You have to wash ALL OF THEM!

I think that one day I should really use my blog for good instead of for bitching, but until then I'm going to bitch. I have enough stress and bullshit built up inside right now that if one more person says some stupid bullshit to me I'm going to explode and it's going to get ugly, so let's get some of this out...

Fuck your hashtags. They're not cute. They're ridiculous. #happymonday? #girlproblems? #sorrynotsorry? How about #gofuckyourself? Is that cute? Because that's about where I'm at with hashtags. I remember when I was younger it was called a POUND SIGN! It was also what I used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on. And at no point in time did it become good grammar to cram our words together like that! We all went through kindergarten and first grade where they made sure we put a finger (or two) width between our words. It's called a space bar...USE IT! And leave the poor pound sign alone!


Speaking of #sorrynotsorry...What the fuck kind of stupid shit is that to even say? Sorry I'm not sorry! Oh yeah? If I had said that when I was a kid, my mom would've smacked me so hard that my freckles would've flown off my body and I'd be left with my pale Irish skin coloring (or lack there of)...No joke. (Don't even pretend that's not true, mom. I'm an asshole, but I have manners and know when to apologize.) Here's an idea--If you're not sorry, then DON'T SAY A FUCKING THING! How about that? That would be fucking awesome. Just shut your mouth! If I kicked your puppy and said, "Sorry, I'm not sorry!" you'd be like, "She's a fucker!" And you'd be right. Well, you're a fucker every time you write "sorry not sorry" for stupid shit. If you're not sorry, shut up!


Speaking of stupid shit...The other day I had to deal with this guy who got really upset because I caught him doing some seriously shady shit. Anyway, I gave him time to cool off and then he comes back to me all agitated and like freaking out that he wanted to talk to me...but alone. As I stood up to go talk to him, he started jingling the change in his pocket and I was instantly transported to about eight years ago when I still lived in Cali and was working as a pizza delivery driver and a group of punkass 14/15 year old kids were about to rob me. The kid wearing a G-Unit tank top said he had money for me and reached into the pocket of his black basketball shorts and I could hear change jingling around and then he pulled out his fist and cold cocked me. All at once my heart started pounding out of my chest and that fight or flight mode came over me. I hate when this happens because I am always torn on what to do, which just seriously goes to show how indecisive I am that even in an emergency I'm like, "should I stay or should I go?" (You know you wanted to sing the song right now) For reals. This is no joke. Part of me always wants to battle and the sensible side is like, "RUN BITCH!" (I'm aware that I have issues...That's what makes me who I am.) Anyway, I decided to go get someone else to go with me (a guy) just in case. When the other guy came along, this guy who was so upset with me calmed WAY down...like his whole demeanor changed. It was very strange and then I felt like a big pussy for not handling my own shit, you know? Yes, maybe he was going to hurt me, but changed his mind because I brought in this little wimpy guy with me. What really pissed me off is that it's been eight years--EIGHT WHOLE YEARS-- and clearly, those bastard kids still affect me. That's some bullshit right there. I've been so mad at myself since Sunday because of that. People keep telling me that I did the right thing, but I'm still so angry. Those bastards took away my sense of security. Yes, this guy I was dealing with might've seriously wanted to hurt me, but I shouldn't go into a panic attack because some jackass is angry and jingling change in his pocket. Ugh. I hate feeling out of control...even if it's only for like a minute. 


Do you know how loud six kids are? They're so loud. Even just the four we have full-time right now are so loud. I don't know what peace and quiet is until about nine o'clock at night now. I feel so wound up all the time because the kids are always loud and yelling and fighting and making noise because that's what they do and then I have all the stress of work and just everything else...And I have no outlet. (Hence the blog tonight.) I feel like I need to get away from it before I just burst. Let me be clear when I say that it's not just one thing...it's everything combined. Phoenix takes her Confianza and walks around like everything is peachy and I'm over here like, "Why did you only half clean the kitchen? There are pots and pans in the sink." And she's over there like, "Well, they didn't all fit in the dishwasher. I'll wash them tomorrow night." That's not how it works! When you clean the kitchen, you wash ALL the dishes...And if they don't fit in the dishwasher, you wash them by hand! *pulls out hair* I mean, let's be real...you need to wash ALL OF THEM! When dishes was my chore from the time I was like 12 until...well...forever...I had to clean all the dishes. Breaking them meant I would be in trouble, so that wasn't an option. I certainly couldn't claim that they didn't fit so they'd need to wait. That also would've gotten me in trouble and I'd still have to wash the damn dishes. Just like tonight--I washed the damn dishes. 


*sigh* I should step off my soapbox for now...I just keep all this inside and I'm always afraid that one day I'll open  my mouth and one these rants will fall out...And then I'd have to say something like, "Sorry, I'm not sorry." *gasp* Just kidding...I'm not that kind of asshole. I'd own that shit and be like, "Yeah, I said it...Now what?" *grins* Peace out.

Let it go...

I haven't blogged in six months...That's a long time. On that note, I have some things I need to vent about...

1) Is it too much to ask that people have a basic grasp of grammar when posting stuff on Facebook or any other site for that matter? Yes, I know...Typos happen. Shit, I sometimes make mistakes too. However, when you consistently use the wrong your/you're and they're/there/their you piss me off to the point where I want to plow you down with my truck. By the way, "ur" is not a fucking word. Don't post that shit. Every time you make a grammar mistake a kitty gets taken out...Think about that next time you type your/you're. 




2) I am damn tired of everyone with a camera thinking they're a photographer. I have a camera on my iPhone and sometimes take pics...Doesn't mean I think I should hang up my hat at my day job and call myself a photographer! I've seen children take better pics. I see this all over Facebook and at work. People are like, "Check out this picture! Isn't it amazing!?" And I'm over here like, "Ummm...I think I hear my mom calling me for dinner." And then I quickly leave the situation before people remind me that she's in Cali and I'm in Phoenix. For reals though...Just because you can pick up a paintbrush doesn't mean you're the next Picasso! I like to paint, but I would never think I was good enough to sell my stuff or to offer to paint pictures for people. I mean, if you really wanted to, I might, but probably not.


3) How in the fuck does anyone spend every single fucking day at Starbucks or out shopping or sitting around being lazy fucks? I mean, let's be real--it's total bullshit. Why don't you become an active participant in society? I sure as hell don't want to pay for your Starbucks habit! In fact, I work my ass off being a slave to the man and I had to cut back how much Starbucks I buy...so tell me how you--you who NEVER works-- drinks the shit every fucking day!! How do you get to go swimming everyday? How do you go shopping all the fucking time? How do you never have anything productive to do? I don't even get days off because I have responsibilities! You know what I "get" to do...I get to watch an episode or two of a show on Netflix after my long ass day of dealing with work and BEING AN ADULT!! 


4) I'm going to say something really horrible right now, so you may want to cover your eyes...Kids are jerks. Kids suck the life out of you. They prevent you from sleeping. They eat your food. They make you give up your days off to entertain them because it's summer and it's just how it's supposed to go. They fight until you want to pull your hair out. They have the unique ability to make words like "mine" go on for ten minutes "mmmmmmmiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeee!" You know I'm not lying. Anyone with kids know these things are all true. And somehow when they come give you a hug or tell you that they love you it makes it all worth it. However, 98% of the time I want to pull my hair out. Anyway, so we agree kids are jerks. All kids are jerks. There are NO perfect kids out there. On Facebook though I constantly see pictures of people's "princesses" or "little angels." Who're you kidding? Don't play like you wanted those Sharpie marks on your wall. This isn't an art show. I'm sure you didn't ask for that nail polish on the carpet either, but it's there. Let's all just agree that all kids are jerks. Sometimes our kids are good and that's all right to share, but don't lie. If you have more than one kids, they fight. I am just so damn tired of seeing these posts. 


Yes, there's always the option that I could just go through and delete all these people from my page and my life, but it doesn't work that way...You can't delete people from your life as neatly as you can delete them from Facebook. And usually I can overlook all the bullshit above, but today I have a headache and I've just had it. 


In completely unrelated news to people of the world driving me fucking bonkers, does anyone know when the next Disney musical comes out? I think it's time to let Frozen go...

I get no respect...

Tonight at work I went to the bathroom and as I was walking out, a girl started to open the door and almost hit me. Since I was at work I was polite and totally unlike myself. Normally, I'd be like, "Dude! WTF?" And I'd say that in a crazy French accent because it sounds cooler that way. But it's work, so I'm all, "Oh, excuse me," and I stepped back to let her in. She stops, looks at me confused, leans back and to the side--clearly looking at the sign outside the door signaling that it's the girl's bathroom--then looks back at me, still confused, before giving me a weird look and walking past me. Now at this point in time, I once more was overcome by the urge to bust out in a French accent and be all, "Dude! WTF!?" But alas, I was still at work and I had to pretend to be civilized...So I walked off.


I went back to my team and one of the girls was between phone calls and I was all, "Dude, check this out..." I related the story from above and ended it with, "I'm kind of offended. I don't look that much like a boy." She nearly fell out of her chair laughing. Like her face was as red as her fiery hair. Evil Irish girl...I glared at her as I said, "Thanks for the support." She only laughed harder. Finally, when she composed herself, she said, "Maybe she wasn't looking at the sign. I'm reading this book that says we should give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they have good intentions." I shook my head as she held up some little self-help book. I replied, "I hate self-help books. I want to write an anti-self-help book! Like a book that tells you how to be more evil." *cue evil laughter and maybe some rubbing hands together evilly* She rolled her eyes at me and shook her head as she said, "No one will read that book." Silly girl...I bet people would read it.
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So, a few minutes after this, I call Phoenix to tell her goodnight since I'm on this shift where we never see each other anymore. I relate the above story to her and she laughs too...Not quite as much as the girl on my team, but she laughs nonetheless. I tell her that I don't look that much like a boy and she says, "Yes you do." *le sigh* Jerks. I told the girl on my team that Phoenix laughed too and she asked, "Man, you don't have much support, do you?" Ya think? *rolls eyes*
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Where's the love? I feel a little like Rodney Dangerfield--I get no respect...

