Fuck this shit...

I had said in my previous blog that I couldn't allow myself to get the point where I'm like, "Fuck this shit." Unfortunately, I got there last night. I didn't get the job and yet the evil bitch who was up for it against me did. I get that life isn't fair, but sometimes it just doesn't make sense at all. When someone is going around work telling everyone "I killed it! It's in the bag!" and that she has NOOOOOOO competition even though like 30 of us interviewed for the job, they should be put in their place and humbled. God knows every time I let my ego start to get the best of me, I trip and land flat on my face or someone comes along to remind me that I'm a nerd. It's the story of my life. *sigh* All they've done is reinforced that it's all about who's ass you kiss and not how hard you work. I work my ass off and have recently done so much extra shit for my boss and for what? It got me in some remedial workshop and a couple of interviews. *rolls eyes* Yeah, I'm jaded and I don't even care. Hard work isn't appreciated or rewarded, it's just abused. So to all of that shit, I say, "Fuck this shit." I'm over it. I am done going out of my way since no one appreciates it. I'll do my "eight in the gate" and that's it. It's time to move along.

Spinning wheels...

I'm scheduled for an interview for a coaching position at my work and I'm now wondering why they would even hire me since my survey scores keep dropping. I haven't started doing anything different on the phone and yet my scores are plummeting faster than the stock market crashed back in '29. (That's right, this English major also knows some history! What's up now, mofos?) I'm not even kidding. It's not like I took up telling people, "You got the late payment fee because you're a deadbeat who doesn't pay on time. Thank you, drive thru." Let's be real...I still kiss ass like I've always done because that's what the American Society expects. The second I point out that mailing the payment the day before it's due is not acceptable, I get jumped all over about how it's not their fault, but the fault of the Postal Service. Yup, it's the USPS's fault that you mailed it 12 hours before the due date and you really thought it would make it across five states that quickly. *rolls eyes* I do what I can to waive fees trying to soothe them because we've created a society of "It's not my fault." Whatever. I do what I can and then these morons who can't even click the right button to submit a payment online or dial their card number into the phone hold my livelihood in their hands as they click to answer questions about how well I helped them. And when they say I've been "awesome" all the way across the board, but then rate me the wrong number, someone should catch that and it shouldn't count. I'll take the bad scores when the people have something to complain about, but when they fill them out saying I'm great, but then choose the wrong corresponding number, there's a problem. You can't say "You got an A for your letter grade and a -43 for your number grade." They don't correspond!! BAH! I HATE THIS SYSTEM!!! 


So, now that I'm going down quicker than the number of supporters for Romney after his idiotic statements about 47% of the US population, I'm flipping out because I'm supposed to be interviewing for this job and my numbers are horrible. And to top it off today my boss' boss instant messages me and tells me that they are signing me up for a workshop at my work. I think the workshop should be renamed, "I'm a big fat loser who's number suck and I'm skating on thin ice." I think they didn't like that name though because it's a bit long...I'm working on it. But seriously...These are people who have been backing me for this position and now they're like, "So...There's this workshop that you should *cough, need, cough* to take." *rolls eyes* Great. Because I love being listened to all day like my phone is being tapped by Big Brother and I want people saying, "Oh! You know how you could've made that call better?" And the answer is NEVER, "Drink a martini while talking to them?" It's also NEVER, "I should've told them to grow a pair and act like an adult?" I never know the answers to their questions...


Does anyone else feel like they're spinning their wheels? I am not in a position I should be. I'm too damn smart to sit there taking people's shit all day. I am so afraid that one day I'm just going to be like, "Fuck this shit" and I cannot let myself get there. I love my co-workers...Well...most of them and not you...Yes, you! The one reading this. I don't like you, but the rest are cool. haha But seriously, I like them and I don't want to not work with them, but I want a different job. The phones are going to make me lose my mind.

Don't call me Mister!!

So we all know that it's oh-so-funny that at times I've been called "sir" or whatever. Hahaha, yeah, I'm Peppermint Patty. hahaha, it's so funny I can't stop laughing. *straight face* I get called sir on the phone constantly and I get it--I don't have an ultra girly voice. I'm not a huge fan of my voice, but it would take too much effort to change it, so I deal with it. I do, however, get a little pissed off when people call me "sir" to my face. If you look at me, I am clearly a girl. And this happened long before I ever chopped off my lovely locks, so don't say, "It's because you have a boy hair cut." It's not. People are just stupid. My experience today though has pushed me over the edge...And maybe it's because it's a very off Monday, like the kind where we were strangely not busy, and it left me to my own devices...which is NEVER a good thing. 


