Dance like no one is watching...

So, it's only been like a billion years since last I wrote. Anyone notice how life seems to get so much more hectic around the holiday times? Why is that? And why do we insist on buying so much crap and spending about a bazillion dollars on our family and friends? I don't know why we do it. Aren't the holidays supposed to be about spending time with those we care about? So, if that's the case, then why do we have to buy them gifts too? Isn't it enough to just show up at their homes, eat their food, and then watch A Christmas Story with them? I should think so...In other words, I'm trying to say I'm broke and if I have to face another crowd of jackasses in the so-called "holiday spirit" again, I'm going to go postal...And if I have to hear one more Christmas song whilst driving around fighting the extra traffic on the road because everyone is out shopping, I'm going to start banging my head into the steering wheel until I pass out or crash into someone. I'm just sayin'...


In other news, I took a long overdue vacation. Phoenix and I spent four days in Cali visiting my family. I've been super worried about my youngest sister because she's been having seizures. I guess they still don't know why she has them, but the doctor thinks she's been having them since infancy. Nice. Apparently, she's not just a restless sleeper. Now, when I have kids, I'm going to be all paranoid. "Was that their leg twitching or are they having a seizure???" And I find myself running through a list of all known injuries to the kid. Is this my fault? When she was like six months old and my mom had a hysterectomy, I was helping out and was giving the kid a bath in the kitchen sink. Of course, in true baby fashion, she started grabbing for everything on the counters, so I held her tightly with one hand and then swept away the things she was reaching for. Ever notice how slippery babies are? Yeah, I didn't know that at the ripe old age of 26...I hadn't bathed a lot of babies. Apparently, they are though, just in case you were wondering. In the two seconds that I held her one-handed, she slipped in my grip and bumped her head on the sink. Oh man, I felt horrible. But now I wonder...Did I give my sister seizures??? It only takes one bump...But then I know she fell down a ton of times when she was learning to walk and I'm hoping that's what caused it and not me. *grins* I know, I'm mean, but come on, I don't want to be the reason. Although, I suppose it's all water under the bridge, right? I mean, there's no way of knowing how it happened. On the plus side, we know what's going on and the doctors are working to get her medication to the right dosage so as to help limit the amount of them she's having. Cross your fingers, folks. I feel bad for the kid. Now, she's not allowed to go swimming, ride a bike, or do any of the awesome and dangerous things we all did as kids...Hey guys, remember when we were kids and we used to ride bikes, skateboard, and roller skate minus the helmets, knee pads/elbow pads, etc? Man, it's amazing any of us survived our childhoods...Survival of the fittest, right? *laughs*


So, California was fine. Then we came home for less than two days and then took off to Sedona!! I was so excited about this part of our vacation because we could sleep in and I was going to write. I wrote like two pages in the entire three days we were there. It was raining and cold and I just wanted to sleep. On our second day there, it was snowing up by Flagstaff, so we got in the car and I drove us up towards Flagstaff. We were on this little two-lane mountain road and despite the rain, which became snow as we climbed, people were still hauling ass on the road. I suppose they didn't notice things I had noticed along the way, like the rock the size of my head in the middle of the road as I came around a turn, a fallen tree branch about two feet into the north-bound lane, etc...According to a local in Sedona, it's because of drivers like that, that there are little white crosses on the side of the roads. As morbid as that is, it's true. If I was doing sixty around a turn and came across a rock the size of my head, I'd have no time to swerve and if I did, I'd end up hitting someone head on or losing control on the slippery road and going into the ravine where the creek runs or whatever. People are fucking idiots! We drove until the snow was sticking good and pulled off a picnic place to take pictures. It was so peaceful and nice, you know, minus the idiots on the road still doing fifty and sixty on the snow-covered road. It was 29* degrees out, so the roads were good and slippery!! After that, we headed back to the time share because it was far too cold and nasty out to do anything else. Along the way, we stopped to rent Ramona and Beezus and Eat, Pray, Love. Ramona and Beezus was cute, but Eat, Pray, Love wasn't all that great. I mean, it wasn't bad, but it's not my type of movie...I mean, unless there's a kid wizard, or hobbits, or singing and dancing, or a crazed maniac running around saying things like, "Here's Jonnie!" or it has a sad ending, it's just not my cup of tea. Wait a second...What if we took all these movie aspects and made it into one movie...I bet that'd be the best movie ever!! lol Other than that, I was just lazy, watching TV...It was a great vacation!


After 11 days off of work, I had to return to work and can I just tell you how hard that was? It totally sucked balls. I was happy to go back and find out that despite getting in more surveys for the calls I had taken before vacation, I am still number one on the team. (The surveys give us scores according to the rating the people give us and then they're posted for everyone to see.) Everyone is congratulating me on it, but they don't know that the higher I fly, the harder I fall. I'm happy I'm up there, but this is my life and the Universe hates me, so I'm not planning on riding high all through the month. If it stays high, I'll get a big bonus, but when I was in training, I had my score this high and just before the month ended, I got in a bad survey and it cut my bonus by over $500 dollars...So not cool. So, I'm not holding my breath. Still, it's cool not to be at the bottom.


