Tuesday, November 4, 2014

You have to wash ALL OF THEM!

I think that one day I should really use my blog for good instead of for bitching, but until then I'm going to bitch. I have enough stress and bullshit built up inside right now that if one more person says some stupid bullshit to me I'm going to explode and it's going to get ugly, so let's get some of this out...

Fuck your hashtags. They're not cute. They're ridiculous. #happymonday? #girlproblems? #sorrynotsorry? How about #gofuckyourself? Is that cute? Because that's about where I'm at with hashtags. I remember when I was younger it was called a POUND SIGN! It was also what I used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on. And at no point in time did it become good grammar to cram our words together like that! We all went through kindergarten and first grade where they made sure we put a finger (or two) width between our words. It's called a space bar...USE IT! And leave the poor pound sign alone!

Speaking of #sorrynotsorry...What the fuck kind of stupid shit is that to even say? Sorry I'm not sorry! Oh yeah? If I had said that when I was a kid, my mom would've smacked me so hard that my freckles would've flown off my body and I'd be left with my pale Irish skin coloring (or lack there of)...No joke. (Don't even pretend that's not true, mom. I'm an asshole, but I have manners and know when to apologize.) Here's an idea--If you're not sorry, then DON'T SAY A FUCKING THING! How about that? That would be fucking awesome. Just shut your mouth! If I kicked your puppy and said, "Sorry, I'm not sorry!" you'd be like, "She's a fucker!" And you'd be right. Well, you're a fucker every time you write "sorry not sorry" for stupid shit. If you're not sorry, shut up!

Speaking of stupid shit...The other day I had to deal with this guy who got really upset because I caught him doing some seriously shady shit. Anyway, I gave him time to cool off and then he comes back to me all agitated and like freaking out that he wanted to talk to me...but alone. As I stood up to go talk to him, he started jingling the change in his pocket and I was instantly transported to about eight years ago when I still lived in Cali and was working as a pizza delivery driver and a group of punkass 14/15 year old kids were about to rob me. The kid wearing a G-Unit tank top said he had money for me and reached into the pocket of his black basketball shorts and I could hear change jingling around and then he pulled out his fist and cold cocked me. All at once my heart started pounding out of my chest and that fight or flight mode came over me. I hate when this happens because I am always torn on what to do, which just seriously goes to show how indecisive I am that even in an emergency I'm like, "should I stay or should I go?" (You know you wanted to sing the song right now) For reals. This is no joke. Part of me always wants to battle and the sensible side is like, "RUN BITCH!" (I'm aware that I have issues...That's what makes me who I am.) Anyway, I decided to go get someone else to go with me (a guy) just in case. When the other guy came along, this guy who was so upset with me calmed WAY down...like his whole demeanor changed. It was very strange and then I felt like a big pussy for not handling my own shit, you know? Yes, maybe he was going to hurt me, but changed his mind because I brought in this little wimpy guy with me. What really pissed me off is that it's been eight years--EIGHT WHOLE YEARS-- and clearly, those bastard kids still affect me. That's some bullshit right there. I've been so mad at myself since Sunday because of that. People keep telling me that I did the right thing, but I'm still so angry. Those bastards took away my sense of security. Yes, this guy I was dealing with might've seriously wanted to hurt me, but I shouldn't go into a panic attack because some jackass is angry and jingling change in his pocket. Ugh. I hate feeling out of control...even if it's only for like a minute. 

Do you know how loud six kids are? They're so loud. Even just the four we have full-time right now are so loud. I don't know what peace and quiet is until about nine o'clock at night now. I feel so wound up all the time because the kids are always loud and yelling and fighting and making noise because that's what they do and then I have all the stress of work and just everything else...And I have no outlet. (Hence the blog tonight.) I feel like I need to get away from it before I just burst. Let me be clear when I say that it's not just one thing...it's everything combined. Phoenix takes her Confianza and walks around like everything is peachy and I'm over here like, "Why did you only half clean the kitchen? There are pots and pans in the sink." And she's over there like, "Well, they didn't all fit in the dishwasher. I'll wash them tomorrow night." That's not how it works! When you clean the kitchen, you wash ALL the dishes...And if they don't fit in the dishwasher, you wash them by hand! *pulls out hair* I mean, let's be real...you need to wash ALL OF THEM! When dishes was my chore from the time I was like 12 until...well...forever...I had to clean all the dishes. Breaking them meant I would be in trouble, so that wasn't an option. I certainly couldn't claim that they didn't fit so they'd need to wait. That also would've gotten me in trouble and I'd still have to wash the damn dishes. Just like tonight--I washed the damn dishes. 

