Misery loves company...

I've been told so many times before that "misery loves company" and similar things, but I'm so over it. Seriously. My boss, Smokey, is so freakin' miserable and she tries to spread it to everyone and anyone around her. Look, it's not my fault that her life blows, but I don't her breathing down my neck watching everything I do and being a bitch to me when it suits her. I'm done with it. She hates me oh-so-much because I refuse to be her bitch. Yeah, Phoenix hates that I don't go running into work every time they call me, but seriously, this isn't my career; I don't want to be there...at all. I get talked down to all the time and Smokey's a crazy bitch. Why would I want to be there? Allow me to explain a bit...


Okay, so like two weeks ago I picked up a Sunday shift to help out a coworker, right? No one had a problem with that. Then, this past Sunday, they called me to ask me to work on Monday, which was my day off with Phoenix. I said, "Yeah, okay" only because I knew if I did it, then they'd get someone to come in for Friday night (tonight) with me because they only scheduled me to work. I'm also giving up my Saturday off to cover for another co-worker because she wants to take her son to a birthday party. All of this seems to work for Smokey. I then said, "Hey, can I have Tortilla cover my Sunday? I have tickets to the Cardinals and Vikings game and I can't miss it." She got all kinds of pissed off about us needing to follow the schedule, blah, blah, blah. She straight out said, "From now on, you guys need to follow the schedule as it's written. I'm tired of crossing things out and initialling it. I never know who's coming in or what's going on!" *rolls eyes* Oh, okay. So, it's okay for me to come in on Saturday, even though it's my day off to cover for this coworker, but it's not okay for Tortilla to cover for me. I told Smokey that I figured it was easier to have Tortilla cover me instead of calling in...This only seemed to piss her off more. I explained that I bought the tickets when I was getting Sundays off, which is why I didn't think it'd be a problem. She said, "I don't know what to tell you." Fuck that bitch! That's what I have to say about it. I'm so over her being a bitch to me because I refuse to bend to her every whim. She's going to wear herself out trying to make me submissive to her. I can give her a list of previous bosses who have tried and failed...And yes, that list includes my mother who also couldn't make me do stuff I didn't want to...


As for the other miserable sons of bitches that talk down to me on a daily basis, well...Let me give you a few examples of situations I deal with...


The Price is Wrong Man- So, this guy comes in last night and asks for 1/2 pound of white American cheese, a 1/2 pound of yellow American cheese, and a 1/4 pound of yellow American cheese bagged separately. I asked for clarification because I didn't know if he meant 3/4 of a pound of yellow cheese with 1/4 pound bagged or if he meant split the 1/2 pound, you know? And I'm learning not to assume anything!! So, he gets this pissed off look on his face and asks, "Did I NOT make myself clear?" No, mo-fo, you didn't, which is why I'm asking again! He then repeats it exactly the same way again. I said, "Fine. Got it. I'm all over it." (I know, I shouldn't get an attitude, but really, he was an ass monkey.) I get him his cheese, which apparently pisses him off more and more as I go through the routine of cutting and bagging it. Then he starts to walk off, but then notices the price on the cheese. He comes back and interrupts me helping someone else and says, "EXCUSE ME!" I was all, "Yes, sir?" He then laid into me that the cheese is advertised as $4.98 and I rang it up for $5.48. I said, "I'm sorry, but it's in the computer like that. I can't change it. If you go to customer service, I'm sure they can fix it." The entire time I was talking, he kept talking over me acting as though I'm some kind of idiot who can't handle my job. I DON'T SET THE PRICES! I DON'T HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER THE COMPUTER! The woman whom I was helping before he interrupted said, "I used to work at Hallmark and I never understood why people got angry at the card lady." She's right. Don't get mad at the card lady...Or the deli girl...