The holidays have arrived...RUN!

I'm like 99% sure that the holidays bring out the worst in people. Just watch the videos of people trampling one another at Walmart for $100 TVs or better yet--$10 crock pots--if you think I'm wrong. People are whack. And not the good whack like wiggedy-wiggedy-whack (in the words of everyone's favorite Kriss-Kross). Today at work I took about 6 escalated calls. This is more escalated calls than I've taken in the last two months combined. People are out of control...


On one of the calls, this woman was pissed because her card was declined. The charge was out of her pattern and we wanted to make sure it was legit. She screamed at me that she was "embarrassed". Perhaps she was unaware that I could see the charge--it was done online, so I'm not sure how she was so embarrassed. It's not like a store full of people witnessed it happening. But let's back up to her screaming at me...for like ten minutes. I kept telling her, "Ma'am, I don't appreciate you yelling at me. I'm not yelling at you. If you keep it up, I will disconnect the call." Finally, she asked to speak to my supervisor, but first she wanted my full name. I said, "I don't give out my full name. My first name again is Heather and--" She cut me off to get smart with me. "Oh...Your name is Heather. I'm sure you're the ONLY Heather in ALL OF (insert business name here)! I'll just call back and say, 'I talked to Heather' and everyone will magically know you." *rolls eyes* Before I could say, "Yes!" she started screaming again, "This is fucking bullshit! You tell me your name now! I demand that my card never be declined again! I want you to promise me! I pay your salary!" *rolls eyes again* I tell her, "Ma'am, I've warned you repeatedly to stop screaming at me. I'm going to disconnect the call if--" Her response, "Ohhhhhhhh, Heather, I'm so sc-sc-sc-scared! Don't hang up on me!" I said, "On that note, you can call back and talk to someone else. I warned you." And I hung up. As I was noting her account to warn the next rep who crossed her path, she called back and got to another supervisor. She refused to talk to that supervisor and demanded to talk to someone over that supervisor. They asked me to take the call. I said, "No way! I just talked to her and had to hang up on her!" (Although, looking back it might've been funny to get on and ask, "Have you missed me?" haha I would never do that, but it's funny...) I got one of the other leaders to take the call and this lady, after only hearing the leader say hello, said, "Forget this shit. I'm calling back tomorrow. You don't even sound like a supervisor. I think they just let anyone fill in over the weekend. I want a real leader--A Monday through Friday 9am to 5pm leader! You guys are idiots!" And then hung up. For real? All this over a declined charge that was out of pattern. I'm so sorry that we're looking out for your well-being and ours since we cover you for Fraud.


The last one I took tonight was from an old man who was yelling at one of my reps because she refused to give him a credit to cover the cost of AAA since our Roadside Assistance was going to take too long to get to him. I got on the phone and he started in on me. "What's your quality standard for your tow trucks to get to a card member?" I said, "I have no idea. That's a great question for our Roadside Assistance Department. I would assume that they try to find you the tow truck with the least amount of wait time, but I can't say for sure. Do you want their number or for me to connect you to them?" He says, "Heather! Heather you are not answering my question! My question was not, 'Can you give me the number to that department so I can ask them?' No, I'm asking you what the quality standard is." And I said, "And I understand that, but I work in Customer Service for Card Services, not in Customer Service for Roadside Assistance. So I don't know the answer to your question. I can tell you where to find the answer." Again he starts in, "Heather! Heather I am not asking for you to tell me where to find the answer. Clearly, we both know where the answer lies. I'm asking for you to find out and call me back." As the clock clicks 10:05 I think that I should've left early because now I'm leaving late because of this guy. I wanted to tell him to stop using my name as a weapon. I fucking hate that. Don't use my fucking name if you can't use it correctly. And don't talk to me like you're my mom and I'm in big busted trouble. Holding in my sigh, I say, "Of course I can call over there, but that's not what you asked in the first place, sir. You asked if I knew and I said I did not. But please hold and I'll call over there." So I call over there and find out that my assumption was correct...I got back on the phone and explained to him that they said there were long wait times in certain areas due to the weather and other issues and that the quality standard is to find the tow truck with the least amount of wait time, but that we can't make any promises or guarantees since it's through a third party. He was happy with this knowledge. Then he starts in with his fee for AAA. I was like, "I'm not paying for your fee for signing up with them for a year." He says, "I wasn't asking for that. I was asking if you could take care of the $30 they charged me for using the service within the first 24 hours of signing up." This was never what it was about...He wanted a $100 credit. I said, "That I can help with. I'll credit you $30 because we don't want you to have to wait around in the cold Massachusetts weather for a tow." He says, "Oh, it wasn't even a tow. It was for a jump start because my battery died." I said, "Oh. The cold weather kills batteries quick." He laughs, "Well, it was actually me. I killed it. I was listening to the Patriots game and I had my laptop plugged in too, so I killed the battery really quickly." *pounds head into desk* I can't believe I gave a credit to a Patriots fan...In the end, he wished me a Merry Christmas and thanked me for being so nice. I told him Merry Christmas too and hung up before he could use my name again. I hated the way my name sounded in his mouth.


In between my escalated calls, I was fielding questions from all my reps. I was all over the place tonight and got nothing done. I hate days like today. And now I need to hurry up and go to sleep so I can go in early tomorrow because I need to be off early so I can go to some training on Tuesday morning. I need a vacation...

Random Late Night Thoughts...

I have a few things to talk about, but I know which one I want to start with. I've come to the realization that I must be one of those people who has a face that says, "Tell me random shit. I truly want to hear it." I mean, people tell me the most random shit about themselves and once I hear it, I can never un-hear it! Like it's always there in my head. My boss, last week, was meeting with me for my weekly one-to-one (where I tell her everything going on with my team and she nods, smiles, and sends me on my way wondering if I'm doing the right thing because she gives me very little feedback) and I mentioned one of my newbies had her baby and is out on leave. I joked about how this girl had contractions at work and then after her shift went and had the baby. Crazy, right? Well, my boss then starts telling me about the birth of her second son and how she had him 20 minutes after getting to the hospital. (There's a lot more to this story, but that's the gist of it.) And as she was finishing her story, she caught herself and was all, "Why am I even telling you this? I don't think I've told anyone here about this!" And I was like, "Um, because I mentioned that (person's name here) had her baby." She laughed a little and was all, "Oh yeah!" *laughs more* And then says, "Okay, so now that you know that...What else is going on?" And I was sitting there wondering how this happens. Another leader the other day told me about how her brother had come out of the closet to her and then later told me about when he broke up with his first boyfriend and she cried because she had cared for the boyfriend like her own brother. Dude...I just want to do my work. Other leaders come to me and vent about random shit and I just sit there smiling as my mind wanders to things like, "Can I really save 15% on my auto insurance by calling Geico? And why does the Gecko in those commercials have an accent?" Or "Would they notice if I dozed off as they tell me this lame story? If I fell asleep, would I get reprimanded?" And sometimes I think things like, "I really should've eaten something more substantial than a piece of toast before coming in. I wonder if they can hear my stomach growling..." I mean, really, people, ain't nobody got time for that. And I don't want to know these things! I don't want to hear about your child birth! There is a reason why I'm not popping kids out of my va-jay-jay! Stories like that make me cringe like a man seeing another man get kicked in the balls. *shivers*

Another thing I want to vent about is Highway Patrol. Look, you caught me speeding. Why do we need to go 'round and 'round with stupid questions about where I'm coming from and where I'm going? I mean, it's not exciting that I was on my home from dinner. I wonder though what would've happened if I answered sarcastically like, "I just got done robbing Walmart. I stole all their KY Jelly. And now I'm on my way to meet up with my drug mule. I have a busy night ahead of me...So can we hurry this along?" I suspect he would've made me get out of my truck, which really would've pissed me off, but let's be real--what the fuck did he think I was going to say? And does it matter? I mean, I'm getting a fucking ticket either way. And this guy was a real D-bag because he gave me a ticket for having my old truck's insurance card. My bad...I put the wrong one in my truck. I told him, "You can check. I have insurance." He said, "I can't check. We don't check that." And then told me I have to go to court to show my insurance card. Well thank you very fucking much, Officer Douche Bag! That's exactly how I want to spend my day off. *rolls eyes* For the record, I'm not talking shit about cops or sheriffs--this was a highway patrol officer and he was a dick! Anyone else who would've had to deal with this guy would agree.


Thirdly, this second shift at work sucks balls. Because of meetings and trainings, I end up going in early ALL THE FUCKING TIME, but I still end up staying until 10pm or later. This isn't fair. Today I worked 11 hours. Tomorrow will be another 11 hour day. I'm supposed to work 8 hour shifts. Yes, I get overtime for it, but it still sucks and then it leaves very little time for me to sleep. I am exhausted, but my brain keeps going. And I've had a headache for two days. I'm so tired tonight that I'm short on patience. This one girl on my team who constantly tests my patience and my will to live kept testing me tonight. I think part of it is because we got a new girl and she's trying to see how I'm going to act. Why would you fuck with your boss? I just don't get it. Granted, there was a point in my life when I was a lot younger that it was fun to fuck with my bosses...but it was Burger King. Big difference, you know? I put her in her place every time she started with me and then she left early. I wonder if she'll make it a habit of leaving early if I don't play into her bullshit...