*sigh* I should step off my soapbox for now...I just keep all this inside and I'm always afraid that one day I'll open  my mouth and one these rants will fall out...And then I'd have to say something like, "Sorry, I'm not sorry." *gasp* Just kidding...I'm not that kind of asshole. I'd own that shit and be like, "Yeah, I said it...Now what?" *grins* Peace out.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Let it go...

I haven't blogged in six months...That's a long time. On that note, I have some things I need to vent about...

1) Is it too much to ask that people have a basic grasp of grammar when posting stuff on Facebook or any other site for that matter? Yes, I know...Typos happen. Shit, I sometimes make mistakes too. However, when you consistently use the wrong your/you're and they're/there/their you piss me off to the point where I want to plow you down with my truck. By the way, "ur" is not a fucking word. Don't post that shit. Every time you make a grammar mistake a kitty gets taken out...Think about that next time you type your/you're. 

 photo kitten_zpsa33494d6.jpg

2) I am damn tired of everyone with a camera thinking they're a photographer. I have a camera on my iPhone and sometimes take pics...Doesn't mean I think I should hang up my hat at my day job and call myself a photographer! I've seen children take better pics. I see this all over Facebook and at work. People are like, "Check out this picture! Isn't it amazing!?" And I'm over here like, "Ummm...I think I hear my mom calling me for dinner." And then I quickly leave the situation before people remind me that she's in Cali and I'm in Phoenix. For reals though...Just because you can pick up a paintbrush doesn't mean you're the next Picasso! I like to paint, but I would never think I was good enough to sell my stuff or to offer to paint pictures for people. I mean, if you really wanted to, I might, but probably not.

3) How in the fuck does anyone spend every single fucking day at Starbucks or out shopping or sitting around being lazy fucks? I mean, let's be real--it's total bullshit. Why don't you become an active participant in society? I sure as hell don't want to pay for your Starbucks habit! In fact, I work my ass off being a slave to the man and I had to cut back how much Starbucks I buy...so tell me how you--you who NEVER works-- drinks the shit every fucking day!! How do you get to go swimming everyday? How do you go shopping all the fucking time? How do you never have anything productive to do? I don't even get days off because I have responsibilities! You know what I "get" to do...I get to watch an episode or two of a show on Netflix after my long ass day of dealing with work and BEING AN ADULT!! 

4) I'm going to say something really horrible right now, so you may want to cover your eyes...Kids are jerks. Kids suck the life out of you. They prevent you from sleeping. They eat your food. They make you give up your days off to entertain them because it's summer and it's just how it's supposed to go. They fight until you want to pull your hair out. They have the unique ability to make words like "mine" go on for ten minutes "mmmmmmmiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeee!" You know I'm not lying. Anyone with kids know these things are all true. And somehow when they come give you a hug or tell you that they love you it makes it all worth it. However, 98% of the time I want to pull my hair out. Anyway, so we agree kids are jerks. All kids are jerks. There are NO perfect kids out there. On Facebook though I constantly see pictures of people's "princesses" or "little angels." Who're you kidding? Don't play like you wanted those Sharpie marks on your wall. This isn't an art show. I'm sure you didn't ask for that nail polish on the carpet either, but it's there. Let's all just agree that all kids are jerks. Sometimes our kids are good and that's all right to share, but don't lie. If you have more than one kids, they fight. I am just so damn tired of seeing these posts. 

Yes, there's always the option that I could just go through and delete all these people from my page and my life, but it doesn't work that way...You can't delete people from your life as neatly as you can delete them from Facebook. And usually I can overlook all the bullshit above, but today I have a headache and I've just had it. 

