So, I should probably be upstairs in my room cleaning out my closet because there are random odds and ends on the floor in there that need to be picked up since I am requesting someone from my home warranty company to come check out my AC, which is partly in the attic and, of course, the attic access is in my closet. *rolls eyes* Instead, I'm sitting here in front of my laptop, a fan blowing cool air through my short hair, and blasting some Adele. *grins* I love this song...
I wish I could sing like Adele...I'd sing 24/7. Who the hell are we kidding? I sing anyway. Who cares if I can't carry a tune in a bucket? Not I!
This isn't the point of the blog...Nope, I wanted to keep everyone in the loop. I had blood work done last week when I went to see the gyno or, as my mom calls them, the Vagina Doctor. No word yet regarding the blood work, but the doctor is making me go get a pelvic ultrasound. This does not sound like fun to me...like at all. I called to schedule it today and they're getting me in tomorrow and the lady says, "Oh! There's one instruction I have to give you. You need to drink 32 ounces of water before you come in and finish that by 1:30 because your appointment is at 2:30. It takes one hour for water to travel from your lips to your bladder and you need to have a full bladder." Say what!? It's not my bladder bleeding! Do they want me to pee on them? Are they into golden showers? If so, there are people who will do that willingly for them...They're are probably even places you can go to get that done...Not that I know, but I assume. Like isn't it enough that I have to be degraded enough to have them put that thing in me, but now they want me to have to pee at the same time? There's something not right about the medical profession...
Speaking of which, the first thing the doctor told me when I saw her was that I need to lose weight because being overweight can cause irregular periods. Okay, I get it, but it's not like I woke up one morning obese. "Good morning, honey--OH SHIT! YOU'RE FAT!" I mean, come on...My weight, despite being overweight, has been a pretty constant number for a while now. Of course though, that's their go-to thing. Then she starts telling me about birth control options. Hi, I'm a lesbian. I shouldn't need to think about birth control options. I practice the ultimate birth control--Sex with another woman. *grins* Apparently, birth control can regulate my periods...Great, but this isn't a normal occurrence. I mean, I don't want them to find anything, but there's got to be something that's causing it. By the way, the correct number was 42. For 42 days I had my period. I believe this makes my period something for the record books. That's bleeding of Biblical proportions! God made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights to cleanse the earth...And I bled for 42 days and 42 nights to cleanse my Vag. *laughs* Oh man...I'm going to hell for sure. And before that, Phoenix is going to smack me for comparing myself to God. *ducks to avoid lightning bolt from the sky* C'mon, God has got to have a sense of humor...
So yeah, for now, the bleeding has stopped and tomorrow I get to be violated by a stranger while I have to pee. Life is s-uh-weet! In the midst of all this sweetness going on, I am still a little concerned. I mean, the doc and everyone else seems to think bleeding for 6 weeks of my life is all right, but I'm not so sure. I'm a little more worried now because I don't know what's going on. I don't know if on some level I'm freaking myself out and making myself a nervous wreck, which is causing me stomach pains and other issues...Or if I truly had food poisoning from Black Angus when I went out to dinner on Friday night...Or if these are new symptom of what's going on. I get hungry, but when I eat, my stomach hurts and I can't eat much. It could be nerves. I could be freaking myself about this and not paying attention to it because I'm concerned with my performance at work and despite all the sales I've had so far this month, my boss is still looking for more. Before I started this team, I struggled to hit my goal of 100 points in sales a month. Then this guy is like, "I want you to hit two hundred." I laughed, but he wasn't kidding. So, last month I hit 267 points. This month, I'm already at 280 points and it's barely the 12th. *rolls eyes* Yes, it's nice for the extra dough, but it's stressing me out...And I'm sleeping like shit...And...well, I guess you all get it. I just want to know why my body is rebelling against me. I need things to function normally again.
On a side note, the two girls we've had for nearly the last year are transitioning back home to their dad. They leave tomorrow night for a week long visit. They'll come back next Wednesday night to stay for one night before going back again. I don't know who comes up with this, but whatever...I'm not sad to see them go...I didn't grow attached. And as though to encourage me not to miss them, tonight after dinner, little Hurricane was sitting at the table eating a leftover piece of birthday cake and apparently peed. And I'm talking like flooded. She's mostly potty trained, but must've thought it'd be cool to pee on the chair. She peed through her pull-up, her shorts, onto her booster seat, onto the actual chair, and created a puddle under her chair. Of course, cleaning up pee off my kitchen floor is EXACTLY what I like to do after dinner. My kitchen floor has now been swept and mopped and the chair was taken outside and sprayed down by the hose. Yup...Kids...Someone has to love them.
Okay, enough procrastinating....Time to head upstairs and clean before bed. But one more song before I go...I love this song...
Anyway, wish me luck...Say prayers...Think happy thoughts...I hope everything turns out okay. I'd feel better if I could shake this nearly overwhelming sense of doom. So, on that note...Peace out. I'll keep you all posted about how my ultrasound goes...I still want to know what sick bastard thought, "Hey! Let's make the girls come in with full bladders!! That'll make it better!" Fucking morons...*shakes head*
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Everything is all right until it's not...
It's been a while again and I've been meaning to blog, but things get in the way...like playing World of Warcraft, watching Doctor Who (I LOVE LOVE LOVE that show!), and well, life, I suppose. I guess I shouldn't let those things get in the way, but they always seem to. I haven't been writing like at all lately. There's just so much going on that I don't know where to start...I guess we'll have to start at the beginning...
Not so long ago, in a little hospital in California, a young girl of only 17 gave birth to the cutest little red headed girl with hazel eyes that has ever lived...No, I'm not talking about Emma Stone, you ass monkey! It's me! I'm not even sure she has hazel eyes...But I digress. Okay, let's get into this and we'll go from there. So, at work they did a shift bid. I was super stressed about it because 1) I'm not a rock star at my job so I didn't have the greatest numbers in the world and 2) I was scared to get a different boss. We all get comfy where we are and it's scary to go to someone else. Like I can't stand bosses who micromanage. Let me do my thing and leave me alone, you know? Needless to say, this was literally causing me sleepless nights and headaches. What this also caused, and this is not for the faint of heart, so if you're a dude, you may not want to keep reading, a missed period. I'm gay though and missed periods don't really worry me that much. It happens sometimes. If you're straight you worry because you're like, "Oh shit! Am I preggers???" I don't have that concern...Unless Phoenix needs to tell me something...*shifty eyes* But seriously, I was stressed and then to add to the stress, we got another kid. A one year old baby who loves screaming over everything and anything. He's adorable when he's happy and smiling, but he's the devil when he's screaming. Like he will just scream and scream and scream until you're pretty sure you're going to lose your mind...Or maybe that's just how I feel. It's hard though. It's hard to like the little guy when he just screams and nothing will make him happy. *sigh* Seriously, I sometimes question my sanity for taking on all these kids with Phoenix (Not in a bad way, but it's hard, you know? I mean, these are kids someone else screwed up and we're trying to make it better somehow.). Although, she usually makes me question my sanity for a variety of reasons, so this shouldn't surprise me either. lol
So, yeah, there I am...New kid, plus the two girls who are still slowly transitioning to going back to their dad (Any day now! *fingers crossed*), going to a new team at work, and WHAM! My period shows up. Thanks for showing up, Aunt Flo! The problem is, she hasn't left. I started sometime around the 27 or 28 of April. Go ahead and look at a calendar and you'll see the problem. I spent the entire month of May bleeding to death slowly...Okay, maybe not to death...not yet, anyway. And I swear I'm not a zombie. *"Brains! Brains!" drags one foot and walks with arms out* But it won't stop. At first, I thought, "Oh, well, I missed one and maybe it's going to be a little longer than usual." But then two weeks became three and I was like, "This is bullshit." Then three became four and I was a little worried. Then it stopped for a day and I cheered! YES! Finally! And then it started the very next day again. Finally, after much encouragement from nearly everyone I know, I went to the doctor. I had tried not to think of the bad things it could be, but then I went to the doctor and the nurse's jaw dropped when I said, "I've been on my period for almost 5 weeks." She looked concerned. She asked, "Was it okay before? Is this the first time this has happened?" I said, "Yes, it's been fine. But isn't that the way it goes--Everything is all right until it's not?" Then the doctor came in and when I told her that, she said, "That's not good!" She then launched into a list of things that could be causing the bleeding...The list included cysts (not good), early on-set menopause (Are you fucking kidding me?), cancer (WTF?), etc...So, of these, cysts is the one I'm rooting for. My doctor didn't do anything for me. She said, "You need to see a gyno and soon!" Seriously? That's all you've got, doc? What the fuck?
I drove home, trying not to worry about the things it could be and made an appointment with a gyno, which I go to tomorrow. (It's been like 38 days now. I'm so over Aunt Flo. This bitch needs to go!) I have spent the last week trying not to freak out, but even the gyno's receptionist was like, "You've been on it how long? Oh honey, that's not okay!" I'm trying to be brave, I swear I am, but it's hard. It could be something really stupid and I'll get fixed right up. But at this point in time, I'm so tired. I'm not just like sick of the whole situation, but I am exhausted. I feel so worn out and I go to work and people call in and are like, "I can't believe you charged me interest! I should cancel my card!" And I just want to be, "I'm slowly bleeding to death, you fucking asshole! Cancel your account! I don't give a fuck!" Of course, I don't say those things, but I just sit there thinking, "Why are you screaming at me over $2? Seriously, there are worse things going on." But these people don't get it. They're so unhappy with everything and they want to take it out on me and all I can do is sit there and try to help them and ignore that little voice in the back of my head...The one that whispers to me when I'm alone..."You know, it might be cancer. Cigarettes cause all kinds of cancers." And I try to shush the voice, but it creeps back, "Signs of uterine cancer include bleeding." If you're wondering, there's a few types of cancer that can cause bleeding like I've had.
On a side note, I had to fill out a bunch of crap for the gyno and check out this question...
Dude, wtf? I mean, really?
And how about this one--
How did they know I was an accident!? My mom thinks they're asking if I was in an accident at any time, but I'm not so sure about that...It asked right after the adoption question! C'mon, that's a loaded question right there!!
