There is something rotten in the state of...Arizona...

So, I got pre-qualified for a home loan, which, in and of itself is a miracle...I mean, we all know the Universe despises me and usually laughs wildly at me and the obstacles thrown at me. I am now starting to think that perhaps, just maybe, the Universe set me up yet again by approving me for a home loan...Allow me to explain...


I was told in November that I was close to qualifying, but that I should open a secured credit card to boost my score. It took forever, but I finally got the card. I'm not sure I needed it because without ever using it, Chase Bank qualified me, despite what the other woman had told me...Ehh, whatever. So, YAY! I qualified. This is too late to move from my apartment into a house of my choosing, so it looks like we'll be crashing at Phoenix's mom's house until we can get into something since our lease ends in February. Still...Ehhh, whatever. We can manage this.


I have enjoyed my many adventures of going house shopping...You know, exploring model homes I can never afford and stopping in at random open houses for the hell of it. Going actual house shopping has sucked big, hairy elephant balls. No, seriously. Phoenix and I scoured the internet to find cool houses that we liked. She found a site called zillow.com. Check it out. They also have a free app for your smart phones (Only the smart ones, not the stupid ones!), so you can drive around neighborhoods and see what the houses are worth and what's for sale. It's AWESOME! Anyway, we found we thought were awesome and did drive bys. No, not like the kind we used to do in south side Victorville way back in the day. This time, we left the guns at home and simply went armed with addresses and our cell phones.


Out of our favorite houses that we saw from the outside, it turned out all of them had either just accepted offers or were in escrow. Are you freakin' kidding me!? I was disappointed, but whatever...We opted to move our search to the outskirts of Phoenix because we could find larger houses. Before this though, my realtor took me (On Sunday, by myself) to see a few more houses. One of the houses had a horrible lay out and somehow made 1,800 sq feet look very, very small. Another one was cool, but still just didn't suit us. A third house was so freakin' ghetto and nasty that we only made it a couple steps in before he said, "Forget this place. You're not buying this one!" It smelled of cat piss and trash. Classy place, let me tell you. I was surprised we didn't find a couple of crack whores squatting in there. It was God-awful!


We moved our search area and he showed me a few houses out in El Mirage (AZ, not CA). The first one looked awesome from outside. It had great curb appeal and was a single story. Cool, cool. We went inside and immediately, I was like, "I don't think this is going to work." The living room carpet was stained and by what, I don't know. It was disgusting and needed to be ripped out. One of the 18' tiles was cracked and had a large piece missing, which meant we'd have to replace them all since it's too hard to match those tiles. The kitchen was okay, but one of the drawers was broken...The bedrooms looked like they had been through hell and back. All three of the "kid's" rooms needed wall repairs. It looked like the doors had been kicked open, knocking holes into the wall behind the door. One room was so bad, they put a steel corner piece on the wall and had started a repair, but never finished...All the carpets in the rooms were covered in stains from food, drink, and markers. My realtor said, "It's only like $72,000." Umm...Yeah...$72,000 too much. I would've had to yank out all the flooring before we moved in, plus repair some walls. No way! The next house was like 5 door down and across the street and it was awesome!! It's 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath, 2200 sq feet, a big yard, a loft, etc...Seriously, this house had everything on our check list! It's only $82,900! It's totally in my budget! I was so excited. I liked the house a lot and wanted Phoenix to see it. Before heading home, my realtor took me to one more house though, just in cases...O-M-G! The house was in like TJ, as in TJ, Mexico!! We never found the actual house, but after cruising the neighborhood (Where a donkey and sombreros wouldn't have been out of place), I said, "We're good...Let's just head back." I didn't want to live next door to Pedro who sells Chicklets 5 for a dollar...Although...I do like gum...Hmmm...


So, Phoenix finally saw the house today and we were thinking, "We should put an offer in on the house." We asked the realtor about how the listing said I had to pre-qualify with Bank of America. He had asked about it the other day and the woman had said, "I think as long as you have paperwork showing you're qualified, it's fine." This was WRONG-O! Tonight, he called and the other realtor said, "No, she needs to qualify with BofA, otherwise her offer will not be considered." Are you fucking kidding me? I qualified with Chase. That's all that counts. Moving on...But no, if I want to make an offer, I'll have to have my credit pulled again and jump through hoops for BofA...I'm not sure about that. It doesn't seem right. I get that BofA owns it, but why would I have to go through them??? Does anyone know? I'm so confused! And now it's making me, "Maybe this house isn't for me..."


So, as you can see, the Universe, despite seeming benevolent for just a moment, is right back to laughing at me...*Shakes fist at sky angrily* Damn it, Universe! Just once make it easy!! Also, to anyone whose bought a house, any insight you have would be awesome!! Thanks...For now, I'm going to bed! Peace.



PS: I didn't grammar check this, so deal with it.