing video), The Cure, Smashing Pumpkins, Stone Temple Pilots, and oh my God, I could go on for days here. I remember watching a Marilyn Manson video for Sweet Dreams and wished I had never seen it. What a creepy dude! Now, I don't mind his stuff at all and will listen from time to time, but he's still creepy. OH! How about Henry Rollins' video, Liar. OMG! WTF!? The devil was on my television set. And I think the first time I ever saw this video was at like 5am when I was in my living room, blow drying my hair before going to school. And yes, I had to blow dry my hair in the living room so as not to wake the devil that slept in the room next to the bathroom. And no, for once, I am not talking about my younger sister, but about my father. I think I actually changed the channel until the video ended because I couldn't stand looking at Henry Rollins. Weird guy. How about a little Soundgarden? What the hell was up with the little girl wasting the ice cream by regurgitating it? Or barbecuing Barbie? So weird...
Then MTV came out with the Real World and we were all glued to the television set. Dude, a bunch of strangers in a house, being taped...What happens when people stop being nice and start being real? Oh yeah, we know EXACTLY what happens--DRAMA! I've got one word for you all--PUCK. That guy was the biggest dick ever, but we all knew who he was! And still, the Real World draws me in and makes me want to watch these idiots. If I were on the show, I'd be the one who would go crazy and butcher all those cheating, lying bastards while they sleep. *grins* Just kidding! Still, you know those people are freaking crazy. The Real World changed TV though because they realized, "Hey...People like watching other people..." And then one day, MTV stopped playing music. Perhaps this is what Don McLean was talking about in the line from that famous song, American Pie--The day the music died...Probably not, but whatever...It's true, nonetheless...
I was at Barnes and Noble the other night, writing away--And yes, I know, I said I was going to boycott them. I need to find a new place, but I'm a creature of habit! Anyway, I was waiting for Phoenix to pick out a new phone from Verizon, which is apparently a two-hour process and my laptop began to die. (It's my fault, I had like 900 things going at once on my laptop...Normally, it lasts a long time when not plugged in.) I waited until I was down to like 15 minutes before shutting it down. I had written quite a lot before I stopped though, which was nice. Anyway, I decided to wander the store...I went to check on the gay section to make sure it wasn't now non-existent. It was still there, but I swear there are even less books now...What are us gays supposed to read? And if you go look at the books they do have, well, let's just say they're not--ahem--something you could read in front of Granny. I'm just saying...So, I left the section because I don't want to get caught looking at those books and I stumbled into the "music" section of the store. *laughs wildly* That was a joke. No, seriously. I remember purchasing CDs from Barnes and Noble before and they used to have a huge section...Now they have one short aisle with all the CDs from A-Z on one side. I was completely taken aback. Remember back in the day when we could go to The Wherehouse or Music Plus and spend forever looking at CDs? Was that just me? No, it couldn't have been...I know, music has gone digital, but it's not the same. I swear that it wasn't all that long ago that my mom had a record player and I'd beg to listen to her Berlin, Pleasure Victim, album. (Yes, I know...My mom never should've let me listen to that stuff!) I remember the pops and hisses the record made and it was awesome. Then CDs came and you could listen to music without the shitty sound of albums and tapes...It was all so clear and amazing until someone played Frisbee with the disc, that is. Now, we all download our music and there are nearly no CDs left to buy...What happens if our computers die? How will we listen to the music?
It's hard to believe things have changed so much in the last thirty years, but there you have it...I even had an 8-track when I was a kid. It was The Smurfs and I couldn't tell you much about it, but I remember it. I also had a few albums that I listened to like Micheal Jackson's Thriller. Then I had more tapes than I knew what to do with...And I remember when my walkman took a crap and ate some of my favorite tapes. Then I got CDs...The first one I ever bought was The Cure, Show. Next came Green Day. Weird, huh? Those don't even go together. And then I discovered downloading music and I downloaded like a champ...Music and everything has changed so much. What happened to Martha Quinn? Or Adam Curry? This was back when music was ruler of all the universe...Fuck, I feel old...I should go put on my denture cream and take the curlers out of my hair...One last thing...Here's a video to make you all remember when music was cool and music videos rocked.
Just one more...
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