Foster Care

We have decided to try to start doing foster care...And by "we", I mean, Phoenix called to set up the appointment for them to come meet us and sign me up for courses while I was at work. *grins* She's going to kill me for saying that. Seriously though, we'd talked about it before, but no one did anything about it. Apparently, Thursday was the day to grab the bull by the horns and make some calls. It's cool. I'm sure I'll get something out of the classes and it's only ten Tuesdays of my life; that's less than most of the classes I've taken before. This also means we have to clean our spare bedroom to make it look like a bedroom again and not a storage room. I'm so not excited about this part...


We didn't use Phoenix's dining room table (Yes, HER table. It's not ours. I wouldn't have picked it.), so we took it down and put it in the other room. We also never had visitors, so we had loaned out the bed from the room. When we got it back, we never set it back up...Meaning the mattress and box spring are leaned against the wall. We also had all of our camping gear stored in that closet...Along with boxes of papers I had from school and clothes that didn't fit into our closet. Our dining area is now set up as a mini-office area...That will have to change.


Yesterday, we began to tackle that spare room. I condensed some of my boxes and we moved the camping gear and my boxes of papers to our coat closet (which is pretty large). Unfortunately, our shoes (And by "our shoes," I mean her's. She has more shoes than a girl needs.), which were on the floor in that closet are now homeless and sitting in our hallway. *shakes head* As we cleaned out the closet, we found that the water damage that was in our laundry area closet, which stemmed from an upstairs leak, is actually in that spare closet as well. I'm not sure why they didn't check that when they came to check the laundry closet. I'm so not excited about that. They'll have to come replace the drywall in there. I'm sure it'll take them all week to complete it because that's apparently how they roll around here...I called them last week to report that my dishwasher was giving me back dirtier dishes than when I put them in there and that our carpet is pulling up at the corner in our living room. I didn't mention the puppy has been helping pull up the carpet, but simply said our vacuum was eating it. *grins* They came to fix the dishwasher, but did nothing about the carpet. Nice, huh? Morons, I tell you!


Today, Phoenix and I are going to buy a bed frame for the bed in the other room, sheets, new pillows, and God only knows what else. Then we have to put the table back up in the dining area and yeah...I'm tired just thinking about it. I'm still stressing about my lack of desk and phone at work. What am I supposed to do tomorrow!? Whatever...We have so much to do today. But here's the part you've all been waiting for, I'm sure...People's opinions on me as a foster care provider...Or whatever it is...


Phoenix mentioned to her sister and niece (Little Phoenix) that we're going to be doing this. They both had to stop and think about if I'm good with kids...I was slightly offended that they had to think about it, but whatever...To each their own, right? Apparently, Little Phoenix was struggling with this idea and was actually grasping at straws to make the image work. She finally said that I make them buckle their seat belts before I'll take them anywhere, like I won't even pull out of the driveway until everyone is buckled. (Hello! Most major accidents happen within a, what is it, like 5 mile radius of your home!! Put your damn seat belt on!) Umm...That's what makes it seem like I'll be okay with kids? And Phoenix's sister did no better...Her answer was, "Well, she does have a little sister." Really!? I have a little sister and I make sure kids put on their seat belts. I pointed out to Phoenix that I've made birthday cakes for her nieces and nephews, which have taken lots of time to complete, because I like them. I am also the one who took these kids on adventures. Who else takes kids on adventures!? I'll tell you--NO ONE! Apparently, these things don't count for anything. It also doesn't count that I've spent hours of my time playing WoW with them when I could've been off doing dungeon raids or completing my own damn quests...Or allow them to climb on me like I'm some sort of jungle gym. Or play along with their silly little games. Seriously. I'm not asking for a mother of the year award or for people to say, "Dang, Heather's awesome." (I already know I am...) But come on! I can take care of some kids. Doesn't anyone have faith in me??? *hears crickets* Hello? Anyone there? Ehh, whatever...*walks away dejectedly*


Seriously though...We can do this. I'm sure it'll be fine...And I'm going to work doubly hard because I am not going to have some fourteen year old convinced that the only thing motherly about me is my making them wear their seat belts!! I also have to figure out some way to make sure that on Tuesdays I get off work in time for the classes...My schedule changes in a month by an hour, which screws it all up. Hopefully, I'll be able to find a way around it. Wish me luck. I think I'm going to need it...

I feel like Steve Martin in The Jerk...

Notice I titled it "I feel like Steve Martin in The Jerk," not, "I'm a Jerk." Are we clear? Good. Moving on...


All right, so yesterday was the last day of training, which is awesome and scary and who the hell knows what else it is? I'm super stoked that I got out on time and so very, very scared that I'm on my own now. It's like, "We've taught you all we can. Get the hell out." And then they kicked me out of safety of training. Bah! Whatever. I'll be fine. *crosses fingers and toes* Let me tell you what it was like to be taken out of training...


On Thursday I got to go have a ten or fifteen minute meeting with my new team leader and my trainer. Mostly my trainer went over what I know and what I don't, which wasn't much...Of what I don't know, not what I do know. God, have a bit of faith in me you big jerk!! Anyway, so, my new team leader tells me that I don't have a desk yet because they're in the process of moving people around, but by Friday afternoon, I'd have one. I shrugged and said, "Cool." It wasn't like I was going to move on Thursday, so what'd it matter? Before going back to the safety of the training area where the friends I've made throughout training and my coaches were, my team leader agreed we should meet at 2:15 on Friday afternoon. Groovy. Time off the phones!!