When I got home from work today, I got a phone call from Trafford Publishing. I had made the mistake of talking to them about their self-publishing "deals". *rolls eyes* If I'm putting up a couple thousand dollars of my own money, I should be able to earn that back through book sales and someone should edit my shit for me...I'm just sayin'. And their comeback all the time is, "It's not about the money. It's about getting your story out there." Yes, and to earn money, you idiot! I don't want to answer phones all my life. I would love for this to be my livelihood! So, the lady who used to call, Beth, apparently gave up on me. Then some other guy called a few times and I said, "Stop calling." They didn't. For the last two months, Joseph has been calling. Today, he called again and for the second time, he said, "I'm calling for Mr., um...Miss Heather (insert last name here)." Dude, no. You don't get to call me Mr. when Heather is clearly a female name. And twice now he's done this. As soon as he left his voice mail, I knew he'd also email me (This is how they work.), so I decided I'd email him back. Here's what I wrote:

Dear Joseph,

       I have already asked repeatedly to be taken off the list you guys have. I have decided to go another route to publish my book and not just because you guys expect me to fork over a large sum of money, but also because you guys have lousy royalty rates. I know, you're going to come back, like the others I've spoken to before you, and say that it's not about the money. To that, I say, you're right...To a point. I'd love to get my story out there for people to read, but I'm not going to go broke doing that. If after pouring my heart and soul into writing a story I decided that I wanted absolutely nothing all in return, I'd publish the damn thing on my blog and call it a day.

       Also, Joseph, I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate people calling you "Miss" or "Ma'am" and I sure as hell don't appreciate you saying that you're calling for "Mr. um...Miss Heather (insert last name here)." If you can't even read your list ahead of time while dialing me to know I'm a female, I REALLY don't want to work with your company because obviously you don't pay any attention at all to detail. This is twice now that you've done the same thing on my voice mail. Stop calling.

Thanks,
MISS Heather (insert last name here)

Perhaps that's a bit harsh, but really. If I had his boss' email address, I would've CC'ed him/her as well because this guy is a complete moron! This about sums up how I feel today. At work, I made someone's list of annoying people. When she asked if she should pencil or pen me in, I said I wanted to be penned in. In fact, I asked if she had a permanent list because I wanted to be "sharpied" onto that list. Bwahaha! Yup, I'm in the mood to be a punkass. Don't say you weren't warn.


In other news, I got the interview for the other job at work. I go in on Thursday for it and I'm SERIOUSLY nervous. My boss says I'll do fine while I think he's actually feeding me to the wolves. We shall see how this goes. Wish me luck and all that stuff...

Let the awkward conversations roll...

So, over the last couple of days I've had some really awkward conversations and it's not me doing it...I'm not sure why we end up in these conversations, but alas, here we are...


Saturday morning conversation with Rapunzel (Age 4).
Rapunzel- "Do you have a shower in your bedroom?"

Me- "Yes, I have a bathroom with a shower in my bedroom."

Rapunzel- "Do you shower with Phoenix?"

Me- *awkward silence, shifting from one foot the other for a second* "No, I like to shower alone and so does she."

Rapunzel- *giggles* "I like to take a shower with my sister."

Me- "Yeah, I still like to shower alone."

Rapunzel- *smiling* "Okay." *walks off to play with her sister* Dude, out of the like ten, thirty five, eight hundred and ninety two kids we've had, she's the first to ask that. I think she's got us figured out...

Tonight at dinner, Rapunzel again starts asking questions.

Rapunzel- *takes a bite of her soup for dinner* "Do you like cooking?"

Me- *shrugs* "Yeah, I do like cooking. Do you like cooking?"

Rapunzel- *smiles* "Yes, but not when I get burned. Did you get burned?"

 Me- "I didn't get burned tonight. Have you gotten burned before?"

Rapunzel- *nodding* "Yes, it hurts. Does she like cooking?" (Referring to Phoenix.)

Me- *laughing* "No, she doesn't."

Phoenix- *from the kitchen getting herself a drink* "I can't cook."

Me- "That's true, she can't cook."

Ariel- "So you cook for her?"

Me- "Yeah, that's why she got me because I can cook." Aside to Phoenix as she joins us at the table- "I'm pretty sure that was in your ad, wasn't it? Cooking a plus? Or was it a must?" *grins*
Phoenix- "A must or a plus, same thing."
Ariel- "I think I'll get a girl to do my cooking too."

