Thursday, February 24, 2011

Juggling the balls...

I am sitting here, at Barnes and Noble, away from all of my responsibilities and from everything and still, I cannot clear my mind enough to write. I have desperately felt the need to write lately, mostly because it's a great way to escape daily life and the stresses that come with it, but I just can't clear my mind. Despite my best efforts, I cannot shove aside all the thoughts that haunt me during the day and late at night when I am trying to sleep. I cannot even concentrate on a book to escape, which way back in the day when I was a teenager, was my go to escape. Why deal with all the bullshit going on around me when I can simply crack open the latest Dean Koontz or Stephen King book and let my imagination run wild while reading their stories? Trust me, real life was usually far more frightening than their stories...Unless of course you're a certain someone's mom and then when you read books like Phantoms, you get all freaked out by the description of giant moths at the window and make your 15 year old daughter sleep in your bed with you because you're scared...And you even make her close the closet doors, because that way, the boogie man will get her before he gets you. It doesn't matter that the storm of the century was raging on outside and that the rain may or may not have sounded like a giant moth's wings flapping against the window, it was a ridiculous situation. Never mind that the 15 year old was super sick with bronchial pneumonia...And had managed to read the book without needing to sleep with anyone or the lights on...I'm just saying...


But I digress...*cough, CHICKEN MOM, cough* So, yeah...There was a time when I could push away everything and lose myself in a good story. Then there came a time when I could lose myself in my own writing. I would sit down and write and then I'd realize that hours had passed and I had typed a butt load of pages. Sometimes, I would even lose myself in computer games (World of Warcraft, Diablo, and Sid Meyer's Pirates are all great examples), like to the point where I'd be surprised to see the sun had dropped in the sky or in the past that the sun was coming up and I hadn't even gone to bed yet!! Life has seriously sucked at times, but I always found a way to find time to de-stress, just a bit, so that I could drag myself back out to face it again and again...But not now. Now, I feel like life is getting the best of me.


Yesterday, I allowed myself to get so pissed off at some dude on the phone at work that I actually snapped my pen in half...Like I was so frustrated that I was pushing on my pen in my hand with my thumb and then it went SNAP! I hadn't even realized I was pushing so hard until that happened. The guy was insinuating that I was some sort of moron though, which ALWAYS pisses me off. Turns out the reason I was clueless as to what the fuck he was talking about was ("I have the reclamation number. Why can't you look that up?" Umm...Because I don't know what the fuck you're talking about!) because the last rep (who had seemed so knowledgeable) had worked in the travel department, which is what his issue had to do with...In the end, he apologized, but I still wanted to tell him to go screw himself. I realized that I probably needed to chill out. It's hard though...I have no where to escape...


With the move coming up...tomorrow...our apartment is mostly packed. I keep finding little things I go to grab have already been packed. I am not excited to move in with Phoenix's mom. I certainly wouldn't want to move back in with my mom either. And not just because she makes me sleep with her when she gets scared. *grins* I can't relax at the apartment though because I keep thinking about all the stuff that needs to get done. At her mom's house, it's not going to be any better...I mean, it's not going to my house and we'll have most of our stuff crammed into a room, which is going to suck. I'm grateful she's taking us in, but it's still shitty. I talked to work about getting an earlier shift so that ride-sharing would work better with Phoenix, but they haven't responded yet. It's just...


Here's what I feel like...I feel like on any given day, we're all juggling balls...That's life, right? Just juggle what we can and we make it work...Right now, I feel like I'm juggling the normal balls, but now someone is using one of those ball shooter things they use to shoot tennis balls, and they're shooting more and more balls at me...And all the while, I'm riding a unicycle...And wearing a silly clown hat. *considers this* Okay, so I'm not wearing a clown hat, but yeah...I get that life is hard and that people are going to keep expecting more and more from you, but doesn't there get to be a time when you say, "Dude, enough is enough. Let me catch my breath!"? I mean, don't we get to have a little down time? Something has got to give...eventually...Otherwise, someone might find me curled up in the fetal position under my desk at work, mumbling incoherently.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Nightmares and dreamscapes...