Here comes Friday. I go to work already feeling a bit, um, mopey, I guess. I didn't want to give up my cube-mates. I mean, I had my good buddy, Eliza (By the way, she's not fond of this name...lol), another girl with the same name as me, and the nice gay guy. I liked my cubies. I mean, the British woman talked mad shit to me constantly and put me in my place whenever I was feeling rather egotistical and we all know I need this daily whipping to keep me in line! And at no point in time did anyone ask me who I wanted to sit by in my new team, which means it's unlikely that I'll get people like my current cubies, right? So, in to work I go with heavy heart...It was Friday, so it was very busy. Within my first few calls, I had two who demanded to speak to my supervisor because I couldn't wave fees for them or drop their interest rate. Umm...Okay, whatever. Neither was particularly pissed at me, just at the situation, I think. I went through the motions with each call to try to make some sales because I had to reach at least 100 points in sales to get my bonus with those points...On Friday morning, I was 82 points and Phoenix had, more or less, told me not to come home unless I got those other 18 points. I had had a lousy week of sales, so I figured I'd be sleeping in the street last night. By like my fifth call I got five more points! Woo hoo!! Only 13 more to go. Then I got a string of calls with a particular card that does not have sales opportunity. I took call after call like this until I was like, "Come on! I need points! Just give me a chance!" My very next call was a woman with a regular card...And I upgraded her for 40 points! YES! I could go home!! I was super stoked! Phoenix would love me again. *grins*


I didn't get any more points, but it didn't matter...I only cared that I had made it over the 100 mark at that point in time. By the time lunchtime rolled around, I was exhausted. It was back to back calls all morning. As I signed off for our hour lunch for a pizza party, I heard a couple of trainers come over to talk to our coaches. They asked if we could all be out of our desks before 2pm because another class of learners were coming up to take our place...In the words of Stephanie Tanner, "How rude!" One of the coaches went off to find boxes for us. We didn't have to get back on the phones after lunch since we had to pack all of our belongings and then head to our new teams. I shoved all my stuff into a box and then chatted with my training buddies until 2pm. Then we headed over to our teams. My team leader was no where to be found, so I stood by my training buddy with my same name's desk as she unpacked. From her desk, I'd be able to see my team leader when she returned to her desk...


After standing around for a good twenty-five minutes or so, I finally asked a team leader nearby if my team leader was around. Apparently, she had called in sick...And I still didn't have a desk...Or a place to put my box of papers and pictures to decorate my cubicle...I felt like Steve Martin in The Jerk. Just me and my box of stuff..."All I need is this picture of Phoenix and me at Disneyland...And this South Park character picture of my cubie, Eliza...And this paper. That's all I need...And this award for a good survey score...That's all I need." I felt so rejected. No one was welcoming me to the team. No one had even bothered to get me a desk. *sniffle, sniffle* Don't they know who I am??? I'm The White Spy! Okay, maybe not, but I'm someone!! And if I'm not yet, I will be someday...Someday the world will laugh at me. Wait, not like that...You know what I mean.


I ended up stashing my box of crap by my team leader's desk...And I'm hoping no one takes any of it. There's nothing great in there, but it's my stuff, you know? It made me sad though because I had expected it to go differently. After that experience, me and the other girl with my name went downstairs to a meeting. At this meeting, they award us for our great surveys...They gave me a certificate for one great survey...I had five great surveys. Five. Not one. I felt like a moron. They always screw up the amount I have. I think I've only been rewarded/awarded for like half of the ones I've had. *sighs* Whatever. It doesn't matter, I'm sure.


I finally escaped work at 3:30 and jumped into the car to be whisked away to the movies to see Easy A with Phoenix and her niece. I had asked Phoenix to bring me some shorts, specifically a pair of jean shorts, so could take off my work pants. I would just change in the car. She said, "Sure!" Somehow, she ended up bringing me my Army green shorts, which did not match with what I was wearing...So much for getting to wear shorts or dressing like a normal person at the movies. I simply felt Steve Martin in The Jerk for most of the day yesterday...You know, like him in the movie when he hits rock bottom...At least that's over with. Maybe I'll get a desk on Monday...Maybe.

I can't even have fake good luck...

I went to the dentist on Friday, which made my Friday a wonderful freakin' day!! I know, who says, "Yay! I'm going to the dentist!! It's going to be a great day!"? Yeah, I don't know either...What I do know is that work was hell when I got there, so leaving for my appointment was WONDERFUL! And yes, I just sang "WONDERFUL!" like a a super gay man. Oh shut up. Let me tell you a little secret I learned on Friday...I cannot do my job when our servers go down. We tried to do our jobs without being able to look up accounts, but that didn't last for long. Our calls were routed to another call center until they sort of got our stuff going again. We sat around for over an hour without calls and then slowly got them back. By the time I left at 11:30, it was back up and running and we were playing catch up. I was happy to leave, even with the prospect of having to be possibly drilled (not in a good way) by the dentist.


So, I went to see my singing dentist. I'm not kidding. This dude sings with anything on the radio, even commercials. I explained to him what was going on. He took a look at the teeth by the gum that's been giving me problems and then proceeded to say, "Let's take an X-ray." Little did I know this meant, "Let's shove a rubber toothpick into your gums to take this X-Ray." Oh yeah, I'm not kidding! Now, my gums were hurting and there was that stupid bump, but he didn't seem to care. He used this thing as a sort of "marker" to show him where the possible infection was. So, after sitting with my head on the ground and my feet high in the air with this rubber thing shoved into my gum (I know, it sounds like I'm describing a good Friday night. I mean, throw in a few margaritas and we'll call it a good time. But no, this was my trip to the dentist.) for like twenty minutes, the assistant finally came to take the X-ray. She took her dear sweet time taking the damn thing and didn't seem to care that it was taking everything in me not to gag. I hate those freakin' X-rays!! Finally, she was done and the dentist came back. The good news was--No drilling! No broken teeth or anything. Hooray! Instead, I have a freakin' gum infection. I'm not sure how I got it, but he gave me these wicked strong antibiotics and we're hoping that takes care of it. Of course, we know I had to ask, "What happens if these don't work?" He cheerfully said, "Well, then we'll have to cut into your gums, peel them back, and see what's going on in there." SAY WHAT!? How can one even say that in a cheerful voice? How could he smile at me like that? I decided then that the antibiotics would work. They will work...Won't they? I'll take drilling my tooth and doing a fucking root canal over CUTTING OPEN MY GUMS! What a sick bastard...Who even says that? "Oh, we'll just cut open your gums and peel them back." It was like he was saying, "Oh, we'll go get a cup of tea and some crumpets."