But anyway, it's really hard to stay brave and to think happy thoughts when you're friends keep asking if you're okay and they look concerned. I mean, if it's nothing, then no one should be concerned, right? I'm probably just going through menopause at the ripe old age of 32. I mean, that's normal, right? WRONG! It's not normal! It's not normal to bleed like this for 5 1/2 weeks! It picked up over the weekend and now it's all I can do to keep it from getting everywhere. I know, it's graphic and I'm sorry, but this fucking sucks. I feel like I should be running around wearing Depends or something. And I have to go to work where I'm tied to a phone all day and they are watching everyone's every move, so I'm afraid to go to the bathroom, but I have to go constantly to make sure everything is still in control. I feel like I'm barely holding on here...I'm about to freaking snap.
I've heard people joke before that you should be afraid of something that bleeds for a week and doesn't die. Well, with that thought, you should definitely fear something that bleeds for 5 1/2 weeks and doesn't die. And I'm sure eventually the bleeding will have to stop because eventually I'll run out of blood, right? *ba-da-bum-chhhh* Seriously though, the whole thing is scary. I know someone who currently has cancer and she's like, "It's going to be okay." She's brave, man. She's a single mom with two kids battling cancer. And here I am, sniveling about excessive bleeding. I really am a wussy, aren't I?
The real problem here is my head. Everything is far scarier in my head than it is in real life. I mean, it's like, I read a Stephen King book and it scares the crap out of me, but then I see the movie and I find myself thinking that the monsters in my head are way scarier. I'm sure that's what's going to happen with this whole thing. And worrying about it in the meantime won't change anything...I know that...But knowing that doesn't make me stop worrying. It's in my nature. I already have it in my head that if it's something really bad, I'm okay with them doing a hysterectomy. If it'll make this stop, then I'm okay with that. But this has to stop because I can't keep going on this way. And I hate to admit it, but I'm scared. Phoenix keeps telling me it'll be fine, but I suspect she's telling me that because she refuses to think otherwise. So, please, everyone, just keep your fingers crossed, say prayers, think happy thoughts for me. I am too young to go and I have too much left to do...
And I feel bad for all you coming here expecting a funny blog...So, let me tell you a very quick, short story. The other day, Phoenix was sitting on the couch watching TV with the baby (We'll call him Chuck) and Hurricane. She was talking crap to me as I was walking up the stairs and I made a smart ass remark back (as this is how we communicate in our relationship). She comes back and says something with the word fuck in it, but because the kids are there, she says, "Fush" or something, right? Hurricane, who is engrossed in watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, looks at her and says, "Fuck". Phoenix looked over at her and was like, "What?" She repeated it, "Fuck" and went back to watching Mickey. I started laughing, "Yeah, I think she was correcting you." The kid is three years old and correcting adults on their usage of curse words. Haha! Love it!
Not so long ago, in a little hospital in California, a young girl of only 17 gave birth to the cutest little red headed girl with hazel eyes that has ever lived...No, I'm not talking about Emma Stone, you ass monkey! It's me! I'm not even sure she has hazel eyes...But I digress. Okay, let's get into this and we'll go from there. So, at work they did a shift bid. I was super stressed about it because 1) I'm not a rock star at my job so I didn't have the greatest numbers in the world and 2) I was scared to get a different boss. We all get comfy where we are and it's scary to go to someone else. Like I can't stand bosses who micromanage. Let me do my thing and leave me alone, you know? Needless to say, this was literally causing me sleepless nights and headaches. What this also caused, and this is not for the faint of heart, so if you're a dude, you may not want to keep reading, a missed period. I'm gay though and missed periods don't really worry me that much. It happens sometimes. If you're straight you worry because you're like, "Oh shit! Am I preggers???" I don't have that concern...Unless Phoenix needs to tell me something...*shifty eyes* But seriously, I was stressed and then to add to the stress, we got another kid. A one year old baby who loves screaming over everything and anything. He's adorable when he's happy and smiling, but he's the devil when he's screaming. Like he will just scream and scream and scream until you're pretty sure you're going to lose your mind...Or maybe that's just how I feel. It's hard though. It's hard to like the little guy when he just screams and nothing will make him happy. *sigh* Seriously, I sometimes question my sanity for taking on all these kids with Phoenix (Not in a bad way, but it's hard, you know? I mean, these are kids someone else screwed up and we're trying to make it better somehow.). Although, she usually makes me question my sanity for a variety of reasons, so this shouldn't surprise me either. lol
So, yeah, there I am...New kid, plus the two girls who are still slowly transitioning to going back to their dad (Any day now! *fingers crossed*), going to a new team at work, and WHAM! My period shows up. Thanks for showing up, Aunt Flo! The problem is, she hasn't left. I started sometime around the 27 or 28 of April. Go ahead and look at a calendar and you'll see the problem. I spent the entire month of May bleeding to death slowly...Okay, maybe not to death...not yet, anyway. And I swear I'm not a zombie. *"Brains! Brains!" drags one foot and walks with arms out* But it won't stop. At first, I thought, "Oh, well, I missed one and maybe it's going to be a little longer than usual." But then two weeks became three and I was like, "This is bullshit." Then three became four and I was a little worried. Then it stopped for a day and I cheered! YES! Finally! And then it started the very next day again. Finally, after much encouragement from nearly everyone I know, I went to the doctor. I had tried not to think of the bad things it could be, but then I went to the doctor and the nurse's jaw dropped when I said, "I've been on my period for almost 5 weeks." She looked concerned. She asked, "Was it okay before? Is this the first time this has happened?" I said, "Yes, it's been fine. But isn't that the way it goes--Everything is all right until it's not?" Then the doctor came in and when I told her that, she said, "That's not good!" She then launched into a list of things that could be causing the bleeding...The list included cysts (not good), early on-set menopause (Are you fucking kidding me?), cancer (WTF?), etc...So, of these, cysts is the one I'm rooting for. My doctor didn't do anything for me. She said, "You need to see a gyno and soon!" Seriously? That's all you've got, doc? What the fuck?
I drove home, trying not to worry about the things it could be and made an appointment with a gyno, which I go to tomorrow. (It's been like 38 days now. I'm so over Aunt Flo. This bitch needs to go!) I have spent the last week trying not to freak out, but even the gyno's receptionist was like, "You've been on it how long? Oh honey, that's not okay!" I'm trying to be brave, I swear I am, but it's hard. It could be something really stupid and I'll get fixed right up. But at this point in time, I'm so tired. I'm not just like sick of the whole situation, but I am exhausted. I feel so worn out and I go to work and people call in and are like, "I can't believe you charged me interest! I should cancel my card!" And I just want to be, "I'm slowly bleeding to death, you fucking asshole! Cancel your account! I don't give a fuck!" Of course, I don't say those things, but I just sit there thinking, "Why are you screaming at me over $2? Seriously, there are worse things going on." But these people don't get it. They're so unhappy with everything and they want to take it out on me and all I can do is sit there and try to help them and ignore that little voice in the back of my head...The one that whispers to me when I'm alone..."You know, it might be cancer. Cigarettes cause all kinds of cancers." And I try to shush the voice, but it creeps back, "Signs of uterine cancer include bleeding." If you're wondering, there's a few types of cancer that can cause bleeding like I've had.
On a side note, I had to fill out a bunch of crap for the gyno and check out this question...
Dude, wtf? I mean, really?
And how about this one--
How did they know I was an accident!? My mom thinks they're asking if I was in an accident at any time, but I'm not so sure about that...It asked right after the adoption question! C'mon, that's a loaded question right there!!
But anyway, it's really hard to stay brave and to think happy thoughts when you're friends keep asking if you're okay and they look concerned. I mean, if it's nothing, then no one should be concerned, right? I'm probably just going through menopause at the ripe old age of 32. I mean, that's normal, right? WRONG! It's not normal! It's not normal to bleed like this for 5 1/2 weeks! It picked up over the weekend and now it's all I can do to keep it from getting everywhere. I know, it's graphic and I'm sorry, but this fucking sucks. I feel like I should be running around wearing Depends or something. And I have to go to work where I'm tied to a phone all day and they are watching everyone's every move, so I'm afraid to go to the bathroom, but I have to go constantly to make sure everything is still in control. I feel like I'm barely holding on here...I'm about to freaking snap.
I've heard people joke before that you should be afraid of something that bleeds for a week and doesn't die. Well, with that thought, you should definitely fear something that bleeds for 5 1/2 weeks and doesn't die. And I'm sure eventually the bleeding will have to stop because eventually I'll run out of blood, right? *ba-da-bum-chhhh* Seriously though, the whole thing is scary. I know someone who currently has cancer and she's like, "It's going to be okay." She's brave, man. She's a single mom with two kids battling cancer. And here I am, sniveling about excessive bleeding. I really am a wussy, aren't I?
The real problem here is my head. Everything is far scarier in my head than it is in real life. I mean, it's like, I read a Stephen King book and it scares the crap out of me, but then I see the movie and I find myself thinking that the monsters in my head are way scarier. I'm sure that's what's going to happen with this whole thing. And worrying about it in the meantime won't change anything...I know that...But knowing that doesn't make me stop worrying. It's in my nature. I already have it in my head that if it's something really bad, I'm okay with them doing a hysterectomy. If it'll make this stop, then I'm okay with that. But this has to stop because I can't keep going on this way. And I hate to admit it, but I'm scared. Phoenix keeps telling me it'll be fine, but I suspect she's telling me that because she refuses to think otherwise. So, please, everyone, just keep your fingers crossed, say prayers, think happy thoughts for me. I am too young to go and I have too much left to do...
And I feel bad for all you coming here expecting a funny blog...So, let me tell you a very quick, short story. The other day, Phoenix was sitting on the couch watching TV with the baby (We'll call him Chuck) and Hurricane. She was talking crap to me as I was walking up the stairs and I made a smart ass remark back (as this is how we communicate in our relationship). She comes back and says something with the word fuck in it, but because the kids are there, she says, "Fush" or something, right? Hurricane, who is engrossed in watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, looks at her and says, "Fuck". Phoenix looked over at her and was like, "What?" She repeated it, "Fuck" and went back to watching Mickey. I started laughing, "Yeah, I think she was correcting you." The kid is three years old and correcting adults on their usage of curse words. Haha! Love it!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Good Vibrations...or something like that.