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I stole the title from Stephen King...I'm sure he won't mind. So, with all the stress abound regarding buying a house, moving out of our apartment, etc, I have been sleeping like crap! I wake up nightly at 3am or so for no apparent reason. I wake up a few other times throughout the night too and have a hard time falling back to sleep. I think the only night I slept pretty soundly was the night I went out and drank five margaritas. (Man, they were ROCKIN' margaritas!) I've noticed though that I'm having freaky dreams...


The other night I dreamt I made an offer on a house and I all these papers needed to be signed. The more I signed, the more papers needed to be signed. Like I signed a huge stack of papers (Like a three-foot tall stack of papers), I went to tell the realtor I had finished, and she said, "Okay, I'll be right there" and magically, a new stack of papers appeared! I complained in my dream that my hand hurt and I didn't want to do it anymore. It was like the never-ending stack of papers!! When I woke up, I was sleeping on my hand and it had fallen asleep. I hate that pins and needle feeling when a body part falls asleep!!


Last night I was dreaming of going to someplace where there was a dock and a boat. I was supposed to get on the boat to go for a sight-seeing tour or something (*sings "Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip..."*). Anyway, I go to this place and I see my family and Phoenix there, along with some of her family. I was making jokes about going on the boat like, "Where's Giligan?" and stupid crap like that. Suddenly, I look to the side and see a rattle snake. When I see it, I realize I could hear the rattle going as well. I moved away from it quickly and pointed it out to everyone. Then I look around and see there are snakes EVERY WHERE!! I felt like I was in a bad part Indiana Jones or something. Where the hell did the snakes come from? And why in the hell were they by this dock? The weirdest part was that the "dock" actually looked like something out of World of Warcraft. Like there was a dock you could walk down, but the part we went into, looked more like an inn and had some people selling stuff. Very weird. But I digress...So, there are snakes every where. I suggest we get on the boat and get the hell out of there because there's not other way out with all the snakes. We go to the boat and as I'm taking the rope off the hook holding it to the dock, I see three rattle snakes on the boat. ("There are snakes on my mother-effing boat!") I scream and climb on top of some wooden boxes, as though that's going to make the situation somehow better. I look back and realize half my family is still on the dock and then there are more snakes on the boat. What's with the rattle snakes??? And why are all the snakes rattle snakes!?


I woke up before anything else could happen...Out of curiosity I looked up what rattle snakes mean in a dream...Apparently, they represent the passage of time. Yup, makes no sense to me. It would be nice to dream of something other than snakes and far too many papers to sign...


With that, it's time for work now. I hope today goes by quickly. And that I get some sales. My sales at work suck this month...I'm not a very good sales woman. Ehhh...Whatever. There's more to life than being able to sell ice to Eskimos.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Thanks for your bad karma...

This morning as I took Phoenix to work, we were chatting about the crazy people I deal with at work and she actually came to the defense of some of the people I was mentioning. Then she brought up an interesting thought-- Perhaps I deal with these jerks because she has created bad karma and I'm the one suffering from it...Allow me to explain.


