Do you have the time...To listen to me whine...

I've spent most of the day today writing...Not a blog, but I'm currently rewriting my novel and if I can trust my good buddy's opinion (And in this case, I'm pretty sure I can), then it's coming along much better than the first draft of the book. I had been working on turning it into a play, and whereas that might've worked, it just makes more sense as a book...Or possibly a movie, but a book first. I know, I'm dreaming big. Anyway, I cannot write without music. I can't even write a blog without music. In fact, I can't do much without music playing...Like it has to be there to help me focus. I wish they played music at my work...I think I'd be happier. But again, not the point. As I was writing today, I kept thinking about my day yesterday...Yesterday was such a bad day. By the time I got off work, I just wanted to curl up under my desk and cry. Like I couldn't have taken one more call if I tried without crying. I was just at my wit's end. Two of my work friends--One was the one I heretofore called "Winona", but will be "Giggles" going forward (I said "Giggles" as in a girl who giggles a lot and not "Chuckles" like a scary clown you wake up and find standing over your bed when you thought you were alone!) and the other is my ex-cubie who we shall call "Texas" simply because all my exes live in Texas (haha!)-- were talking about going out after work for dinner, to play the bubble game (It's a fish penny machine) at the casino, or whatever. Part of me wanted to be all, "Me too! Pick me! I'll go too!" But the rest of me felt like after work, I should go home, not out to fuck around, you know? (Phoenix later scolded me and said I should've gone out since I never blow off steam anymore. Good to know.) So, after my bad day, I walked out of work alone, thinking, "This was such a bad fucking day..." when my phone rang. I expected it to be Phoenix, but no, it was one of my best buddies, J-Dawg. That's what I needed--A friendly voice.


I love you, J-dawg. I know you're reading this...Maybe you should skip ahead. lol What I needed was to laugh with my friend last night, but instead, I was a good friend and let her vent about CPS troubles. I love all my friends and no matter how fucked everything is at the time, I will let them vent, talk, whatever they need, but I really needed something more last night. (Do not apologize, J-Dawg! And I'm not putting you on blast, I swear! Do not hate me!) I know she needed to get it out. So, once I pulled in my driveway, I got off the phone with her and talked to Phoenix, who wasn't home yet because she had taken the kids to Chick-Fil-A to eat dinner with her sister and her nieces. (Do not eat at Chick-Fil-A! They donate to anti-gay marriage groups!! Phoenix doesn't care, but I do!) I walked into the darkened, empty house thinking, "This fucking sucks." My head was killing me because I still haven't smoked and I have no release for all the stress I'm carrying around. Usually, on my way home from work, I blast music and rock out because that's like my form of therapy...I didn't do that. I came in, checked my Facebook, then headed upstairs to shower. I turned on Slacker Radio on my phone and turned on the water for a shower. The song that came on was an old Green Day song and I thought of my friends...Well, the people I used to hang out with in California. They're all still my friends, but I never see them anymore and hanging out with them isn't the same. You really can't go home again because nothing is the same. I'm sure it's me who's changed and not them, but it's not like it used to be. These thoughts only made my head hurt worse and next thing I knew, I was violently throwing up the nothingness that was in my stomach. Like literally, I had nothing in my stomach, so it was just dry heaves. Good times...


I stayed up late last night writing and whatever because I couldn't sleep. Today, I started writing again and as I listened to my itunes, I kept thinking about my friends. I listen to a lot of songs that make me miss my friends...No matter how much time goes by or how far away we live from each other, I still think about them and the good times...Some of these songs go all the way back to high school...Please, allow me to share a few...(J-Dawg, I hope you're still reading!)


Blink 182- All the Small Things- This makes me think of J-Dawg dancing around all crazy, with her arms straight out, spinning in a circle. I don't know where the hell we were, but she was so crazy and out of control. I have to smile each time I hear the song.


Toby Keith- How Do you Like Me Now? - This makes me think of J-Dawg and another friend of ours. We went to go see Where the Heart Is or something and this song came on while waiting for the movie to start. They both leapt out of their seats and started dancing in the aisle. It was the middle of the afternoon and there wasn't anyone else in with us, but I kept wondering what would happen if someone came. I had to admit that it was pretty freakin' funny though. Good times, for sure.


Dynamite Hack- Boys in the Hood- The first time I heard this song I was pulling into Newport Beach, Ca with a friend I had made while working at Burger King. We spent quite a few afternoons napping on the beach and getting some sun. The song came on the radio, KROQ to be exact, and we were like, "What the hell is this song?" But because it was a bunch of white boys, singing about being gansta, we loved it immediately. Plus, who doesn't like to sing, "I reached back like a pimp and I smacked the hoe!"? lol


The Presidents of the United States of America- Peaches and Lump- These two songs immediately make me think of both my nemesis, The Black Spy, and our good friend, whom I used to call Moron, mostly because her last name is very nearly "Moron". So, I was in school with these two when the above mentioned songs came out and with only a word whispered, "Peaches..." or "Lump" the fucking song would instantly be embedded in our heads. So, for a couple of years, we tormented one another by mentioning these songs. Of course, it never completely stopped because we still randomly text one another or leave messages on Facebook with the lyrics. Haha...Some things never change.