So, even though there's a whole lot of shit going on and I shouldn't be writing this, I need to because sometimes writing is the only thing that keeps me going...Plus, I've been thinking about this for like the last week and I just have to know...Have any of you guys heard about this workout thing with the vibrator? Like it does this whole body vibration thing and you lose weight and tighten muscles. Now, from what I understand, you stand on some platform that vibrates. Already, I'm not seeing a down side to this, if you know what I'm saying. I mean, an elliptical machine kills my thighs within a few minutes and makes me wish I had never eaten that piece of German Chocolate Cake when I was ten or that bag of Gummi Bears when I was fifteen, if you get what I'm saying. Suddenly, you're on that machine going, "Oh em gee...I'm a fucking fatty!" and every bad food decision you've ever made is coming to mind and you're kicking yourself. You know what I mean. *nods* Oh you know! But with this vibrating thing...Come on...That can't be bad. Can it?
I heard about this because my sister has been doing it and she's lost some pounds and some inches. She's also doing Weight Watchers though, so that may be part of it. Then my mom tells me she's been doing it and she's lost like four inches and some pounds...Hmm...
So, I decided that I should try it too. Imagine my surprise when Phoenix Googled it to show me that it's a platform you stand on, like this:
And not a "personal massager" like I originally thought...So, girls, it doesn't look like this:
*shifty eyes* Yeah, I knew that all along...I was just kidding...Yeah, so, um...*looks around* I've got to go now.
I heard about this because my sister has been doing it and she's lost some pounds and some inches. She's also doing Weight Watchers though, so that may be part of it. Then my mom tells me she's been doing it and she's lost like four inches and some pounds...Hmm...
So, I decided that I should try it too. Imagine my surprise when Phoenix Googled it to show me that it's a platform you stand on, like this:
And not a "personal massager" like I originally thought...So, girls, it doesn't look like this:
*shifty eyes* Yeah, I knew that all along...I was just kidding...Yeah, so, um...*looks around* I've got to go now.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
I don't have a dirty vag...
So, for those of you who aren't on my Facebook or who block all my posts, I spent the last five nights in the hospital with pneumonia. Now, I know many people know me and know how I am when it comes to going to the doctor, so you're probably thinking, "You shouldn't have waited until it turned to pneumonia!" Well, duh. But I didn't wait this time. This actually came on quick...Over the weekend (Not last, but the one before), I had felt short of breath and tired, but I wasn't sick. Then on Monday (January 30th), I went to work as usual and was fine until like 3 or so when I was suddenly freezing to death...Like teeth chattering...can we please start a campfire...when did I move to Alaska kind of cold despite the jeans and long sleeved shirt I had on. A little while after that, I felt like I had been run over by a Mack truck. I left early and came home, heater BLASTING in the truck and found I had a fever of 102.7 (Yes, for my Cali followers, my temp was KISS FM in Los Angeles). That night I started throwing up and coughing. I thought, "I have the flu." On Tuesday, I kept throwing up and then was coughing up blood...That was a bit scary. I went to urgent care and before taking a chest X-ray, the doctor says, "You have pneumonia. I can hear it in your lungs." After the chest X-ray, he says, "You have REALLY bad pneumonia." And he asks how long I've been sick...Umm...Yeah, for a day. So, he tells me if it gets worse, go to the hospital.
Two days later, I was still sick as a dog and Phoenix was like, "I'm taking you to the hospital." Yeah, I was not happy about this. People go to hospitals to give life or lose it. (Have babies or die!) I was not having a child, so no need for me to go to the hospital. But she made me go. I was in the emergency room for like 15 minutes before they're like, "We're admitting you." Say what? The X-ray tech guy was like, "Did they tell you what you have?" I said, "Yes, pneumonia." He said, "REALLY bad!" Weird that he would tell me that. The ER doc came over and asked me how long I'd been sick because it was such bad pneumonia. The hospital doctor who admitted me was asking how long I'd been sick and was stressing how bad the pneumonia was. I just wanted to ask, "Are you sure it's that bad?" Like I could've driven myself to the hospital...I had been taking care of myself. All the doctors seemed surprised too that I looked as good as I did. (Yes, I'm hot...lol No, but I wasn't like on my deathbed.) I just didn't get what all the fuss was because I wasn't dead...Yes, I felt like shit. Yes, I got winded walking more than three steps. Yes, I was coughing up blood. But I was still okay. So, yup, they checked me into the hospital, which I shall call Hotel California Hospital...You can check in, but you can never leave!
The next day, Friday, a lung specialist came to talk to me about the pneumonia because apparently it was bad enough to warrant his expert advice. He asks me if I'm a native here and I said no, I'm not. He said he was worried that my pneumonia, which is apparently only in my right lung, was caused by Valley Fever. Say what? So, I looked up Valley Fever from my phone to see some of the symptoms and do you know what one of the top symptoms is??? I'll tell you--Headaches!! Whoa! I've had headaches for like weeks. The incubation period for Valley Fever is 5-21 days. Well, I had quit smoking and then for weeks I had the headaches and then WHAMO! Pneumonia. We still don't know for sure if it's from the Valley Fever because the lab results aren't in. They told me it would take a couple of days to get them, but then it turned out it takes five. And then today it turns out the lab was out of something they needed for the culture, so they won't even be done until tomorrow evening.
The lung doctor decided that he was going to keep me in the hospital while we waited for the results to make sure he treated me accordingly because my pneumonia is "so bad". *rolls eyes* I was fine! I just needed sleep...But no, I was in the hospital where they wake you up every two hours for random things like breathing treatments, blood tests, vital signs, medication, conga lines, etc...Like I don't get it. If I'm sleeping, let me fucking sleep! But no--they woke me up. For the record, my arms look like I'm an intravenous drug user, no joke. I had to have--count them--five IVs while I was there. The first one went bad after my second day there, so the nurse put another one in, which even she said when she put it in, "Won't last". Well, then don't put it there! But she did...Then I got a third one on my right arm, which lasted about a day and a half before the vein went bad. Then this crazy lady comes to my room at like midnight (I was nearly asleep) to put a new on in and I tell her, "Not my right arm. I'm right handed." Where does she put it? In my right wrist! Like on the inside and tells me, "Don't move your hand." Are you fucking kidding me??? I'm not worried about writing a letter, typing, styling my hair or doing my make-up at that point in time, but without my right hand, I can't even wipe my own ass. I was like, "Gee, thanks." Once she left the room, it crossed my mind to "accidentally" remove it, but I didn't need to. I went to sleep, and within two hours, it came out on its own. The fifth one was done by a guy with an ultrasound machine who put it in no problem. I was happy too that he listened to me when I said, "Not the right arm!" I mean, it's bad enough in hospitals anyway where they have you pee into a container in the toilet so they can measure your output...For a while they had a second container in my toilet and I was like I will hold it until I'm released...I am not having a bowel movement into a container...What is wrong with those people!? I just wanted to get better, not be degraded like that. They make you wear those stupid gowns too. Luckily, no one said a word to me as I ran around in my gown with shorts. *grins* Yup, I had sweats with me the whole time. Expect me to wear a nightgown...bah!
One last quick story about the hospital and then we'll move on to today...So, my first night I was there, the nurse on duty said they were bringing me a bigger bed. I was like "Okay." The bed I had wasn't very big and when I laid down on my back, my feet were against the foot board. The bed didn't show up that night...Or the next day. At 4am on Saturday morning, the nurse comes busting in (Mind you, I've already been woken up for blood and breathing treatments...What's one more disturbance, right?) and says, "Your bed is here!" Apparently, she had to yell at some people and go over people's heads because the bed should've been brought up. Anyway, this very angry looking man comes in with the bed, switches them out, and sets up the new bed. The new bed looks amazing. It's like a giant air mattress. I was excited. (Remember, I was in the hospital...It took little to get me happy. Raspberry Sherbert made me happy while I was in there.) The guy got it all set up and before he made it out of the room, the bed alarm starts going off, which signals if there's a problem. He "fixes it", and then takes off like a bat out of hell. He left because he didn't fix it. He ended up being called back and an hour later he arrived. By then, I was in the bed with my ipod on, ignoring the world. He "fixed" it once more and left, but the alarm kept going off. Finally at like eleven, a different guy shows up and pulls the bed apart and there's a problem with the air mattress, so he switches the bed with another one. I'm still taken aback by the first guy...Like the alarm goes off and you're going to silence the alarm, because that's all he basically did, and then let the sick person spend the day listening to the alarm go off every 30 or so minutes. Really? What kind of sick fuck does that? How lazy do you have to be to do that? I hope that guy gets busted...Fucking bastard...
Last night was my fifth night in the hospital...I was going stir crazy in there. The lung doctor was insisting that we had to have the results before he'd let me go. He was like 99% sure I have Valley Fever because of the way it looks on the X-ray, but he said I couldn't leave. Today though, when it turned out the lab wouldn't have the results until tomorrow evening, he finally caved under the pressure from my nurse! Yay! So, he let's me out with 3 antibiotics and an inhaler. Phoenix's sister in law was nice enough to pick me up so I could make a clean get away. Once I got home, I took a shower in my own shower and then went to Walgreens to get my meds. Here is where all hell broke loose...
I waited like thirty minutes for my meds, wandering aimlessly through the store, and then I go to get them. I pay my $30 for them and then the pharmacist starts to tell me about the meds. She gets to the second one and says, loudly (Like I'm surprised she didn't pick up the fucking intercom thing to announce it to the whole store), "This one is for your yeast infection. Take--" I looked at her confused, "My what?" She replies, "Your yeast infection. Take one tablet twice a day for 14 days." Still, I couldn't comprehend this...I was like, "I have pneumonia. The doctor thinks it might be fungal from Valley Fever." She says, "Oh yeah...Same thing. Yeast doesn't sound as bad as fungal." Oh no?? It sounds worse! There were like 10 people around there and everyone looked up when she said that! Here are my thoughts...A fungal infection makes me think of like mushrooms...like happy little red mushrooms with white polka dots growing away in my lungs...A yeast infection makes me think of a dirty vag. I wanted to tell her, "I don't have a dirty vag! I have mushrooms in my lungs!" Like one is fine, the other is gross!! I don't have a dirty vag, man!! I walked out calling Phoenix, who laughed wildly...*sad face* Come on...Just kick me while I'm down...