In completely unrelated news to people of the world driving me fucking bonkers, does anyone know when the next Disney musical comes out? I think it's time to let Frozen go...

 photo letitgo_zpsda9c3f44.jpg

Monday, December 23, 2013

I get no respect...

Tonight at work I went to the bathroom and as I was walking out, a girl started to open the door and almost hit me. Since I was at work I was polite and totally unlike myself. Normally, I'd be like, "Dude! WTF?" And I'd say that in a crazy French accent because it sounds cooler that way. But it's work, so I'm all, "Oh, excuse me," and I stepped back to let her in. She stops, looks at me confused, leans back and to the side--clearly looking at the sign outside the door signaling that it's the girl's bathroom--then looks back at me, still confused, before giving me a weird look and walking past me. Now at this point in time, I once more was overcome by the urge to bust out in a French accent and be all, "Dude! WTF!?" But alas, I was still at work and I had to pretend to be civilized...So I walked off.

I went back to my team and one of the girls was between phone calls and I was all, "Dude, check this out..." I related the story from above and ended it with, "I'm kind of offended. I don't look that much like a boy." She nearly fell out of her chair laughing. Like her face was as red as her fiery hair. Evil Irish girl...I glared at her as I said, "Thanks for the support." She only laughed harder. Finally, when she composed herself, she said, "Maybe she wasn't looking at the sign. I'm reading this book that says we should give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they have good intentions." I shook my head as she held up some little self-help book. I replied, "I hate self-help books. I want to write an anti-self-help book! Like a book that tells you how to be more evil." *cue evil laughter and maybe some rubbing hands together evilly* She rolled her eyes at me and shook her head as she said, "No one will read that book." Silly girl...I bet people would read it.
So, a few minutes after this, I call Phoenix to tell her goodnight since I'm on this shift where we never see each other anymore. I relate the above story to her and she laughs too...Not quite as much as the girl on my team, but she laughs nonetheless. I tell her that I don't look that much like a boy and she says, "Yes you do." *le sigh* Jerks. I told the girl on my team that Phoenix laughed too and she asked, "Man, you don't have much support, do you?" Ya think? *rolls eyes*
Where's the love? I feel a little like Rodney Dangerfield--I get no respect...

Sunday, December 1, 2013

The holidays have arrived...RUN!

I'm like 99% sure that the holidays bring out the worst in people. Just watch the videos of people trampling one another at Walmart for $100 TVs or better yet--$10 crock pots--if you think I'm wrong. People are whack. And not the good whack like wiggedy-wiggedy-whack (in the words of everyone's favorite Kriss-Kross). Today at work I took about 6 escalated calls. This is more escalated calls than I've taken in the last two months combined. People are out of control...

On one of the calls, this woman was pissed because her card was declined. The charge was out of her pattern and we wanted to make sure it was legit. She screamed at me that she was "embarrassed". Perhaps she was unaware that I could see the charge--it was done online, so I'm not sure how she was so embarrassed. It's not like a store full of people witnessed it happening. But let's back up to her screaming at me...for like ten minutes. I kept telling her, "Ma'am, I don't appreciate you yelling at me. I'm not yelling at you. If you keep it up, I will disconnect the call." Finally, she asked to speak to my supervisor, but first she wanted my full name. I said, "I don't give out my full name. My first name again is Heather and--" She cut me off to get smart with me. "Oh...Your name is Heather. I'm sure you're the ONLY Heather in ALL OF (insert business name here)! I'll just call back and say, 'I talked to Heather' and everyone will magically know you." *rolls eyes* Before I could say, "Yes!" she started screaming again, "This is fucking bullshit! You tell me your name now! I demand that my card never be declined again! I want you to promise me! I pay your salary!" *rolls eyes again* I tell her, "Ma'am, I've warned you repeatedly to stop screaming at me. I'm going to disconnect the call if--" Her response, "Ohhhhhhhh, Heather, I'm so sc-sc-sc-scared! Don't hang up on me!" I said, "On that note, you can call back and talk to someone else. I warned you." And I hung up. As I was noting her account to warn the next rep who crossed her path, she called back and got to another supervisor. She refused to talk to that supervisor and demanded to talk to someone over that supervisor. They asked me to take the call. I said, "No way! I just talked to her and had to hang up on her!" (Although, looking back it might've been funny to get on and ask, "Have you missed me?" haha I would never do that, but it's funny...) I got one of the other leaders to take the call and this lady, after only hearing the leader say hello, said, "Forget this shit. I'm calling back tomorrow. You don't even sound like a supervisor. I think they just let anyone fill in over the weekend. I want a real leader--A Monday through Friday 9am to 5pm leader! You guys are idiots!" And then hung up. For real? All this over a declined charge that was out of pattern. I'm so sorry that we're looking out for your well-being and ours since we cover you for Fraud.