Now what does everyone do after this sort of visit to the dentist? That's right, they go get their drink on! Okay, maybe not everyone, but I sure as hell did! We went to Phoenix's dad's 60th birthday party. It was pretty cool. A ton of his family showed up, which was awesome for him. They even got a black jack dealer, so we played black jack for a while with fake money. I just want to point out that even when playing with fake money, I cannot come out ahead. Perhaps I shouldn't have been betting $100 a hand, but still...It's just bullshit. I can't even have fake good luck!! *shakes fist at sky while saying, "Stupid universe!"* Four margaritas later, Phoenix was saying it was time to go home. I was okay with that. I was also okay with sitting in the kitchen watching her nieces, nephews, and sort of sister-in-law dance around to loud music from an ipod and taping them on my new phone. Kids are freakin' silly!! Of course, it was funnier because they kept singing to me, which made my buzzed self laugh slightly harder than I normally would've. I had a great time. I almost forgot about my job and how people were so pissed off at me. I also almost forgot about my gum infection and the idea of cutting open my gums to peel them back to see what was going on...Almost. Perhaps another few margaritas and I would've forgotten everything...including my name. *grins* I totally needed that! Nothing like a little tequila to take a girl's mind off life. The funniest thing that happened all night was when I was making myself another margarita and some guy asked if I could make one for his mom. I said, "Sure!" I made her a damn good margarita, then made mine. When I returned to Phoenix, I told her about how I had to make a drink for some dude's mom. She asked, "Who?" I said, "I don't know. Some dude named Micheal. He said his mom wanted a margarita." Apparently, Mike's mom is THE mom in the family...She's everyone's grandma, or in this case, everyone's Nana. Had I known I was making a drink for the ruler of the family, I might've tried to make it even better. Oh well...Hope she liked it. *grins* This is the problem with becoming part of a ginormous Mexican family--I don't know who half the people are. Had I seen Nana, I would've known, but she was in the other room...lol Oh well.


So, today at Barnes and Noble, I saw something I absolutely must have. It's Nightmare Before Christmas Monopoly. OMG!! I need this!! I have Wizard of Oz, Pixar, Disney, etc...I MUST have this one...Not at the $39.95 price tag, but I desperately need it for my collection of Monopoly...You know what's funny? I FUCKING hate Monopoly. No other game on the face of the planet makes me want to flip the board over half way through the game and say, "Fuck this shit!" as much as Monopoly. No other game has caused me more problems and more anger than this game...Yet I collect it. I probably have issues, huh? Whatever. That's neither here nor there. If you come across this game whilst thinking, "What shall I buy my good buddy Heather for Christmas?" then by all means, buy me the game!! I would love you forever and ever!! No, not you, but you and you and you...and maybe you. *grins* It looks amazing. I want it. And I never want anything...Except that blue electric guitar at Sam Ash. I must teach myself to play guitar. Whatever. I have to go now. It's bedtime for old ladies like me. Deuces!

Day of the Jerks...

You know, most people dread Mondays because it's the start of the week and who wants the weekend to end anyway? I'm not too fond of Mondays either, but there's a day I'm starting to hate more than Monday...No, it's not Wednesday. Wednesday is hump day. Who hates hump day? Not I, said the little red Heather. No, it's Tuesdays! Tuesdays fucking suck balls! On Monday, the weekend just ended and you can still kind of ride out the good feelings from Sunday or whatever. But here comes Tuesday and the weekend is long since gone and the next weekend is too far away to even start planning the good times to come. And you know what else Tuesday is? It's the "Day of the Jerks!" Now, just so you know, that's said in like a deep, booming voice of God sort of way, okay? Go back and read it again with that voice in your head. Seriously, go. I'll wait. *taps fingers impatiently* Did you do it? Sounds worse, huh? Well, it should! People are fucking mean on Tuesdays! Not a Tuesday goes by without my being cursed out by someone for some stupid mistake they made. And today was no exception to this rule!


My very first call (Yes, the first call where I was still rubbing the sleep from my eyes and chanting my mantra of, "You got this, Heather. You can do this.") was from this mean, horrible woman who wouldn't listen to a damn thing I was saying. All I'm saying is don't ask me why you have your auto-pay set up to pay like two weeks before the due date. I didn't set the fucking thing up! And if you haven't been hit with any fees, why would you ask how much you could be charged? No one wants that information. Plus, that's like adding gasoline to a smoldering fire; it just makes things worse. Of course, when I told her that if we charge her for insufficient funds (I'm still not sure why she was asking. She already paid for the month.) it would this specific amount, she went off on me about how that's a lot of money. I was like, "I know. I wouldn't want you to be charged that amount." She didn't believe me though. Apparently, she thought I wanted to take her money. *rolls eyes* Mmm-hmm. I don't get your money. Ever. Not even if you say I can have some. Yup, this was a lovely call to start my day.


My calls were okay after that for a while, but still with a few crazies sprinkled in there for good measure. After lunch, I had the most irate man come on the line. For future reference, folks, I am not impressed when you tell me you're a doctor. I might be impressed if you say you're an astronaut or a stand-up comedian or something cool like that, but not a doctor. I don't give a flying rat's ass if you're a doctor or not. So, he comes on the line, tells me he's a doctor, and then tells me about how we've totally done a number on his account and screwed it up royally! He then tells me that he's going to explain this only once and launches into an explanation of what happened. Here's a thought, folks, if you have multiple credit cards with a company, clearly mark your checks so we know which check goes to which account. I'm just saying...So, I get his account up, hear his complaint, and then ask for some identifying information. Of course, this time I wasn't playing with fire--Nope, I was playing with explosives. *lights a stick of dynamite and throws it* He went postal on me and gave me a whole buttload of info I didn't ask for and in the end, he had to answer my question anyway. I love being the winner. I was like, "Thank you for all that, sir, but I still need to know (insert security question here)." I'm not going to lie--I enjoyed making him answer it. He was so pissed. I finally said I'd take care of everything and put him on hold. I did too. I got it all straightened out and his card was all better in the end. There's nothing I love more than making a grown man (or woman) feel sort of like a jackass. By the time he hung up, he sounded very humble and even thanked me quickly before slamming down the phone. Ehhh, whatever. I didn't even flinch though as he threatened me with how he's taken surveys in the past and has given bad reviews because our customer service sucks and no one knows how to do their jobs...No one except me, that is because I fixed it! So, HA! *strikes super hero pose with hair blowing in the wind*