Two days later, I was still sick as a dog and Phoenix was like, "I'm taking you to the hospital." Yeah, I was not happy about this. People go to hospitals to give life or lose it. (Have babies or die!) I was not having a child, so no need for me to go to the hospital. But she made me go. I was in the emergency room for like 15 minutes before they're like, "We're admitting you." Say what? The X-ray tech guy was like, "Did they tell you what you have?" I said, "Yes, pneumonia." He said, "REALLY bad!" Weird that he would tell me that. The ER doc came over and asked me how long I'd been sick because it was such bad pneumonia. The hospital doctor who admitted me was asking how long I'd been sick and was stressing how bad the pneumonia was. I just wanted to ask, "Are you sure it's that bad?" Like I could've driven myself to the hospital...I had been taking care of myself. All the doctors seemed surprised too that I looked as good as I did. (Yes, I'm hot...lol No, but I wasn't like on my deathbed.) I just didn't get what all the fuss was because I wasn't dead...Yes, I felt like shit. Yes, I got winded walking more than three steps. Yes, I was coughing up blood. But I was still okay. So, yup, they checked me into the hospital, which I shall call Hotel California Hospital...You can check in, but you can never leave!
The next day, Friday, a lung specialist came to talk to me about the pneumonia because apparently it was bad enough to warrant his expert advice. He asks me if I'm a native here and I said no, I'm not. He said he was worried that my pneumonia, which is apparently only in my right lung, was caused by Valley Fever. Say what? So, I looked up Valley Fever from my phone to see some of the symptoms and do you know what one of the top symptoms is??? I'll tell you--Headaches!! Whoa! I've had headaches for like weeks. The incubation period for Valley Fever is 5-21 days. Well, I had quit smoking and then for weeks I had the headaches and then WHAMO! Pneumonia. We still don't know for sure if it's from the Valley Fever because the lab results aren't in. They told me it would take a couple of days to get them, but then it turned out it takes five. And then today it turns out the lab was out of something they needed for the culture, so they won't even be done until tomorrow evening.
The lung doctor decided that he was going to keep me in the hospital while we waited for the results to make sure he treated me accordingly because my pneumonia is "so bad". *rolls eyes* I was fine! I just needed sleep...But no, I was in the hospital where they wake you up every two hours for random things like breathing treatments, blood tests, vital signs, medication, conga lines, etc...Like I don't get it. If I'm sleeping, let me fucking sleep! But no--they woke me up. For the record, my arms look like I'm an intravenous drug user, no joke. I had to have--count them--five IVs while I was there. The first one went bad after my second day there, so the nurse put another one in, which even she said when she put it in, "Won't last". Well, then don't put it there! But she did...Then I got a third one on my right arm, which lasted about a day and a half before the vein went bad. Then this crazy lady comes to my room at like midnight (I was nearly asleep) to put a new on in and I tell her, "Not my right arm. I'm right handed." Where does she put it? In my right wrist! Like on the inside and tells me, "Don't move your hand." Are you fucking kidding me??? I'm not worried about writing a letter, typing, styling my hair or doing my make-up at that point in time, but without my right hand, I can't even wipe my own ass. I was like, "Gee, thanks." Once she left the room, it crossed my mind to "accidentally" remove it, but I didn't need to. I went to sleep, and within two hours, it came out on its own. The fifth one was done by a guy with an ultrasound machine who put it in no problem. I was happy too that he listened to me when I said, "Not the right arm!" I mean, it's bad enough in hospitals anyway where they have you pee into a container in the toilet so they can measure your output...For a while they had a second container in my toilet and I was like I will hold it until I'm released...I am not having a bowel movement into a container...What is wrong with those people!? I just wanted to get better, not be degraded like that. They make you wear those stupid gowns too. Luckily, no one said a word to me as I ran around in my gown with shorts. *grins* Yup, I had sweats with me the whole time. Expect me to wear a nightgown...bah!
One last quick story about the hospital and then we'll move on to today...So, my first night I was there, the nurse on duty said they were bringing me a bigger bed. I was like "Okay." The bed I had wasn't very big and when I laid down on my back, my feet were against the foot board. The bed didn't show up that night...Or the next day. At 4am on Saturday morning, the nurse comes busting in (Mind you, I've already been woken up for blood and breathing treatments...What's one more disturbance, right?) and says, "Your bed is here!" Apparently, she had to yell at some people and go over people's heads because the bed should've been brought up. Anyway, this very angry looking man comes in with the bed, switches them out, and sets up the new bed. The new bed looks amazing. It's like a giant air mattress. I was excited. (Remember, I was in the hospital...It took little to get me happy. Raspberry Sherbert made me happy while I was in there.) The guy got it all set up and before he made it out of the room, the bed alarm starts going off, which signals if there's a problem. He "fixes it", and then takes off like a bat out of hell. He left because he didn't fix it. He ended up being called back and an hour later he arrived. By then, I was in the bed with my ipod on, ignoring the world. He "fixed" it once more and left, but the alarm kept going off. Finally at like eleven, a different guy shows up and pulls the bed apart and there's a problem with the air mattress, so he switches the bed with another one. I'm still taken aback by the first guy...Like the alarm goes off and you're going to silence the alarm, because that's all he basically did, and then let the sick person spend the day listening to the alarm go off every 30 or so minutes. Really? What kind of sick fuck does that? How lazy do you have to be to do that? I hope that guy gets busted...Fucking bastard...
Last night was my fifth night in the hospital...I was going stir crazy in there. The lung doctor was insisting that we had to have the results before he'd let me go. He was like 99% sure I have Valley Fever because of the way it looks on the X-ray, but he said I couldn't leave. Today though, when it turned out the lab wouldn't have the results until tomorrow evening, he finally caved under the pressure from my nurse! Yay! So, he let's me out with 3 antibiotics and an inhaler. Phoenix's sister in law was nice enough to pick me up so I could make a clean get away. Once I got home, I took a shower in my own shower and then went to Walgreens to get my meds. Here is where all hell broke loose...
I waited like thirty minutes for my meds, wandering aimlessly through the store, and then I go to get them. I pay my $30 for them and then the pharmacist starts to tell me about the meds. She gets to the second one and says, loudly (Like I'm surprised she didn't pick up the fucking intercom thing to announce it to the whole store), "This one is for your yeast infection. Take--" I looked at her confused, "My what?" She replies, "Your yeast infection. Take one tablet twice a day for 14 days." Still, I couldn't comprehend this...I was like, "I have pneumonia. The doctor thinks it might be fungal from Valley Fever." She says, "Oh yeah...Same thing. Yeast doesn't sound as bad as fungal." Oh no?? It sounds worse! There were like 10 people around there and everyone looked up when she said that! Here are my thoughts...A fungal infection makes me think of like mushrooms...like happy little red mushrooms with white polka dots growing away in my lungs...A yeast infection makes me think of a dirty vag. I wanted to tell her, "I don't have a dirty vag! I have mushrooms in my lungs!" Like one is fine, the other is gross!! I don't have a dirty vag, man!! I walked out calling Phoenix, who laughed wildly...*sad face* Come on...Just kick me while I'm down...
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
A Letter to Mama...
Okay, it's not a freakin' letter to my mama, although now I'm sure she's racing over here to see what sort of shit I'm talking about her now. So, since you're here, mom--You're funny looking, smell like cheese, and dance like Natalie Merchant in this video:
Well, mostly like in the beginning of the video. (And why does Natalie sound out of breath? Perhaps she should stop dancing and just freakin' sing!) But I digress...This whole title came about because yesterday I asked Phoenix, "How was work?" She said, "It was nothing to write home to mama about. If you write a blog, you should title it 'A Letter to Mama'." So, here it is. Tonight she reminded me that I needed to use her title, but I couldn't remember it. I asked, "Was it 'Punch yo mama in the face'?" She didn't like that and had to remind me. Ehh, whatever...Punch yo mama, write her a letter...Same difference. *grins*
Yeah, so I don't remember much about work yesterday, except that people are stupid. I got blindsided with a headache. I am not dealing well with these headaches. And once my head starts pounding, the littlest of things makes it worse. Like if you give me an attitude, I feel my temples start to pulsate. Keep it up and I swear that my right eye starts feeling like it's going to twitch. Then, because I am hurting so badly, I have zero patience. I have very little normally, but with the headaches I'm like...Can I be negative patience? If so, then yes, I'm negative patience. I don't know how to make this better, but I think that eventually I'll either get used to them, they'll stop, or they'll kill me. I'm hoping for the former two and not the latter one. But whatever. Today I woke up with my headache still in place. God forbid it left me during the night...Then it might've been a better morning. I decided this morning to be proactive with certain arguments we go through each day. I mostly succeeded along the way fighting with Hurricane. Once we got to daycare, all bets were off. She was yelling and screaming at Mr. Mischief before I even got them out of the car because she cannot stand him beating her to the door and I swear, he has no idea it's a race. So, I'm like, "Oh hell no...Not today!" Okay, this is in my head, not out loud. I don't take her out of the car and put her on the ground--Nope, I hold her. Oh man, she starts screaming like I'm killing her and she's screaming, "NO! NO!" and yelling Mr. Mischief's name. Am I kidding you? Of course not. Then she starts kicking me when she realizes I'm not putting her down and she's freaking out. Finally, I put her down and she thinks she's running. Oh hell no...I held her hand. She was like a wild dog on a chain...Or like that dog going after Foghorn Leghorn who keeps running out the length of his rope and then snapping back. Yup, she ran like three steps and then found her hand still in mine. Ha! By the time we made it to the door, she was screaming, yelling, hootin', and hollerin'...One would've thought I was killing this child, but all I was doing was walking her to the classroom. A few people looked at me and I said, "I'm the devil because I won't let her run ahead. I know. I'm okay with that." lol I don't know why people feel the need to watch. Obviously the kid is a brat. I'm not hurting her. And obviously, she's not my kid--I have purple and black hair and she's blonde with blue eyes. lol I was holding her hand and not even hard, just holding it. I wasn't even dragging her, despite the fact that she was trying to drag her feet. We made it to the classroom without her pushing, shoving, or tripping Mr. Mischief, so I think I succeeded. Wait until she realizes this is going to be a daily thing. Bwahahaha...