So, yesterday, I had some people who called in and it was like pulling teeth to get any information from them. Then, when asking questions, they acted like I was some sort of idiot. I actually had one guy call me stupid because I couldn't figure out what the hell he wanted. I mean, if I don't know some information, I'm going to ask for it...you know...like their account number. One woman called in and was all, "I need you to send me another card." Well, what's the reason for replacing the card? Most people say, "I lost my card." Or perhaps, "My card is worn out and the machines can't read it anymore." Not this woman. When I said, "I can send you a new card right away. Can I ask the reason for replacing it?" She sighed like I was asking the world of her. I explained, "Well, if it's lost, then we have to change the last four numbers, but if it's just worn out, we don't." It's two different things. She was like, "Do I really have to tell you the whole story?" Umm...No. Just the part about is it lost or worn out. In the end, it turned out she had left it at a hotel out of the country. I don't care about all the dirty details, just tell me what I need to know! Then there was the guy who gives me his account number after I asked for it like five times because it didn't come through. "But I put it in the phone." Okay, well, I didn't get it. Let's move on to the part where you give me your number, I help you, and you get off my line. He then rattles off the number at light-speed only to have my recorded line to beep in the middle and for his phone to break up, so I get like a few of the fifteen numbers. I ask again and he acts like I'm some kind of moron. (This is the guy who said I was stupid.) He finally gives it to me and it's not even our card--it's a bank issued card that has its own servicing team with that bank. I explain this and he then immediately rattles off another number. Umm...I wasn't ready. This is the part where he said I was stupid. Whatever, jackass. He finally gives me the number and he starts asking about his frequent flyer miles. Why in the hell would I know that when he's not giving me his card that would have miles? Nor did he have a card with us that gave him miles. I explained I could tell him about his reward points, but not that. He demands to speak to someone who knows how to do their job, someone in the rewards department. I told him how many rewards he has and said, "You can call them tomorrow morning and I can give you their number, but they're already closed for the day." He hung up on me. I had another woman a few calls later argue with me for a good three minutes about her account number. "I put it in the phone! All I want to do is make a payment!" Awesome...I still need the account number. "Why can't I just talk to the computer? It said it couldn't find my account and then put you on the line." I'm guessing it couldn't find the account since she was only putting in her last four numbers. I'm just sayin'...Finally, she gave it to me and then complained that it's never taken her so long to make a payment before. Yeah, for me neither.


Here's a few things people don't seem to get...First, if I'm asking for the account number, it's because I don't have it. I don't care if you put it in the phone forty-five times, it didn't come through to me. Give me the damn number and let's move on. Second, I need more than the last four to six numbers on the account. Third, I am not going to steal your information. I like not living in prison and am content with what I have now. Fourth, if I ask questions or seem like maybe I'm asking too many questions, it's because you aren't speaking English or making sense. Perhaps it makes sense in your screwed up mind, but I have no clue what you mean. (If you want to know how much you can spend before we cut you off, then ask that. Don't ask, "What's my balance?" And then ask, "What's my credit line?" And then ask, "Why can't you just tell me what I have left to spend?" We could've cut out a few questions and like 50 seconds of talk-time, which yes, they're keeping track of and you're killing my talk time!) Fifth, don't act like I know you or your account...I talk to anywhere from 80-100 people in a day. I don't know you. I don't know your business. I don't know anything at all. We're strangers and I'm not a psychic so tell me what you want. And if I was a psychic, trust me, American public, I would've gotten the Powerball numbers and retired a long time ago so I didn't have to deal with you people.


Now, with these things in mind, my girlfriend tells me, "I hate when they ask me to repeat myself and then I'll speak really slowly. 'I said, f-o-u-r, s-i-x, e-i-g-h-t...Are you with me still? Four, six, eight, t-h-r-e-e. Did you get the three?' I hate dealing with those people." Thanks, babe, I'm one of "those people". And I fucking hate when people act like that. I'm not stupid. I'm not deaf. But why in the hell do people come in all crazy? If I ask a number, then give me the number. Don't scream it at me. Don't show me how you used to be an auctioneer. I don't care if you can do a really great impression of Six from Blossom (Wow, I'm dating myself, huh? Whoa! *grins*). I don't listen that quickly. Nor do I write or type that fast. If you think it's frustrating that my computer is slow, think how I feel. I'm the one being timed. So, my girlfriend treats these people like crap and since karma cannot get back at her, it comes after me. And she's okay with that...She tells me, "You should write down their account numbers if you can't type that fast." Usually I do write them down, but even then, sometimes I can't keep up. Plus, it doesn't help when people have accents, crying children, are driving down the freeway with their windows down, are on the streets of New York, or at an airport with all that background noise. So, thanks, Phoenix...Thanks for your bad karma. I appreciate it. *rolls eyes*


As a side note to those of you who think Phoenix is a sweet girl who will see the error of her ways and be nicer to "those people", well let me tell you this...It won't happen. She told me, "You'd think I'd be nicer to those people now because of you, right? But I won't! I hate them!" *grins* That's my girl...A hater 'til the end. I think I'll start being really mean to kids who're locked up in a juvenile detention center so karma can pay her back.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Before I head off to work...