Rapunzel- *crazy laugh* "No, that's why you have parents!"

Ariel- "No! When I get older!"

So, apparently now, I'm a cook in this house who shares a room, but not a shower, with Phoenix...I think I'm with Ariel though...I'd like to get a girl to cook for me. Preferably, someone hot. *grins*

So, speaking of awkward conversations, I find myself sometimes having these at work...Mostly when card holders don't want to hear what I'm saying like "I can't dispute this charge because it's too old" and they sit there quietly, like they're waiting for me to say, "Just kidding! I'm taking care of it right now." *laughs* But seriously, it's hard. Today, I got into two very awkward conversations with a woman from another department...And despite the fact that my calls to this department were hours apart, I got her both times! DAMN IT!

First attempt at a conversation with "Tandy". (The name is made up to protect the idiotic.)
Me- "Hi Tandy, this is Heather from customer service. I have a woman who needs to be towed on the line. Can I give you her card number?"

Tandy- "Where are you calling from?"

Me- *speaking slowly because I can already tell she's an idiot* "Customer service. Let me give you her number."

Tandy- "Her call back number?"

Me- *slams head into desk* "No, I don't have her phone number. I have her credit card number for her account."

Tandy- "Oh. What's her name?"

Me- *wondering how Tandy got her job and if this is her first day ever taking calls* After giving the name, I said, "Let me give you the card number because you need it."

Tandy- "Oh. Um. Okay."

Me- *reads number slowly* "Did you get it?"

Tandy- "What's her phone number?"

Me- *slams head into desk again* "I still don't have a callback number, but I have her on the line. By the way, she was ID'ed by..." And I told her how she was identified.

Tandy- "What's that mean?"

Me- "It means we identified her by the phone number she called in from."

Tandy- "We can do that?"

Me- *considers jumping out my window with a view to end this conversation* "Yes. Please let me bring her on." Without waiting, I brought the card holder on and got off the phone. Normally, I call, give the card number, the name, tell them the person needs a tow, and that's it. It doesn't go down this way.

Hours later, someone else calls in and his car died in the middle of the road. He was able to get it to the side, but he needs his car towed. Great, I have to call THAT department again. *face palm* I literally looked at my cubie and told him I hope I don't get Tandy again and he laughs. *shakes head* Apparently, she was the only one working over there today.

Me- "Hi Tandy, it's Heather from customer service. I have someone on the line--"
Tandy- "From where?"

Me- "I'm in customer service."
Tandy- "I'm sorry...What?"
Me- *convinced Tandy is on drugs or drinking at her desk* "Customer service. I'm in customer service. Card services. I help card holders." *meanwhile the team leader, my old boss, who sits on the other side of my wall is CRACKING UP because she knows I'm losing it.*
Tandy- "Oh. Do you need road side assistance?"
Me- *refrains from saying that yes, I need to be towed away from my desk before I snap* "No, Tandy, I have someone on the line who needs help. His name is...And he needs a tow. Let me give you his card number."

Tandy- "His what?"

Me- *looking around to see if I'm on Candid Camera* "His. Card. Number. The credit card he holds with us. He needs help, Tandy." *I might've been gritting my teeth at this point. And I SWEAR she had to be blonde...I know, I'm a jerk, but seriously, no red head on the planet is this dumb!*

Tandy- *giggles* "Oh, okay. What is it?"

Me- *reads off card number* "Okay, I'm bringing him on."

Tandy- "What does he need?"
Me- *refrains from saying a lung transplant* "Roadside assistance, Tandy. Is that your department?" *team leader next to me, still laughing wildly*

Tandy- "Yes, I can help with that."
Me- *brings on card holder* "Here you go, sir, I have you where you need to be. Good luck." And disconnected the call.

I don't know how to deal with dumb people. After that last call, I didn't connect anyone else to roadside assistance...And I'm not sure I ever will again. I'll just give them the number and put them through. Tandy made me want to move far, far away and become a hermit.

To sum up...Happy Monday. I get to do this for four more days before I get a break...Oh God, I don't know how I contain my excitement. *straight face* 



         

The girliest of girls and other ramblings...