So, after winning at daycare, I decided that I would be okay with taking on Texas in a challenge at work. We spent the day racing to see who would have the better call handling times and the most calls in the day. I think we both did really well. Her last update showed she had 107 calls. She gets off work thirty minutes before me because she starts thirty minutes before me. When I left, the thing hadn't updated again, so I don't know where I stand. I had been like 10 calls behind her. I suspect we ended very close. I had been in the lead for most of the day. I kept teasing her that I was going to push a button on her phone so she wouldn't get any calls. Bwahahaha! Oh well. She gained the lead when I had a few stupid calls where I could not get the people off the phone. Here's what I don't get...If you're calling me, bitching to me about some horrible experience, tell me what the hell you want. Don't just leave me guessing. "Oh, I went to Disneyland and it was such a horrible time. One of the employees was so rude about accepting your card." Okay, that's not the experience, but just an example. So, if you're looking for a credit or free reward points or whatever, then fucking say it. I don't know what the hell you want and then there's going to be an awkward silence while I sit there wondering why you're calling me since I don't work at Disneyland. I mean, shouldn't you call Disneyland and ask why their employee was so rude? I mean, I can't imagine calling my credit card company to solve my problem with a place of business...I guess I'm just one of those people who takes matters in my own hands though and doesn't rely on strangers to handle my shit. Oh yeah, and I don't spend my spare time looking for handouts. I'm just sayin'...
So, on a side note (And no, sister of mine, this isn't about you...This is specifically about someone I know. I swear on a stack of Bibles it's not you.), what is with people posting everything on facebook? Like I get it...We all share stuff. Sometimes, we share too much. It's whatever. What I don't get is the people who are like, "I love my life. Everything is awesome!" That's at 8:54am. At 8:57am, another update, "I think I'm going to have a smoothie for breakfast. I love strawberries!" 9am, "I made the best smoothie ever! I put bananas in with the strawberries. Time for yoga! My life rocks! I love God!" (Whoa...Bananas and strawberries...Who would've thunk it? And how fast did you drink that fucking smoothie?) 9:05am "I need someone to do yoga with. Anyone game?" 9:15am, "Fuck my life. Everything is fucked. I'm going to kill myself." (Huh? Bad yoga session?) No updates for like eight hours, then at 5:15 "I love my life. I'm going dancing tonight. " So, for 8 hours everyone is like, "Is she dead?" and "Call me!" Dude, don't be a fucking drama queen. Why are you going to do that? If you go back and read your facebook and your statuses look like this, run to a doctor. Don't walk. Don't dance. RUN! Because you are mother freaking bat shit crazy! I just read these things and shake my head. I don't know what is wrong with people. If you're feeling down, fine, but how in the hell did you go from everything is amazing to "I'm sitting in a warm bath with a razor"? I get it--people have bad days. I know, I have them often. This is what I get for dealing with the public. But if my goes to hell in a hand basket, I will tell you why. Usually, my post is like, "People are stupid! *pounds head into desk*" It's funnier to say that though as "People are stoopid." LOL My boss said that one of her daughters, making fun of the younger sister, wrote "(Insert younger daughter's name here) is stoopid." ROFL! I love it! It makes me laugh. And this, people, is why we shouldn't spell phonetically. OH! Today some stupid (stoopid!) lady thought I was dumb because her bank's name was Dacotah Bank. I was like sounding it out and finally asked, "What's the name of your bank?" She laughed, "Oh, I was trying to figure out what you were saying...It's Dakota Bank." Um, no. It's Dacotah, whatever that spells. Look it up...It's a bank in South Dakota. Apparently, they can't spell...I'm just saying. I'm not stupid! But I digress...Back to the subject at hand. Seriously, people...What the fuck? First of all, I barely have time on some days to put one post, let along one post every few minutes. Second, I'm not sure the world cares that I'm making a smoothie, doing yoga, contemplating suicide, and going dancing all in the same day. This leads me back to something I've said time and again...Just because you have a thought, doesn't mean you need to share it with the world. Unless of course you have a blog like mine and then I will put whatever I want! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *grins* Seriously though, what did these people do before facebook, twitter, myspace, google+, and all these sites? Where did they get the attention? And are those places still around? If so, they should go there...
Okay, I think that's enough for me. I have a book to finish writing...And really, I have nothing nice to say today. I'm on two weeks of no smokes. Yay me. *rolls eyes* I think I'm going to take up kick boxing or something like that relieve my tension...Or maybe I should get off my fat ass and start using that elliptical machine in my garage...Hmm...Maybe tomorrow. *heads off to write*
Well, mostly like in the beginning of the video. (And why does Natalie sound out of breath? Perhaps she should stop dancing and just freakin' sing!) But I digress...This whole title came about because yesterday I asked Phoenix, "How was work?" She said, "It was nothing to write home to mama about. If you write a blog, you should title it 'A Letter to Mama'." So, here it is. Tonight she reminded me that I needed to use her title, but I couldn't remember it. I asked, "Was it 'Punch yo mama in the face'?" She didn't like that and had to remind me. Ehh, whatever...Punch yo mama, write her a letter...Same difference. *grins*
Yeah, so I don't remember much about work yesterday, except that people are stupid. I got blindsided with a headache. I am not dealing well with these headaches. And once my head starts pounding, the littlest of things makes it worse. Like if you give me an attitude, I feel my temples start to pulsate. Keep it up and I swear that my right eye starts feeling like it's going to twitch. Then, because I am hurting so badly, I have zero patience. I have very little normally, but with the headaches I'm like...Can I be negative patience? If so, then yes, I'm negative patience. I don't know how to make this better, but I think that eventually I'll either get used to them, they'll stop, or they'll kill me. I'm hoping for the former two and not the latter one. But whatever. Today I woke up with my headache still in place. God forbid it left me during the night...Then it might've been a better morning. I decided this morning to be proactive with certain arguments we go through each day. I mostly succeeded along the way fighting with Hurricane. Once we got to daycare, all bets were off. She was yelling and screaming at Mr. Mischief before I even got them out of the car because she cannot stand him beating her to the door and I swear, he has no idea it's a race. So, I'm like, "Oh hell no...Not today!" Okay, this is in my head, not out loud. I don't take her out of the car and put her on the ground--Nope, I hold her. Oh man, she starts screaming like I'm killing her and she's screaming, "NO! NO!" and yelling Mr. Mischief's name. Am I kidding you? Of course not. Then she starts kicking me when she realizes I'm not putting her down and she's freaking out. Finally, I put her down and she thinks she's running. Oh hell no...I held her hand. She was like a wild dog on a chain...Or like that dog going after Foghorn Leghorn who keeps running out the length of his rope and then snapping back. Yup, she ran like three steps and then found her hand still in mine. Ha! By the time we made it to the door, she was screaming, yelling, hootin', and hollerin'...One would've thought I was killing this child, but all I was doing was walking her to the classroom. A few people looked at me and I said, "I'm the devil because I won't let her run ahead. I know. I'm okay with that." lol I don't know why people feel the need to watch. Obviously the kid is a brat. I'm not hurting her. And obviously, she's not my kid--I have purple and black hair and she's blonde with blue eyes. lol I was holding her hand and not even hard, just holding it. I wasn't even dragging her, despite the fact that she was trying to drag her feet. We made it to the classroom without her pushing, shoving, or tripping Mr. Mischief, so I think I succeeded. Wait until she realizes this is going to be a daily thing. Bwahahaha...
So, after winning at daycare, I decided that I would be okay with taking on Texas in a challenge at work. We spent the day racing to see who would have the better call handling times and the most calls in the day. I think we both did really well. Her last update showed she had 107 calls. She gets off work thirty minutes before me because she starts thirty minutes before me. When I left, the thing hadn't updated again, so I don't know where I stand. I had been like 10 calls behind her. I suspect we ended very close. I had been in the lead for most of the day. I kept teasing her that I was going to push a button on her phone so she wouldn't get any calls. Bwahahaha! Oh well. She gained the lead when I had a few stupid calls where I could not get the people off the phone. Here's what I don't get...If you're calling me, bitching to me about some horrible experience, tell me what the hell you want. Don't just leave me guessing. "Oh, I went to Disneyland and it was such a horrible time. One of the employees was so rude about accepting your card." Okay, that's not the experience, but just an example. So, if you're looking for a credit or free reward points or whatever, then fucking say it. I don't know what the hell you want and then there's going to be an awkward silence while I sit there wondering why you're calling me since I don't work at Disneyland. I mean, shouldn't you call Disneyland and ask why their employee was so rude? I mean, I can't imagine calling my credit card company to solve my problem with a place of business...I guess I'm just one of those people who takes matters in my own hands though and doesn't rely on strangers to handle my shit. Oh yeah, and I don't spend my spare time looking for handouts. I'm just sayin'...
So, on a side note (And no, sister of mine, this isn't about you...This is specifically about someone I know. I swear on a stack of Bibles it's not you.), what is with people posting everything on facebook? Like I get it...We all share stuff. Sometimes, we share too much. It's whatever. What I don't get is the people who are like, "I love my life. Everything is awesome!" That's at 8:54am. At 8:57am, another update, "I think I'm going to have a smoothie for breakfast. I love strawberries!" 9am, "I made the best smoothie ever! I put bananas in with the strawberries. Time for yoga! My life rocks! I love God!" (Whoa...Bananas and strawberries...Who would've thunk it? And how fast did you drink that fucking smoothie?) 9:05am "I need someone to do yoga with. Anyone game?" 9:15am, "Fuck my life. Everything is fucked. I'm going to kill myself." (Huh? Bad yoga session?) No updates for like eight hours, then at 5:15 "I love my life. I'm going dancing tonight. " So, for 8 hours everyone is like, "Is she dead?" and "Call me!" Dude, don't be a fucking drama queen. Why are you going to do that? If you go back and read your facebook and your statuses look like this, run to a doctor. Don't walk. Don't dance. RUN! Because you are mother freaking bat shit crazy! I just read these things and shake my head. I don't know what is wrong with people. If you're feeling down, fine, but how in the hell did you go from everything is amazing to "I'm sitting in a warm bath with a razor"? I get it--people have bad days. I know, I have them often. This is what I get for dealing with the public. But if my goes to hell in a hand basket, I will tell you why. Usually, my post is like, "People are stupid! *pounds head into desk*" It's funnier to say that though as "People are stoopid." LOL My boss said that one of her daughters, making fun of the younger sister, wrote "(Insert younger daughter's name here) is stoopid." ROFL! I love it! It makes me laugh. And this, people, is why we shouldn't spell phonetically. OH! Today some stupid (stoopid!) lady thought I was dumb because her bank's name was Dacotah Bank. I was like sounding it out and finally asked, "What's the name of your bank?" She laughed, "Oh, I was trying to figure out what you were saying...It's Dakota Bank." Um, no. It's Dacotah, whatever that spells. Look it up...It's a bank in South Dakota. Apparently, they can't spell...I'm just saying. I'm not stupid! But I digress...Back to the subject at hand. Seriously, people...What the fuck? First of all, I barely have time on some days to put one post, let along one post every few minutes. Second, I'm not sure the world cares that I'm making a smoothie, doing yoga, contemplating suicide, and going dancing all in the same day. This leads me back to something I've said time and again...Just because you have a thought, doesn't mean you need to share it with the world. Unless of course you have a blog like mine and then I will put whatever I want! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *grins* Seriously though, what did these people do before facebook, twitter, myspace, google+, and all these sites? Where did they get the attention? And are those places still around? If so, they should go there...