Lastly, on my way home from work tonight I was belting out some good songs when suddenly It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) came on. I really, truly want to learn the lyrics to this song one day. I want to be able to bust out that song because no one really knows it. They mumble random words until they get to that one word or small phrase they know and then they scream that out like a five year old...And of course we all know the chorus. But I want to know all the words. I'm putting this on my bucket list. *looks around for a scrap of paper* Maybe I should put down that I also want to know all the words to that song Informer from Snow too...Hmmm...decisions, decisions...


Yup, random late night thougths brought to you by Heather. You're welcome.





 

"Can I ask you something without you getting offended?"

So much has happened since the last time I wrote, I'm sure, because it's been like forever. Please forgive me. Anyway, I needed to write tonight because I'm going crazy from dealing with someone...Hang on a second...I've lost my mind so much that I've been messing around on my computer for over an hour with my headphones in and no music going. Fuck. The mind is the first thing to go, huh? 


Okay, I have Imagine Dragons drowning out Phoenix's snores...Here's my dilemma--I finally got an assignment at work, which means I'm running a team. I joke that it's a baby team because most leaders have between 12-18 people on their teams and I have five...And one of them is on leave. No joke. I'm not complaining too much though because it's easy to work so few people. Anyway, they're pretty good people...But this one girl is killing my will to live. The other night I found myself stabbing my wrist with a plastic fork in hopes of not having to listen to her anymore, but no dice...The fucking plastic tines broke. Stupid plastic fork! Okay, that didn't really happen, but she's driving me nuts. I can't discuss too much here, just in case, but I want to talk about a conversation we had tonight that nearly drove me over the edge of sanity...And let's face it--it's not a far drive because I'm usually teetering on the edge anyway!


I was talking after we were all clocked out with a woman on the team who is a bit older. She was talking about her kids and leaving her husband (this happened a while back). She explained that her ex was very abusive and such. I told her that I got it and that I'd had an abusive father. After we finished our conversation, the other girl asked, "Do you talk to your dad at all?" I said, "Nope. It's better that way." She then asked, "Can I ask you something without you getting offended or sending me off to HR?" I shrugged as I asked, "Are you going to ask if I'm gay because I don't like my dad?" She then said, "Well yeah. I mean, it's a proven fact that if you have a bad relationship with your dad you could be a lesbian."
First of all, if you start off a conversation with, "Can I ask you something without you getting offended?" you probably shouldn't ask the fucking question. But clearly it's my fault for being within earshot of this girl and breathing, right? Second, if you're going to tell a lesbian that she's gay because of her shitty relationship with her asshole father, you should probably have your facts together to back your shit up.
Since I'm in a leadership role, I couldn't come back with any of the sarcastic things that ran through my head like, "It's not my shitty relationship with my dad that makes me gay...It's my love of boobs and pussy that makes me a lesbian." *grins* Okay, I wouldn't really say that out loud ever...but I can put that in writing. haha! Seriously though...I also couldn't say, "It's my love of women that makes me gay." Instead, I said, "I had a good relationship with my grandpa. I've also had healthy relationships with other guys as friends and such. I'm not a man hater...I'm just attracted to girls." She gave me a weird look. I went on, "Don't get me wrong...I can appreciate a good looking guy too...I just don't want to do anything with them. Like Channing Tatum could come do my yard work or work on my truck and I'll sit out there and watch him because he's nice to look at, but I don't want to bring him inside to do anything." Again, she opened her mouth to insist that in some cases people are gay because of their relationships with their parents and the woman I'd been talking to before jumped on her ass and put her in her place by saying, "I have three cousins who are gay. Two women and one man. All of them have had great relationships with their parents. They're just born that way just like some people have freckles or red hair or are blonde, some people end up tall and others are short. Some are straight and some are gay. It is what it is." I refrained from high fiving her and saying, "Yeah, bitch." Instead, I headed out with them to leave for the night because by that time she was off too. I just didn't say anything else except, "Have a good night."


Really though, what makes people think it's okay to ask such stupid questions? I mean, fuck. How did you know you were straight? Are you straight because you had a great relationship with both of your parents? It doesn't even make sense. *rolls eyes* I really wish I didn't have to bite my tongue so often...I feel as though the world would be a better place if I spoke my mind. *sigh* Thank you for letting me vent.

Who do VooDoo!?

So I've recently come to the realization that there are some people who I work with who don't love me. I know--I was surprised as well! Who wouldn't love me with my girlish good looks, charming personality, and amazing sense of humor? *smiles award-winning smile* Haha! Seriously though, I'm not a horrible person...all the time...but there are some who are not fans of me. However, I'm pretty sure that they all get together once a week after work for Heather Haters Unite to drink some beers and to talk shit about me. I'm totally okay with this. Haters gonna hate, right? 


All joking aside there are a few people who despise me who I could use as allies, but instead they choose to find new ways to try to fuck with me, but it doesn't work. First of all, I don't fall for stupid nonsense. Second, I won't be pulled into a game of one-upping the other; I just don't care enough. Third, I'm funnier and smarter than these fools anyway. But I digress...One of these people is another leader at my work. She absolutely fucking hates me. It's pretty blatant and it makes me laugh that every time I say something, she has to try to correct me. It's so lame. It makes me want to talk just so I can sit back and watch her dig herself into a hole. It's kind of amusing. The other girl is my equal in roles at work and I'm pretty sure she sees me as competition, which I guess I am, but again, I just don't care enough to play stupid games. On Monday, we had a meeting with a bunch of the leaders. One of the leaders moved over so that this girl who hates me could sit by me. This chick literally looked at the seat and then at me like I had cooties or something and walked off to stand for the entire 45 minute meeting. My old leader quickly came to sit by me and gave me a look like, "What the fuck was that?" I simply shrugged and went back to listening to the meeting. I've never done or said anything to this girl...What I have done though is not check up on her, not messaged her to see how she is, etc...She's constantly checking on me and I just blow her off. lol Needless to say, I don't have to send either one of these chicks a Christmas card this year.


The bad thing is that I have to watch the one lady's team while she's on vacation and she is so pissed about it. It wasn't her idea to have me and it's pretty damn clear that she doesn't want me with her team. Every other team I've watched has had their numbers go up, but this woman has no faith in me. Because of this her team has no faith in me. Most other teams love me and come to me for help and whatever...Not this team. In fact, yesterday while I was talking to this leader about her vacation, someone needed help and she walked off for a moment. Meanwhile, a chick on her team stood up to look at me over the cubicle wall. I said hello to her and she said, "Good luck." I sort of laughed her off and said I was sure everything would be all right. She shook her head and laughed a slightly evil laugh (no exaggeration for once) as she said, "No, good luck." And then she sat back down. So, if this chick looked like Fat Amy from Pitch Perfect (I'm currently listening to the cup song haha) or Mary Poppins or anyone else, it would be fine...But instead, she looks like this...





Now, you think I'm kidding, but I'm totally not. My first thought when I met her for the first time a week ago was that she is a witch. When I told my old leader about her threat, he asked, "You know she's a witch, right?" I said, "Don't mess with me, man! I swear she has a voodoo doll in her drawer!" He asked with wide eyes, "Did you see it!?" I told him to stop fucking with me and he said, "I swear I'm not messing with you. A few people have said she is totally a witch and practices that stuff." I told him that I'm glad I don't believe in voodoo because that's how it works...It only works if the victim believes in it and it's a bunch of shit. However, I've had this headache for days now and I'm pretty sure that she is smashing the voodoo doll of me in her drawer every so often and then pouring coffee onto it so that I have this rocking headache and can't sleep. Haha! Seriously though, this woman is fucking scary and she's going to kill me...Even more so because her numbers suck and I'm not going to stand idly by and watch her numbers tank more while I'm with the team. My boss told me straight out that she doesn't give a fuck and will tank just to make me look bad. I don't even know this chick. Clearly, she doesn't think I'm cute...or funny...or anything. She glares at me in the halls at work. She won't say hi to me. I'm pretty sure if I was on fire, she wouldn't even piss on me to put me out. And I get to spend two weeks sitting on the other side of the wall from her...Yeah, we're going to be BFFs, I'm sure. My boss told me to go look in her drawer tomorrow morning to see if there's a voodoo doll in there...I'm afraid I'll find something like this...




It looks just like me, no? 


Seriously though...I need something to counteract this woman. She is going to seriously fuck with me and normally I'm all about watching people make themselves look like asses, but this one is going to try to take me out...I miss the days when I worked with my friends. Maybe I just need a good witch like Ga-Linda ("Galinda with a Ga!" Any Wicked fans?) to come save me. I'm kidding...I'll never look at Glinda the same way again. *sigh* Luckily, I have my own one week vacation to chill before I enter hell just before my birthday. This should be fun...Now if I happen to get a pin stuck through me or my eyes suddenly appear to be buttons, please know that I was clearly wrong about the voodoo not working. I'm still not sure why she hates me though...

Eighties Sitcom...

Sometimes I feel as though my life is a really bad 80s sitcom. I'm talking like a serious off-the-wall sitcom complete with crazy characters and weird situations. Case in point...