Because we are gluttons for punishment, we are back up to having three kids in the house. We still have Chuck (the 16 month old baby), but now we've added two little girls to that mixture. Like about a week and a half ago, we got a six year old and a four year old. We shall call them Ariel and Rapunzel, respectively, as this is what they told us they want to be called. This should teach Phoenix not to ask little kids, "What do you want to be called?" Although, she then turned to me and said, "There, now you have names for your blog." Haha! I get it though--If someone asked me what they should call me, I'd reply, "Master...Madame Luscious...you know...whatever." Bwahahaha! Anyway, so here's what I've learned about 4 and 6 year old girls--They don't stop talking!! These girls start talking as soon as they wake up and don't stop until they finally pass out. I talk on the phone all day at work, but I will guarantee that these two girls talk WAY more than I do and that's saying something!
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Somehow, we ended up with a couple of the girliest girls I've ever met. These are little girls who come home and immediately take off their tennis shoes to put on their play high heels, which they will wear until bedtime. I'm not even sure I ever owned a pair of play heels and I certainly didn't wear my mom's heels and not just because she didn't have the cool hooker heels I wanted to wear, but also because I'm pretty sure my foot was bigger than hers by the time I was walking. *shakes fist angrily at big feet* Like I'm positive the only place I can find heels in my size would be at a drag queen shop. No joke. These are the joys of wearing a man's 11 or 11 1/2. This is probably half my battle with being clumsy. You try walking around with clown feet and tell me how that works out for you. But I digress...These girls want to wear little headbands with froofy (is that how you spell that? You know what I mean...) bows and barrettes (I just had to spell check that word because I wasn't sure that was right. I suppose that shows how non-girly I am.) and they're just so...girly. I don't know how to deal with these girls. Last weekend I had to do their hair and they both wanted pigtails. Dude, seriously? (I know you guys are trying to picture this!) It took a while, but I got their hair in pigtails...and evenly on the side of their heads. I had joked with them when they first arrived, asking if I could wear their headbands, but they just laughed at me. Do people not get that I now have short hair for a reason? I mean, let's look at my favorite hairstyles for a moment...Forever, I had just straight hair that was either just straight and hanging like a hippie or pulled up. I loved that hairdo. It was so easy. Then, recently, I chopped it all off and I like this better. I use less hair product and I style it in like a minute. This is why guys have short hair--it's so easy! So, for us to get these girls who are like, "Let's brush my hair!" I find myself trying not to roll my eyes. This is definitely a learning experience, but what I like about these kids (And Phoenix does as well) is that they play with the toys...All the other kids we've gotten want to watch TV 24/7 and these kids play and use their imaginations! Hence all the talking...
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One other thing worth mentioning with these kids is how they want to help with Chuck all the time. Chuck still doesn't seem to know what to do with the girls and I think he's a little pissed that other people are playing with HIS toys. It seems to hit him at random times like they're all playing fine and suddenly he remembers that he likes that teddy bear, so he will scream and fight until they give it up. I feel bad when I tell him no and remove him from the situation, sitting him away from the girls for a moment to stop the drama and he cries, but it always looks like his feelings are hurt. Like you can see when he cries because he's mad or whatever, but this is like I've hurt his feelings. Kids make no sense...And I don't ever seem to know what to do with them all. Phoenix thinks it's amusing that Chuck loves to read (And at times can be found in his crib flipping through a book instead of sleeping at night.) and will sit with me at my computer listening to music or watching music videos. Now, the girls want to watch videos with me as well. Chuck's new favorite video in addition to Mahna Mahna, is Coin-Operated Boy from The Dresden Dolls. I think little kids like it because of the sing-song melody. *shrugs* Who cares? It keeps him from freaking out! However, with the kids wanting to watch youtube.com videos, it cuts into my writing time...It is nice though that they all like music so we can blast the tunes as we drive places. I do find myself wondering though as we listen to the radio (Not even my iPod, but stuff on public radio) that maybe we don't listen to the best of songs...C'mon, Flo Rider's Whistle song is HORRIBLY disgusting, but rather catchy. Or this morning as we drove to daycare, the kids were trying to sing along with the All American Rejects, Gives You Hell. Probably not the best song for kids to sing especially as Ariel calls out, "He just said a bad word!" But that didn't seem to stop her from saying "'ell" as though she had a cockney accent. C'mon, kids, there's an H in it! Let's enunciate! *grins* I've had similar thoughts in my music taste as we listened to Blister in the Sun, Pink's Blow Me (One Last Kiss), Little Lion Man from Mumford and Sons, and well, you get the idea. *shrugs* I can't help it though...This is what I like to listen to. Sometimes being a grown-up sort of sucks, but I'm not giving up my music. Bwahaha!