Okay, I think that's enough for me. I have a book to finish writing...And really, I have nothing nice to say today. I'm on two weeks of no smokes. Yay me. *rolls eyes* I think I'm going to take up kick boxing or something like that relieve my tension...Or maybe I should get off my fat ass and start using that elliptical machine in my garage...Hmm...Maybe tomorrow. *heads off to write*
Monday, January 23, 2012
Curvy versus Pervy...
Have I mentioned my hatred of Mondays? If not, please allow me to tell you I fucking despise them. No, I would not ban them though because then Tuesdays would suck balls. It was hella busy today and I just wasn't feeling it. Perhaps it's because when I woke the kids up this morning, Hurricane started her nonsense IMMEDIATELY! I have decided that when we have our own kids, from the ages of 2 until they are 19, I don't want to see them...They can go live with grandma or something. I mean, 6am is a bit early to be kicking your foster brother. The moment I got Mr. Mischief out of bed, Hurricane started her shit with him, pushing, kicking, tripping...Like I don't get it. I felt bad for him this morning though because he was like one eye open, a little drool still on the side of his mouth, his hair standing on end, and she's attacking him, to get him out of her way so she can "win". I should change her name to Charlie Sheen since she's so dead set on "winning". And really, she's not "winning" anything. She's just first to get her hair brushed or shoes on or whatever. And I really don't think he even knows there's a competition. CPS has told us that we won't have him for much longer because he's going home to a relative, which will be great for him...Then Hurricane won't be able to harass him anymore...Poor Mr. Mischief.
So, yeah...I knew it was going to be a rough day when I started it off yelling at her to leave him alone. Then I got to work and my first call was escalated to a supervisor. Yup, fabulous Monday. Anyway, so my cubie, who I swear is NEVER at work (I haven't seen her in over two weeks!) was out yet again, so my ex--Texas-- was sitting her in seat and was having an equally fabulous day. I'm glad Giggles wasn't in today, but I feel bad because she was home sick...That just sucks. So, she left me and Texas to our own devices, which is never good. During the day, we spent time between calls talking shit to each other and watching ridiculous videos like this one...
Gross, right? I know...Perhaps I should've warned that my blog is not for the faint of heart? Ehhh...Too late. Moving on...So, yeah, that's what we do between calls at times. Also, she posted this video in chat for the team to see and said something to the effect of, "I think of Heather at 1:25." For any of you who know me, you'll know why...
Who doesn't love Ren and Stimpy? Good to know this is what co-workers think of me. *grins*
The afternoon seemed to drag on and at like 5:30 or so, I realized that Texas was wearing sweatpants. I asked, "Are you seriously wearing sweatpants to work!?" She said, "No! They're yoga pants! Duh!" Ummm...That's like calling a carpet a rug or water agua...It's all the same fucking thing! I reached out and touched the pants. (Don't be thinking I did something inappropriate! I touched down by her ankle where they were baggy!) These so-called "yoga pants" feel stretchy like sweats...And feel like sweat material. Let's just call a spade a spade and move on! I'm not sure yoga pants are acceptable attire for work...I'm just saying. I mean, it's not like she's doing yoga during or between calls!
I'm not sure what the hell Texas and I were talking about, but she was talking to me as I was sending an email about an account and suddenly she said something like, "Porn is the best thing ever created! It's STD free for the viewer." I slowly turned to her and was like, "Did you just say *voice drops to a low whisper* porn is the best thing ever?" She giggles wildly and says, "Yes!" And again points out the lack of STDs for the viewer. Umm...Okay. Be that as it may, I'm still not sure what porn had to do with the price of eggs. Like there's no clear, logical way of how we got to that. I started to call out for Giggles...I needed someone else to share in this session of TMI. This is way more than I needed to know about Texas. Like for reals. A few moments later, we were talking about something with teachers...She was asking if I had ever seen Liar, Liar because there's a part where Jim Carrey says something like, "Here she comes to wreck the day!" I was like, "Yeah, I vaguely remember that part." She says that when she was in school, she had jokingly said that in a class and her teacher laughed, which she thought made the teacher a dork. I defended the teacher saying that it's funny and teachers have it rough. She then told me she was always nice to her teachers, just not the---and here's where I sort of lost it---the curvy ones. I was like, "Say what? Did you just say the curvy ones? Like you hassled the fatties?" Of course, I couldn't stop laughing as I asked this, but I swear that's what I heard! She was like, "NO! The pervy ones!" Ehh...Whatever. Curvy was funnier.
This makes me think of the other day when I was helping some old man pick a user ID for online. I told him he needed to be creative in his choice, but he wasn't getting it. Like, it's not shocker that things like Brooklyn1 or Florida2 are taken. It's also not surprising that the names of our card types are taken. Like let's get creative here. He keeps going on and on with these stupid things and I'm like, "It's taken. Can we try a different number at the end?" And he's like, "No. I like the number 1." I suggested 11 since it's two ones, but he said, "No. I don't like that. And it makes it too long." Are you kidding me!? He thinks for like nearly a minute after trying literally a dozen or more names and he says, "Try freak1." Okay, that's what I heard. When I asked, trying to stifle my giggle, "Did you just say Freak one?" He started laughing so hard and corrects me. It did break the tension after our like 15 minute call about user ids. I probably would've liked him more if he chose that one...Even had it been "Geek1", I would've like him more. But I didn't like him because in his effort to not be creative, he wasted all the time I was supposed to be off early and instead of leaving 20 minutes early, I left at my usual time. Bah! Still...I'm starting to think I need to get my ears checked. Then again, perhaps it's selective hearing...
So, this was my experience of today without focusing on the assholes on the phone...Instead, I gave you a snippet of what it's like between the calls...Sometimes it almost makes the job bearable, but just barely...
So, yeah...I knew it was going to be a rough day when I started it off yelling at her to leave him alone. Then I got to work and my first call was escalated to a supervisor. Yup, fabulous Monday. Anyway, so my cubie, who I swear is NEVER at work (I haven't seen her in over two weeks!) was out yet again, so my ex--Texas-- was sitting her in seat and was having an equally fabulous day. I'm glad Giggles wasn't in today, but I feel bad because she was home sick...That just sucks. So, she left me and Texas to our own devices, which is never good. During the day, we spent time between calls talking shit to each other and watching ridiculous videos like this one...
Gross, right? I know...Perhaps I should've warned that my blog is not for the faint of heart? Ehhh...Too late. Moving on...So, yeah, that's what we do between calls at times. Also, she posted this video in chat for the team to see and said something to the effect of, "I think of Heather at 1:25." For any of you who know me, you'll know why...
Who doesn't love Ren and Stimpy? Good to know this is what co-workers think of me. *grins*
The afternoon seemed to drag on and at like 5:30 or so, I realized that Texas was wearing sweatpants. I asked, "Are you seriously wearing sweatpants to work!?" She said, "No! They're yoga pants! Duh!" Ummm...That's like calling a carpet a rug or water agua...It's all the same fucking thing! I reached out and touched the pants. (Don't be thinking I did something inappropriate! I touched down by her ankle where they were baggy!) These so-called "yoga pants" feel stretchy like sweats...And feel like sweat material. Let's just call a spade a spade and move on! I'm not sure yoga pants are acceptable attire for work...I'm just saying. I mean, it's not like she's doing yoga during or between calls!
I'm not sure what the hell Texas and I were talking about, but she was talking to me as I was sending an email about an account and suddenly she said something like, "Porn is the best thing ever created! It's STD free for the viewer." I slowly turned to her and was like, "Did you just say *voice drops to a low whisper* porn is the best thing ever?" She giggles wildly and says, "Yes!" And again points out the lack of STDs for the viewer. Umm...Okay. Be that as it may, I'm still not sure what porn had to do with the price of eggs. Like there's no clear, logical way of how we got to that. I started to call out for Giggles...I needed someone else to share in this session of TMI. This is way more than I needed to know about Texas. Like for reals. A few moments later, we were talking about something with teachers...She was asking if I had ever seen Liar, Liar because there's a part where Jim Carrey says something like, "Here she comes to wreck the day!" I was like, "Yeah, I vaguely remember that part." She says that when she was in school, she had jokingly said that in a class and her teacher laughed, which she thought made the teacher a dork. I defended the teacher saying that it's funny and teachers have it rough. She then told me she was always nice to her teachers, just not the---and here's where I sort of lost it---the curvy ones. I was like, "Say what? Did you just say the curvy ones? Like you hassled the fatties?" Of course, I couldn't stop laughing as I asked this, but I swear that's what I heard! She was like, "NO! The pervy ones!" Ehh...Whatever. Curvy was funnier.