So, here I am, less than a week before we plan on moving out of our apartment and I sit here looking around wondering how the hell we're going to pull this off. Granted, Phoenix, like myself, is a champion procrastinator, so I'm sure we'll pull it off, but still it's scary. We've been trying to pack things, but it's just crazy. This morning I went to make my lunch for work and I reached over to grab a knife from the knife block only to find the knives had been packed by her yesterday and are already at her mom's house...WTF!? What if I needed a knife??? Luckily, I had my huge butcher knife in the dishwasher, but had I not had that, I would've been up a creek without a paddle. Yesterday, I was in our spare room and noticed that I still have a bookcase filled with books...Where did I get all these books? Do you know how many times I've packed them up and moved them? Okay, so it's only a few times, but seriously...I just keep dragging them around with me. On the other hand, we've made the decision to put our couch, kitchen table, and a dresser up for sale on Craig's List. We're hoping to sell them before the move. That'll save us some moving. Then, of course, once we get a house, we'll need some new furniture...Unless we decide to have a "minimalist" style house, at which point everyone shall sit on the floor...and like it! Yes, I said you will LIKE it. *grins* Moving sucks balls...Especially since we have no clue how long we'll be staying with her mom before getting a house.


Speaking of houses...I got an email last night from the realtor I fired a week ago. *rolls eyes* Can't he just go away? He emailed me and tried to defend himself regarding his suspension from real estate and assured me he's good to go now. Ummm...Yeah, whatever. With his email was a copy of an email he had gotten from the bank from the house I'd made an offer on that stated the house was open for offers again since the person they had counter-offered had declined the offer and walked away...I haven't responded to him. I have seen other houses I've like more than that one. Don't get me wrong...That house was cool, but I have seen more spacious houses that worked better for us. I just found myself wondering last night though, as I read his email, how big of balls do you have to have to be all, "Look, I know it was all kind of screwed up, but can I have your business again?" Seriously, he's got to have some big balls to ask. And the answer is a resounding HELL NO!


We've got this new real estate agent who's a rock star. We told her what we wanted in a house and what our budget is and she's sent us homes that fit our list to a T. She's not even going over a budget, which the old guy did all the time, trying to tell me that there weren't houses that fit our budget. *rolls eyes* I mean, it's crazy to compare the two. She's super motivated to get us a house, whereas he wasted so much of our time. Anyway, here's to hoping this new woman finds us a house soon and we can put all of this behind us. *crosses fingers*


Well, I suppose I should wrap this up and leave for work...I hope the next five months or so go by quickly because once I'm there for a year, I can apply for a new position there. I'm so tired of being on the phones. Some days it's not so bad, but on other days, it's like pulling teeth. I don't know how people are so stupid. I swear, I hear some of the most ridiculous things on the phone and it takes everything in me not to be all, "Are you fucking kidding me? Did you REALLY just say that?" I had one guy tell me, "I don't pay finance charges. I refuse to pay that shit." Great. Let me tell you how to not pay them. Pay in full, on time each month, and you'll NEVER pay "that shit". Another guy told me he should be able to pay us whenever he wants and pay us whatever amount he likes (Minimum payment be damned!) and we shouldn't charge him late fees or finance charges...And if he goes over the limit, we shouldn't charge him for that either! Umm...Wait, what? I wanted to turn around and ask him if it would be okay to go to his business and help myself to whatever services or products he sold and then tell him, "I'll pay you when I want..." I mean, seriously, folks, where do these people come from!? On the other hand, I do talk to some of the nicest people ever who are seriously so sweet and work so hard to keep everything in order and it's a pleasure to speak to them...But then I get those bastards in between who make me want to spend my day pounding my head into my desk.


With that, it's time to head off to work. I'm hoping it doesn't rain on me on my way in. It's supposed to rain today and it looks pretty overcast. I hope it holds out long enough for me to walk to work!!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Biggest Loser...