I'm more important than her woman-- At like 5:30 last night Tortilla went on a fifteen minute break, which I swear was more like an hour *rolls eyes*, and the deli got so busy with customers. It was crazy. Anyway, so I was helping this woman and she says, "I also need to order a sub for Saturday." Since she was the last in line, I said, "Sure." I then stepped off to the side to take the order. As I'm filling in her information, this other woman walks up with her dirty child and starts looking at the hot case, which is all the way at the other side from where I was. She then rings the bell, even as I was calling out, "I'll be right with you." I hate the freaking bell! She rolls her eyes and sighs loudly. I was almost done with the order when she comes charging over to me with her cart and asks very angrily, "Are you the ONLY one here? Isn't there someone working here?" It took everything in me not to tell her to *censored, beeeeeeeeeeeep*. Instead, I took a deep breath and said, "The other girl is on break. I'll be right with you." She said, "Look, I just need macaroni and cheese for my daughter." I said, "Okay, I'll be right there. Let me finish this order." She opened her mouth and was probably about to cuss me out right then and there, but the woman I was helping cut her off and said, "You know what? I'm not in a hurry. Go ahead and get her taken care of." I looked at her and said, "Thanks." I went to the hot case and started to scoop up some macaroni and cheese, but the angry woman stops me and says, "Wait. How long has that been out? It looks like it's been there all day." I said, "No, ma'am, I just put out the rest of what we had a little over an hour ago." She rolled her eyes at me again and says, "I don't want it then. I can't feed that to my daughter! It looks horrible! I'll take popcorn chicken." I said, "Okay." I started to scoop up the chicken, but then she stops me again. "Wait. Would I get a discount for buying the macaroni and cheese since it's old? I mean, you could mark it down, right?" I said, "No. I don't set the prices." She said, "Fine then. Just the chicken." Let me get this straight...She wouldn't feed her daughter regular priced old mac and cheese, but she'd feed her discounted old mac and cheese? I'm so confused. What gets me though is this-- What makes this woman more important than anyone else? It was complete bullshit. When I told Tortilla about it, she knew who I was talking about, which tells me that she's like this all the time!


You're my bitch woman-- So, the deli was busy for a while yesterday and for a little while, Tortilla and I were both up front helping customers. During this time, a woman came up and asked me to sample some grilled veggies we have. I said, "Yeah, okay." I'm not sure why you'd want to sample something you're supposed to heat up, but whatever. So, I give her a piece of the eggplant, which is what she wanted. She tasted it and said, "Oh no, this is horrible. I don't want this." Yet, she still ate the entire piece of eggplant, which was a huge piece. She walked all through the deli area asking me random questions about everything we have. "What kind of cheese do you have?" I pointed out the cheese section in the case and answered ridiculous questions about the cheese. Then she asked for two thin slices of some Swiss cheese. I had to open a new cheese, so I was trying to do that, but then she asked about the prices on the cheeses, which I don't know because we don't have anything that tells the prices except the computer, so I have to look them all up. I then started looking prices up for her, but then she asks, "Aren't you getting me the cheese?" I said, "Ma'am, there's nothing back here that tells me the prices. If you ask me, then I have to stop and look in the computer. They're all right there in front of the case." I opened the door on my side and put my hand through the case to point to the prices. She said, "I see them, but I want to compare them to the already sliced cheese out here." I don't know what the hell the prices are on the already sliced cheeses! Tortilla asked me, "What cheese does she want?" I told her what the woman wanted and she sliced the cheese so I could be pestered by this woman some more. I then weighed the cheese and put it in a bag. She asked, "How many ounces is that?" I said, "It's a tenth of a pound." She said, "Well, what is that in ounces." Apparently, she was testing my knowledge of ridiculous things. I said, "What, like 1.6 ounces?" She said, "That sounds good. I'll take that then. Oh! Do you have liverwurst? I would love an ounce of liverwurst." I said, "If we do, it's over there with the pre-cut meats." and pointed to the wall with the crappy meats. She said, "Oh. How about..." She trailed off and started looking at something else. Seriously, I was about to beat my own brains in. I once saw this episode of the X-Files where this woman was being controlled by her daughter (like telepathically) and the daughter made her bash her skull in with a hammer...If I'd had a hammer, I might've done just that. Really, it couldn't have made my head hurt anymore than that demanding bitch who apparently couldn't read what was right in front of her face!


I want a whole chicken man-- Yesterday, as I was cooking more foods for the hot case, a man came up and stood looking at the rotisserie chickens and fried chicken. I asked him, "Can I help you with anything?" He said, "I need a..." and mumbled something as he leaned down more to look at the chickens. I said, "Okay, well, if you need help, just holler." As I stood at the fryer, talking to Tortilla who was prepping the disgusting raw chickens for the rotisserie, the man continued to stand at the hot case. I stepped closer to him again and asked, "Are you sure there's nothing I can help you with?" I mean, most people don't stand looking at chickens for a few minutes, you know? He says, "I need a whole chicken." I said, "They're right there" and pointed. He said, "I know. I need one. Get it for me." According to Tortilla, I sounded impatient with the man but it's only because HE'S A COMPLETE IDIOT! I said, "Sir, they're down there. You help yourself to whatever you want down there." He said, "No there's glass--Wait, I thought there was glass there. Weird." He grabbed a chicken and walked off. Apparently he thought there was a barrier of glass blocking him. I wanted to ask, in addition to seeing imaginary glass walls, if he also sees dead people...


These are only a few of the customers I have to deal with each day...They test my patience and anyone who knows me knows I have even less than Job. I'm so over working there. I deserve better. And I shouldn't be treated like a moron because these people don't know what the hell they're doing or want! Speaking of my hellish job, I need to go get ready...Woo hoo! Another night in hell!! Someone shoot me, please...Like in the foot or something...I don't want to die...