This makes me think of the other day when I was helping some old man pick a user ID for online. I told him he needed to be creative in his choice, but he wasn't getting it. Like, it's not shocker that things like Brooklyn1 or Florida2 are taken. It's also not surprising that the names of our card types are taken. Like let's get creative here. He keeps going on and on with these stupid things and I'm like, "It's taken. Can we try a different number at the end?" And he's like, "No. I like the number 1." I suggested 11 since it's two ones, but he said, "No. I don't like that. And it makes it too long." Are you kidding me!? He thinks for like nearly a minute after trying literally a dozen or more names and he says, "Try freak1." Okay, that's what I heard. When I asked, trying to stifle my giggle, "Did you just say Freak one?" He started laughing so hard and corrects me. It did break the tension after our like 15 minute call about user ids. I probably would've liked him more if he chose that one...Even had it been "Geek1", I would've like him more. But I didn't like him because in his effort to not be creative, he wasted all the time I was supposed to be off early and instead of leaving 20 minutes early, I left at my usual time. Bah! Still...I'm starting to think I need to get my ears checked. Then again, perhaps it's selective hearing...
So, this was my experience of today without focusing on the assholes on the phone...Instead, I gave you a snippet of what it's like between the calls...Sometimes it almost makes the job bearable, but just barely...
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Do you have the time...To listen to me whine...
I've spent most of the day today writing...Not a blog, but I'm currently rewriting my novel and if I can trust my good buddy's opinion (And in this case, I'm pretty sure I can), then it's coming along much better than the first draft of the book. I had been working on turning it into a play, and whereas that might've worked, it just makes more sense as a book...Or possibly a movie, but a book first. I know, I'm dreaming big. Anyway, I cannot write without music. I can't even write a blog without music. In fact, I can't do much without music playing...Like it has to be there to help me focus. I wish they played music at my work...I think I'd be happier. But again, not the point. As I was writing today, I kept thinking about my day yesterday...Yesterday was such a bad day. By the time I got off work, I just wanted to curl up under my desk and cry. Like I couldn't have taken one more call if I tried without crying. I was just at my wit's end. Two of my work friends--One was the one I heretofore called "Winona", but will be "Giggles" going forward (I said "Giggles" as in a girl who giggles a lot and not "Chuckles" like a scary clown you wake up and find standing over your bed when you thought you were alone!) and the other is my ex-cubie who we shall call "Texas" simply because all my exes live in Texas (haha!)-- were talking about going out after work for dinner, to play the bubble game (It's a fish penny machine) at the casino, or whatever. Part of me wanted to be all, "Me too! Pick me! I'll go too!" But the rest of me felt like after work, I should go home, not out to fuck around, you know? (Phoenix later scolded me and said I should've gone out since I never blow off steam anymore. Good to know.) So, after my bad day, I walked out of work alone, thinking, "This was such a bad fucking day..." when my phone rang. I expected it to be Phoenix, but no, it was one of my best buddies, J-Dawg. That's what I needed--A friendly voice.
I love you, J-dawg. I know you're reading this...Maybe you should skip ahead. lol What I needed was to laugh with my friend last night, but instead, I was a good friend and let her vent about CPS troubles. I love all my friends and no matter how fucked everything is at the time, I will let them vent, talk, whatever they need, but I really needed something more last night. (Do not apologize, J-Dawg! And I'm not putting you on blast, I swear! Do not hate me!) I know she needed to get it out. So, once I pulled in my driveway, I got off the phone with her and talked to Phoenix, who wasn't home yet because she had taken the kids to Chick-Fil-A to eat dinner with her sister and her nieces. (Do not eat at Chick-Fil-A! They donate to anti-gay marriage groups!! Phoenix doesn't care, but I do!) I walked into the darkened, empty house thinking, "This fucking sucks." My head was killing me because I still haven't smoked and I have no release for all the stress I'm carrying around. Usually, on my way home from work, I blast music and rock out because that's like my form of therapy...I didn't do that. I came in, checked my Facebook, then headed upstairs to shower. I turned on Slacker Radio on my phone and turned on the water for a shower. The song that came on was an old Green Day song and I thought of my friends...Well, the people I used to hang out with in California. They're all still my friends, but I never see them anymore and hanging out with them isn't the same. You really can't go home again because nothing is the same. I'm sure it's me who's changed and not them, but it's not like it used to be. These thoughts only made my head hurt worse and next thing I knew, I was violently throwing up the nothingness that was in my stomach. Like literally, I had nothing in my stomach, so it was just dry heaves. Good times...
I stayed up late last night writing and whatever because I couldn't sleep. Today, I started writing again and as I listened to my itunes, I kept thinking about my friends. I listen to a lot of songs that make me miss my friends...No matter how much time goes by or how far away we live from each other, I still think about them and the good times...Some of these songs go all the way back to high school...Please, allow me to share a few...(J-Dawg, I hope you're still reading!)
Blink 182- All the Small Things- This makes me think of J-Dawg dancing around all crazy, with her arms straight out, spinning in a circle. I don't know where the hell we were, but she was so crazy and out of control. I have to smile each time I hear the song.
Toby Keith- How Do you Like Me Now? - This makes me think of J-Dawg and another friend of ours. We went to go see Where the Heart Is or something and this song came on while waiting for the movie to start. They both leapt out of their seats and started dancing in the aisle. It was the middle of the afternoon and there wasn't anyone else in with us, but I kept wondering what would happen if someone came. I had to admit that it was pretty freakin' funny though. Good times, for sure.
Dynamite Hack- Boys in the Hood- The first time I heard this song I was pulling into Newport Beach, Ca with a friend I had made while working at Burger King. We spent quite a few afternoons napping on the beach and getting some sun. The song came on the radio, KROQ to be exact, and we were like, "What the hell is this song?" But because it was a bunch of white boys, singing about being gansta, we loved it immediately. Plus, who doesn't like to sing, "I reached back like a pimp and I smacked the hoe!"? lol
The Presidents of the United States of America- Peaches and Lump- These two songs immediately make me think of both my nemesis, The Black Spy, and our good friend, whom I used to call Moron, mostly because her last name is very nearly "Moron". So, I was in school with these two when the above mentioned songs came out and with only a word whispered, "Peaches..." or "Lump" the fucking song would instantly be embedded in our heads. So, for a couple of years, we tormented one another by mentioning these songs. Of course, it never completely stopped because we still randomly text one another or leave messages on Facebook with the lyrics. Haha...Some things never change.
Jewel- Standing Still- I was driving to a catering job with a friend of mine and we were listening to some mixed CD that had this song on it. Whilst we drove, we were eating Nerds Candy (You are what you eat, right?) and I took a swig off the box and filled my mouth with the candy. I chewed them, swallowed them, and then went back to singing my heart out. As I sang, (I think it was this part) "Dooooo youuuuu neeeeeed meeeee--" The sugar suddenly burned my throat. You know that cheap ass Red Punch they sell in those gallon jugs (like milk jugs) at the grocery store that the room mom's always used to buy back when we were kids in elementary school? You'd always take a big swig of that punch thinking it was going to taste like fruit punch or Hawaiian Punch, but that shit burned going down and you'd be making weird noises as it scratched its way down your throat...Or was that just me? *shifty eyes* Moving on...So, there I was, singing my heart out, and WHAM! Sugar burn down my throat. And in mid-note, I'm like, "cchhh-aaaghdjalksonfgoiwen" <~~~I have no clue what that even means. I can't type the weird noise I made. It was like I suddenly started speaking German and was making that guttural noise in my throat. It wasn't pretty. But it was fucking hilarious.
Orgy- Blue Monday- When I hear this song, I remember flying down the 210 freeway with my friend, Vegas, in her Fiero. First of all, those cars are crazy low to the ground and I have no clue how I ever got into and out of her fucking car. I mean, I might as well have been sitting on the fucking ground. I'm just sayin'...Secondly, what the hell kind of car doesn't have a backseat? That's the smallest car I've ever been in. And now they sell those smart cars, which are even smaller. No thanks, I choose not to drive around in a sardine can. But I digress...We were hauling ass down the 210 freeway because this song came on and you just have to drive faster when you hear it. We were rocking out so hard to this song, singing our hearts out, that we didn't notice we were doing like 110mph. HOLY SHIT! 110mph in a deathtrap! A DEATHTRAP, I'M TELLING YOU!! Do you know where we were going in such a hurry? To a fucking coffee house. We weren't even going anywhere important! Who drives that fast to get coffee??? Apparently, the Heathers do. I don't know how I made it to the ripe old age of 32. But to this day, when I hear this song, I feel the need to put the pedal to the metal and just blast this song. Of course, I don't though because I'm a mature woman now...*shifty eyes*
The B-52s- Love Shack- I know that this song should remind me of karaoke with Phoenix's sister, but it doesn't...Well, I mean, yes, but the main memory that comes to mind is driving to the beach with my mom's youngest sister...Fuck, I don't have fake names for all these people! BAH! Anyway, so me and my aunt are driving along and we get stuck in shitty Southern California beach traffic. The air conditioner didn't work in her like 1981 (I don't know the year) Honda something or another. It was this reddish colored square car with a sunroof. I thought, at the ripe old age of like 10, that it was the raddest car ever because of the sunroof. (I was 10, you rat bastard! Stop laughing at me!) So, we had the windows down, the sunroof open, and KROQ blasting. Here comes Love Shack! My aunt turns the music up even louder and we sing our heads off. At some point in time, while we were singing, she starts to dance. She doesn't dance all normal...No, she's like rocking out doing the swim (I don't know the names of these dances, but she was plugging her nose like she was going under water...Dude, again, I was 10. That was 22 years ago, you jerk!) and the mashed potato...Okay, I don't even know what the mashed potato is, beside the food. There she is dancing and I look to the side and am immediately horrified because I was old enough to realize other people would look at us and they were! AAUGH! I was like, "Stop! Don't do that!" My cries fell on deaf ears...She only rocked out more. Looking back, I love her for that...Back then, I was humiliated and I couldn't slip down in my seat enough to avoid the looks from the drivers around us...Hahaha...