So, for those of you following along, I didn't get the house I wanted. And then I fired my realtor. I went off on him via email and told him how unprofessional he is and his company is and that I no longer needed his services. It felt good because I was so frustrated with him. Now we have a new realtor. I have no idea how to pronounce her name, but whatever. She's a full-time realtor and seems to know her job, so here's to hoping...*crosses fingers*


The other night Phoenix and I were watching an episode of The Biggest Loser and it showed on the bottom of the screen that they are having open casting calls in Gilbert, AZ on March 5th. I told Phoenix, "I should go do that." She said, "That'd be cool" or something else non-committal like that. I asked if she'd do it with me and I'm pretty sure this is where I lost her. She doesn't want to go on TV. I'm not sure I want to go on TV either, but knowing there are cameras around and that I have to weigh myself in front of people and in front of about a billion people watching at home, I think it'll keep me pushing myself to do more. It's easy at home to start working out, but then life gets in the way and you're like, "Oh, I'll get back in that routine next week..." But then next week comes and you're busy, so you skip working out more...Next thing you know, it's six months and forty pounds later and you're like, "Shit..." I think this would be really good for me. I'd prefer if Phoenix would go with me, but I can go it alone too. The few people I've told have been pretty much on board with me. One friend suggested I could write a book about my experience if I made it on the show. I think she's right. Let's face it, folks, I need to lose the weight and this show could help. Plus, I'm funny. I have a fabulous personality. I have my award winning smile that belongs on television. Who could resist me? *grins*


Okay, okay...Stop laughing. I was being serious. No, seriously, stop laughing and pay attention!! *laughs* I think it'd be a great experience. I figure I'm probably a good candidate because I've been fat my whole life. All I have to do is make a video of me, showing my personality (Stop laughing, folks...You know you find me amusing!), and go to the casting call on March 5th. Who's with me? I mean figuratively, of course.


On the other hand...This whole weighing myself in front of everyone is seriously scary. I mean, who wants to advertise their weight when they're fat? And I know there are people who watch the show and laugh at the fatties as they fly off the treadmills, trip up as they attempt to run, throw up from working out too hard, and give in to the temptation challenges. Still, I'm a pretty good sport and would crack the jokes myself before the jackasses watching could say something.


Despite everything, I think I'm going to go. I'll show up and hope for the best and expect the worst. What's the worst that could happen-- They say yes? Haha...Or no...Whatever. Wish me luck, faithful readers of mine...And give me some input on what you think too. I'll probably disregard everything you say, but I'll read it. *grins*

Thursday, February 10, 2011

And the story gets better...

So, after looking at like a billion houses online and a bunch in person, I found one that felt like "home" when I saw it. The funny thing is, I hated the pics of it online. I was like, "Eff that house with its primary color back porch." The porch was painted red, blue, and yellow. It was nuts! My realtor, the jackass that he is, convinced me to go see it. I fell in love. It had an adorable courtyard in the front, a great sized backyard, etc, etc, etc...I went through the check list I was given (Phoenix in her commanding voice, "You make sure the house has an office or loft for you to write in, a big closet for us, a two-car garage, and a big bathtub.") It didn't have the two-car garage, but it had everything else. And despite the tile all throughout the house, I loved it. The tile work was awesome. Whoever lived there, loved the house and obviously did tile work for a living.


After seeing that house and liking it, I went on to see 8 other houses. I didn't like any of them. I liked the one with the weird colored porch. That was the one that was to be our house. It had character. I asked to go see it again and then decided to make an offer on it. When we went to go put in an offer, my jackass realtor wrote up an offer for like $800 under asking price. I was like, "Oh hell no." Who does that? The house has been on the market for a while and it was a foreclosure. The bank should want to sell it before it ends up at auction for a hell of a lot less. So, I told him I wanted to go lower. Since it was Super Bowl Sunday, he decided we should do it on Monday and go from there...Whatever. We did it his way.


