It's a free-moving lump...

It kind of sucks to go to the doctor and be lectured on your weight and anything else the doc sees fit to discuss...I know this because this just happened to me on Saturday. I should've blogged sooner, but I've been trying to wrap my mind around some stuff. Let's get the point here, okay? I'll describe my trip the doctor (minus the horrific details that I wish I could describe)...


I scheduled the appointment to have a complete physical...And for those of you who know me too well, yes, this means the whole kit and caboodle, as in a full-on woman's exam. *shivers at the memory* Let me first say that there's nothing quite as degrading as sitting on the exam table wearing nothing by a paper vest which does nothing to cover your ginormous boobs and two paper "sheets", which are really nothing more than over sized chunks of butcher paper in a lovely shade of blue. But I digress...So, the doctor comes in and I'm sitting there feeling rather naked and vulnerable for obvious reasons and she immediately starts in on me about my weight. Okay, fine, she introduced herself, said she'd be giving me that lovely exam I've been avoiding for a good 12 or so years, and then started in on my weight. I'm overweight? Really? Is that why I have to shop at the fat lady's store? Weird...*rolls eyes*


After bringing in the receptionist/nurse, she began the exam. As she examined my chest, she went on lecturing me about my weight and only allowing me a couple of milliseconds to answer questions like, "Does obesity run in your family?" and "How long have you been overweight?" (ALL MY LIFE, YOU EVIL SKINNY BITCH!) And so it went for like three seconds until she stopped in mid movement and went back...I knew something was wrong. This woman was moving through the breast exam with professional speed, but then she stopped. I think my stomach fell out of its cavity and rolled off the table to the floor and my heart stopped beating. Why had she stopped!? She said, "There's a lump." She kept moving around that area, but then said, "It's a free-moving lump." And then went on as though nothing at all was wrong! A lump!? In my boob? Suddenly, every bad, abusive thing I'd done to my body swam through my head. A decade of smoking. All the drinking. Lack of exercise. Playing soccer and thinking nothing of blocking the ball with my chest. Getting hit with a fast ball during softball practice in my boob. Every injury to them came back. I could suddenly hear my grandmother saying things like, "You cannot sleep in your bra, Heather! You'll get cancer!" Wearing a bra to bed doesn't cause cancer, does it? (Yes, I used to sleep in my bra because I was afraid I'd be suffocated by my chest...LOL Not really, but I couldn't stand not wearing a bra.) Of course not, but what causes cancer? Yeah, you don't know either!! What the fuck is a free-moving lump? Of course, the degradation was long from over because the breast exam was only half of it, right?


The rest of the exam sucked, but whatever. I was lost in La-La Land wondering what the lump in my boob was. Right around the time I was about to ask the doctor to hurry the hell up because I was about to go postal, she said, "Okay, we're done with that..." As I sat back up on the table, the doctor went back into her fat speech again. "I'm going to prescribe some blood pressure medication for you. I'm also going to have you go to the lab for some blood work." I was also expecting a mammogram, you know? I mean there's a lump where there shouldn't be a freakin' lump!! Yeah, yeah, yeah, make all the lady lump jokes you want, but still, there shouldn't be lumps within the lumps, right? No mammogram, just blood work. I left there, still lost in thought and wanting only to cry...I'm too young for a lump...


Okay, being young has nothing to do with it. That's not the point. Here's the thing...I've been driving myself nuts. I can't even bring myself to really feel for it because I don't want to know. I Googled free-moving lumps and found it could be fat cells (Oh that tricky fat! Not only does it stick itself to my ass, thighs, and well, every where else, but it also forms lumps!!), a benign cyst, etc...Seriously, there's a few things it could be, but it freaks me out and yet the doctor seemed not at all worried. What the hell??? Apparently, cancer is normally rigid and unmoving, but still...Then what pisses me off big time is that she put me on bloood pressure medication. I've been in there three times and all three times my blood pressure has only been slightly elevated. Yes, I know, elevated is bad, but couldn't we have tried diet and exercise first? The medicine makes me sleepy. Perhaps when I go back in two weeks for my results I'll have low blood pressure, huh?


I guess that's about it. I went and had my labs tests done yesterday morning. I remember when I was younger, I used to think that fasting for 12 hours was hard, but seriously, it's easy...I don't know why I ever sweated it. This lady is doing a complete metabolic work-up, a thyroid test, and something else too...Perhaps we'll find some reason for my being so fat, right? I've been considered obese since I was an infant, so there's got to be some reason for it, right? I mean, I wasn't an over-eater as a baby, was I? We'll see what happens. Phoenix thinks the lady is looking for something, something bad because I'm fat. She's right; otherwise, she wouldn't have given me the blood pressure medication so quickly. Phoenix's blood pressure was way worse than mine and they were like, "We're going to watch it for a while..." But she had to get medication because her work wasn't cool with her having elevated blood pressure. So, she was willing to give Phoenix time, but not me...Whatever. Anyway, let's all hope this lump disappears...I know I'm hoping it's nothing...