My other adventure today had to do with the dentist...I had some temporary work done to a tooth back in July and I've been meaning to call back to set up a follow-up appointment to get the rest of it done, but I haven't. Plus, they were supposed to call me, but they didn't either. Anyway, so, last night I noticed my gum above this tooth was sore. When I put my finger by it, I discovered a bump. Now we all know damn well that when we feel something out of place, we must push on it. "Oh look...That looks painful and out of place. Let's push on it!" Yeah, so you know that's what I did. It hurt pretty badly. This morning, it was bigger. I'm afraid it's some sort of abscess. So, I called the dentist and explained everything. I then told the receptionist that I can be seen any time after 3:30pm or any time on Saturday. She called me back and left me a message that they have appointments at 10am on Thursday and 11:40am on Friday. Are you fucking kidding me? Are those after 3:30pm or on Saturday??? NO, THEY'RE NOT! WTF!? So, in the end, I had to talk to my trainer to see if I could use some of my sick time to cover me for half a day if I go on Friday. Luckily, I can do this, so I scheduled my appointment. Here's the thing that gets me...I told the woman that it's painful and a bump, which looks like an abscess. She says, "Sounds like it." So, I ask if there's a way to get antibiotics because I'm scared it's going to be bad by Friday and she says, "The doctor will need to see you and decide if antibiotics are what you need." Oh good. So, in the meantime, my gum is going to swell with infection and I'm going to be in huge amounts of pain. Sounds like good times. By Friday, I'll probably look like the Elephant man.


Now, with that pretty picture in your mind, I just want to say I'm so glad I've found a girl who loves me because I can't imagine trying to be out meeting girls with this going on...Or like after the dentist either with half of my face numbed and drool coming out of the side of my mouth. I don't have much game anyway, but I suspect when I look like half of my face doesn't work, I'm not sure I'd be scoring any points with any girls. Then again, I don't really score points with my girl either...These are the times she likes to tease me. I believe this is another sign that we belong together since she's so good at picking on me...And I'm so good at taking it. *grins*

"You know how those Asians are."

This whole past week at work was strange. On the days when we're busy, we're normally busy all day, but this week it seemed to come in waves. Like, slammed, dead, slammed, dead, etc. It didn't matter to me if it was busy or slow, I just prefer it to be one or the other, not both within an hour. It's weird. What else was weird was the people calling in. They called in for ridiculous reasons, asked stupid questions, and acted like morons when we told them things they didn't want to hear. For instance...


I cannot do anything for you and a charge you made when you signed the receipt. You can claim all you want that you were overcharged, but if you signed the receipt, you agreed to make that charge for that amount. Yelling at me about "You know how those Asians are" doesn't make me want to help you anymore. (Had this person said, "You know how those Asians are at Disneyland" I would've said, "Yup!" But not in this case. I didn't know Asians tried to rip people off, like this person claimed.) If we investigated your claim about being overcharged and sent you a letter with copies of your invoice and receipt, along with letters from the merchant to show you paid the amount you agreed to, there's nothing I can do for you. I cannot reopen the case. And when you insinuate that I am unable to do my job, it really doesn't make me want to do anything for you. What's even better is when you claim that the credit card company I work for recovered the difference in the charge amount and then pocketed the money. Yup, that's how we make money. *rolls eyes*


After fifteen minutes or so of being yelled at, screamed at, and talked to by this person, I finally was like, "Enough is enough." I didn't say that, but I laid down the law with this person and they demanded to speak to a supervisor. I didn't even care. I didn't care when this person acted as though I'm an idiot. I didn't care about any of it. I had tried to reason with them. I had explained everything. Then I got a supervisor on the phone and oh my God, this person went postal on the supervisor. I didn't even get to introduce the supervisor!! I hung up the phone and had a good laugh.


This is when I realized I was starting to get a thick skin. I knew it'd come eventually and I'm happy it's coming now. I can't handle too many people telling me I'm stupid when I just want to ask about half of them how they even manage to tie their shoes in the morning! I wonder what kinds of schools they attended and who the hell deemed them worthy of owning a business when they cannot seem to figure out why they got hit with a late payment fee (Hello, you paid a week late. Duh.) or why they are paying interest (Knock, knock! Who's there? Credit Card. Credit Card who? You're fucking credit card, moron, and you have to pay interest if you don't pay in full!) or why it's not considered fraud when you loaned out your card to your mom and she decided to go shopping at Bloomie's instead of buying supplies for your business. Next time, don't trust mommy. I'm just saying...


Here are a few other gems from work this week...And these were from my co-workers. One co-worker asked a card member if they would hold for a "day or two" while he looked into some stuff for them. He immediately realized what he said and corrected himself, but man, had I been sitting next to him when he said that, I probably would've died laughing. Another co-worker was trying to help a guy who had broken a camera, but didn't want it replaced or fixed, only wanted his money back, which wasn't an option at that time because he'd waited too long and had refused the first offer of store credit from the merchant. So, my co-worker said, "Sir, isn't a fixed camera better than a broken camera?" Now this guy sits across from me, but I didn't actually hear him say it. His cube-mate told me and I almost died laughing. It was out of frustration and once he said that, I believe the man on the other end of the line finally realized he was being unreasonable...Okay, probably not, but in a perfect world, he would've. *grins* And let's not forget about this one, which made me laugh pretty heartily, from my own cube-mate and favorite British woman, my good buddy whom we'll call Eliza. Yes, as in Doolittle. *grins* Come on, I can't use people's real names!! Anyway, so Eliza was trying to convince this guy to upgrade his card and he said he'd upgrade if she'd go on a date with him. *is laughing already* Really? He has no clue what she looks like!! She only has a cool British accent! Not that she's bad looking, but this guy has no clue, right? Anyway, so she rebuttals with something to the effect of, "Instead, I could offer you 25,000 membership reward points!" This is really a nice way of saying, "Piss off! I wouldn't date you, ever! Take this consolation prize instead." *grins* Yeah, that's right, I said, Piss Off! You know, because I'm British by association!


