Barnes and Noble...

I came to Barnes and Noble today with the intention of writing...which, yes, I am doing now as I type this blog, but I came to work on a story. Instead, I find myself completely distracted by the clientele of B&N...Well, that and the Starbucks, where I'm sitting right now. I don't know why I didn't start coming here sooner to write; people are fascinating creatures...

When I arrived a little while ago, I first walked through B&N to look for books. I saw that Dean Koontz finally published the third installment of his Frankenstein series. It seriously took years for him to write that book? It's not even that thick! I could totally read it in a day. Yeah, I didn't buy it. I've waited years for it, so what's another few days? I ended up with a Stephen King book called, On Writing. I've been wanting to read it for sometime, but never bought it. As I went to purchase it, I was greeted buy a worker with the brightest pink bow I've ever seen in my life! It didn't really go with her uniform, but what do I know of fashion? So, she rings up my book and then asks, "Did you want a bag?" I said, "Yes, please." She said, "You could just put it in your bag" and motioned toward my messenger bag, which already weighed a ton with my laptop in it. I said, "Well, I'm going to go sit at Starbucks, so I'd prefer the bag so no one thinks I jacked the book." She smiled and said, "Just show the receipt." I immediately pictured myself having to pull the receipt out of my wallet, which is where I had already stowed it, repeatedly to show the B&N Loss Prevention Officers I'm sure they have working for them...I said, "I'd prefer a bag." She finally relented and I swear I heard her mumbling something under her breath...I bet it was something about the environment and how I'm single-handedly destroying the ozone because I insist on getting bags for my purchases.

I finally made it to Starbucks and found a lone table in the corner. I am still able to watch people, which is all that matters. From my vantage point, I've been able to watch a few interesting sets of people...The first set I shall call Dick and Jane. I think Dick and Jane are on a blind date...Or else trying to have a date. They are sitting outside (God only knows why!! It's like 90 degrees and cloudy...Can we say HUMID!?) It's funny watching them though because she's leaned way back in her chair, puffing away on a cigarette (I miss smoking.), and chatting away, but with her legs crossed and her arms mostly crossed. He's leaned over the table, hanging on her every word. He's a big dork though...She's not into him. They came in a moment ago and she said, "I'll buy the coffee. I insist." He said something about he might have enough cash, but she blew him off...Strange. They're back outside and she's got to be on her fifth smoke. She's not even looking at him half the time. He's trying so hard though...I almost feel bad for him...But he's a dork, so it's just "almost".

Then there's this lady with her son sitting across from me. He's probably like five or six years old and thankfully, she's not one of those moms who gives her kids coffee. (Obviously, teenagers is fine, but little, little kids do not need anything else to help them with their ADHD.) No, this boy is drinking a strawberry and cream frap and munching on some kind of pastry. She's asking him all sorts of questions about school and about his dad...She seems very disconnected from the boy and his life. I never want to be like that when I have children...And God forbid I only got visitation rights with my kid, I would damn well make sure I knew more about what was going on with them...It breaks my heart to see this little boy with his mom. She's trying so hard to be funny with him...Doesn't she know you can't make yourself be funny? She's doing a lousy job. The boy just said, "Did you know frogs eat bugs?" Her answer was, "Yes." She totally could've made a frog face and pretended to be a frog...That would've made the boy laugh. It's sad...I must look away...

Then there's a man sitting two tables from me with a book called, Caffeine Blues. He has a spiral notebook that he's taking notes in. It's weird. He has the sheet of paper in two columns. He's writing notes only on the left column and his notes are so small. I'm unsure of how he could read these notes. I mean, fuck, from here they look microscopic. He has to keep stopping and sharpening his pencil because when it gets dull he can't write so small anymore. I can make out the page he's on now and it reads, "The Depression Connection." Hmmm...Interesting. Now I wouldn't have been surprised had this guy been reading some book on getting clean from drugs or alcohol because he has that look to him. He's too skinny and his clothes hang oddly on his lanky frame. And his hair is just a little too long and his mustache is definitely unkempt. As I sat here thinking that perhaps this guy has been having too many problems in his life and is trying to get healthy, I spy the cup he's drinking out of...It's a 64 oz cup from AMPM. And clearly, through the clear straw, I see that he's drinking soda...Sure, it could be caffeine-free soda, but it's doubtful since he's sitting here at a Starbucks that also serves Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, and Sierra Mist. No caffeine-free crap here. The funny thing is that when he sips from his cup, he looks around to make sure no one's looking...As if it's on the down low. Funny though to be drinking a caffeinated beverage while reading a book on how bad caffeine is for you...The strangest part is that he just got up and left from his table after an older Mexican guy walked up and put his hand on the guy's shoulder. Not a word was exchanged between the two, but then the white guy packed up his book, notebook, and emptied his cup into the trash. He then followed the guy out the door and into the parking lot, but not walking with him...He was like twenty feet behind him...So strange. I wonder what the connection was there.

My personal favorites here though are the school kids. They're not high schoolers, but college students. Even when I was studying English, I was never one of those students who sat at Starbucks or some other over-priced coffee place and discussed existentialism or Romanticism. It's not that I couldn't because I could've, but I chose not to because I'm not that pretentious. As I stood waiting for my coffee, I could hear them discussing different ideas about literature and I just smiled to myself because they were so far out of left field that it was amusing. One of the girls in the group started comparing some poem I am unfamiliar with to some Metalica song. Yes, because as we know Metalica is known for their amazing lyrics. Seriously? She was seriously stretching and she was trying so hard to sound smart. I sat there smiling to myself and I might've shook my head a bit because it was ridiculous. One of the boys was like, "Oh, that's astute." I wanted to turn around and be like, "You can't use that fucking word, you moron! She's not being astute in any way, shape, or form! She's delusional and you guys are so fucking pretentious you don't even see what a bunch of fucking idiots you are." Instead, I took my coffee and headed to my table knowing that those kids are stupid. If you have to sit at a coffee place, in a book store, and discuss literature to impress your friends or to make yourself feel good, then you're a moron...I've discussed literature with friends while studying or while out to dinner and such, but in no way did we sound like freaking morons like these kids...At least I hope we didn't sound like pretentious morons...

Oh well...That's enough for me. I've written way more than I had wanted. And I didn't even get to mention the dad who was trying to be cool with his daughter and her friends (He tripped and broke his flip-flop and is now walking around the store with one shoe on and one in his hand.). Or the Asian guys who've been sitting at a table discussing numbers for something since before I got here and how they have five empty Red Bulls sitting there between the two of them...Oh well...Until next time...Peace...