This morning Phoenix and I, after dropping the kids off at daycare, were on our way to the lab for routine blood work. Before we'd left, Phoenix found her lab orders, but stated she couldn't find mine anywhere. Strangely enough, we had put them together, so who knows what happened to it? Anyway, we're driving and she tells me that I could call the doctor's office to ask them to fax it to the lab. I grumbled. I despise talking on the phone...Like I'd rather walk barefoot over hot coals than call anyone at this point in my life. Seriously. I know it's sad, but I just can't do it. I hate the phone. So, she talks a little shit, as usual, because I don't want to call. She says, "Fine. I'll call them and pretend to be you." So, she calls them and proceeds to say her name is Heather. I sort of laughed. I stopped laughing when she hung up after asking for the stuff to be faxed, but forgot to make me an appointment for tomorrow for the sinus infection that I have. Once she hung up, she said, "Oh crap! I forgot to make the appointment." She called right back and more or less made me look like a dumbass. *rolls eyes* 


By this point in time, we've pulled up to the lab and she starts to get out of the truck only to look at the lab order she had in her hand...Yeah, it said, "Heather", not "Phoenix." (Or her real name either.) I was all, "Are you kidding me? You made me look like a dumbass for nothing!" She laughs as she says, "You have to call the doctor and pretend to be me because I can't call back with the same voice and say I'm me!" This is pretty much when I started to wonder if my truck was fitted with a camera and maybe a microphone. I took her phone and called the doctor's office. I told them I was Phoenix and had to make myself look dumber by stating that Heather thought it was Phoenix's order and not Heather's order. Honestly, the whole thing was just out of control. Especially since in the middle of it, my cell phone rang and she answered it, pretending to be me again. WTF!? 


So, if this had been an actual sitcom, we would've had to pretend to be each other in front of people...Like I'd have to pull off being Phoenix and she'd have to be me...like in front of a lot of people at an important event. And she would've insisted that we dress like each other and wear wigs. No, seriously. She would go all out like that. However, my life isn't an actual sitcom, just similar to one. I'm still trying to figure out how we're going to pull this off tomorrow when I go in with my hoarse voice and she sounds normal...The receptionist is going to be like, "You didn't sound sick yesterday!" *rolls eyes* Yup, this is my life. 


On a side note...Phoenix went to the store the other night to buy a hose (because our devil dog ate the other one) and a sprinkler for the kids to play in. When I talked to her later, she said she bought them a little pool. I was picturing a little plastic pool....Not a blow up pool that a couple of feet deep and like 8 feet in diameter. It takes up my whole back porch. The kids are currently in it (because we live in AZ where is NEVER cools off...not even when the sun goes down) swimming "laps" and calling out my name every three seconds to look at them through the sliding glass door. (Don't worry, I am within reach of the door and the curtain is open. They are perfectly safe.) However, instead of just saying, "Heather!" Rapunzel has started yelling out, "Heather Weather!" Dude, seriously? I thought I was past that stage in my life...Things always seem to go full circle, don't they?

Left unattended...

I'm having movie night with the kids while Phoenix has ditched me for the next two days to hang with her family in Laughlin, where she swears she won't drink or gamble excessively. *laughs wildly* Yeah, I believe that. When she returns I will be planning a trip for myself. If she gets a break from the kids, then so do I! But I digress...I am seriously overdue in a venting blog. I'm just going to put a few things out there that I am sick of holding inside. Ready? I hope so...I'm going to sound so bitchy too...*grins*


Firstly, if you look like a man, no amount of makeup, dresses, or hair bows are going to make you look like less of a man. It's like putting lipstick on a pig...It's just a pig with lipstick...it doesn't look any better. And if you look like an ugly man, stop posting fucking pictures of yourself every fifteen minutes on Facebook. Fuck. I don't want to see your ugly ass face in the same fucking pose. It's enough to make me want to delete a bitch.


Secondly, if you're posting shit on Facebook, like ecards and shit, don't be all like, "I wish people would learn this lesson" when it's a fucking lesson you need as well. For instance, if you post an ecard claiming that it must be nice to get everything handed  to you and not to have to work for anything, you better not be a lazy mother fucker who expects handouts all the time. I mean, I can't stress how hard it is for me to read shit like that and not be all, "Ummm...I'm sorry...Was this ecard about you? Because the shoe fits..." *rolls eyes*


Thirdly, all of your ridiculous political rantings will never convince me that being conservative is the right answer. Rant and rave away, but know that I am rolling my eyes each time I see your posts. Every president we've had has been a fuck up in some way...Seriously. Bush Jr was a fucking idiot. Obama isn't perfect. Clinton had all kinds of sex. Bush Sr is the dad of Bush Jr and seriously, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And so on and so forth. Politicians are corrupt. It's how it goes. I'm not accepting the status quo, I just know this is what's going to keep happening because everyone is bad-ass behind a keyboard, but no one votes to fix shit.


Fourth, I fucking hate office politics. If you have an issue with me, don't go behind my back and tell someone else what you think...just fucking tell me. I'm a big girl and I wear my big girl panties daily. I can handle my own shit. I really don't get why people gossip. Speaking of office politics, it also sucks when you get a promotion and lose all the people you thought were your friends. I guess if they can't handle this, then they weren't my friends, but it's a shitty lesson to learn.


I guess that's it. My pizza should be here any minute. Deuces...

"I see a beehive!"

This morning when I was taking the kids to daycare, they were in the backseat all talking crap to each other. I suppose it's normal that they argue with each other constantly, but it drives me completely nuts. And they argue about the dumbest crap. "I saw the red light first!" "No, I did!" And I'm like, "I'm pretty sure I saw it first since I stopped in time." The sarcasm is lost on them...Although sometimes I think Rapunzel gets it because she'll laugh. I'm not sure how the four year old catches on, but the older two are oblivious...
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Anyway, this morning, we are cruising down the road leading to the freeway and we are passing by some farm-type houses. The kids say they're farms, but really, they're just older homes on big chunks of property with horses...and maybe a barn. I have yet to see a cow or chickens over there...Or fields of crops. The crops are by our house, but not connected to an actual farm. But I digress...So, we're driving and Rapunzel is like, "Look! A farm! I saw it first!" Nook says, "No, I did. I see a raven though." Ariel and Rapunzel ask, "What's a raven?" Nook replies, "It's a big black bird." I was surprised that he knew that, but I nodded in agreement because he was definitely right. And then the funny part of the conversation started...
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Ariel-- "I see a beehive!"<br>
Nook-- "A beehive? You can't see a beehive!" <br>
Ariel-- "Oh, no...A nest. I see a nest. It's in that tree over there." *she points*<br>
Nook-- "You can't see a nest in a tree. It's way up high! You can't see it. Stop lying!" <br>
Ariel-- "Yes, I can! I'm not deaf!" <br>
*I burst into laughter*<br>
Nook-- "Deaf means you can't talk!"<br>
Me-- "Deaf means you can't hear. I think you meant blind."<br>
Ariel-- *giggling* "Oh. I am not blind." <br>
Meanwhile, during all of this, Rapunzel was strangely silent...I'm pretty sure that she was back there working out her final plans for world domination. I'm like 99% sure that's what she does whenever she's quiet...

No cord!

I'm too tired to write a whole big long blog, but I feel I need to share this. Today I went to go buy a dryer. For the last year and a half, we've hung dried all of our clothes. Hang dried? Hung dried? What-the-hell-ever. You know what I mean. Anyway, so we had no dryer. The plan was to wait for the washing machine to die and then we'd get both, but it hasn't died. With three kids, it sucks to hang dry everything. After shopping around, I decided we'd hold off on the washer for a bit longer since we couldn't find a good deal. So, today I looked online before going to Lowe's and the website lists other things I may need to go with the dryer...like a cord...and the vent/duct thing...and a clamp for the vent/duct thing. Ummm...Why the fuck would I buy a new dryer without a cord? Are you kidding me? It turns out they weren't kidding. I did, indeed, have to buy these things separately. This reminds me of the good ol' days when I purchased a printer for my computer. I got home and happily began setting it up only to find what? That's right, NO CORD! Say what? Was my computer (before the days of wireless routers and such) supposed to send a message to my printer psychically?? Let's be real...If I buy something, I need the shit to hook it up with and it should come with it. At Christmas time, Phoenix bought a blue ray player and it didn't have the HDMI cord. Dude, what the fuck? She rented me a movie when I was sick and I was like, "Hells yeah! I'm going to lay in bed and watch this movie...And then maybe some L Word." But no! There was no cord and instead, I had to watch it on my laptop. 

You all have to agree that it's a bit strange that we allow this sort of thing to go on. I mean, it's not like I go buy a car and then have to tell them, "And yes, I'll take four tires, a couple of doors, and a rear view mirror." Let's be real...I'm certainly not going in and saying that I just want the frame of the car and an engine. We may all laugh at the absurd nature of this, but it's real and it happens every day. I know we've all seen the old TV shows where they make fun of these situations...Like, "Sure, you can stay in this here hotel." And then they rent you an empty room. It's $20 more for a bed. $15 more for a bathroom attached to the room. Again, ha ha, but seriously, these are things you expect to be there, but they're just not. I cannot be the only person on this planet who thinks this is ridiculous. And I'm not even going to lie...I'm the person who just buys an item expecting that everything is going to be in there because why the fuck would I buy a dryer without a plug??? If I wanted to hang dry my clothes still, I could've saved myself $420!! *shakes head*

Farewell, Chucklin' Chuck...

Who takes kids into their houses, gets attached them, and then is okay to give them back up? Who puts themselves into those situations? Oh yeah...We do. Chucklin' Chuck left tonight...like just a few minutes ago to go back to his dad who can't even take care of himself. Yup, I'm sure it's going to be a really good situation for him and his twin 10 month old sisters. (9 month old sisters? Who knows?) The court date today was more or less a joke since they had already had a plan in place to give dad state aid of some kind to help him take care of the kids since he's not capable. Really? If there's an issue, then why are we rushing to give him back these kids? I can't even make sense of this...like on no level whatsoever does this make sense. And I'm sure there are REALLY good CPS workers out there who truly care about the kids...And then there's the CPS workers we've dealt with. I'm so over dealing with these people. So, farewell Chuck. I wish only good things for you...like good books and good tunes.