Our other cube-mate in our happy little group of four is a girl with my same name. The other day, she told me that I remind her of her cousin. This is strange because she said I have this girl's same sense of humor and that I laugh just like her. Really? Even my laugh is unoriginal? *goes to jump off bridge* What was funnier is that she shared that this is her favorite cousin who is as morbid as she is...and let's face it, I'm rather morbid too. She shared a story about how one of their second cousins (whom they had never met) had been decapitated when he hit a deer and somehow they found this amusing. (I'm not laughing! I'm not!!) So amusing, in fact, that they made a cheesy homemade video of how he was driving down the road, hit the deer, and then ended up decapitated. My cube-mate was the deer and jumped onto the hood of the car as the cousin pretended to have hit the deer, yanked a hood over her head, and then fell into the passenger seat, apparently dead from decapitation. *laughs wildly* I can picture this cheesy video in my head and it's so amusing! We're trying to convince her to get this video onto youtube.com so we can all watch and laugh. And yes, I will give a link if I get it. Still, my laugh is like someone else's? I thought I was original!!


On a side note, what the hell is up that pastor dude from Florida who wanted to burn the Quran? This is a guy who's supposed to be all Christian-like and yet does exactly the opposite. Hello, people came over on the Mayflower to escape persecution in England. Of course, they settled here and persecuted anyone who was different than themselves and called them witches, but that's neither here nor there! I'm just not sure it's a nice thing to do, especially when we have a ton of guys fighting a war not too many of us want anymore (or ever wanted in the first place). That pastor might as well just get a gun, go overseas, and attack our soldiers himself. He's like jumping around, "Hey Muslims!! Hate me! And my fellow white man! Come and get me, I dare you! Watch me as I make a mockery of what you believe in!! What're you going to do? Get a little suicide bomber to come get me? I'm not scared!" Seriously. The dude is a moron. Personally, I don't believe all the stuff Atheists say, but I'm not running around burning science books on Charles Darwin's birthday or something. It's just lame. And here in the U.S. we let anyone have their freakin' fifteen minutes of fame. I say we burn that moron and call it a day. Moving on...

A Monday on a Tuesday.

I went to work today expecting it to be like a Monday on a Tuesday...And a hellish one at that since it was a three-day weekend and God only knows what sort of trouble people could get in during that time since Mondays are bad after regular weekends. So, I got up this morning, after very little sleep last night (I swear, I cannot sleep through the night anymore!), and was mentally preparing myself for the horrible day I knew I'd have. The three Tuesdays before this were God-awful, with people screaming at me, demanding to talk to my supervisor, and the whole nine yards, okay? I didn't want to do it again today. Phoenix insisted it was going to be a good day because it's a short week and Monday is already gone. Sometimes, I want to tell her what she can do with her optimism...Like specifically where she can stick it. Of course, I don't because I love her...Or so I tell myself so that I don't feel like any less of a man, ahem, woman for not saying anything. *grins*


Where was I? Oh yeah, "It's going to be a good day. It's all rainbows and butterflies..." Rainbows and butterflies my ass, I say. I went to work, feeling half-dead with exhaustion, and settled into my chair, ready to fight the good fight...Bring on the stupid calls!! Here's today's lesson:


Just because your due date was on the holiday, doesn't mean we are going to accept your payment a day late without charging you a late fee. Seriously. We were not closed on Labor Day. I'm sorry your bank was, but we weren't. Call centers were still open to take your money. Plus, you should pay it in advance since it can take up to 48-hours to post...I'm just saying.


I had some pissed off people when they learned this lesson. Dude, are you kidding me? If your house payment is due on a Sunday, it's due by that Sunday. They had better have that payment. If Sallie Mae comes looking for their money and it's due on the Fourth of July, I'd better have my payment in to them by then, otherwise, they're going to come take away my fireworks, BBQ-ed food, and repossess my education! Or take my first born! Or my right arm! I don't know what they'll take, but I suspect they're very cruel people...And whatever they come to take, I expect them to do with a rusty spoon. *shivers at the thought* They're just mean!


Also, I am not able to waive annual membership fees on your cards. You pay this fee for a reason. The cards with fees come with benefits that free cards don't. And I don't care that our competitor doesn't charge you for their cards...They haven't been around as long as we have. Nor are they as cool as we are.


So back to this whole good day thing...It was very busy today, in waves. Like we'd be slammed for an hour or two, then slow, then slammed, and so on. The day went by pretty quickly, which was nice since after work I had to take our puppy, Madeline, to the vet. Dude, vets charge an arm and a leg!! I had to get three of her shots done and they charged $100. Basically, I had to work, nearly a whole day, to pay for her to be at the vet for a few moments. WTF!? Our $50 Craig's List puppy is costing us a fortune!! Plus, I had to get ear wash solution so that I can wash her ears once a week since she insists on playing in the water and gets her ears all filthy!! And this is all on top of the last visit, which was like $150 or something and the $100 we paid to take her training at Petsmart. Petsmart? Oh no, I think Pets-stupid! Why are we paying $100 to train the damn dog!? This shit better work!! I better have the best behaved black lab in the whole wide world! And after all these vet visits, she better be the healthiest puppy ever too! I don't even spend this much on my own medical stuff. It's crazy! Plus, Phoenix is telling me we have to get her a new collar and leash for training tomorrow because the pink ones she has now are no longer pink since our "girlie" dog insists on playing in the mud and nearly destroyed leash and collar when we went camping. She seriously rolled around in the dirt/mud whilst camping and the baby pink leash/collar is like brownish-grayish-pink. *rolls eyes* I think if we invest in a new collar, we should get a black leather spike one to further scare our Indian neighbors who think she's some sort of killer dog and run from her when all she wants to do is sniff them since they stink so much. I know, I know, I'm mean, but you don't live next to these folks and their seriously stinky food/apartments. I've never once thought to myself, "Hmmm...Curry, onions, garlic, and moth balls would make excellent seasonings for my dinner." But I swear that's what they cook with. It stinks in December when it's cool outside. Can you imagine how much worse that smells when it's 112 outside and humid? It's like the air is thick with the smell. And the people who come out of those apartments smell so strongly of their seasonings that it makes me nauseous.