The last one I took tonight was from an old man who was yelling at one of my reps because she refused to give him a credit to cover the cost of AAA since our Roadside Assistance was going to take too long to get to him. I got on the phone and he started in on me. "What's your quality standard for your tow trucks to get to a card member?" I said, "I have no idea. That's a great question for our Roadside Assistance Department. I would assume that they try to find you the tow truck with the least amount of wait time, but I can't say for sure. Do you want their number or for me to connect you to them?" He says, "Heather! Heather you are not answering my question! My question was not, 'Can you give me the number to that department so I can ask them?' No, I'm asking you what the quality standard is." And I said, "And I understand that, but I work in Customer Service for Card Services, not in Customer Service for Roadside Assistance. So I don't know the answer to your question. I can tell you where to find the answer." Again he starts in, "Heather! Heather I am not asking for you to tell me where to find the answer. Clearly, we both know where the answer lies. I'm asking for you to find out and call me back." As the clock clicks 10:05 I think that I should've left early because now I'm leaving late because of this guy. I wanted to tell him to stop using my name as a weapon. I fucking hate that. Don't use my fucking name if you can't use it correctly. And don't talk to me like you're my mom and I'm in big busted trouble. Holding in my sigh, I say, "Of course I can call over there, but that's not what you asked in the first place, sir. You asked if I knew and I said I did not. But please hold and I'll call over there." So I call over there and find out that my assumption was correct...I got back on the phone and explained to him that they said there were long wait times in certain areas due to the weather and other issues and that the quality standard is to find the tow truck with the least amount of wait time, but that we can't make any promises or guarantees since it's through a third party. He was happy with this knowledge. Then he starts in with his fee for AAA. I was like, "I'm not paying for your fee for signing up with them for a year." He says, "I wasn't asking for that. I was asking if you could take care of the $30 they charged me for using the service within the first 24 hours of signing up." This was never what it was about...He wanted a $100 credit. I said, "That I can help with. I'll credit you $30 because we don't want you to have to wait around in the cold Massachusetts weather for a tow." He says, "Oh, it wasn't even a tow. It was for a jump start because my battery died." I said, "Oh. The cold weather kills batteries quick." He laughs, "Well, it was actually me. I killed it. I was listening to the Patriots game and I had my laptop plugged in too, so I killed the battery really quickly." *pounds head into desk* I can't believe I gave a credit to a Patriots fan...In the end, he wished me a Merry Christmas and thanked me for being so nice. I told him Merry Christmas too and hung up before he could use my name again. I hated the way my name sounded in his mouth.

In between my escalated calls, I was fielding questions from all my reps. I was all over the place tonight and got nothing done. I hate days like today. And now I need to hurry up and go to sleep so I can go in early tomorrow because I need to be off early so I can go to some training on Tuesday morning. I need a vacation...

Monday, November 11, 2013

Random Late Night Thoughts...