In other news, we've decided to take in our girls' 7 year old brother. I read reports that he's a foul-mouthed little boy. I think he and I will get along just fine since I also have a foul mouth. We shall call him, "Nook" because his real name is very similar to another e-reader. (Thanks, mom!) Anyway, so Nook seems like an all right kid. The big decision for us was--would we take him in? The reason behind that is because everything is pointing towards these kids being put up for adoption. Their caseworker has made that clear since the kids have been in the system for a long time and their parents are following what they need to do. So, yeah...We should have Nook by the end of the year. He will be coming back this weekend for another visit. I am waiting to hear back from his caseworker to see if we can keep him through Christmas. It seems stupid to send him back to the group home for the holiday! We shall see...


And finally, as if giving Chuck back to his dad today wasn't bad enough, I had to have a royally shitty day and have my windshield bust. It had a crack in it where a rock hit it like a month and change ago, right? Well, this morning while driving in, I heard a crack and saw that it cracked at least a foot on both sides of the crack in the middle. It cracked even more while I was at work. Phoenix called my insurance and, like I thought, I didn't pay extra for windshield coverage and if I wanted my insurance to cover it under my existing policy, it would be $1000 deductible. Fuck my life.

I hope a house falls on me...

I am pretty sure I have lost all faith in my job and the company I work for today. I really don't think I was ever cut out to work in corporate America, but really, it's just got to be too much. I'm just done. I applied for two other positions at work. It's been two weeks and I haven't heard anything on either position...And come to find out, the one position, which sounded like they were going to hire a group of people to become interim team leaders, was apparently for one position. *rolls eyes* Someone needs to read the fucking emails they send out before they send them because the wording is almost always misleading. As for the other position, well, it turns out they're still not sure how that new position is going to work and it's more or less on hold. Of course it is...Why on earth would they have it all figured out before they post for the position? That would make too much sense. And then here's the kicker...This fucking bastard on my team interviewed for a trainer position even though he's been there less than a year. He's been there 9 months and he's already applying for other jobs. We are all told we have to stay in our position for a minimum of one year before we can apply for anything else...unless of course you're a fucking misogynist asshole...then you get special privileges. He has a second interview for it tomorrow. He's all, "Oh, I went to school to be a teacher." Yeah, a fucking PE teacher, you fucking moron! Doesn't that qualify you to wear a whistle and yell at kids to pick up the pace as they jog around a track? Because I'm pretty sure that's all my PE teachers ever did! They're not even REAL TEACHERS!!


Yeah, I'm a jerk. I'm okay with that. Seriously though...You know I'm right about PE teachers. What the fuck ever. I just smiled and went along with his stupid fucking nonsense and wished him luck even as I hoped a house would fall on me and put me out of misery. Yes, I said a house. *rolls eyes* I'm so over this bullshit. These new people are hired and immediately think because they've survived training that they deserve these other jobs and somehow, they're all scoring jobs while those of us who've been in the trenches for years are left to wither away and become bitter. And all I've done is become our group's bitch. No seriously, it's true. On Thanksgiving, my boss' boss asked me to play Team Leader on the floor until an actual team leader came in at like 1:30 that day. I was happy because then I didn't have to deal with being on the phone...And now, because I did such a great job, they've asked me to give up my Christmas so I can play team leader again. I get holiday pay on those days, but I would even if I was taking calls. And whereas this may "look" good, it's not doing shit to get me a different job. Nothing I do is getting me ahead. I've gone along with all of my boss' ideas and suggestions and I'm still just a chump taking a calls. I'm fucking done. Seriously. I am going to study for my teaching tests and get the fuck out of there...Unfortunately, I worry that once I am a teacher, I'll be the sucker teacher too...You know, the one that does all the extra stuff and works her ass off, but never advances to even head of the department. I don't know why I even bother going the extra mile for everyone or anyone...People are just assholes and I'm done putting up with it. And anyone reading this who knows me knows that I'll be at work on Christmas, playing team leader, because that's what's expected of me and if we know anything about me, we know that I hate to disappoint. *slams head into desk*


Yup, so that pretty much sums up how I feel about shit...That is all.

I'm waiting on my free beer...

I don't know if it's because of the impending full moon or what, but people seemed to be in rare form today...Maybe even a little yesterday too. I don't know. I talk to some of the strangest people and sometimes I find myself wondering if it's because I somehow attract the freaks and weirdos (No, friends, I would never insinuate that you are all freaks and weirdos...*shifty eyes*) or if it's just my lack of luck that I end up talking to these folks. And sometimes I find myself...well...being me on the phone at work and then I'm like, "Oh shit! Heather's on the loose again!" And I quickly change back into Work Fun Heather...Like Barbie, but fatter and way funnier and with nerd glasses. Allow me to explain...


Today a woman called in and I explained like EVERYTHING about how her card works, how she earns her rebate, how to find stuff online to manage the account, etc...The woman has only had her card for five years, but had no clue how anything worked. She thanked me repeatedly for all my help at the end of our conversation and then asked, "What was your name again--Terry?" I started giggling as I said, "Actually, Heather." She laughed with me and then said, "Oh, well, close enough." And I said, "Oh yeah, totally." We laughed harder. Suddenly, I realized I was totally being a smart ass. Obviously, she was laughing and whatever, but yeah...Maybe sarcasm isn't the way to go at work. Still...Terry and Heather aren't similar in any way, shape, or form. 


Later, an old man called in and was asking for the balance on his account and then made a payment. When I repeated the amount again for his payment because he was noting the amount with the confirmation number, I mentioned that there was also 41 cents at the end because he kept rounding down. He laughed as he joked, "You know, after being a customer since 77, you'd think you could spot me the 41 cents, Heather." I said, "I would've. Why didn't you ask?" He laughed as he said, "Shoulda, woulda, coulda...If I saw that show up on my next statement, I'd hunt you down and buy you a beer." I started laughing and then gave him the credit for next month's bill. I said, "All right...Check out next month's bill when you get it because now you owe me a beer!" He laughed like I was kidding...I sure hope he remembers because I am already looking forward to it...

Not long before I got off work, a guy called in and tells me, "I wrote down a phone number and then next to it to watch for a $25 statement credit on this account. And the number says it's no long an active number. I don't know what it was for." Well, as it turns out, this guy's memory is shorter than that of a goldfish or something because it was for our Small Business Saturday, which people could only start registering for a week ago! So, I tell him, "Oh, that was for Small Business Saturday. I'm assuming if you have that number then you must've registered your card. So, as long as you spent $25 or more at a small business, you'll get the $25 statement credit." He then tells me he didn't use his card all weekend and tried claiming we didn't make it clear. I started off trying to be nice, but in the end, I couldn't hold back. I said, "Seriously, sir, this was all over the TV and radio. It was on the Internet. The website with the information, including this phone number, clearly stated it was for Saturday the 24th. It's positioned between Black Friday and Cyber Monday to give the little guys a shot." He still insisted that this was a hidden thing and was hinting for me to give him the credit. I finally said, "I can't give you a credit. You didn't use your card at all...for anything...over the weekend. Your last charges have all been for big huge stores, not even any small businesses at all." He still tried to argue that he should get the credit...DUDE! IT'S FOR SMALL BUSINESS SATURDAY! Like how much more clear could we be? It's all but in HUGE FLASHING LIGHTS! WTF? In the end, he was pissed that I wouldn't give him the credit. Oh fucking well. That's like being all, "I signed up for this promotion to get a free meal at Red Robin, but I went to Black Angus instead. Can you still give me a free meal?" Yeah, not going to happen, idiot! He was totally butt-hurt, but oh well. How do these morons survive? What happened to survival of the fittest?? 


Okay, one more funny story and this isn't about work...It's about kids, but not our kids...I have been lately picking up the kids in the afternoons because I get off work later than Phoenix does. So, I have to go to Daycare, which in my mind is crawling with more germs and infections waiting to happen than a hospital. I leave there feeling dirty...seriously. Anyway, every time I go to get Rapunzel, the other 4 year olds (and maybe 3 year olds...I don't know the ages of the kids in the class) all come over and try to talk to me. Last week I had kids reminding me that I'm fat and one even said, "That's a big mommy." Thanks, booger face, I'm so glad your parents taught you manners. So, yesterday, I went into the germ infested building that smells of children and feet or something and waited for the kids to verbally attack me. This time it got good. One little girl walks up and looks up at me, "Are you a boy?" I looked down with a cocked eyebrow as I replied, "No, no I'm not." Another little girl ran up and asked, "What is your name?" I replied, "Heather." She asked, "Is Heather a boy's name?" I sighed as I replied, "No, it's a girl's name because I am a girl." I looked for Rapunzel who was busy trying to get the teacher to give her her snack to go since we were leaving and God knows I love it when children eat crackers in my truck. *rolls eyes* A big headed little boy who is always in trouble when I go in there turns around and says, "That's not a girl. He's a boy." I think I sighed again as I told Rapunzel we need to hurry. Suddenly, there were at least seven kids in front of me all asking if I was a boy or a girl and was my name really Heather. I smiled at them before turning towards the door and walking out with Rapunzel running after me. What the fuck, man? I called Phoenix once I was out the front door with Rapunzel and Chuck. I was like, "The little kids don't leave me alone! Every time I go in there it's something and today they wanted to know if I was a boy or a girl!" You know what her response was??? She said, "You should've told them you are a boy...a b-o-i boy." *rolls eyes* Yes, because I'm sure that 4 year olds are all hip to gay lingo for grown up tom boys. Man...I know why I didn't go to school to teach elementary school kids...I'd lose my mind!!

The secret to parenting...And why I hate CPS...