Now don't go thinking I'm the devil...Well, you can because a few people would say I am, but that's not the point. I'm just being a realist. I'm the same girl who will tell my German Grandma that her sauerkraut stinks to the high heavens! And oh-help-me-lord when she makes lamb! *gags* It just stinks. Plus, I have also talked smack to Phoenix when we stayed the night at her mom's house and her mom made menudo...Man, you want to talk about smelly!! BLECH! So, yeah, nothing personal against Indians...I hate all kinds of smells. I'd prefer people keep their smells inside their apartments and far away from me. And I don't know why they're scared of my dog. Grown men run from a four-month old black lab. Don't they know my dog is more likely to lick them to death than to rip our their smelly throats? Ehh, whatever. I'm telling you though, the leather collar would definitely seal the deal. They'd totally get out of our way when they see us coming. *grins* Maybe I'll get one too...JUST KIDDING!! *shifty eyes*


Well, that about sums up my day. Nothing too exciting. I guess I could share one more quick thing to end the blog...There was something funny thing that happened today that made me giggle uncontrollably at work. There's a guy I work with who's like the sweetest guy ever and I would swear he's gay, but he never said one way or the other. I don't hide anything and everyone knows about me. So, today, we're sitting there and he calls me and the other Heather at work to order by saying, "Heathers, I have something to tell you. I've decided something." Of course, luck would have it that we all three got calls. After taking some calls, I asked him what he was going to say. He said, "Oh. *he laughed a little* I've decided I'm going to find a sugar daddy so I don't have to work here anymore." It was so unexpected and out of left field that I couldn't stop laughing. I had to high five him too for it. Of course, this confirmed my suspicions. Plus, he'd lived in Portland, OR, which has a HUGE gay community...My cousin lives there with his wife though, so I probably shouldn't generalize, huh? LOL Still it made me laugh. It also made me wish I had a sugar daddy...Or in my case, a sugar mama! I told him I wanted one as well, but unfortunately, my girlfriend didn't make that much money and needed me to work! I hope for his sake he finds a sugar daddy...And perhaps he'll keep me as his buddy and I'll reap the benefits as well. *grins* A girl can dream, can't she???

That's it, I'm boycotting those bastards!!

As some of you know, when I used to write, I normally did it in the middle of the night while the whole world slept. I had few distractions this way. Also, I smoked like a chimney because it suited me. I no longer smoke, nor do I stay up late into the wee hours to write. Instead, I try to write when I have spare time, like on the weekends lately when Phoenix is working and I'm off. I found in the past that getting the hell out of the house and going somewhere to write worked better for me because while sitting here, I will think of things that need to be done, like laundry, dishes, etc...Apparently, in the middle of the night I didn't think about doing these things, so no worries there.


Anyway, my place of choice to go write is at a local Barnes and Noble in their cafe' section. I have been going there for over a year now. I have worked on the manuscript I keep sending out. The same one that keeps getting rejected. I have also written blogs and other material there. I usually grab a frappuccino and then settle in to write for a couple of hours. For the most part, I find that by putting on my headphones, I am able to completely ignore all that goes on around me...Usually. Yesterday was a different story.


Yesterday, I was busily going through my letter of introduction to send in with my manuscript to Bold Strokes Books, when I suddenly saw someone dancing through the cafe' part of the store. The girls who work in the cafe were giggling and making some jokes with the dancing girl. She had literally flung out her arms and danced in circles as though she were seven years old and dancing through a large field of wild flowers. Seriously. Not a care in the world with that one. She looked to be in her early twenties...And guess what? She worked there too!! Who dances around at their jobs? I mean, besides dancers...Or, um, I guess we could call them "dancers" too. (Ahem, STRIPPERS!) It was weird. What was stranger was that I saw her dancing like three other times. I wondered what could make this girl so incredibly happy that she had to dance through her day at work. My imaginative mind began to twist together scenarios for her possible happiness. I considered asking her, but I feared she would end up telling me she was secretly high on marijuana or drunk or on Xanax, which is sort of like the other two, huh? Only legal. *grins* So, I didn't ask and I tried to simply ignore, though it was hard.


I also did my best to ignore the nine year old little boy who was sitting two tables away from me at a separate table from his father. The dad was ignoring the boy, so the boy kept doing things to get his attention, like drop his hi-lighters, spill his water, etc...I felt sorry for the boy. I wanted to punch the father though because I'm not sure what his deal was. He was so involved in reading the newspaper and checking for stuff on the computer. I got the feeling that the boy was having his "visitation" with his dad and it wasn't going well at all. Still, I put this aside and did what I had to do.


After submitting my manuscript, I thought to myself, "I wonder if B&N sells their books here." Seriously, I want people to be like, "I was at Barnes and Noble and saw your book, so I bought it." And yes, when I get published, you will have to buy your own damn copy. I am not handing these things out for free!! I want my MONEY! *grins* Just kidding!!! Sorta. So, before I left to go get Phoenix from work, I packed up my stuff and headed to the gay and lesbian section...