On Monday, he said the people at the bank said there weren't any other offers on the house. We wrote up a new deal and thankfully, I ask more questions than the average person. The moron was putting shit in the contract that would've cost me more money than I would've cared to spend. While looking at houses, I discovered that real estate is his second job. He works full-time for the county. This explains why he's only available sometimes. I also think that as this being his second job, he doesn't really sell too many houses. He seemed to be clueless when I asked him a ton of questions. He had to ask some other real estate dudes who were in the office. Let me tell you how much confidence that instilled in me...*rolls eyes* In the end, we put together an offer for $78,500. The original asking price was $84,900 or something. I agreed to that price and signed more papers than I knew what to do with. And we were supposed to hear from the bank by Wednesday at 5pm.


Tuesday came and went (slowly) with no word from the bank. Tuesday night my realtor called and asked if I wanted to change my offer. Of course I didn't want to change my offer! Not even when he said he got some stupid email claiming there were suddenly multiple offers on that house. *rolls eyes* There were no offers until I made an offer and then suddenly other people wanted it too??? I think not! How dare someone else want my crazy house with the strangely painted back porch! How dare someone look at the house and immediately be impressed by the little courtyard in the front! Still, I didn't opt to change my offer. I said, "No, leave it. We'll see what happens." This immediately made my tension headache I've been sporting for a few days kick into overdrive. My head hurt damn bad. I was actually getting nauseous from the pain. And I only slept for a little while that night.


Wednesday came and I was doing everything I could to hold it together. At 8:10 am my realtor texted me to ask if I was available to look at houses on Friday. I said, "Sure...Have you heard from the bank?" He had given up hope. I hadn't, but he had. Or so it seemed. He hadn't heard anything, but that was the end of it. I didn't hear from him for the rest of the day. Wednesday at 5pm came and went without a word. WTF? Isn't the bank supposed to say yes, no, or maybe so? This is what happens on HGTV!! Where the fuck is Sandra Rinomato? I need a house and I need someone who knows how to do their damn job!


Here comes Thursday and still nothing from the guy. I am pissed now. I am so pissed, I say fuck it to everything and convince Phoenix to go to a movie. We skipped out on packing our apartment despite the fact we have to be out in two weeks and nothing is really packed. We went to see The Green Hornet, which was awesome! As we drove home, the realtor called. Unfortunately, I had my phone on silent, so I missed it. I tried to call him back, but no answer, so I texted him. I asked, "Have you heard from the bank yet? What's going on?" He called back and here's where the shit gets worse...


So, it turns out my realtor isn't current on his hours as a realtor. His office got a call like a month ago from the real estate board and they said that he needed to do some classes for some hours. His office thought they were wrong and apparently, failed to mention this to my guy...*rolls eyes* On Wednesday, the real estate board contacted him and told him he can't do anything real estate related until he does his hours!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? *looks around for Candid Camera people* No, seriously, is this a big fucking joke!? I calmly listened as he said he told me that he took a class on Wednesday night (That explains the no phone call.) and how he'll be back in business by Monday and in the meantime, his boss is taking care of me. Oh really? Because that mo-fo didn't call me either about my offer! I want to know what the fuck is going on! Apparently, I signed up for a realtor, not from USA West Realty, but from Stupid and Stupider Realty!! What is wrong with people? This isn't a joking matter to me. I want to buy a house and I need to buy one like yesterday. Because on top of every other freaking thing going on, Phoenix is supposed to be filing for bankruptcy and when she took her stuff to the lawyer today, he did a 180 on what he told her before. He had said, "On the day we file, you need to pull your money out of your accounts." Today he said, "You need to spend your money before we file. Otherwise, they may try to take it." And by "it" I mean the money and by "the money" I mean even the money in my account, which is our joint account, which is where I have our down payment chilling until we get a house! Yes, that's right...If we don't use the money, some bill collector may try to lay claim to it because Phoenix is on my account. And if we don't file her bankruptcy soon, one bill collector may try to garnish her wages.