Sometimes I find myself really despising CPS...Like I get that they aren't perfect. Obviously they're not; they're a government entity. But when your job is to make sure kids are safe, you better take your job seriously and not be a complete fuck up. I'm just sayin'...I work with people's credit cards and there are so many procedures and policies in place to make sure I don't screw up, but even if I do, it may take a couple of days, but we can fix it. If these people fuck up, kids get hurt. I am not the Lorax. I don't speak for the trees...Or the kids in this case...But something has to be said.
<br>
Chuck had a visit again today and when Phoenix went to pick up Rapunzel from Daycare, one of the women there said that the Case Aid (*rolls eyes* I hate the Case Aid. I think she's a moron...and a lazy ass.) had come in and said that she couldn't go in the back to get Chuck because she had his siblings in the car. His siblings are twin 8-month old girls. She left two babies in the car while she ran into Daycare to pick up Chuck. I know she can't carry three kids, but she should've thought about that before picking the girls up first. Apparently, she's done this in reverse too, leaving Chuck in the car. I'm pretty sure that if I leave my kid unattended, I can get busted for that, but if you work for CPS, it seems it's okay. So, Phoenix called the caseworker to try to report it, but, of course, the caseworker wasn't at work. They never are. She left word for the woman to call us back. When we got back to our house and met the Case Aid to get Chuck back, she told us that the visit was fine and handed over a baby who wasn't quite himself. Normally, he's all smiles and he babbles up a storm lately. Tonight, he was quiet and not at all excited to see Phoenix. Normally, he can't get to her fast enough. Then when she went to give him a bath, he flipped out when he saw the running water. Today was the first unsupervised visit and suddenly, Chuck is back to hating the bath. What the fuck happened on this visit? He just came back not at all himself and I don't know what happened. He's too young to tell us, but the Case Aid keeps saying how great dad is doing. I don't know why they would give him unsupervised visits when he wasn't able to protect the kids from the abuse in the first place! And just a couple of days ago, the Foster Care Review Board had a meeting and found, after reviewing the evidence in the case, that it would be better for the kids (Chuck, his sisters, and brother) to be put up for adoption than going back home. So, if that's the case, why the hell is CPS allowing dad to have visits alone with the kid? I don't get it...I really don't. It doesn't make any sense at all. 
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Now, don't go getting all crazy thinking that I've become a softy...I haven't, but this is a little kid who shouldn't be afraid of things like a bath. He's not my kid and I get that, but even if he doesn't stay with us, he shouldn't go back home. I don't know what they did to him, but they don't treat him nicely at all. And if they take him back there, they will ruin this kid. I don't know any other year and a half year old babies who are cool sitting down reading a book. We had a Pampered Chef party a couple of weeks ago and in the middle of the party when there were kids running around and playing, he took a book and sat off to the side reading his book. His dad, who has the intelligence level of someone like Forest Gump, would kill this kid's drive to read and learn. I'm sure that's a mean thing to say, but it's true and I'll feel really bad if they make him go home. 
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In other news, Phoenix thinks I have trained Rapunzel to be one of my minions. Apparently, she has taken up saying things I say like, "Whoa there, turbo"...And the other day she was telling her sister, "This is nonsense." *grins* All joking aside, I guess 4 year olds don't typically talk like that. We've also fallen into a routine of talking crap to each other. No matter what I say, this kid has a response. And she has an evil laugh, so of course we're BFFs now. lol Seriously though, since we've started getting along and she realizes I'm kidding most of the time, she's now trying to establish herself...like show she's the boss, which doesn't fly with Phoenix at all since she's the Alpha Male...I mean, the Mexican Mom. *laughs* You know what I mean. She's Tony Danza or the boss or whatever. Rapunzel has also tried telling her teacher "no" and refusing to do things. I finally pulled her aside tonight and told her that it's cool to joke around or whatever, but it's not okay to try to tell adults (specifically me, Phoenix, and her teacher) what to do. I reminded her that she's the kid and we're the adults and she listens to us, not vice-versa. Like I kept it light because this kid cries over everything and it makes me feel bad. She started to get all quivery lipped for a moment, but I was like, "Hey, I'm not mad. I don't want you to get in trouble or have to sit in time out." I think that was my buy-in with her. We'll see if any of this works. I have no idea how to be a parent to these kids. They all come with their own baggage and issues. I feel bad for them, but I don't know how to make it better. Like last weekend, Ariel and Rapunzel both told me that they had had dreams about a monster. I find myself wondering who the monster is. Like is it their dad? Is it the thing they think lives in my room and makes the floorboards creak when no one is up there? Who knows? All I know is that I have no clue what I'm doing...But then I think that no one knows what the hell they're doing. I think this is the secret that parents never tell us--they were just as clueless as we are. It's all just a guessing game and we have to hope we're not screwing the kids up too much. And I'm learning that perhaps 4 years old is too young to hone her sarcasm. And maybe Chuck is too young to read Shakespeare. *shrugs* Live and learn, right?

Go sell crazy somewhere else...I'm full up here!

Somehow I missed the memo that because Obama is in office for one more term the world is going to end, apparently with a crazy war here in the US. I can only guess that this war is going to be the democrats against the republicans...Or the openly religious against those of us they believe to be sinners. I honestly have no idea what the hell people are thinking. If you are one of those who think it's time we're prepping for the end of times--please...pretty please--tell me why you think so. The Bible doesn't say when it's going to happen...In fact, it states no one knows when it will happen, so please tell me how you know more than the book that guides you does. Yeah, that sounds slightly sarcastic, but I can't help it. I'm a skeptic. Always have been, always will be...It's how I roll. 


So, I was thinking of this above mentioned topic because of all the nonsense spewing on Facebook about how it's such a sad time for American society and it's a travesty and blah, blah,blah, (insert commentary hating Obama here). Dude, I don't like Obama either. I don't like most politicians. Again, this is how I roll. I don't have faith in very much because shit never goes like it's supposed to. I'm a realist, not a pessimist. But that's neither here nor there...I want to talk about the crazy fucking lady who called me at work today! I didn't want to be at work today anyway because my sinus infection has caused my ears to ache from the pressure and the last thing I want to do is put a headset on that puts more pressure on my ears. Seriously. It fucking sucks. Allow me to tell you about this crazy lady. We'll call her Cathy...As in Crazy Cathy.


Cathy calls in and I'm like, "This is Heather. How can I help you?" She starts off with, "Peace be with you, Heather. This is Cathy." And I'm already at a loss for words because I'm thinking--shit! What is the correct response??? And with you? Yeah, ditto that? I have no clue, but I know that Catholics know. Clearly, I'm not Catholic, so I'm like, "Thanks. Same to you. I have your account here. How can I help?" She tells me she wants to add her husband to the account and this is where is all goes downhill. I mean, the opening thing sort of warned me, but it got so out of control and...*shakes head* I wanted to jump out the window. I tell her I'm happy to help and ask if she has his Costco membership number because we need that for this type of card. Then we had to talk about how his number really is different than hers, I promise. It was only after reading off hers and his to me that she realized I was right. Then she says she's going to put him on the phone to give me his info, but I said, "I actually need to verify some stuff with you before you put him on the phone." (I should've let him get on the phone...It would've been a better call, I'm sure.) She said, "But he needs to say it's okay for him to be on the account." I said, "No, actually, we need your permission to put him on the account because it's your account." And she's like, "But he's my husband." *rolls eyes* This is where it really derailed because she started in with how this is exactly the problem with society...We have ruined marriage and that people like us (me and her) know that marriage is really between a man and a woman and that anyone who thinks otherwise is going against the Bible. *le sigh* This is a real conversation. She said, "Those people--you know who I mean--are ruining marriage and the politicians are going along with it because they're paid to." During the rest of our conversation where we added her husband to the account, replaced her worn out card, and made a payment, she lectured me on the Bible and how this is the end of times. She believes that credit cards are leading into the mark of demon, which is apparently when we'll all have computer chips in our heads and bar codes. (That would make it really easy for me if I forgot my wallet...I'm just sayin'...) From this, she went into how there are now "security cameras" everywhere filming everyone and all the calls are recorded, "They say for quality, but they're really just monitoring us, Heather. You know that." Uh-huh...I was just nodding and let her go because I really didn't know how to respond to this at 7am. Later in my shift, I might've been more in control, but she was like my fourth call and I was still trying to wake up. She stated that movies like Enemy of the State are true. We are constantly monitored and if the government doesn't like what we say or do, they'll come get us. I'm assuming she read 1984 as the word of God or something. I'm also thinking that she woke up this morning and ate a huge bowl of Crazy O's. Seriously. *straight face*


I honestly had no idea how to get this woman off my line. She just kept talking. Like everyone was the bad guy, but not me...She could tell I have a good soul. (Phoenix said I should've told her that I'm soulless, which is true...I needed more room for sarcasm.) Because of my good soul, God was speaking through her to tell me these things I need to know. *drinks Kool Aid to end misery* I was like, "Oh...Um..." But she wasn't really looking for a response from me. Then she asked, "You have a family, right Heather?" I smiled as I thought about this, but I decided to only say, "Yes, yes I do." She said, "I bet you're a wonderful mother. You have a kind voice and I know you have a kind soul. You're good people." Obviously, this woman doesn't know shit and can't read people because we all know I'm the devil. *grins* I let her go and in the end she told me I should write down her number and if I just want to talk about God or if I have questions about this being the end of times, I should call her. I was like, "Oh thank you for the offer, but we can't call our customers." She told me that God loves me and I don't even know what else. It took everything in me not to tell her, "I'm gay and you just said God loves me! Haha! You can't take it back!" 


I never said I don't believe in God. I question a lot of things...Like these whack jobs who claim God is speaking through them. Who do these people think they are? It says in the Bible, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". Ummm...That means don't be judging people lest ye be judged. I have no idea if it says "ye"...That sounds pirate-ish. Whatev. Where do these people get off though? Like she had no idea what sort of person I was, she judged me solely on how nice I was on the phone. In person, outside of work, I wouldn't have been like that--I would've spoken my mind because I've learned that if I don't speak up, no one will. Where the hell did all these doom's day preppers come from and why are they now calling me at work?