When I first moved to Phoenix and went to B&N here, I was shocked at the size of the gay and lesbian section. Back in Victorville, CA, the gay section was small...Like maybe two and a half shelves, total. Here in Phoenix, this B&N had a whole section. Like five shelves, with its own little placard showing the whole world that it was the gay section! It made me happy to see this. I was like, "my section" even though I've read like one gay book my whole life...Well, that's gay as in gay, not as in stupid. I've read tons of stupid books. But this is neither here nor there either. The point is, the section was a nice size. Each time I went to look at it, I thought, "One day my book will be here...One day."


Yesterday, I set off to look at the gay section to see if they had Bold Strokes Books. I went to where it was before and found empty shelves. I stepped back, "Qua?" You know, because I speak French in my spare time. *shifty eyes* Even the sign was missing. I headed back an aisle to see if they were moving it that way, but nope--Just Christian books there. In fact, like five aisles of Christian books. People sure have a lot to say about religion, huh? So, definitely no gay books there. Hmmm...I set off in search of the gay books. I looked everywhere!! They were gone! And I'm talking gone like the Mayans...Gone like the folks on Roanoke Island. Never to be seen again! WTF? After wandering the store like a lost puppy dog for a good five minutes, I headed to the information booth/desk. The woman working the desk was wandering the store with a phone in her hand, as though she had someone on the line, but wasn't talking to them. As I waited for her return, a woman and her daughter came to stand by me to ask a question. I was tempted to let them go first, but I thought, "I have to pick up Phoenix in a few moments...Plus, I was here first!" So, when the woman returned, I quietly asked, "Where is the section with the gay books?" She cocked her head to one side and then spoke in a loud voice, "The DAY books?" I replied quietly again, "No, ma'am, the gay books." I shot a sideways glance at the mom-daughter team by me. They both looked as confused as the B&N woman. The B&N woman asked, "Oh. The gay books?" I refrained from rolling my eyes as she just announced without the help of a bullhorn that I was looking for gay books and hissed, "Yes!" She lead me off on a wild goose chase through the store, but not before I noticed the freaked out look on the mom's face and the surprised eyes of the girl. This woman lead me around half of the store before we finally located the gay section...She said, "I know they condensed it, but I can't remember where they put it." Here's a pic of what it looks like now.





It's one shelf!! ONE SHELF!! Books on WWII have a whole fucking section. There are like five aisles of books on Christianity. I'm sure half of them say the same thing-- Listen to God. God is watching you. And gay and lesbian books get one measly shelf!! Three aisles of cookbooks to help America get fatter, but one shelf of gay books. There's even a whole section of "New Age" bullshit for those people who worship crystals and go to Sedona to have their Aura looked at by so-called experts. Yet, only one shelf for gay books. There's even a bigger section dedicated to books about Arizona, but only like twenty gay books in the store. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I was in complete and utter shock when the woman said, "Oh, here it is" and pointed to the shelf. I said a quick "Thank you" and then bit my tongue so as not to ask her if she was pulling my leg. The small town of Victorville, CA had a larger section than this!


One quick glance answered my question about Bold Strokes Books...They do carry their books, which is great, but they only had like five titles. Whatever. I walked out feeling disheartened. Is B&N owned by some Christian group now? Have they gone to the Republican side? I was pretty upset with them when they stopped carrying one of the writing magazines I liked to buy. Then they stopped carrying two other magazines I liked to check out and sometimes purchase. This though, I think is the straw that broke the camel's back. Why would they cut down the size of the section? The place where it used to be is now empty! There's like three empty sections. What are they doing now? One friend suggested they are keeping that space open for the memoirs Paris and Lindsay are surely going to write. Another said she bought up all their books, but I could come over and check out her collection if I wanted to. *rolls eyes* WTF!? I told my mom and she laughed. I said it wasn't funny because I wanted my book to be in that section! She said people could buy my book from Amazon.com. BAH! That woman is crazy, anyway. She seems to think it's okay to read books on the Nook. Seriously? A Nook doesn't have that "book smell". A Nook cannot be folded in half and abused as a good novel is when you can't put it down and you carry it with you everywhere. A Nook cannot be loaned out and passed around the group like a hooker on a Friday night. Next thing I know, she'll be saying it's okay to burn books too...Seriously, she might! She's a Republican! You never know what they're going to do next! One day they take away gay marriage. Tomorrow they may burn books. The day after that, they may go after all the daughters who talk smack to their mommies!! And my mom will lead the pack! *grins*


Basically, this is my long-winded rant to say this-- Fuck off, Barnes and Noble! As soon as I find a new place to write, I am not going back to you! I hate Borders because I can't find shit there, but I might just learn to avoid going back to B&N! Bastards!

A migraine and telephone calls...

From Monday until Friday, I had this horrible, God-awful, thought-my-head-was-going-to-explode type of headache. I was half-convinced that I had a brain tumor. ("It's not a tumor!") Can we just stop for a moment and imagine wearing a headset all day long with a pounding headache? Talk about pain, man. It felt like my head was in a vice and then I was in my own personal hell, which involves angry people calling in asking why their APR is so high (Pay your bill, moron and we won't raise your APR.), how their balance got so high (Quit buying Starbucks with your business card! Coffee is not an office supply!! PS: We cannot dispute your charges at the local strip club because your card was swiped there and you signed the receipt. I don't care if your wife is going to be pissed.), or crazy women tell me to be "silent". Okay, okay, the woman who yelled at me to be "silent!" was last week, but whatever...Just thinking about it makes my head hurt.


So, please, imagine settling in at work and taking 40-50 calls with a pounding headache. By Thursday, I could barely remember my own name, let alone remember how to do my job. In the midst of what I shall call, "The Worst Headache of My Life," I made a few mistakes at work. I won't take full responsibility for these though...I mean, if I'm trying to give you information and you cut me off, then it's your problem too. For instance, if you're calling in to make a payment, you might want to let me tell you which account I have on file before saying, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, that one! Just make the payment." Because as I said to you on the phone, "Payments processed today cannot be changed. Is it still okay for me to proceed?" I wasn't kidding. I don't make this shit up. I also don't make up the rules about how you can pay by phone or computer once every 24 hours. That's once. Every 24 hours. And no, I cannot stop that payment I just processed because then you ask what the account number was and realize that's your old account that's closed. I tried to ask and I was cut off. Now, it's on you too.