Are you guys all with me here??? I don't even know which way is up anymore...On the plus side, my grandma who had last minute exploratory surgery is doing well. Yay for grandma!! In other news, we have to be out of our apartment in two weeks, I have no clue what's going on with my offer, still need to pack, have a moron as a realtor, still need to find me a vehicle, need to get Phoenix's bankruptcy filed, and well, you get the idea...Who wants to buy this girl a drink? Or a keg? Or something...I'm so done...

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I'm a jerk...

I have found that recently I've been so stressed about this whole moving/house buying/OMG I need a car/I need to lose weight thing going on here that I can't even write anymore. I feel as though I am about to snap because I am being stretched out in so many directions and my mind doesn't stop spinning until I lay my head on my pillow at night, at which point I fall asleep faster than a baby with a full tummy. But I don't even sleep through the night--I wake up ten times, with random thoughts. I hate it!! Let's check this crap out together and you can see the hell I am putting myself through...


So, the lease is up on our apartment in, umm, 22 days. Yes, 22 days. No, my faithful readers, my apartment is not packed up into neat little boxes and ready to be moved. Instead, it looks like we've lived here for two freakin' years!! Of course, we have packed some stuff, but seriously, not even a fourth of our stuff has been packed. In three weeks, we have to be out of here and yet, we're not ready. This is so not cool. On the other hand, Phoenix and I know that we're going to be staying at her mom's until we get a house, so now we're left trying to figure out what we need "out" and what needs to be packed. I don't even know where to begin...


House buying isn't a great experience. I had a blast taking "adventures" with Phoenix and her nieces to go look at houses, but it's so not cool when we're actually doing it. I've seen pictures of hundreds (Okay, maybe like 100 houses...although, maybe more because Phoenix is always looking.) of houses. I see things in each house I like, love, and hate. How freakin' hard is it to find a house with a large kitchen, a garden/soaker tub, a huge master closet (C'mon, we're a couple of broads! We need room for our wardrobes!), a fourth bedroom or loft for my desk and computer, and a medium-large backyard. I'm not asking for the moon and stars here, folks! Now, we've seen a few homes with these things, but some of them just suck...Like they have weird layouts and I find myself wondering what the hell the designers were thinking. For instance, we saw one living room with a big fireplace, which was nice, but the room was longer than it was wide and with the fireplace cutting it in half, there was no logical way of setting up the TV and couch in there. The TV would've ended up like ten feet from the couch and I could only imagine how loud it would have to be then for people to hear it. In other homes, we found tile throughout the house...Tile is fabulous, but throughout the entire house? No way. I'd have to spend a fortune in area rugs and such because it would be far too loud in that house without something to absorb the noise. Same thing with the pergo wood floors. My DC's and her Nike Shox shouldn't be making echoing noises as we walk through the house. Today I continue my hunt with my realtor. We are starting at 8am and this time, I'm going armed with my LSR (Loan Status Report), which shows I can get an $80,000 loan. It's all I could get with the savings I have. Had we not just had Christmas, I'm sure I could've saved a bit more, but whatever...I'll be able to get a nice house with this...Or so I hope.


In the midst of everything, it came to our attention that I will no longer be residing across the street from work. Can I just point out how convenient that's been? Seriously! I mean, it is still a half a mile walk through the apartment complex and all, but still...It's nice. Now, I'll be using my savings as a down payment on a house, which is what it was supposed to be for, but now I'll be left with no money to buy a car. Well...A truck. I am not a car girl. We had looked at a new truck, but I was told I couldn't get a truck loan because I've never had a car loan before...However, they'd be more than happy to finance me for a used truck, which was like the same price as the new truck. Lame! However, I don't make enough to have a truck loan and a house loan, so that's out. I am now looking for a used truck, like via Craigslist for cheap to get me down the road until Phoenix buys me a truck. I figure if I'm buying the house, she can buy the truck. *grins* In the meantime though, this doesn't solve my problem of no vehicle. We've looked online and some of the trucks are just horrible. Don't list your truck as "in good condition" when it looks like you played bumper cars in it one night after a few too many Budweisers. It's not in good condition when the bumper is dented, a headlight is busted out, and there's a long dent down the driver's side that leaves me wondering if the door can even be opened. It's just crazy to me!! And my biggest fear is buying a truck from someone only find out it runs like shit or something...It's probably going to end up being karma for me since I passed my piece of shit car off on some unsuspecting dude...So, if anyone knows anyone selling a Chevy truck (Or a Dodge, if I must...) for cheap, let me know.