Jewel- Standing Still- I was driving to a catering job with a friend of mine and we were listening to some mixed CD that had this song on it. Whilst we drove, we were eating Nerds Candy (You are what you eat, right?) and I took a swig off the box and filled my mouth with the candy. I chewed them, swallowed them, and then went back to singing my heart out. As I sang, (I think it was this part) "Dooooo youuuuu neeeeeed meeeee--" The sugar suddenly burned my throat. You know that cheap ass Red Punch they sell in those gallon jugs (like milk jugs) at the grocery store that the room mom's always used to buy back when we were kids in elementary school? You'd always take a big swig of that punch thinking it was going to taste like fruit punch or Hawaiian Punch, but that shit burned going down and you'd be making weird noises as it scratched its way down your throat...Or was that just me? *shifty eyes* Moving on...So, there I was, singing my heart out, and WHAM! Sugar burn down my throat. And in mid-note, I'm like, "cchhh-aaaghdjalksonfgoiwen" <~~~I have no clue what that even means. I can't type the weird noise I made. It was like I suddenly started speaking German and was making that guttural noise in my throat. It wasn't pretty. But it was fucking hilarious.


Orgy- Blue Monday- When I hear this song, I remember flying down the 210 freeway with my friend, Vegas, in her Fiero. First of all, those cars are crazy low to the ground and I have no clue how I ever got into and out of her fucking car. I mean, I might as well have been sitting on the fucking ground. I'm just sayin'...Secondly, what the hell kind of car doesn't have a backseat? That's the smallest car I've ever been in. And now they sell those smart cars, which are even smaller. No thanks, I choose not to drive around in a sardine can. But I digress...We were hauling ass down the 210 freeway because this song came on and you just have to drive faster when you hear it. We were rocking out so hard to this song, singing our hearts out, that we didn't notice we were doing like 110mph. HOLY SHIT! 110mph in a deathtrap! A DEATHTRAP, I'M TELLING YOU!! Do you know where we were going in such a hurry? To a fucking coffee house. We weren't even going anywhere important! Who drives that fast to get coffee??? Apparently, the Heathers do. I don't know how I made it to the ripe old age of 32. But to this day, when I hear this song, I feel the need to put the pedal to the metal and just blast this song. Of course, I don't though because I'm a mature woman now...*shifty eyes*


The B-52s- Love Shack- I know that this song should remind me of karaoke with Phoenix's sister, but it doesn't...Well, I mean, yes, but the main memory that comes to mind is driving to the beach with my mom's youngest sister...Fuck, I don't have fake names for all these people! BAH! Anyway, so me and my aunt are driving along and we get stuck in shitty Southern California beach traffic. The air conditioner didn't work in her like 1981 (I don't know the year) Honda something or another. It was this reddish colored square car with a sunroof. I thought, at the ripe old age of like 10, that it was the raddest car ever because of the sunroof. (I was 10, you rat bastard! Stop laughing at me!) So, we had the windows down, the sunroof open, and KROQ blasting. Here comes Love Shack! My aunt turns the music up even louder and we sing our heads off. At some point in time, while we were singing, she starts to dance. She doesn't dance all normal...No, she's like rocking out doing the swim (I don't know the names of these dances, but she was plugging her nose like she was going under water...Dude, again, I was 10. That was 22 years ago, you jerk!) and the mashed potato...Okay, I don't even know what the mashed potato is, beside the food. There she is dancing and I look to the side and am immediately horrified because I was old enough to realize other people would look at us and they were! AAUGH! I was like, "Stop! Don't do that!" My cries fell on deaf ears...She only rocked out more. Looking back, I love her for that...Back then, I was humiliated and I couldn't slip down in my seat enough to avoid the looks from the drivers around us...Hahaha...

John Cougar Mellencamp- Cherry Bomb- (And yes, this was when he was still John Cougar Mellencamp, not just John Mellencamp!) Okay, this is the last one I'll mention. As I started thinking about my friends and their songs, I also started thinking about my family, hence the above one about my aunt. So, this is my mom's jam. She loves this ridiculous song and she dances every time it comes on. My mom can't dance. Mom, I love you, but you can't dance. *grins* I speak the truth, woman. Just listen to me. My mom almost looks like she's doing aerobics when she dances. The memory that comes to mind is back in the house that I grew up in back in Hesperia, Ca. The stereo was on Y102 and this song came on. My mom was in the kitchen cooking dinner or something and I was in the kitchen doing homework. I was probably in my early teens and she stops cooking so she can sing and dance. It must've been early fall or something because it was warm in the house, but we had all the windows open along with both the front and back door. My jackass dad wasn't around and I don't know where my sister and brother were (Maybe outside playing), but my mom was there with me and she was dancing all crazy. I remember thinking that it was obvious that her and her younger sister were related because they both danced like crazy maniacs...lol


So, yeah...Today, I was listening to songs and memories were coming back to me and I realize I really miss my friends. Don't get me wrong...Giggles and Texas are great, but they're about the closest thing I have out here to my buddies back home. I have yet to hang out with them outside of work really, but I get to laugh with them at work and it helps, but sometimes a girl just needs to get the hell out and blow off some steam. So, to all of my old friends reading this, I don't miss your dumbass. You misread this...*grins* C'mon, I haven't gone all sappy...Haha...Okay, maybe I miss you guys a little. I might even miss a few of you who I don't really talk to anymore either. Sometimes growing up sort of sucks as we outgrow those we had called friends back in the day...I suppose we'll always have our memories though, right?