I should be fired...

I have a funny story for you all (Am I suddenly from the south??? "Y'all"...Weird.). On Friday I had to close at work, as usual, but this time I was working with the woman who normally only works Saturday and Sunday. However, we were able to get her to come in so that I was not alone. Anyway, so, we're working and it was crazy busy all night long. I was trying to get a bunch of stuff done before I went on my break because I hate coming back from my break with a list of things to do, you know? So, before going on my break, I decided that the last thing I would do is clean the rotisserie oven. Little did I know that I should've skipped cleaning it and just gone on break.


To clean the oven, we are supposed to spray it with this chemical that cleans as it heats up (sort of like oven cleaner, but better). In the end, you simply wipe the stuff off. At some point in time, some genius found that if you take the hose (Yes, I said "hose".) and spray the inside of the oven, you barely have to scrub at all...And sometimes not at all, you know, if you're cool like that. This is NOT the way we are supposed to clean it though. You are supposed to turn on the water that flows into the oven (There's like a little valve you turn and water comes into the oven that can be drained out of it through the drain in the middle of it.) and use that water to wipe off everything in it. Personally, I've never done it this way because I was taught how to do it with the hose and who's going to choose the hard way over the way that takes less than five minutes? The only catch is, you cannot be seen by a manager doing this because it's a big no-no...


So, on Friday night I looked around and didn't see the manager on duty. I assumed she was up front throwing her weight around. Smokey has been on a rampage lately and I wasn't in the mood to deal with her. Since she wasn't around, I saw my opportunity to spray out the oven. I grabbed the hose, sprayed it out quickly, then squeegeed the floor so there was no evidence of my using the hose. Just as I turned around to put the squeegee away, Smokey was there, looking around in the deli. I was like, "WTF?" Of course, I didn't say that, but I asked, "Are you looking for something? Can I help you?" She NEVER EVER comes into the deli! She always stays on the outside of the deli to talk to us. She said, "I'm looking for the fire. The fire alarm is going off." Immediately I knew that all the steam from the oven had set off the alarm. It was colder than usual and way more steam had come out when I sprayed it. I remained calm and said, "There's no fire." My co-worker's eyes were about to pop out of her head as she looked at me like, "OMG! YOU SET IT OFF!" Luckily, she didn't tell on me. Smokey searched all through the deli and when she left, I looked to the other girl and said, "Oh man. I hope they don't back up the tapes on the cameras and see me hosing it down." She laughed. No one said anything about it and I haven't been written up and fired yet, so that's good. But it gets worse...


I bought a soda on my way out to my car after this incident and as I'm at the registers, I see some of the customer service girls looking around, trying to figure out what was on fire. I was tempted to tell them that there was no fire, but I wasn't going to blow my cover. Instead, I got out of the store quickly. Once outside, I saw Smokey on her phone. She was saying, "No, there's no fire. I looked all over. I think the girls are baking bread in the bakery. Maybe that set it off. They've been baking a lot today. And we need to clean that oven because I think it might've been smoking." Really? That's all she came up with? Lame...


So, yeah...That's my story. I set off the fire alarm at my work by taking a short cut and then didn't help anyone out by telling them it was me. Smokey had everyone in the store on the lookout for a fire...Honestly, it was like a huge prank that I didn't even plan out, which is probably why it worked so well...HA! Take that Walmart!


In other news, on Saturday I got my first customer compliments...I know, I was shocked too. *grins* Seriously though. They told the manager about me, which I thought was cool...Especially since it was Smokey who isn't my biggest fan. And of course, this was the day after they thought the store was burning down. The first woman, a caterer, came in and got so much deli meat that it was ridiculous! I sliced meat for almost thirty minutes for her. At the end, she asked my name and told me I was great and so quick. (She got like 10 different meats and cheeses, plus tried a few others to see if she liked them.) Smokey came over a few minutes after the woman left and said, "Heather, I got a customer compliment about you. She said you were great! I like to hear that. Thank you." I thanked her. A few minutes after that a man came in who's very picky about his deli meat. I got it for him and he said, "You're Heather, right?" I said, "Yes, sir." He said, "You are the best girl back there. You're always fast and accurate. You never mess up my order. I appreciate that." He asked who he should tell because my boss needed to know how great I am. I told him to tell Smokey. He did too! Two customer compliments in one day! I didn't know what to do with myself!


Of course, a couple of hours after this, I was about to get my first customer complaint because I was going to start killing the customers! I had a few trashy customers in a row who thought it was okay to yell at me and touch the glass! DON'T TOUCH THE GLASS, FUCKER! There is no reason to point to what you want or to run your fingers over the glass as you talk to me! Especially not at the hot case and don't you dare tell me, "OH! That's hot! Why didn't you tell me that?" Duh, fucker. It's a "hot case" and it says, "Caution: Hot" on it. What more do you want? A flashing sign? *rolls eyes* People are idiots. Just before I took my lunch break on Saturday night I was about to murder these three guys who came in. There were all...umm...I don't even know. They would've been at home running a 7-11 though. I know, I'm racist. Anyway, they were looking for some meat and cheese we no longer have. When I explained we don't have it, the one guy got an attitude. Yeah, I stopped carrying it just to piss you off, jackass. Don't flatter yourself. He then wanted to sample three different types of turkey, but ended up getting two pounds of hard salami thinly sliced. Do you know how many slices that is? A LOT! I hate cutting salami!! It's like a hundred slices to a pound or something. Seriously. It's a lot. So, I get him his freakin' salami. Then he asks for some roast beef. Of course, I had to open a new roast beef, which means blood all over! Yes, when you open the packages of the roast beef there is always blood because the stuff is medium rare. When I cut it open, blood flew onto my face, my shirt, and to the floor. I was pissed. (And I'd been on my feet for close to five hours by this point in time...I was tired.) I sliced the moo-ing roast beef and handed it to him. I asked, "Anything else?" He then turns to the other guys and asks, "Anything else?" The guys then start talking about what else they need at the store. I don't give a flying rat's butt if you need Ex-lax and Coca-Cola (No, this isn't what they were saying although it could've been because it was hard to understand them with their accents.). Finally, one guy says, "Maybe some cheese." Oh goody. Let me get you something else and prolong my break a little longer. I asked, "What kind of cheese?" They asked, "What kind do you have?" Are you kidding me!? There's a whole fucking display right there in front you! Seriously, they were standing right there in front of the cheeses. I said, "It's ALL right here." The one guy asked, "Are we bothering you?" I said, "No, but the cheese is right here." The first guy then puts his hands on the glass and starts rubbing his finger back and forth as he asks me which cheese is which. You know, if you can't read, then bring someone with you who can because I'm on the opposite side of the glass and I have no clue what you're pointing to and all I keep thinking is, "Great! Now I have to clean that glass too!" He says, "I want the yellow cheese." Yellow cheese? Does he mean American or cheddar? I ask him and he says, "No, the other one." Okay, the Colby cheese. I pull it out and the other guy says, "No, the yellow and white one." Is it too hard to say Colby Jack??? BAH! I open the Colby Jack and am about to slice it when the guy says, "Never mind. They have it sliced our here. We don't want to bother you anymore since obviously it's a problem to serve us." I considered chucking the block of cheese at those three woman-hating fuckers, but decided it wasn't worth it. And no, it wasn't a problem to serve them...It's a problem to serve people who waste my time with indecision. You don't see me going to the deli and asking to sample the pastrami, roast beef, and salami only to then say, "I just want a quarter pound of Swiss cheese." BAH!


Okay, enough bitching for now...Watch for my next blog about my first NFL game. Oh yeah...The Cardinals versus the Vikings. Awesome game!!