Losing weight...Losing weight is a losing battle. I've spent my whole life being overweight. I don't know how to be thin. I don't know how to lose the weight. I was counting my calories like I was the calorie Nazi or something...And I lost like ten pounds. But I was pissed off and hungry. And if I died in the middle of that and the coroner sent someone to pick me up, they'd still be making fat jokes at my expense, because ten pounds means absolutely jack when you're as heavy as I am. Seriously, I can hear the dudes now, "Think she choked on a ham sandwich like Mama Cass?" While the other one jokes back, "More like the whole ham!" And those fuckers wouldn't even know that I don't even care for ham!!th stairs, it's probably not the best idea to make me go up and down them wit I sit on my ass for ten hours four days a week. I can't walk around my cubicle because my entire job revolves around a computer and a phone. It just sucks. People think I'm not motivated to lose weight or something, but it's not like that...We bought bikes and I'd love to go bike riding. However, for right now, our bikes are being stored at Phoenix's dad's house because it wasn't going to work to keep them here. We had no where to store them, plus, it's not exactly easy to bring them up and down the stairs. Our stairs are pretty narrow and with my track record on the stairs it's just not a good combination. I'm just sayin'...I'm so stressed out though and despite watching my calories, I am not losing anything else. I'm starving to death (A slight exaggeration...Or a big exaggeration...whatever) and nothing is changing. It's bullshit. I need to lose weight, but I have to find something that's going to work for me...And I'm running out of ideas. I know I need to work out, but as some have suggested, I cannot just work out on my three days off. I need to get into a routine and it has to be soon. I don't want to be the fat girl whose made fun of even in death...


So, I guess that's a small glimpse into my life. I'm not even bring work into this and trust me, you don't want to know about work. I was so stressed about everything and so pissed at Phoenix one night that I actually went and bought a pack of smokes. Yup, I went into a Circle K and asked, "Can I get a pack of Marlboro 100s, please?" As I was doing it, I wanted to cry, but I was stressed and pissed and that's not a good combo. I drove back to the apartment and sat on the stairs outside my place and lit one up. Oh man, it was so gross!! It didn't taste good at all and I instantly felt high. *grins* I had forgotten about that. Of course, I know it's because I'm depriving my poor brain of oxygen, but it almost felt good for a moment. But then I thought of all the people who'd be disappointed in me. I had given up on smoking two years ago, what the fuck was I doing? Only days before, I had been encouraging an old friend on quitting and here I was smoking. I was a big fucking a hypocrite! Then here came Phoenix and she looked at me with such...I don't even know what it was. She was livid though. I felt like a big jerk. I was like an alcoholic going for a beer just because he/she had a bad day. I put out the smoke after only smoking like 3/4 of it. I realized I smelled so bad too. I washed my hands like ten times and I could still smell it. I still have the pack sitting on my counter. There are 19 smokes in there...And despite everything I have just written...And despite feeling like a big jerk...I still look at them and think, "I could just have one more." WTF? Stupid cigarettes...


So, I guess that's it. I need to get ready so I can go look at more houses today...Let's hope I find something soon. I need a vacation from my life. The sooner I get a house, the sooner I'll get that break I need. And I think the break I need is a wild, crazy weekend in Vegas. I'm talking about drinking until I don't remember my name ("You can call me Lucy and this is my friend Ethel!" Yup, Phoenix can be Ethel! *grins*) and going to clubs I wouldn't take my mom to...Well, that's not true. My mom's probably been to all those clubs, but whatever. I want to wake up on my second or third day in Vegas going, "OMG...What did I do last night? And why is there a tiger in my bathroom?" I'm just saying...Who's in? Well, who's in when I figure out when I can go?