I have a few things to talk about, but I know which one I want to start with. I've come to the realization that I must be one of those people who has a face that says, "Tell me random shit. I truly want to hear it." I mean, people tell me the most random shit about themselves and once I hear it, I can never un-hear it! Like it's always there in my head. My boss, last week, was meeting with me for my weekly one-to-one (where I tell her everything going on with my team and she nods, smiles, and sends me on my way wondering if I'm doing the right thing because she gives me very little feedback) and I mentioned one of my newbies had her baby and is out on leave. I joked about how this girl had contractions at work and then after her shift went and had the baby. Crazy, right? Well, my boss then starts telling me about the birth of her second son and how she had him 20 minutes after getting to the hospital. (There's a lot more to this story, but that's the gist of it.) And as she was finishing her story, she caught herself and was all, "Why am I even telling you this? I don't think I've told anyone here about this!" And I was like, "Um, because I mentioned that (person's name here) had her baby." She laughed a little and was all, "Oh yeah!" *laughs more* And then says, "Okay, so now that you know that...What else is going on?" And I was sitting there wondering how this happens. Another leader the other day told me about how her brother had come out of the closet to her and then later told me about when he broke up with his first boyfriend and she cried because she had cared for the boyfriend like her own brother. Dude...I just want to do my work. Other leaders come to me and vent about random shit and I just sit there smiling as my mind wanders to things like, "Can I really save 15% on my auto insurance by calling Geico? And why does the Gecko in those commercials have an accent?" Or "Would they notice if I dozed off as they tell me this lame story? If I fell asleep, would I get reprimanded?" And sometimes I think things like, "I really should've eaten something more substantial than a piece of toast before coming in. I wonder if they can hear my stomach growling..." I mean, really, people, ain't nobody got time for that. And I don't want to know these things! I don't want to hear about your child birth! There is a reason why I'm not popping kids out of my va-jay-jay! Stories like that make me cringe like a man seeing another man get kicked in the balls. *shivers*

Another thing I want to vent about is Highway Patrol. Look, you caught me speeding. Why do we need to go 'round and 'round with stupid questions about where I'm coming from and where I'm going? I mean, it's not exciting that I was on my home from dinner. I wonder though what would've happened if I answered sarcastically like, "I just got done robbing Walmart. I stole all their KY Jelly. And now I'm on my way to meet up with my drug mule. I have a busy night ahead of me...So can we hurry this along?" I suspect he would've made me get out of my truck, which really would've pissed me off, but let's be real--what the fuck did he think I was going to say? And does it matter? I mean, I'm getting a fucking ticket either way. And this guy was a real D-bag because he gave me a ticket for having my old truck's insurance card. My bad...I put the wrong one in my truck. I told him, "You can check. I have insurance." He said, "I can't check. We don't check that." And then told me I have to go to court to show my insurance card. Well thank you very fucking much, Officer Douche Bag! That's exactly how I want to spend my day off. *rolls eyes* For the record, I'm not talking shit about cops or sheriffs--this was a highway patrol officer and he was a dick! Anyone else who would've had to deal with this guy would agree.

Thirdly, this second shift at work sucks balls. Because of meetings and trainings, I end up going in early ALL THE FUCKING TIME, but I still end up staying until 10pm or later. This isn't fair. Today I worked 11 hours. Tomorrow will be another 11 hour day. I'm supposed to work 8 hour shifts. Yes, I get overtime for it, but it still sucks and then it leaves very little time for me to sleep. I am exhausted, but my brain keeps going. And I've had a headache for two days. I'm so tired tonight that I'm short on patience. This one girl on my team who constantly tests my patience and my will to live kept testing me tonight. I think part of it is because we got a new girl and she's trying to see how I'm going to act. Why would you fuck with your boss? I just don't get it. Granted, there was a point in my life when I was a lot younger that it was fun to fuck with my bosses...but it was Burger King. Big difference, you know? I put her in her place every time she started with me and then she left early. I wonder if she'll make it a habit of leaving early if I don't play into her bullshit...

Lastly, on my way home from work tonight I was belting out some good songs when suddenly It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) came on. I really, truly want to learn the lyrics to this song one day. I want to be able to bust out that song because no one really knows it. They mumble random words until they get to that one word or small phrase they know and then they scream that out like a five year old...And of course we all know the chorus. But I want to know all the words. I'm putting this on my bucket list. *looks around for a scrap of paper* Maybe I should put down that I also want to know all the words to that song Informer from Snow too...Hmmm...decisions, decisions...

Yup, random late night thougths brought to you by Heather. You're welcome.


Sunday, October 13, 2013

"Can I ask you something without you getting offended?"

So much has happened since the last time I wrote, I'm sure, because it's been like forever. Please forgive me. Anyway, I needed to write tonight because I'm going crazy from dealing with someone...Hang on a second...I've lost my mind so much that I've been messing around on my computer for over an hour with my headphones in and no music going. Fuck. The mind is the first thing to go, huh? 