So, we went to karaoke again this past Wednesday. You know, Applebees hired a different karaoke guy and this one isn't cool...Like it makes such a huge difference and this dude doesn't have great songs to choose from...Still, there we were. Phoenix's nieces sang and people were telling them how great they were. Then suddenly the DJ says, "Coming up next is..." And announces Phoenix's sister and...ME!? I was all, "What?" I had no clue she had put in my name with her. Of course, we rocked Love Shack because that's apparently our song now. And I get to sing Fred's part because in my relationship with Phoenix's sister I also get to be the boy. *laughs* Supposedly, I have a "boy voice" whatever that means. After that, I had to stop the kids from putting in my name again. They wanted me to sing "London Bridges" because the guy didn't have "Fergalicious". Seriously? Don't these kids know I'm not Fergie? I barely even know her music...*shifty eyes, hides Fergie poster and CDs* I have no clue why karaoke is so much fun...I can't even sing. Although, after listening to some of the other people who "sing" at karaoke, I'm not all that bad...I'm just sayin'...


Yesterday was when I took my turn to go shopping for Phoenix after we made a ton of tamales. I stopped helping after 24 or 25 dozen. My partner, her nephew, had given up like a dozen or two before me...I just couldn't do it anymore. My fingers had turned all wrinkly like I had been in the bathtub or swimming for a few hours. I retreated to the couch to watch TV. Then after a while, I left to go shopping...I should never ever be allowed to go shopping alone. First of all, my stupid phone lost its signal as it was navigating me to the place I needed to go, so then I drove on instinct alone...And once I got close, I followed a few signs. Then once I found the place, I parked and went into the mall. I got totally turned around because the mall map was all kinds of screwed up. Let's forget about color coding shit and just use obvious things like the names of the stores and arrows saying things like, "YOU ARE HERE!" Eventually, I found the store, again, by instinct. The store I went to was far too crowded and I was tempted to call the fire marshal because I'm pretty sure there were too many people in there. Had there been a fire, I'm not sure we would've all gotten out. Well, I would've, but that's only because I would've climbed over people to get out. The place looked as though it had been robbed because everything was sold. Okay, not everything, but damn near it...I was afraid that Phoenix was going to end up getting a picture of the item I wanted to get her instead of the actual item. No matter how amusing I would've found that, I'm not sure she would've laughed with me. *grins* After waiting about fifteen or twenty minutes, it was my turn to get what I wanted. I was glad I didn't have to wait any longer because, being the weirdo magnet I am, I got stuck chatting with a rather large man who came to stand by me. Why, oh why, do they come to me? He was all, "What're you here for?" I told him. He said, "I'm here to get something for my wife." He then went on to tell me that every year he gets the same thing-- socks and underwear. Really? I don't want to know anything about this dude and his underwear. Nothing. Not a damn thing. I simply said, "Perhaps it's time you ask for something better." He laughed. Sure, small talk passes the time, but so does playing on my phone. Then, I get the smartass worker who's all, "You know, next year, if you want to avoid the crowds, you could shop earlier." Oh, you think, genius? I replied, "I was on vacation for two weeks out of town, then I worked for the last couple of days, so this is my first chance to shop. I think this coming year though, I'll do my shopping in July. You have a Merry Christmas." And then I walked out. Really, idiot? If I shop earlier, there won't be crowds? Damn, I never would've thought of that. *rolls eyes* People just amaze me. I think by then I was just annoyed with her because she was trying to sell me something far more expensive than what I was looking for. She wasn't happy when I stuck with what I had asked for in the first place. Stupid woman.


After all of this, I went to pick up Phoenix, her nieces, and nephew and we all came back to our apartment. I decided to make some cookies and everyone played Sing Star, you know, because we like to sing. They used me as a "life line", so I would jump in and sing for a team when they didn't know the song being sung. I was fine with that. At some point in time, they were trying to pick a song and it came to Hit Me Baby One More Time or whatever that song is called. I was in the kitchen taking cookies out of the oven and taking them off the pan so they could cool. I had seen everyone in the living room looking at the TV as they discussed the song. I was singing along with the clip of the song and started dancing...you know...like no one is watching. Apparently, someone was watching. Phoenix's nephew had looked over and saw me dancing...Or more appropriately, "shaking my groove thang". He just stared at me with a horrified look on his face and I was completely oblivious to this as I was busy with the cookies and dancing...Phoenix looked at him and asked what was wrong. It was only then that I stopped and looked as he said something about me dancing. I couldn't stop laughing. I was literally crying I was laughing so hard because he had been so taken about by seeing a fat girl shake her ass. So, when people say things like you should dance like no one is watching, you'd best be damn sure no one is watching...And that no one can see you...Poor kid, he's like scarred for life now...No one should have to see me shake my money maker. Even I don't want to know what I look like dancing. *laughs wildly* Oh man, it still makes me laugh my ass off...I'm just going to guess I don't look half as good as Britney Spears does when she dances in her school-girl outfit...


Okay, I'm off to make myself look half-way decent since we have multiple places to go this evening...Gotta love these holidays!! Peace on earth out...Or peace out...you know, whatever.