"You expect me to wear that!?"

So, obviously I survived my surgery...I was a bit scared, but yeah, it all went well. During the last minute stuff at the outpatient surgery center, the nurse gave me my sexy hospital gown (Seriously, the gown is open in the back!! I am not cool with that! Especially without being allowed to wear underwear and bra! Come on, folks, we're operating on my knee, not my stomach or chest! I should've asked, "You expect me to wear that!?" But I figured it was a given...), a list of instructions I was scared I was going to forget (I didn't!), and some prescriptions for after the surgery...Morphine and Percocet to be exact! Well, those and aspirin to help prevent blood clots. Let's back up though...Morphine and Percocet. Yeah, those are for serious pain, right? Not stupid post-surgery knee pain, but like serious "I just chopped off my arm with a rusty Swiss Army Knife for shits and giggles" kind of pain. I'm not going to lie. I'm a freakin' wimp when it comes to pain medication and other kinds of medication. Somas knock me for a loop. Vicodin makes me sick. How would I function with these crazy pills??? I said nothing about it though and simply nodded to the woman as she finished going over everything.


On a side note, I found it mildly amusing when they made me take a pregnancy test before surgery. Apparently, they were supposed to have me do one when I did my labs on Monday, but someone dropped the ball. Even though I said, "Um, I'm not pregnant. Trust me, it can't happen," she insisted it could. Perhaps had I told her I had a girlfriend and not a boyfriend that would have helped...Oh well. Just to let you all know, I am not pregnant. If I was, I would have some serious explaining to do and no one would've believed me that it was immaculate conception. *grins*


So, the actual surgery...Man, I was petrified by the time they took me into the operating room. Apparently, everyone noticed how scared I was and then started making jokes to help me chill out. (Two peanuts walk into a park...One was a salted. Ba-da-bum-chhhhh.) They made me slide off of my gurney bed thing and onto an operating table suitable for a Barbie doll. (I think my left butt cheek was hanging off the side.) They opened two side trays for my arms, so I was laid out as though they were going to strap me in for some torture. In fact, they buckled me to the table so I wouldn't fall off. How sweet, huh? *rolls eyes* The anesthesiologist then said, "I'm putting it into your IV now. It'll hit you pretty hard." He wasn't kidding. I felt it almost immediately and I think I got out three answers to his questions before I must've passed out. Next thing I knew, someone was calling out, "Heather, you need to wake up. Open your mouth." I opened my mouth and they pulled a tube out and I was coughing. Scarier though was that my leg was wrapped tightly in an ace bandage and I was back on my gurney/bed thing. WTF? I was disoriented for a moment, but then things were coming into focus.


Phoenix came to sit with me after they wheeled me to an area to finish waking up. I think I came around pretty quickly. I mean, we weren't there long after. I heard from all the nurses and my doc that my anesthesiologist is like the best around. He gives people the exact right amount to knock them out, but not to leave them out of it afterward. I'm not saying I was cool to go drive a car or take a jog, but I was okay. Anyway, we left with the warning that I might get sick, etc, etc, etc, so to eat something light after I got home. Yeah, I ate a sandwich from Subway. *grins* It was so good! The shittiest part was trying to get up the stairs. Phoenix was worried about me walking on my knee, but I tried using the crutches. Apparently, these were easier to use when I was in the 4th grade with a broken ankle. I think I weigh far too much to be able to be use them without feeling it, big time. I made it as far as the stairs with them and I said, "Hold these. I cannot go upstairs with them." I then slowly walked up the stairs. I was scared, mostly because I felt slightly light-headed, but I made it. Phoenix, meanwhile, stood near the bottom of the stairs so that if I did fall ass over teakettle I wouldn't knock her down the stairs as well. *grins* Just kidding. She came up right behind me. I used the crutches again to get to our front door and then I gave up; they hurt my shoulders. I need to lose weight. Moving on...


I took a Percocet for the first time shortly after getting home. It didn't knock me out. I was allowed to take two, but one was enough to keep the pain at bay. That night, I took a Morphine (it's time released to last 12 hours) to go to bed. I slept pretty well, except that it's hard to sleep with my legs on pillows on my back or even on my side with a couple of pillows between my legs to keep my knee up. I'm happy to say I can mostly function on the pain meds they gave me. I wasn't looking forward to being out of it...


I survived my not being able to shower for three days after surgery...but only barely. I washed at the sink with a wash cloth and washed my hair in the sink. Pathetic, huh? Phoenix, I think, thinks I'm ridiculous, but come on, I shower twice a day, every day. (Well, almost every day. Sometimes I'm lazy and don't shower at night.) All jokes aside though, it was killing me. I took a shower this morning and was in heaven! What I am not doing well with is not staying off my leg...I mean, I'm allowed to walk around and such, but I'm not supposed to be out, say, dancing or gardening. I've been trying to do stuff around here and I realize I get tired kind of fast. Yesterday, I made tuna fish salad for lunch and some fresh iced tea and by the time I was done, I was tired...and a little dizzy. I just need to learn to take it easy. *laughs* Yeah, that'll be the day.


I guess that's it...I am lucky because my surgery will only leave three small scars on my knee. I would take a picture to show right now, but I have it wrapped up. I suppose I better go for now...I am making dinner tonight and it's going to take a little while. I am making green chili for her, but from scratch. (Normally, we cheat and use green enchilada sauce, but I am using green chilies to make it...) Here's to hoping!! If it's shitty, then it's going to be pizza night! HAHA! By the way, for those of you wondering, Phoenix has been a saint for taking care of me. I must admit though, she left for work quickly yesterday morning and this morning too...I think she was in a hurry to get to work where she wouldn't have to wait on me. *grins* Just kidding! She's been great through it all.