The government may be all up in our business, but it's not 1984 level, folks. It's not the end of the world because Obama is president again. It's weird, but before the election he was president and now after the election he is again...It's the same. It's not like he won and immediately started rubbing his hands together evilly as he laughed maniacally. Let's be real. And just because shit isn't good, doesn't mean it's the end of the world. People have been predicting the end of the world for centuries and we're still here. Just chill the hell out...We have until December 21st at least, which means I don't even need to worry about Christmas shopping. Whew! Thank you, Mayans! 

The election...

Dear friends,
This morning, Phoenix and I were talking as we each drove to work about the election last night. We both know that our families all most likely voted for Romney because, well, because they're Republicans. It's whatever. I'm not going to tell people they should change their opinions, but as we talked, Phoenix, who hates politics and normally won't discuss them at all, said that everyone has something they hold dear to them--like something that means the world to them. Some people hold onto religion for dear life. Others are anti-abortion and anti-everything else that suits them. Still other people support the military. And then there are gay people like Phoenix and me. If we don't care about our own rights, then who will? It's taken me years to chip away at Phoenix's not caring about our rights for her to get here, so this moment was huge for me. Even last night as she talked about it with me, I was cheering on the inside, "YES! I WIN! I GOT THROUGH!" Which just goes to show what a great teacher I am...It might've taken this long to get here, but we fucking got here! *grins* But seriously, if we don't care, then who will? And it's not even fair to call it "gay rights"...It's Human Rights and I'm so sick and tired of people telling me what's okay for a person like myself. Maybe you can look at me and know I'm a lesbian (Phoenix thinks that even blind/deaf people would know. No, I don't think Helen Keller would know I was gay if I simply walked in the room. *rolls eyes*), but I still put my pants on one leg at a time. I go to work each day (not mooching off the system). I have a house that I'm paying for and my own truck that I'm also paying for myself. I have created quite a life for myself. And you know what? I even take care of other people's kids. In some states, that's not okay. In some places, they think it's better to leave kids in orphanages or group homes instead of letting gay couples like Phoenix and myself take care of them. Are you cool with that? We all know that kids don't become gay because of who they hang out with...right? Straight people have been giving birth to gay children forever, folks. My parents are straight, as are Phoenix's. I have a friend at work who has a gay mom...And she's straight. So, let's not be stupid. Let's all agree that, as an average citizen, I'm an all right person. So then why is it okay to make me a second class citizen because I like women instead of men? 
I could not, as a self-respecting woman, vote for Romney. I just couldn't. If you hate me now because my politics don't match with yours, that's okay. You can stop talking to me and I'll survive. I mean, I wouldn't ask you to vote for someone who goes against your ideals. I get why people voted for Romney...If he supports the same things you support, then that makes sense. But I can't support someone who wants to take away rights from me. I just can't. And while you're getting so pissed off because gay marriage now passed in four more places, stop and ask yourself why the fuck you care so much. Really. If I got married to Phoenix, is that going to kill you? Is it going to make your marriage a lie or invalid? Is it going to make the sun fall out of the sky? Will the world end because I married a woman? It's doubtful...Plus the world is supposed to end soon anyway, so what's the big deal? I am totally fine with whomever you all voted for...And for the record, on the last go 'round, I didn't vote for Obama...So I wasn't a fan of his in the past. Just sayin'...Things change.
Peace out,
Heather

Talking Tina and other nonsense...

Okay, who knows Talking Tina from Twilight Zone? If you don't, you need to go watch it right now. Like I'm not even sure how you've lived this long without seeing it...Go ahead, I'll wait for you to get back. *takes nap* Seriously though, so our kiddos, Ariel and Rapunzel have this doll...Wait, I'll go take a picture. *drags fat ass upstairs to photograph scary ass doll* 

See! It's a very scary doll. I don't know why the doll's shirt is up. I don't ask. Anyway, for the last couple of days, the doll was lying on the floor by the hall closet upstairs. I don't like the doll and have no desire to touch it, so I haven't moved it. I'm not stupid...I've seen Child's Play and Twilight Zone...Leave the fucking dolls alone! But I digress...So, said doll was lying on the floor. Last night, I went upstairs to go to bed and as I made my way to my room, I stopped to check the thermostat, which is across the hall from the laundry room. As I turned away from the thermostat, the doll was standing there in the laundry room, not facing me like in the pic, but turned away from me...almost like how in The Blair Witch Project the kids stood facing the corner and then you knew you were dead because the Blair Witch was behind you. Same thing. I jumped and was ready to run. Flight or fight? I'm flying. Like I would've leapt down the stairs and been out the front door before that doll could've said her name was Talking Tina. It was only after a second that I realized it was just standing there and not about to attack me that my heart chilled a bit. I did hurry into my room though to wake Phoenix up to tell her I didn't think it was funny that the doll was moved and nearly gave me a heart attack. She laughed and said it had scared her too.
Now, I ask...What's a good way to get rid of this doll? Like seriously, it freaks me out. It's irrational, I know, but I can't stand that thing. It looks at me with its doll eyes and I'm just waiting for the head to turn and be like, "Come play with me" or "Want to play a game?" I'm so not down with that. And did you see--it's missing its left arm! Like if that thing comes to life, it's going to be pissed that it's missing an arm! That's going to make it so much harder for the damn thing to attack people! Even as I sit here now typing this, the floorboards upstairs are creaking and I know it's just the house, but my whacked out imagination tells me it's Talking Tina sneaking downstairs to attack me. Ugh...Is it mean to throw the damned thing away? 


In other news, since I didn't get the stupid job at work, I'm still stuck taking calls every day from idiots who shouldn't be allowed to leave their houses. Today I got bitched out by some guy who wanted to redispute a charge from last year for advertising that didn't bring in any business. The merchant he was disputing this with provided almost 200 pages of proof they did what they were supposed to. This guy flipped his lid saying that all people in Phoenix are fucking crooks and thieves. He said the entire city is filled with criminals. I let him vent for a while before I finally said, "Sir, I live in Phoenix." Then he was like, "Oh, well then you know!" Umm...no. And that's pretty much what I told him. I mean, really. Come on. That's like saying everyone in NY is an asshole. There are jerks out there, but not everyone is rude. I wouldn't even generalize that much about people in Paris and there were some seriously rude people there! But this guy, for over 20 minutes, bitched at me before I was like, "I can't help. I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do." Then he really lost it and for another couple of minutes told me how inadequate I am. I don't believe I'm a moron, but it gets old hearing this day in and day out. I want to apply for different positions at my work because I cannot stand being on the phones anymore, but I have Phoenix (I wonder if she's a crook...hmmm...) and my boss telling me to be careful what I post for since I wanted the coaching position. They're not hiring anymore coaches for a long time, so what--I'm supposed to hang out on the phones for another few years until they hire again? Fuck that, I say! They say, "It'll make you look desperate to get off the phones." Fuck yeah, that's what I want! I'm so sick of listening to people's shit every day. And I'm tired of playing this stupid fucking game of pretending like I care--Newsflash, folks: I don't fucking care! And I lie to you all day long! I spew lies all day! I've never been so busy with a vacation that I forgot to pay all my bills including my mortgage...And do you know why? Because I'm not stupid in my spare time! Fuck...*le sigh* LOL One of my friends at work said that at work today and it made me laugh...Le Sigh. Like I'm French. Anyway, I need a new job. I got an email back about a teaching job, but I don't have my certification for AZ, so guess that won't be happening...

BS on a Monday...

Every once in a while, I'll listen to a song that I've known for a month of Sundays and suddenly I realize what I'm singing and I am completely taken aback at the dirty words that I have just spewed forth. Of course, my first instinct is to call my mom and demand to know what kind of girl she raised because there is no way in hell that I was a part of this! It's definitely her fault. *shifty eyes* But being that I have enough manners to know that calling people at 5am is rude, I refrained this morning...It was a close call though because I hadn't put much thought into this song So, when I got into my truck this morning, the radio comes on like it always does and Collective Soul's December is on. And I'm like, "Oh, I like this song..." So I turn it up. And for the record, I didn't say that out loud...It would be creepy if I was talking to myself like that, although, at nearly 5am, it's possible that I do...Honestly, I could've said it. Who knows? But I digress...Anyway, I crank the song and pull away from my house singing, "Don't scream about don't think aloud turn your head baby now spit me out don't worry about don't speak of doubt turn your head baby now spit me out--" Wait, what did I just sing? I remember one time trying to figure out if the song was about a blow job, but I sort of pushed the thought away and didn't focus on it. But let's be honest for a moment--What the fuck, Collective Soul? For years I've rocked out to this song never really thinking too deeply about it, but clearly something isn't right.


On a side note, today at work I had mentioned that I am going to the Alanis Morissette concert on Thursday night and a few people kind of laughed. Why is that funny? I'm not that old. And Alanis isn't known for "angry lesbian music", which is what my brother calls pretty much any chick or chick band I listen to. Honestly, I'm really hoping she rocks some of her older stuff like You Oughta Know and Ironic. If she does, then I'll die a happy girl. I'm too old to be into these ridiculous people like One Direction or Justin Beiber or Neil Diamond...Oh wait...Maybe not the latter. Anyway, so, yeah...I'm not sure how I feel about this. (For the love of all that is holy! My phone won't stop ringing and beeping with texts! I am trying to write, people!! You should hate me...I'm angry, mean Heather. I'm not everyone's BFF! BAH! Apparently, I am...It's one of my buddies from work venting. She feels that her co-workers in her new department are all a bunch of high schoolers.) Am I the last person on the planet who likes 90s alternative? And is Alanis so out of date that she's laughable? I sure hope not...On the plus side, I didn't mention to these "laughers" that only a few years ago I saw Cyndi Lauper, The B52s, Erasure, and Deborah Harry (Blondie) in concert...I think they really would've laughed then...Or maybe looked at me dumbfounded, not sure what to make of those bands/people. Needless to say, I feel fucking old. 