Okay, I have Imagine Dragons drowning out Phoenix's snores...Here's my dilemma--I finally got an assignment at work, which means I'm running a team. I joke that it's a baby team because most leaders have between 12-18 people on their teams and I have five...And one of them is on leave. No joke. I'm not complaining too much though because it's easy to work so few people. Anyway, they're pretty good people...But this one girl is killing my will to live. The other night I found myself stabbing my wrist with a plastic fork in hopes of not having to listen to her anymore, but no dice...The fucking plastic tines broke. Stupid plastic fork! Okay, that didn't really happen, but she's driving me nuts. I can't discuss too much here, just in case, but I want to talk about a conversation we had tonight that nearly drove me over the edge of sanity...And let's face it--it's not a far drive because I'm usually teetering on the edge anyway!

I was talking after we were all clocked out with a woman on the team who is a bit older. She was talking about her kids and leaving her husband (this happened a while back). She explained that her ex was very abusive and such. I told her that I got it and that I'd had an abusive father. After we finished our conversation, the other girl asked, "Do you talk to your dad at all?" I said, "Nope. It's better that way." She then asked, "Can I ask you something without you getting offended or sending me off to HR?" I shrugged as I asked, "Are you going to ask if I'm gay because I don't like my dad?" She then said, "Well yeah. I mean, it's a proven fact that if you have a bad relationship with your dad you could be a lesbian."

First of all, if you start off a conversation with, "Can I ask you something without you getting offended?" you probably shouldn't ask the fucking question. But clearly it's my fault for being within earshot of this girl and breathing, right? Second, if you're going to tell a lesbian that she's gay because of her shitty relationship with her asshole father, you should probably have your facts together to back your shit up.
Since I'm in a leadership role, I couldn't come back with any of the sarcastic things that ran through my head like, "It's not my shitty relationship with my dad that makes me gay...It's my love of boobs and pussy that makes me a lesbian." *grins* Okay, I wouldn't really say that out loud ever...but I can put that in writing. haha! Seriously though...I also couldn't say, "It's my love of women that makes me gay." Instead, I said, "I had a good relationship with my grandpa. I've also had healthy relationships with other guys as friends and such. I'm not a man hater...I'm just attracted to girls." She gave me a weird look. I went on, "Don't get me wrong...I can appreciate a good looking guy too...I just don't want to do anything with them. Like Channing Tatum could come do my yard work or work on my truck and I'll sit out there and watch him because he's nice to look at, but I don't want to bring him inside to do anything." Again, she opened her mouth to insist that in some cases people are gay because of their relationships with their parents and the woman I'd been talking to before jumped on her ass and put her in her place by saying, "I have three cousins who are gay. Two women and one man. All of them have had great relationships with their parents. They're just born that way just like some people have freckles or red hair or are blonde, some people end up tall and others are short. Some are straight and some are gay. It is what it is." I refrained from high fiving her and saying, "Yeah, bitch." Instead, I headed out with them to leave for the night because by that time she was off too. I just didn't say anything else except, "Have a good night."

Really though, what makes people think it's okay to ask such stupid questions? I mean, fuck. How did you know you were straight? Are you straight because you had a great relationship with both of your parents? It doesn't even make sense. *rolls eyes* I really wish I didn't have to bite my tongue so often...I feel as though the world would be a better place if I spoke my mind. *sigh* Thank you for letting me vent.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Who do VooDoo!?

So I've recently come to the realization that there are some people who I work with who don't love me. I know--I was surprised as well! Who wouldn't love me with my girlish good looks, charming personality, and amazing sense of humor? *smiles award-winning smile* Haha! Seriously though, I'm not a horrible person...all the time...but there are some who are not fans of me. However, I'm pretty sure that they all get together once a week after work for Heather Haters Unite to drink some beers and to talk shit about me. I'm totally okay with this. Haters gonna hate, right? 