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One of Phoenix's friends had joked that I should write a book about our experiences in foster care and Phoenix was thinking that maybe that would be a good idea...Like she wants me to write the book from my point of view and share some of the crazy ass stories of my interactions with the kids. A lot more happens than what I blog about. I couldn't possibly keep up with the crazy conversations I end up in the middle of with these kids. I'm sure there are laws about this sort of thing, but I wonder if I change their names and never mention their parents if it would be possible....Who knows? I did find myself wondering though if some people would be turned off by the book though (And maybe show up at my house burning crosses, bearing Holy Water to exorcise my demons, or with pitch forks and other weapons to murder me) because it's written about two lesbians raising other people's kids. Here's my theory though--two straight people had these kids and fucked up enough that the state stepped in and took their kids away. I mean, really, we're ahead of those people simply because we don't have drug problems, domestic violence charges, or any other legal problems.
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On a side note, is anyone else sick of all the political bullshit people are posting on Facebook? I get it--it's an election year and everyone feels the need to share their political standings, but let's get real for a moment, okay? This is the same election as it is every four years--We are asked to choose the lesser of the two evils. At no point ever have I been like, "That guy! I love that guy!" Well, I did love Sarah Palin, but only because she made for some hilarious jokes and Tina Fey did a fabulous job impersonating her. But yeah, I didn't like her politics. While we're getting real, let's look at the facts. We have Obama who hasn't done a whole lot in four years, but at least he wasn't trying to take away rights from people. And then we have Mitt Romney, who first of all has a stupid fucking name. Who names their kid Mitt?? That's something you play baseball with. *rolls eyes* His parents are idiots in my eyes for such a lame ass name. But anyway, so he's all super conservative, Bible-thumper, who wants to come in and rule with his Mormon/Christian beliefs meaning doing things like defining marriage as something between one man and one woman (I wonder if that's hard for a guy like himself to say since Mormons were all for polygamy before.). I'm not sure what you all were doing when we took history in high school, but I remember it being clearly said that there is a separation of church and state. Let's take a walk down a historical path for a moment....The pilgrims came to America because they were separatists and didn't want to be Church of England. We all know the English made everyone be Church of England and if you weren't, there was something wrong with you. So, the pilgrims said, "Peace, England!" and set sail for the New World where they would have religious freedom, but of course we know this didn't happen. Despite best efforts of setting up a government where religion wouldn't rule (You don't like my God? Well, you're the devil!), we still ended up fucking it all up. We always find a group of people to persecute because even though as a settlement, we were like, "We don't want to be Church of England. We will make up our own country." We still ended up just like them in that if you are different, in any way, we will persecute you. If you think I'm lying, read your history-- Salem Witch Trials, Joseph McCarthy's own version of the Witch Trials only we called it Communism then instead of Satan Worshiping, Slavery, Black Rights, Women's rights, our own concentration camps we had with Asians during WWII, etc...It just doesn't stop and yet here we are, a so-called educated country, and we're still doing it. Although, this time, we are allowing our politicians to quote random Bible passages and calling all us gays sinners. So, to you who will vote for people who are so quick to take away my rights, I want to share a quotation that I shared on my Facebook page yesterday...
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First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.
~Niemöller
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Yeah, this was said by a dude who was once a Nazi sympathizer turned Anti-Nazi who ended up being held at a death camp until he was rescued or whatever, but think about it. I sure as hell don't get to vote on your rights, but you get to vote on mine. Am I any different than you? I get up each morning and put my pants on one leg at a time, just like you. I go to work and earn a living, just like you. How do you get to judge that my love for Phoenix is any different than the love you feel for your own significant other? I just don't get it, but go ahead...Vote for the asshole who is going to take away gay rights, who is going to make abortion illegal (I'm not an abortion supporter, but we all know that if it is completely outlawed like he wants, we'll end up with those back-alley abortion doctors we had in years past and we'll go back to women dying from infections and botched jobs. History, as we all know, repeats itself.), who will set our country back so many years...Just remember, when they come after you, and they just might one day, no one will be left to help you because you didn't help anyone else.
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*steps down off soapbox* All right, that's all from me...I have a horrible sore throat and feel like shit. I'm going to go lay on my couch and watch gay/lesbian movies on Netflix. Don't even get me started on Hollywood's idea of a lesbian...