In other news, they posted for another coaching position at my work. This is home-based coaching and I can't quite wrap my mind around working at home. I'm not sure I'm devoted enough to make that work. I desperately want a new job though as I am bored with mine. I decided just a few minutes ago to try to look for other jobs, mostly because I told Phoenix, "I'm just going to apply at Discover card and see what happens!" But they're only hiring for customer service reps and collections. No, thank you! Then I looked into Amazon because they have like 3 locations here...but that was a bust too. I think it's about time to hit up Jobbing.com or something again. There has to be something out there I am capable of doing. Doesn't anyone need a smart ass assistant or something? Fuck...I need something so I can get out of this funk I am in. I feel so fake at work anymore on the phones. Some guy sat with me today and said I was so friendly on the phone that he wanted to kill himself. Bwahahaha! I love that he said that because that's exactly how I feel. He said that I don't sound fake, I sound like I care, but he couldn't handle it...I assume because I talk shit to him all day. He reminds me of my little brother and I can't help it. 


I guess that's it. Phoenix is going to be home in a few minutes and honestly, I'm about to chuck my phone. If it goes off one more time, the damn thing is going out the window. When she gets home, it's going to get real loud, real quick. Do you know how loud three kids are? Well, I'd show you, but I can't post videos of the kids on here...lol I have realized though that I'm rubbing off on the kids and maybe not in a good way. I like to mess with Rapunzel because she asks an exorbitant number of questions all the time, so I joke with asking her what she wants and sometimes I say, "Want a knuckle sandwich?" So, now she asks me if I want a knuckle sandwich. And then the other night at dinner, I was asking her sister how she got gum in her hair. Rapunzel jumped in and said, "She wanted to save her gum, so she put it on the side of her bed and forgot about it and then rolled into it and that's how it got stuck in her hair!" I said, "I think you like to tell stories!" She immediately fired back, "I think you like to tell stories." I grinned as I said, "Well, that's true, but I still think you're telling a story." She laughed an evil little laugh back at me as she smiled. Yup, I'm raising minions...

Well I guess this is growing up...

This is going to be a random blog, so hold on because it might be a bumpy ride...But there are a few things I feel like sharing...
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For starters, if you're a dentist, it should be like illegal to be sick. I called in "sick" from work yesterday because Thursday night I woke up at like 10pm (I went to bed at nearly 9pm) feeling like someone was attempting to rip my brain out through my right ear. This isn't really an exaggeration of what my head felt like. I had had a killer headache all day long that wouldn't go away and then I woke up with it hurting like this. After sitting up in bed and gathering my wits, I realized that it was a toothache. I got up, brushed my teeth again, took some ibuprofen, and got back into bed only to realize that none of this helped. I sat up all night with the pain. I dozed off a couple of times for like a second, only to be woken up by the pain. Each time I dozed off, my head would drift to one side or the other, which made it hurt worse, so no sleep for me. I guess that old saying that there is no rest for the wicked is true. lol At 4am when my alarm clock went off, I stumbled downstairs feeling drunk from the lack of sleep and called in. Since I didn't have enough sick time to cover my whole day, I am expecting a write up when I return to work on Monday, but that's neither here nor there. I called my dentist's office at a little after 8 or something to ask about being seen, but he was out sick. Say what!? That's so not cool! In fact, the soonest they can get me in is Thursday the 1st. Son of a bitch! In the meantime, they called in a script for antibiotics (in case it's an infection) and some painkillers (600mg Ibuprofen). So, I ended up with ibuprofen because I asked them not to prescribe Vicodin, as the last time I took it I ended up with hives from my neck to my toes. Though, as I sit here in pain once more, I find myself pondering which is worse-- the pain from the toothache or itching from hives? I still haven't broken down to take one of the Vicodins I still have sitting in my locked medicine box upstairs, but the thought has passed through my head. This is sort of its own form of hell...Horrible pain or itching like a mo-fo...Decisions, decisions...
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In other news, recently, like over the last month or so, I've repeatedly heard from people that they have a hard time picturing me with kids. Of course, they all follow up with, "I'm sure you are fine with them, but..." And then I get to hear about how they just don't picture it. *sigh* I'm not sure I've ever really said that to anyone. I know some people who have kids who I'm not sure are responsible enough to have them...And no, I'm not talking about my mom...JUST KIDDING, MOM! (Shhh, I was totally talking about her!) Anyway, I don't think that people immediately associate me with kids, but kids seem to like me...Mostly because they like to freak me out. I don't deal well with the nastiness that comes with kids like boogers and nasty diapers and burping and drool (Blech!) and slobbery kisses (And I'm not just talking about from Phoenix, but Chuck gives them too!) and all that nonsense that comes with kids. I had once pictured myself growing old alone with a house full of books. Not like hoarder-style, but just like all my spare rooms would be libraries or something. I don't like cats and dogs enough to be that lady, but the book lady, yes. Plus, books smell wonderful and animals do not. But I digress...I had pictured this though because it was easier than putting myself out there to be with anyone. And whereas most people think me to be evil because I'm sarcastic and just so happen to have an evil laugh (A girl cannot help what her laughter sounds like...Bwahahahahaha! *shifty eyes*), I'm not really evil. I do like to help others out, but only to a point because I've realized as I grow older that many people who realize you're helpful will exploit it. Fucking bastards. So, I'm not so sure why people are so surprised that I'm okay with helping take care of other people's kids. I was never cut out to be the mommy-type, but that doesn't mean I can't take care of kids. For clarification, mostly because I know my sister and her way of thinking, I'm not the daddy-type either. I'm just me and once the kids catch on to that, we're fine. I have found common ground with most of the kids we've had in one way or another...For Chuck, we watch videos together on Youtube and read books. (How does he know There's a Wocket in my Pocket is hilarious? He giggles every time we read it!) With Ariel and Rapunzel, they ask me an ungodly amount of questions and I answer them absurdly. And I'm working towards teaching them to like my music rather than Phoenix's music. Bwahahahahaha! *looks around* Where did that evil laughter come from?
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Basically, I may not look or act like a mommy, but I can be a caretaker to these kids. Phoenix is the mommy, which is why the girls always give her hugs and seek her when they're hurt or whatever, but Chuck comes to me and despite my sometimes unlovable attitude, he still gives me kisses and hugs for no apparent reason. Silly kid. *rolls eyes*
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My short hair cut is not something open for discussion. It is not a "K.D. Lang" hair style...Nor is it reminiscent of other people with short hair. It's my hair and I'll wear it this way because I like it. I keep thinking about growing it back out, but it's such a pain in the ass. I'm not sure why I'd give up being able to style my hair in like two minutes to go back to having to blow dry and style my hair. And even if the majority doesn't like what it looks like, I do...And so does Phoenix. 
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I am not a soccer mom because Phoenix got a minivan. I may drive it at times, but only because I despise her driving. In fact, I am willing to go so far as to enroll the kids in ballet classes instead of soccer and other sports to avoid the cliche title. Bwahahahaha!! 
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At my work, they've put a lot of emphasis on understanding the customer's emotional state when they call in. Since I started working on pretending like I give a flying rat's ass about these strangers, I have found that my talk time has skyrocketed. What the fuck, man? It's like once these people think I care, I am suddenly their new BFF. The other day this lady called in to dispute some charges from a recent trip she was on and she mentioned she had been so sick on the trip. Since she had only gotten back home the day before she called, I asked if she was feeling better. She then went into this long explanation about how she'd had diarrhea and was throwing up on half the trip. *blank stare* I had a new hire sitting with me and she looked as horrified as I felt. At the end of the call, the new hire joked with me that the lady felt very comfortable with me, which was apparent. Yay, my scores on my surveys are going up, but in the meantime, I can't get people off my line and I hear these horrible stories all day long! Sometimes I get funny stories too, but mostly, I get the horrific stories I don't want to hear. From time to time, I am also getting the people who vent to me about how they hate my company. I have actually turned a few of these people around, somehow, and by the end of our conversation they didn't think we were the devil anymore...Poor people. Don't they know that I'm a silver-tongued devil?? I need a new job though where I am not using my cleverness for this purpose, but rather for a more evil purpose--er, um, I mean...Look, a bright shiny object! *runs away laughing evilly* 
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I guess that's it. My head is killing me and I cannot keep thinking about all of these things...I find myself lately thinking about so many things that people say about me and then I find myself pondering who I am. I am not going to define myself by other people's standards. I am just Heather. Although, some days, as I scroll through my iTunes, I wonder who the fuck Heather is anymore. I used to fucking hate Coldplay. Why do I have Coldplay on my iTunes? Honestly, I despised that song Clocks and yet there it sits in my playlist. And for some reason, I absolutely love their song Yellow and Viva La Vida. *rolls eyes* I also used to hate Kate Bush. My mom used to listen to Kate Bush all the time when I was a teenager and I wanted to jump out of our speeding car to avoid listening to another one of her songs...And then somewhere along the way, I realized I love her music because her songs tell stories. Don't get me wrong-- Kate Bush is fucking weird with her interpretive dance bullshit, but her music is awesome. In fact, something else I didn't used to do was watch TV and now I'm like, "OMG! I love Doctor Who! And Once Upon a Time!" *shakes head* It's amusing that people are trying to hold me to an image of who they thought I was when I'm clearly not that person anymore...Is this what happens when we grow up? *wanders off to lay on the couch*