Of course, luck would have it that shortly after this fiasco, I would get the call transferred to me to take a payment from another guy. I thought to myself, "Double check everything!" I wasn't going to be bitched at again...I feared if I was that my head would, quite literally, explode. So, the guy comes on the line and says, "I need to make a payment." Me, "I'd be more than happy to help with that. How's your day going, sir?" Him- "Great. You?" Me- "Great. Thanks for asking." I confirm the account we're taking the funds from and then ask, "And how much are we paying today?" I hadn't looked at his balance and I was seriously thinking I had a brain tumor at this point in time. I noticed my vision was getting a little blurry in my right eye, but only in one little spot. In the midst of my wondering about my tumor, which was probably pulsating and growing by the moment, he responds, "750,000." Snapping me back to reality, I said, "I'm sorry, sir, I think I missed that. How much?" He repeats himself. I then, with a shaky hand, type in 3/4 of a million bucks. I briefly fantasized about what that much money looks like and wondered how it would feel to spend that much money. Then I counted the zeros to make sure I had the right amount before I asked, "750,000?" He said, "Yes." I could hear him typing in the background, obviously busy. What if this was wrong? I couldn't stop the $50 payment earlier; I sure as hell couldn't stop the $750,000 payment!! I didn't want to click proceed. I think I confirmed a few more times before finally putting it through. I have to admit, I felt a little nauseous.


I've talked to our most prized customers before, with the elite card that one can only get if we invite you to have it. Yes, the owners of the titanium cards. (I am not mentioning these things by name because I need my job. *grins*) And I've seen the way they spend money, but I've never taken a payment for so much money. In the end, I made it for the right amount. As for our "elite" customers, I had one call in and ask about recent charges. This person spent thousands of dollars in one night at a few different restaurants and clubs. I mean, we're talking more money than Phoenix and I make in a couple of months. I thought to myself, "I wish I had money to blow like that...Hell, I just wish I had money." Of course, I can't even sell anything to these people!!


Half of my job is to try to sell people new card products and I can't even do that. People shoot me down right and left. They shoot me down forwards and backwards too. The only sales I've gotten were basically handed to me. Sometimes, I kind of influence the people, but not usually. And do you think I could sell some measly little product to these people who blow my monthly income on lunch on a Tuesday afternoon? HELL NO! Luckily, I get paid a salary and sales are a bonus...


In the end, after being yelled at by people who hate me because I am the bearer of bad news, I called it an early day on Thursday morning. I came home and slept for a while, which mostly made the headache go away. By Friday, mid-morning, the headache had left for the most part. It was a dull ache, but was on its way out. For that, I was happy. I couldn't have handled one more day of it without going postal.


On a side note, the woman who yelled at me, "SILENT!" was a crack up. She called last week, complaining that her current statement didn't show some credits that were due to her. I said I would look into it and asked if I could put her on hold. She refused to be put on hold, so I muted the call while I searched her account for what was happening. She seemed to think I would've been up to no good had I put her on hold. I'm not sure what people think happens when we put them on hold, but I'll tell you that it's not "party time". We don't all put our customers on hold, jump out of our seats, and join a Conga Line around the cubicles. I don't know why, but the credits came in after the statement was cycled instead of right away. This isn't something I control, but she apparently thought so. (I swear, I wasn't out the week before drinking margaritas with co-workers to figure out how to mess with this woman! It was Long Island Ice Teas! *grins*) So, I told her where the credits were and that they'd be on the next statement. She then wanted to see if they were online because she hadn't been able to see them two days before. I said, "They should be. They posted yesterday." To which she replied, "I looked two days ago! They weren't there!" I then reiterated because they had been posted the previous day and not two days before. She said she was going to look right then and that since she had waited for me, I could wait for her...SILENTLY! I'm not kidding. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. She seriously told me, "Silent!" when I tried to say, "Okay." My trainer said she would've started clearing her throat or coughing, just to mess with the woman. I, instead, physically bit my tongue so that I didn't tell her what she could do to herself and then where she could go when she was finished. Use your imagination. She then, after a few minutes of furious typing and clicking, which made me happy I wasn't her computer, hissed, "I see them now!" And then slammed down the phone. I love my job. *straight face* I do...


My mom told me that people seem to hold on to so much stress and crap that happens in their lives and eventually, they need to, for lack of a better term, download their shit onto others. For instance, if I were at the grocery store and accidentally bumped another woman's cart, then she might normally say, "Whoa! Traffic jam!" or some lame thing like that and then walk away as though nothing happened as I call out, "Sorry!" However, on this day, I bump her and she turns around and unleashes the beast on me. "What the hell is your problem, moron!? What's the hurry, fat ass, is there a sale on Ben and Jerry's?" And so on. What I don't know is that her father passed away the week before and she's trying to finish up the final plans for his funeral, her husband appears to be having an affair with the neighborhood whore, her flower shop is barely staying afloat in this horrible economy, and she suspects her oldest daughter might be a lesbian. Plus, only an hour before I ran into her, a 16-year old blonde bimbo was driving down the road, rocking out to the latest Britney/Christina/Taylor Swift song, sexting her boyfriend and totally side-swiped this poor woman as she dropped her daughter (the lesbian) off at the girl's house who this woman thinks the girl is fooling around with. So, her late model Volvo station Wagon has a scrape down the side and the driver's side mirror is barely hanging on by a small wire. So, here I come, and bump into her and I get all this shit she's bottled up for a while now. And it wasn't even my fault. My cart had a wheel that keeps sticking and I was trying to make a normal turn, but the cart had a mind of its own and sent me careening into her. Yet, I am the one who gets the shit for my mistake, all because I didn't grab a better cart outside. And thus is a long-winded explanation of why my job sucks balls...I am on the receiving end of all that is bothering people...But I love my job. I do. *straight face, downs a shot of Jack* I promise.


God help the fool who gets in my way when I need to unleash my beast...*grins wickedly*