All joking aside there are a few people who despise me who I could use as allies, but instead they choose to find new ways to try to fuck with me, but it doesn't work. First of all, I don't fall for stupid nonsense. Second, I won't be pulled into a game of one-upping the other; I just don't care enough. Third, I'm funnier and smarter than these fools anyway. But I digress...One of these people is another leader at my work. She absolutely fucking hates me. It's pretty blatant and it makes me laugh that every time I say something, she has to try to correct me. It's so lame. It makes me want to talk just so I can sit back and watch her dig herself into a hole. It's kind of amusing. The other girl is my equal in roles at work and I'm pretty sure she sees me as competition, which I guess I am, but again, I just don't care enough to play stupid games. On Monday, we had a meeting with a bunch of the leaders. One of the leaders moved over so that this girl who hates me could sit by me. This chick literally looked at the seat and then at me like I had cooties or something and walked off to stand for the entire 45 minute meeting. My old leader quickly came to sit by me and gave me a look like, "What the fuck was that?" I simply shrugged and went back to listening to the meeting. I've never done or said anything to this girl...What I have done though is not check up on her, not messaged her to see how she is, etc...She's constantly checking on me and I just blow her off. lol Needless to say, I don't have to send either one of these chicks a Christmas card this year.

The bad thing is that I have to watch the one lady's team while she's on vacation and she is so pissed about it. It wasn't her idea to have me and it's pretty damn clear that she doesn't want me with her team. Every other team I've watched has had their numbers go up, but this woman has no faith in me. Because of this her team has no faith in me. Most other teams love me and come to me for help and whatever...Not this team. In fact, yesterday while I was talking to this leader about her vacation, someone needed help and she walked off for a moment. Meanwhile, a chick on her team stood up to look at me over the cubicle wall. I said hello to her and she said, "Good luck." I sort of laughed her off and said I was sure everything would be all right. She shook her head and laughed a slightly evil laugh (no exaggeration for once) as she said, "No, good luck." And then she sat back down. So, if this chick looked like Fat Amy from Pitch Perfect (I'm currently listening to the cup song haha) or Mary Poppins or anyone else, it would be fine...But instead, she looks like this...

 photo witchhazel3_thumb1_zps7480f105.jpg

Now, you think I'm kidding, but I'm totally not. My first thought when I met her for the first time a week ago was that she is a witch. When I told my old leader about her threat, he asked, "You know she's a witch, right?" I said, "Don't mess with me, man! I swear she has a voodoo doll in her drawer!" He asked with wide eyes, "Did you see it!?" I told him to stop fucking with me and he said, "I swear I'm not messing with you. A few people have said she is totally a witch and practices that stuff." I told him that I'm glad I don't believe in voodoo because that's how it works...It only works if the victim believes in it and it's a bunch of shit. However, I've had this headache for days now and I'm pretty sure that she is smashing the voodoo doll of me in her drawer every so often and then pouring coffee onto it so that I have this rocking headache and can't sleep. Haha! Seriously though, this woman is fucking scary and she's going to kill me...Even more so because her numbers suck and I'm not going to stand idly by and watch her numbers tank more while I'm with the team. My boss told me straight out that she doesn't give a fuck and will tank just to make me look bad. I don't even know this chick. Clearly, she doesn't think I'm cute...or funny...or anything. She glares at me in the halls at work. She won't say hi to me. I'm pretty sure if I was on fire, she wouldn't even piss on me to put me out. And I get to spend two weeks sitting on the other side of the wall from her...Yeah, we're going to be BFFs, I'm sure. My boss told me to go look in her drawer tomorrow morning to see if there's a voodoo doll in there...I'm afraid I'll find something like this...

 photo voodoo_zpsd12bd18e.jpg

It looks just like me, no? 

Seriously though...I need something to counteract this woman. She is going to seriously fuck with me and normally I'm all about watching people make themselves look like asses, but this one is going to try to take me out...I miss the days when I worked with my friends. Maybe I just need a good witch like Ga-Linda ("Galinda with a Ga!" Any Wicked fans?) to come save me. I'm kidding...I'll never look at Glinda the same way again. *sigh* Luckily, I have my own one week vacation to chill before I enter hell just before my birthday. This should be fun...Now if I happen to get a pin stuck through me or my eyes suddenly appear to be buttons, please know that I was clearly wrong about the voodoo not working. I'm still not sure why she hates me though...