Somehow I missed the memo that because Obama is in office for one more term the world is going to end, apparently with a crazy war here in the US. I can only guess that this war is going to be the democrats against the republicans...Or the openly religious against those of us they believe to be sinners. I honestly have no idea what the hell people are thinking. If you are one of those who think it's time we're prepping for the end of times--please...pretty please--tell me why you think so. The Bible doesn't say when it's going to happen...In fact, it states no one knows when it will happen, so please tell me how you know more than the book that guides you does. Yeah, that sounds slightly sarcastic, but I can't help it. I'm a skeptic. Always have been, always will be...It's how I roll.
So, I was thinking of this above mentioned topic because of all the nonsense spewing on Facebook about how it's such a sad time for American society and it's a travesty and blah, blah,blah, (insert commentary hating Obama here). Dude, I don't like Obama either. I don't like most politicians. Again, this is how I roll. I don't have faith in very much because shit never goes like it's supposed to. I'm a realist, not a pessimist. But that's neither here nor there...I want to talk about the crazy fucking lady who called me at work today! I didn't want to be at work today anyway because my sinus infection has caused my ears to ache from the pressure and the last thing I want to do is put a headset on that puts more pressure on my ears. Seriously. It fucking sucks. Allow me to tell you about this crazy lady. We'll call her Cathy...As in Crazy Cathy.
Cathy calls in and I'm like, "This is Heather. How can I help you?" She starts off with, "Peace be with you, Heather. This is Cathy." And I'm already at a loss for words because I'm thinking--shit! What is the correct response??? And with you? Yeah, ditto that? I have no clue, but I know that Catholics know. Clearly, I'm not Catholic, so I'm like, "Thanks. Same to you. I have your account here. How can I help?" She tells me she wants to add her husband to the account and this is where is all goes downhill. I mean, the opening thing sort of warned me, but it got so out of control and...*shakes head* I wanted to jump out the window. I tell her I'm happy to help and ask if she has his Costco membership number because we need that for this type of card. Then we had to talk about how his number really is different than hers, I promise. It was only after reading off hers and his to me that she realized I was right. Then she says she's going to put him on the phone to give me his info, but I said, "I actually need to verify some stuff with you before you put him on the phone." (I should've let him get on the phone...It would've been a better call, I'm sure.) She said, "But he needs to say it's okay for him to be on the account." I said, "No, actually, we need your permission to put him on the account because it's your account." And she's like, "But he's my husband." *rolls eyes* This is where it really derailed because she started in with how this is exactly the problem with society...We have ruined marriage and that people like us (me and her) know that marriage is really between a man and a woman and that anyone who thinks otherwise is going against the Bible. *le sigh* This is a real conversation. She said, "Those people--you know who I mean--are ruining marriage and the politicians are going along with it because they're paid to." During the rest of our conversation where we added her husband to the account, replaced her worn out card, and made a payment, she lectured me on the Bible and how this is the end of times. She believes that credit cards are leading into the mark of demon, which is apparently when we'll all have computer chips in our heads and bar codes. (That would make it really easy for me if I forgot my wallet...I'm just sayin'...) From this, she went into how there are now "security cameras" everywhere filming everyone and all the calls are recorded, "They say for quality, but they're really just monitoring us, Heather. You know that." Uh-huh...I was just nodding and let her go because I really didn't know how to respond to this at 7am. Later in my shift, I might've been more in control, but she was like my fourth call and I was still trying to wake up. She stated that movies like Enemy of the State are true. We are constantly monitored and if the government doesn't like what we say or do, they'll come get us. I'm assuming she read 1984 as the word of God or something. I'm also thinking that she woke up this morning and ate a huge bowl of Crazy O's. Seriously. *straight face*
I honestly had no idea how to get this woman off my line. She just kept talking. Like everyone was the bad guy, but not me...She could tell I have a good soul. (Phoenix said I should've told her that I'm soulless, which is true...I needed more room for sarcasm.) Because of my good soul, God was speaking through her to tell me these things I need to know. *drinks Kool Aid to end misery* I was like, "Oh...Um..." But she wasn't really looking for a response from me. Then she asked, "You have a family, right Heather?" I smiled as I thought about this, but I decided to only say, "Yes, yes I do." She said, "I bet you're a wonderful mother. You have a kind voice and I know you have a kind soul. You're good people." Obviously, this woman doesn't know shit and can't read people because we all know I'm the devil. *grins* I let her go and in the end she told me I should write down her number and if I just want to talk about God or if I have questions about this being the end of times, I should call her. I was like, "Oh thank you for the offer, but we can't call our customers." She told me that God loves me and I don't even know what else. It took everything in me not to tell her, "I'm gay and you just said God loves me! Haha! You can't take it back!"
I never said I don't believe in God. I question a lot of things...Like these whack jobs who claim God is speaking through them. Who do these people think they are? It says in the Bible, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". Ummm...That means don't be judging people lest ye be judged. I have no idea if it says "ye"...That sounds pirate-ish. Whatev. Where do these people get off though? Like she had no idea what sort of person I was, she judged me solely on how nice I was on the phone. In person, outside of work, I wouldn't have been like that--I would've spoken my mind because I've learned that if I don't speak up, no one will. Where the hell did all these doom's day preppers come from and why are they now calling me at work?
The government may be all up in our business, but it's not 1984 level, folks. It's not the end of the world because Obama is president again. It's weird, but before the election he was president and now after the election he is again...It's the same. It's not like he won and immediately started rubbing his hands together evilly as he laughed maniacally. Let's be real. And just because shit isn't good, doesn't mean it's the end of the world. People have been predicting the end of the world for centuries and we're still here. Just chill the hell out...We have until December 21st at least, which means I don't even need to worry about Christmas shopping. Whew! Thank you, Mayans!
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