John Cougar Mellencamp- Cherry Bomb- (And yes, this was when he was still John Cougar Mellencamp, not just John Mellencamp!) Okay, this is the last one I'll mention. As I started thinking about my friends and their songs, I also started thinking about my family, hence the above one about my aunt. So, this is my mom's jam. She loves this ridiculous song and she dances every time it comes on. My mom can't dance. Mom, I love you, but you can't dance. *grins* I speak the truth, woman. Just listen to me. My mom almost looks like she's doing aerobics when she dances. The memory that comes to mind is back in the house that I grew up in back in Hesperia, Ca. The stereo was on Y102 and this song came on. My mom was in the kitchen cooking dinner or something and I was in the kitchen doing homework. I was probably in my early teens and she stops cooking so she can sing and dance. It must've been early fall or something because it was warm in the house, but we had all the windows open along with both the front and back door. My jackass dad wasn't around and I don't know where my sister and brother were (Maybe outside playing), but my mom was there with me and she was dancing all crazy. I remember thinking that it was obvious that her and her younger sister were related because they both danced like crazy maniacs...lol
So, yeah...Today, I was listening to songs and memories were coming back to me and I realize I really miss my friends. Don't get me wrong...Giggles and Texas are great, but they're about the closest thing I have out here to my buddies back home. I have yet to hang out with them outside of work really, but I get to laugh with them at work and it helps, but sometimes a girl just needs to get the hell out and blow off some steam. So, to all of my old friends reading this, I don't miss your dumbass. You misread this...*grins* C'mon, I haven't gone all sappy...Haha...Okay, maybe I miss you guys a little. I might even miss a few of you who I don't really talk to anymore either. Sometimes growing up sort of sucks as we outgrow those we had called friends back in the day...I suppose we'll always have our memories though, right?
I love you, J-dawg. I know you're reading this...Maybe you should skip ahead. lol What I needed was to laugh with my friend last night, but instead, I was a good friend and let her vent about CPS troubles. I love all my friends and no matter how fucked everything is at the time, I will let them vent, talk, whatever they need, but I really needed something more last night. (Do not apologize, J-Dawg! And I'm not putting you on blast, I swear! Do not hate me!) I know she needed to get it out. So, once I pulled in my driveway, I got off the phone with her and talked to Phoenix, who wasn't home yet because she had taken the kids to Chick-Fil-A to eat dinner with her sister and her nieces. (Do not eat at Chick-Fil-A! They donate to anti-gay marriage groups!! Phoenix doesn't care, but I do!) I walked into the darkened, empty house thinking, "This fucking sucks." My head was killing me because I still haven't smoked and I have no release for all the stress I'm carrying around. Usually, on my way home from work, I blast music and rock out because that's like my form of therapy...I didn't do that. I came in, checked my Facebook, then headed upstairs to shower. I turned on Slacker Radio on my phone and turned on the water for a shower. The song that came on was an old Green Day song and I thought of my friends...Well, the people I used to hang out with in California. They're all still my friends, but I never see them anymore and hanging out with them isn't the same. You really can't go home again because nothing is the same. I'm sure it's me who's changed and not them, but it's not like it used to be. These thoughts only made my head hurt worse and next thing I knew, I was violently throwing up the nothingness that was in my stomach. Like literally, I had nothing in my stomach, so it was just dry heaves. Good times...
I stayed up late last night writing and whatever because I couldn't sleep. Today, I started writing again and as I listened to my itunes, I kept thinking about my friends. I listen to a lot of songs that make me miss my friends...No matter how much time goes by or how far away we live from each other, I still think about them and the good times...Some of these songs go all the way back to high school...Please, allow me to share a few...(J-Dawg, I hope you're still reading!)
Blink 182- All the Small Things- This makes me think of J-Dawg dancing around all crazy, with her arms straight out, spinning in a circle. I don't know where the hell we were, but she was so crazy and out of control. I have to smile each time I hear the song.
Toby Keith- How Do you Like Me Now? - This makes me think of J-Dawg and another friend of ours. We went to go see Where the Heart Is or something and this song came on while waiting for the movie to start. They both leapt out of their seats and started dancing in the aisle. It was the middle of the afternoon and there wasn't anyone else in with us, but I kept wondering what would happen if someone came. I had to admit that it was pretty freakin' funny though. Good times, for sure.
Dynamite Hack- Boys in the Hood- The first time I heard this song I was pulling into Newport Beach, Ca with a friend I had made while working at Burger King. We spent quite a few afternoons napping on the beach and getting some sun. The song came on the radio, KROQ to be exact, and we were like, "What the hell is this song?" But because it was a bunch of white boys, singing about being gansta, we loved it immediately. Plus, who doesn't like to sing, "I reached back like a pimp and I smacked the hoe!"? lol
The Presidents of the United States of America- Peaches and Lump- These two songs immediately make me think of both my nemesis, The Black Spy, and our good friend, whom I used to call Moron, mostly because her last name is very nearly "Moron". So, I was in school with these two when the above mentioned songs came out and with only a word whispered, "Peaches..." or "Lump" the fucking song would instantly be embedded in our heads. So, for a couple of years, we tormented one another by mentioning these songs. Of course, it never completely stopped because we still randomly text one another or leave messages on Facebook with the lyrics. Haha...Some things never change.
Jewel- Standing Still- I was driving to a catering job with a friend of mine and we were listening to some mixed CD that had this song on it. Whilst we drove, we were eating Nerds Candy (You are what you eat, right?) and I took a swig off the box and filled my mouth with the candy. I chewed them, swallowed them, and then went back to singing my heart out. As I sang, (I think it was this part) "Dooooo youuuuu neeeeeed meeeee--" The sugar suddenly burned my throat. You know that cheap ass Red Punch they sell in those gallon jugs (like milk jugs) at the grocery store that the room mom's always used to buy back when we were kids in elementary school? You'd always take a big swig of that punch thinking it was going to taste like fruit punch or Hawaiian Punch, but that shit burned going down and you'd be making weird noises as it scratched its way down your throat...Or was that just me? *shifty eyes* Moving on...So, there I was, singing my heart out, and WHAM! Sugar burn down my throat. And in mid-note, I'm like, "cchhh-aaaghdjalksonfgoiwen" <~~~I have no clue what that even means. I can't type the weird noise I made. It was like I suddenly started speaking German and was making that guttural noise in my throat. It wasn't pretty. But it was fucking hilarious.
Orgy- Blue Monday- When I hear this song, I remember flying down the 210 freeway with my friend, Vegas, in her Fiero. First of all, those cars are crazy low to the ground and I have no clue how I ever got into and out of her fucking car. I mean, I might as well have been sitting on the fucking ground. I'm just sayin'...Secondly, what the hell kind of car doesn't have a backseat? That's the smallest car I've ever been in. And now they sell those smart cars, which are even smaller. No thanks, I choose not to drive around in a sardine can. But I digress...We were hauling ass down the 210 freeway because this song came on and you just have to drive faster when you hear it. We were rocking out so hard to this song, singing our hearts out, that we didn't notice we were doing like 110mph. HOLY SHIT! 110mph in a deathtrap! A DEATHTRAP, I'M TELLING YOU!! Do you know where we were going in such a hurry? To a fucking coffee house. We weren't even going anywhere important! Who drives that fast to get coffee??? Apparently, the Heathers do. I don't know how I made it to the ripe old age of 32. But to this day, when I hear this song, I feel the need to put the pedal to the metal and just blast this song. Of course, I don't though because I'm a mature woman now...*shifty eyes*
The B-52s- Love Shack- I know that this song should remind me of karaoke with Phoenix's sister, but it doesn't...Well, I mean, yes, but the main memory that comes to mind is driving to the beach with my mom's youngest sister...Fuck, I don't have fake names for all these people! BAH! Anyway, so me and my aunt are driving along and we get stuck in shitty Southern California beach traffic. The air conditioner didn't work in her like 1981 (I don't know the year) Honda something or another. It was this reddish colored square car with a sunroof. I thought, at the ripe old age of like 10, that it was the raddest car ever because of the sunroof. (I was 10, you rat bastard! Stop laughing at me!) So, we had the windows down, the sunroof open, and KROQ blasting. Here comes Love Shack! My aunt turns the music up even louder and we sing our heads off. At some point in time, while we were singing, she starts to dance. She doesn't dance all normal...No, she's like rocking out doing the swim (I don't know the names of these dances, but she was plugging her nose like she was going under water...Dude, again, I was 10. That was 22 years ago, you jerk!) and the mashed potato...Okay, I don't even know what the mashed potato is, beside the food. There she is dancing and I look to the side and am immediately horrified because I was old enough to realize other people would look at us and they were! AAUGH! I was like, "Stop! Don't do that!" My cries fell on deaf ears...She only rocked out more. Looking back, I love her for that...Back then, I was humiliated and I couldn't slip down in my seat enough to avoid the looks from the drivers around us...Hahaha...
John Cougar Mellencamp- Cherry Bomb- (And yes, this was when he was still John Cougar Mellencamp, not just John Mellencamp!) Okay, this is the last one I'll mention. As I started thinking about my friends and their songs, I also started thinking about my family, hence the above one about my aunt. So, this is my mom's jam. She loves this ridiculous song and she dances every time it comes on. My mom can't dance. Mom, I love you, but you can't dance. *grins* I speak the truth, woman. Just listen to me. My mom almost looks like she's doing aerobics when she dances. The memory that comes to mind is back in the house that I grew up in back in Hesperia, Ca. The stereo was on Y102 and this song came on. My mom was in the kitchen cooking dinner or something and I was in the kitchen doing homework. I was probably in my early teens and she stops cooking so she can sing and dance. It must've been early fall or something because it was warm in the house, but we had all the windows open along with both the front and back door. My jackass dad wasn't around and I don't know where my sister and brother were (Maybe outside playing), but my mom was there with me and she was dancing all crazy. I remember thinking that it was obvious that her and her younger sister were related because they both danced like crazy maniacs...lol
So, yeah...Today, I was listening to songs and memories were coming back to me and I realize I really miss my friends. Don't get me wrong...Giggles and Texas are great, but they're about the closest thing I have out here to my buddies back home. I have yet to hang out with them outside of work really, but I get to laugh with them at work and it helps, but sometimes a girl just needs to get the hell out and blow off some steam. So, to all of my old friends reading this, I don't miss your dumbass. You misread this...*grins* C'mon, I haven't gone all sappy...Haha...Okay, maybe I miss you guys a little. I might even miss a few of you who I don't really talk to anymore either. Sometimes growing up sort of sucks as we outgrow those we had called friends back in the day...I suppose we'll always have our memories though, right?
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